Did GF manipulate me into getting her pregnant?

[runningfar]

Is it natural to not want to stay with this person anymore? I feel like she destroyed the trust between us.

 

You don't have to stay with anyone you don't want to be with. Of course not.

 

You might have responsibilities to this child though. It was a mistake on your part as well as hers. She didn't steal your sperm from the condom or something. You would have to decide on your own if it was purposeful or accident. Even if you and her decide on no support, too, the mother cannot sign it away on behalf the child and the child can demand back support later and you'd be responsible for it so put away the amount you'd owe each month regardless, in savings.

[runningfar]

We don't know she purposefully got pregnant.

 

A more appropriate analogy is they're together, take the photos, and while together they get out and he says he lost his phone. He could be lying and have done it purposefully, he could be telling the truth... and that feeling would be hard and she'd be within her rights to end the relationship. BUT she doesn't get a free pass from the fallout of a decision she made.

Edited November 3, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[lollipopspot]

and then counts on an abortion as their chosen method of "contraception" when they f*ck up?

 

Yeah, like I said before, you really can't count on (someone here used the word "guarantee") someone to have an abortion. It can be hard to project that into the future. Once the fetus exists, that's a different proposition to many people than the potential of a fetus, and they may not know it until that time. It's a new decision then. Preventing babies is only a sure thing before conception.

 

The more I think about this, the more I think there probably wasn't conscious manipulation. I think both the OP and his gf are just completely ignorant and in denial about how babies are made and how to reliably prevent that.

[melell]

Natural birth control is effective if you do it right. That means waking up at the same time every morning to take a temperature. And not having sex for a good 9 days in the month. 7 days before ovulation, and two days after. All the method does is confirm when ovulation has happened, it only tells you after it has happened.

 

That means that after menstruating there is about 2 days where you can have sex, followed by 9 days of abstinence. Then the following two weeks you are free.

 

When she finds out how far a long she is, remember it. And then take note of her due date. Mark which days you had sex. Doing this you can work out if she tricked you or not.

 

It is better to try work it out than just assume she messed with you. I got pregnant one time (lost it real early) because the sperm managed to survive 6 says. Confirmed by my ovulation dates. So I had to widen the no sex from 7 days, to 9 days, the common belief is that it only lives 5 days. You could have super sperm- who knows.

 

Don't jump the gun on blaming

[runningfar]

Natural birth control is effective if you do it right. That means waking up at the same time every morning to take a temperature. And not having sex for a good 9 days in the month. 7 days before ovulation, and two days after. All the method does is confirm when ovulation has happened, it only tells you after it has happened.

 

That means that after menstruating there is about 2 days where you can have sex, followed by 9 days of abstinence. Then the following two weeks you are free.

 

When she finds out how far a long she is, remember it. And then take note of her due date. Mark which days you had sex. Doing this you can work out if she tricked you or not.

 

It is better to try work it out than just assume she messed with you. I got pregnant one time (lost it real early) because the sperm managed to survive 6 says. Confirmed by my ovulation dates. So I had to widen the no sex from 7 days, to 9 days, the common belief is that it only lives 5 days. You could have super sperm- who knows.

 

Don't jump the gun on blaming

 

While most people ovulate around a certain time, people have gotten pregnant while menstruating. People can have quite irregular abnormal cycles.

I've known people who got pregnant on the pill, on the Depo shot, on the nuva ring, and condoms... and that's far more effective than natural family planning even in best conditions

[Keenly]

Good thing their is no law that forces to raise a kid you both agreed not to have.

[aussietigerwolf]

well show her just what kind of a person you are and dump her, refuse to have anything to do with the child (they'll be better off) just... don't whinge later about the family you want but don't have.

[Keenly]

well show her just what kind of a person you are and dump her, refuse to have anything to do with the child (they'll be better off) just... don't whinge later about the family you want but don't have.

 

 

If he is paying child support he actually has every legal right to change his mind.

[Ninjainpajamas]

They ARE agreeing to a possible pregnancy if they're NOT using effective, responsible birth control.

 

Period.

 

No, he never agreed to her being pregnant...she insisted she could not get pregnant and assured him that she could not...how in hell can you people sit here with a straight-look on your face and just glaze over that part? like seriously, wtf is with credibility here? is there none for women who see this as justified?

 

If I ask you to trust me on something, saying I can assure you that you won't get hurt and you do, you mean to tell me you aren't going to be pissed and upset after I insisted you would not and then I'd just say "Well, you knew the risk!" basically saying I'm not to be trusted, how is that not clear here? yes he should have known the risks, but she insisted and he went ahead and trust his GF of 3 years with this, if he had not trusted her and she was just some whore he met that night maybe he would've never dreamed of it...but are you saying it's perfectly fine and that she had no wrong doing in her persistence and insistence against BC during intercourse that it is just simply his fault for not making the right call...

 

Please...I bet all of you have made a stupid mistake in your lives, trusted someone that after the fact you know you should have done differently, don't act like you can't relate to this situation in some way, shape or form...like it's just all here-say and "welp, you idiot...man-up, you fault".

 

And isn't having a damn kid about two people? or is it always just the woman's choice automatically? because she wanted kids she has the right to trick him or manipulate him into making the mistake and if he's stupid enough to have done it the magnifying glass/spot light shines automatically on him rather than her?

 

Sorry, she's a b!tch if that's the case...she used her relationship, the trust, her desires and needs to manipulate the guy into a situation he didn't want to be in the first place, where he made a stupid mistake by reassuring him and insisting that this would not be a problem, she went out of her way to do a whole calendar, had a back-story and method of "science" of how it was going to work and the whole nine....he left his better judgment go to the wayside thinking that maybe she knew what she was doing, maybe she really did understanding this and had a method that would actually worth, and she's been trustworthy up to this point...besides, you don't necessarily just get pregnant like that all the time, it has to happen during a certain window and even couples trying to get pregnant can have difficulty for months and months if even have a medical condition that makes it difficult or impossible, you never know.

 

Did he play the fool? of course, was he gullible and naive?...he knew it didn't feel right but he trusted her word on it, this is not possible to conceive people, I'm sure all of you trusted someone far more easily than you should have or when your gut told you not to. And I can guarantee luck was on your side more than common sense a time or two, at the least.

 

Now she's not even sure she wants an abortion, which it does sound there like maybe they did have an agreement? so what say you about that?

 

This is the kind of shet that happens to men....they make one mistake and the woman goes to town on him EVEN if she was part of the process in being absolutely manipulative, for all you guys know this could be EXACTLY what she planned on...yet you're defending her under the assumption of it being an "accident" even though she went above and beyond to assure him she would not.

 

This is the kind of ridiculousness that men really need to look out for, some women have an extremely twisted way of viewing things, and instead of taking any responsibility and accountability and thinking "well this is a decision we both need to make, I told you I wouldn't get pregnant, I promised you and I said we'd get an abortion so I'm going to go through with that to keep my word because I actually have some honor and pride in what I say"....NOPE, it's "sorry dumb@ss, you stuck it in, I wanted a baby and now I'm magically pregnant....now man up and be my baby-daddy cause I got what I want but instead of ever admit that to you I'm going to play the card that this was your damn fault so nobody ever questions me and you get to be the bad guy who didn't want your own child".

 

And then on top of it, now men feel pressured to get married...that's like the "right thing to do" of course, then people wonder why people are so damn miserable in their relationships...oh but no ladies, she wanted to get married and have kids....this sounds like a complete COINCIDENCE!

 

What woman wants>what man wants

 

If man wants the same thing, that just makes the damn process easier that's all.

 

I got pregnant one time (lost it real early) because the sperm managed to survive 6 says. Confirmed by my ovulation dates. So I had to widen the no sex from 7 days, to 9 days, the common belief is that it only lives 5 days. You could have super sperm- who knows.

 

Don't jump the gun on blaming

 

My sperm is like a herd of stampeding bison running along the plains in a thick cloud of dust, there's no way in a million years I would trust your anti-pregnancy method...you constantly hear over and over there are no guarantees and this doesn't sound to me like it's medically sound.

Edited November 3, 2013 by Ninjainpajamas

[Keenly]

No, he never agreed to her being pregnant...she insisted she could not get pregnant and assured him that she could not...how in hell can you people sit here with a straight-look on your face and just glaze over that part? like seriously, wtf is with credibility here? is there none for women who see this as justified?

 

If I ask you to trust me on something, saying I can assure you that you won't get hurt and you do, you mean to tell me you aren't going to be pissed and upset after I insisted you would not and then I'd just say "Well, you knew the risk!" basically saying I'm not to be trusted, how is that not clear here? yes he should have known the risks, but she insisted and he went ahead and trust his GF of 3 years with this, if he had not trusted her and she was just some whore he met that night maybe he would've never dreamed of it...but are you saying it's perfectly fine and that she had no wrong doing in her persistence and insistence against BC during intercourse that it is just simply his fault for not making the right call...

 

Please...I bet all of you have made a stupid mistake in your lives, trusted someone that after the fact you know you should have done differently, don't act like you can't relate to this situation in some way, shape or form...like it's just all here-say and "welp, you idiot...man-up, you fault".

 

And isn't having a damn kid about two people? or is it always just the woman's choice automatically? because she wanted kids she has the right to trick him or manipulate him into making the mistake and if he's stupid enough to have done it the magnifying glass/spot light shines automatically on him rather than her?

 

Sorry, she's a b!tch...she used her relationship, the trust, her desires and needs to manipulate the guy into a situation he didn't want to be in the first place, where he made a stupid mistake by reassuring him and insisting that this would not be a problem, she went out of her way to do a whole calendar, had a back-story and method of "science" of how it was going to work and the whole nine....he left his better judgment go to the wayside thinking that maybe she knew what she was doing, maybe she really did understanding this and had a method that would actually worth, and she's been trustworthy up to this point...besides, you don't necessarily just get pregnant like that all the time, it has to happen during a certain window and even couples trying to get pregnant can have difficulty for months and months if even have a medical condition that makes it difficult or impossible, you never know.

 

Did he play the fool? of course, was he gullible and naive?...he knew it didn't feel right but he trusted her word on it, this is not possible to conceive people, I'm sure all of you trusted someone far more easily than you should have or when your gut told you not to.

 

Now she's not even sure she wants an abortion, which it does sound there like maybe they did have an agreement? so what say you about that?

 

This is the kind of shet that happens to men....they make one mistake and the woman goes to town on him EVEN if she was part of the process in being absolutely manipulative, for all you guys know this could be EXACTLY what she planned on...yet you're defending her under the assumption of it being an "accident" even though she went above and beyond to assure him she would not.

 

This is the kind of ridiculousness that men really need to look out for, some women have an extremely twisted way of viewing things, and instead of taking any responsibility and accountability and thinking "well this is a decision we both need to make, I told you I wouldn't get pregnant, I promised you and I said we'd get an abortion so I'm going to go through with that to keep my word because I actually have some honor and pride in what I say"....NOPE, it's "sorry dumb@ss, you stuck it in, I wanted a baby and now I'm magically pregnant....now man up and be my baby-daddy cause I got what I want but instead of ever admit that to you I'm going to play the card that this was your damn fault so nobody ever questions me and you get to be the bad guy who didn't want your own child".

 

And then on top of it, now men feel pressured to get married...that's like the "right thing to do" of course, then people wonder why people are so damn miserable in their relationships...oh but no ladies, she wanted to get married and have kids....this sounds like a complete COINCIDENCE!

 

What woman wants>what man wants

 

If man wants the same thing, that just makes the damn process easier that's all.

 

 

 

My sperm is like a herd of stampeding bison running along the plains in a thick cloud of dust, there's no way in a million years I would trust your anti-pregnancy method...you constantly hear over and over there are no guarantees and this doesn't sound to me like it's medically sound.

 

 

They are never going to see our side. They are women. Just like how they will disagree with my last comment about legally having the right to change his mind later on if he wants to be involved.

 

This is one issue where no matter what, its always going to be THEIR way, and they will always see themselves as right. There is nothing that can be done or changed about this. I'm not really one to roll over and take this kind of behavior in society, but short of modifying basic human biology, there is nothing we can do.

 

 

Just don't let a woman manipulate you in the heat of the moment with any BS about how she won't get pregnant, or she is on the pill (never trust that crap) or how you don't need to wear a condom.

 

Words are just air.

[lollipopspot]

No, he never agreed to her being pregnant...she insisted she could not get pregnant and assured him that she could not...

 

I have little interest in this whole thing, and I just took two seconds to look up the method they used and it typically has a 25% failure rate. They had unprotected sex. Why someone would leave such a big decision up to someone who clearly has no idea what they're doing is mind boggling.

 

I can insist that I'm never going to do plenty of illogical things, but when what I'm insisting on is clearly nonsensical, and you are greatly affected by it, you'd best take minimal responsibility for your life.

[crederer]

Well she did obviously try to get pregnant intentionally. However, as a man in his 30's you should have at least a little bit of knowledge on how babies are made.

 

It is highly unlikely to get pregnant unless ovulating, but not impossible. Also, if she didn't want any form of birth control, and didn't want you pulling out, I'm sorry dude you should have put your foot down.

 

Now you're in your situation, may as well make the best of it. If you want to repair the trust (as you probably should seeing as you're going to be a father of her baby) you should have an open conversation with her about it and get it all on the table. Not accusations per se, but telling her your thoughts on the situation and how you feel about it.

 

If you say "you tricked me into getting you pregnant" you're going to have a bad day....

[Treasa]

 

If I ask you to trust me on something, saying I can assure you that you won't get hurt and you do, you mean to tell me you aren't going to be pissed and upset after I insisted you would not and then I'd just say "Well, you knew the risk!" basically saying I'm not to be trusted, how is that not clear here?

 

If there was a risk I wasn't completely comfortable with occurring, I wouldn't trust you or do it with you. Even if there's a tiny risk. I understand there are risks inherent in everything in life, but I'm not going to blame someone else if they're a ****ty driver but I knowingly get in a car with them.

 

Please...I bet all of you have made a stupid mistake in your lives, trusted someone that after the fact you know you should have done differently, don't act like you can't relate to this situation in some way, shape or form...like it's just all here-say and "welp, you idiot...man-up, you fault".

 

Of course. But I woman up and take responsibility for my own mistakes. The *******s I was with? My fault. They're still *******s, but it was MY fault for staying with them.

 

And isn't having a damn kid about two people? or is it always just the woman's choice automatically? because she wanted kids she has the right to trick him or manipulate him into making the mistake and if he's stupid enough to have done it the magnifying glass/spot light shines automatically on him rather than her?

 

It should be - and is - the choice of BOTH people. You don't want to get a girl pregnant? Don't have sex with her, or wrap it and make sure there's a backup plan, or deal with the fact that life doesn't always work out as you'd like.

[Treasa]

They are never going to see our side. They are women. Just like how they will disagree with my last comment about legally having the right to change his mind later on if he wants to be involved.

 

Oh God. I have to first look past your misogyny in order to agree with the second part of that paragraph. That's irritating. Amazing, isn't it, that a person like me, with a VAGINA for God's sake, can agree that if a man supports his kid financially, as long as there's no danger to the child, that he should be able to change his mind later.

 

This is one issue where no matter what, its always going to be THEIR way, and they will always see themselves as right. There is nothing that can be done or changed about this. I'm not really one to roll over and take this kind of behavior in society, but short of modifying basic human biology, there is nothing we can do.

 

You get to work on changing human biology, then, because I'd love to be able to have a part in reproduction without having to bleed out of my crotch 5-7 days every month. In other words, quit your bitching. It's not entirely fair for either sex.

 

Just don't let a woman manipulate you in the heat of the moment with any BS about how she won't get pregnant, or she is on the pill (never trust that crap) or how you don't need to wear a condom.

 

Words are just air.

 

Agreed.

[Dark_history]

You just signed an 18 year contract with a heavy price tag without even knowing it.

 

Did she trick you by playing on your trust? Yes she did.

 

Did you mess up by taking the rest? Yes, everyone should be informed at the risk of having a child.

 

I will put it this way. The only 100% sure protection of not having a child is abstinence. Even with the pill or a condom, there is still a risk. The fact that you thought pulling out would work shows you lack a lot of knowledge of the possible risks of pregnancy.

 

None of that matters now. What matters is the child coming. You do not need to be with this woman because of the child, you can still be a good father. Your trust is gone now because of it, so being with her is probably not the right thing to do, as you will just build resentment, and might start viewing your child as the cause of this resentment, when they are just an innocent by-product of this.

[Balzac]

Forty-five posts - nary a mention of the back door. I think that's funny.

[tinktronik]

Dude, you were skeptical because you KNEW it wasn't foolproof.

This is equally your fault. You're GF probably (like 99.9%) knew too, but there is a "chance" she didn't.

[Balzac]

He has NO imagination

[Nyla]

This is incorrect. Girls can definitely time their ovulation and they are most likely right.

 

OP got played and she did this intentionally.

 

I do agree with you that OP is an idiot though for believing her.

 

Women with irregular periods cannot time their ovulation.

[NJtoDC]

Ya know, the easiest way to set you up would have been to just take the IUD out and not tell you (assuming you don't typically feel the strings that is). Not saying it wasn't intentional, but...if it was a trap it could have been much more on the DL.

[Nyla]

Very brief background:

 

EXTREMELY trustworthy GF of 3 years who I live with. She is easily the most honest and trustworthy person I've dated (doesn't lock her phone/email/etc, never has cheated on me, etc).

 

She's in her 30s and wants to get married and have a baby. I told her I'm not ready yet. She said fine.

 

She got off of IUD birth control recently. She can't go on pill for health reasons. Fine. I wanted to start using condoms. She said no becaue she hates them. I said OK but I want to pull out before ejaculation and she got furious when I did saying it makes her feel like a hooker.

 

Meanwhile she was using an ovulation calendar and swore by it saying there is no way she could get pregnant if we simply follow the dates. When i would show skepticism, she would get mad saying "there's NO WAY I can get pregnant using the calendar." And she promised she would get an abortion if she god forbid got pregnant.

 

So I trusted her and went with her plan reluctantly and didn't pull out anymore.

 

The incident:

 

She's pregnant. But now she's saying she might not want an abortion. And that she could take care of kid on her own and so on.

 

Now I'm furious because I told her that a) she insisted, despite my questioning and skepticism, that the ovulation calendar was foolproof, b) she would get furious that I wanted to use birth control, and c) that she promised she would have an abortion, which now she says she's not sure she will because at her age women don't get abortions and she's getting to the age where she won't be able to have kids.

 

Questions for you:

 

1. Did I get played? Or was it an honest mistake on her part?

 

2. What would you do if you were me?

 

I have been having sex for more than ten years. I have NEVER been pregnant. This is because I have been extremely diligent about birth control. I was using both the Pill and condoms. I was also on Depo Provera. When I only used condoms and they broke, I ran to the drugstore for Plan B. What I am trying to say is that with all of the birth control methods out there, no woman gets pregnant unless she wants to. I know that no birth control is full proof except abstinence, but if I can avoid pregnancy for more than a decade, other women can do it too.

 

Many women who have "unplanned" pregnancies, secretly plan them in order to coerce men into commitment to them out of obligation. I am only saying this because I have seen this happen many many times.

 

I think this way because this is what happened to my brother. He trusted that his daughter's mother was responsible enough to take birth control. She already had a child as a teenager and she wanted to trap my brother, so she "accidentally" became pregnant. I also know more than three other women who became pregnant and were married soon after. I think it is a sickening way to manipulate men.

 

We will never know for sure if your girlfriend made an honest mistake or if she tricked you. It appears that you are very naïve about birth control methods. Don't you think it's convenient that your girlfriend took out her IUD right after you told her that you didn't want marriage or kids yet? Why would she get so angry about using birth control if she didn't want a child?

 

The rhythm method has a failure rate of 25% with typical use and 10% with perfect use. It is not the most reliable birth control because of the room for error. If a woman has irregular periods or ovulates on the wrong day, a surprise pregnancy can easily occur. Pulling out is also a very precarious way to prevent pregnancy.

 

I have a strong feeling that your girlfriend set this whole thing up and she isn't as trustworthy as you think she is. Women get abortions at ALL ages so that is a flimsy excuse. It looks like your girlfriend took advantage of how naïve you appear to be about birth control and her true nature.

 

If your girlfriend decides to keep this child, you can be a good dad without being in a relationship with her. Don't let her manipulate you into marrying because of a pregnancy but always make sure that you look after your child. Marriages out of obligation are rarely successful.

[Nyla]

Exactly.

 

What really hurts is that she promised to get an abortion in the worst cae scenario that she got pregnant. And now she's saying "well, abortion is against what I believe in blah blah blah."

 

Lesson learned: never trust anyone.

 

But it's not so simple because there is a kid involved here. I don't want it to grow up without his father. But I hate her too much to marry her now.

 

That said, she hasn't decided 100% against abortion but she is seriously entertaining the thought of having the kid, despite her promise not to.

 

The bolded statement shows that your girlfriend was lying the whole time. Who goes from promising to have an abortion to suddenly not believing it? She knew exactly what she was doing.

 

You are partly to blame for believing the absolute nonsense about birth control. All of this information is taught in high school health classes.

 

You don't have to marry such a devious woman. Why can't you just pay child support and be a father to your child? A child can be raised by two loving parents even if they aren't together.

[youaremysunshine]

Honeybadger, the fertility awareness method has a 25% failure rate with PERFECT USE, which takes months of careful observation prior to unprotected sex, to determine a woman's individual rhythm. Ovulation can happen early or late due to stress or some X factor so tempature must be taken each morning with a specialized thermometer and a woman must be aware of changes in cervical mucus and vaginal PH daily.

 

I'm told that women who rely on natural family planning should be at aleast open to the possibility of pregnancy. It's intended for women who already have families and want to space pregnancies apart.

 

I'm not saying she didn't fail on purpose but its not as foolproof as looking at a calendar. Either she is so foolish she didn't even look into how natural family planing works before deciding to rely on it or she just wanted to get pregnant.

[Balzac]

Dollar Store -Drugstore-Grocery Store ALL sell cheap ovulation kits. Apps for smart phones - these two adults used no available supporting knowledge.

[youaremysunshine]

Sprem lives several days inside the body, an ovulation test is not enough, you need to be able to predict ovulation.