rnsrnsrns00 Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 Hey all! I have been reading this forum for a few weeks now but wasn't sure if I was going to post or not. After reading how helpful some people have been on this site, I decided to give it a shot. I don't really know where to begin so I'll just start spewing information. I'm in love with "A" who's in a broken relationship. I know it, "A" knows it and "Z" knows it (her boyfriend). Unfortunately, nothing seems to be working for "A" and "Z" relationship. "A" is doing her best to help "Z" get his life back on track but it's just not working. I can see and hear the frustration she's going through every time we hang out. She is constantly saying she just wants to be loved and that being loved shouldn't be this hard. I agree totally and always tell her that she's right, it shouldn't be that hard but to follow your heart. The problem is, that always leads her back to "Z" and the miserable state of mind. That is obviously after the initial honeymoon stage wears off again. "A" and "Z" are an on-again, off-again type of couple. I know they truly love each other and I wouldn't want to jeopardize there happiness in anyway shape or form, but that's the thing... they aren't happy any more. They are at the same point in their relationship that they always get to before they break up again. Not only have I noticed that "A" hasn't been in a good mood lately, she has openly said to me that she just isn't happy and wants to be in a happy relationship so she can finally start enjoying her life again. But like always, it's just too hard for her to walk away. She's losing something she loves and is gaining nothing in her perspective. This is where I come in. I really care about "A" and hate seeing her go through all of this pain. Whether or not "A" and I ever end up together, I just want to see her happy and I don't think that "Z" will ever fix his life to the point that "A" would be happy being with him. She wants to have a family and he's not ready to be a family man. "A" and I have never actually dated but a few times we have had intimate relations while we were both single. We have talked about being together but shortly after our intimate relations she always seemed to end up back with "Z". All "A" keeps saying to me is that she wants to be with someone who loves her, who will worship the ground she walks on (not in a strict way, in a romantic way), she just wants to be with someone who loves her as much and she loves them. She is a romantic and is with someone who is the complete opposite. Fortunately for me, I'm a romantic! I want to lay in bed and cuddle, I want to hold her hand when we're in public, I want to be everything she is asking for. And because we've known each other for so long she's seen me in relationships and knows I am definitely that guy. Here's my question. What do I do? She's at the point where she wants to leave "Z". When we talk and she starts complaining about "Z" and just wanting to be happy; do I tell her to follow her heart and keep trying? Do I tell her that she should be smart and just move on? Do I break down and tell her how I feel and that I think we could be the perfect couple and risk what we have now? Any help and suggestions would be appreciated. I'm really at a loss for what to do. I don't want to lose her as a friend, but I would be the happiest person in the world if we were a couple. And you only get so many opportunities to be with the person you truly love. When/Is it acceptable to stop being the nice guy and be selfish? When/Is it ok to be selfish in these situations ever? Sorry for the long post, but thank you for spending the time to read it and thank you to those who reply to it.
aybc123 Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 Honestly, I would back off. I would back off if you want to be a good guy, and I would back off if you actually want to be with her at some point in the future. If she's going to breakup with him she needs to do it on her own terms, trying to persuade her is only going to do the opposite and isn't really cool considering the ulerior motives you have. Don't go NC just stop hanging out with her, and stop being her gay bestfriend letting her discuss all of her relationship issues with you. If she wonders where you've gone maybe at that point you can tell her you've got feelings for her but that you don't want to get involved and hear about her current relationship anymore.
Author rnsrnsrns00 Posted November 2, 2013 Author Posted November 2, 2013 (edited) Thanks for your input Here's the problem with that. We have been friends for so long that we have both always talked to each other about relationship problems (we were friends before anything intimate happened). We see each other 3-4 times a week and talk about what's going on in our lives. The first thing on her mind is always "Z" because times aren't great for them. It would be pretty difficult to stop talking about their relationship unless I made it quite obvious that I didn't want to hear about it. That's why I was curious what people thought I should do. I feel like I basically have to express my feelings if I want to tell her that I don't want to hear about the relationship. Sorry if I leave out a bit of info and have to elaborate on a later message. I'm trying to be as vague about this as possible. For all I know she's on this site too. I know she uses forum's of some kind, I'm just not sure which ones. Edited November 2, 2013 by rnsrnsrns00
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