Froelich87 Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 For those of you following my story, thank you! For others, please check out my other threads. Yesterday I went to go pay my rent. The minute I walked in she immediately said: "Hey Alex! Guess who I saw recently?" My heart dropped, I guess this whole time I was acting as if she literally didn't exist anymore. She told me that she had just recently taken over the apartment complex that my ex lives at. She told me that my ex walked in and paid her rent and said: "You don't remember do you? I'm Alex's old girlfriend." Awesome. I guess I haven't been coping right because the minute I heard her say that my heart was in my throat. It's weird hearing "Alex's old girlfriend." It seems like just yesterday we spent almost three years together and now it's as if nothing ever happened. This morning, I received a text from a friend. "I did you a solid. I saw your ex Thursday night and I think I made it uncomfortable for her." Once again. Awesome. I didn't need to hear anything about her. But as soon as she got brought up... something in me just had to know. ( But why? Why did I care? I know deep down I should have just ignored it.) So, like a fool. I asked. He said that he saw her at a house party. Walked up to her and said "Hey, you're Alex's ex, aren't ya?" He said that she looked pretty upset. Got up. Talked to her friend and then left the party completely. If I had followed NC I wouldn't be on here posting again. But of course, thoughts rushed through my head and haven't left. Why do I care?!?!?! The biggest question that enters is: She's out living her life and not moping around feeling sorry for herself like I've been doing for the past month. ( Sometimes I get out ) But... why did she get upset when my name was mentioned? Why did she leave the party completely? I wasn't even there. She hasn't heard from me since the last time I indirectly broke NC ( READ THAT THREAD!) So why did she even leave and get upset? I mean, I shouldn't be looking into this. But I'm hurting and I'm only human. We have all been there, right? I'm not holding out hope. At least, I'm really not trying to. If there was any... she would have called me after she got upset and left for a reconciliation or to just say that she misses me. I don't know guys. This sucks. It's my first true love. My longest relationship. And my first REAL heart break. Also, next Friday will have been a 3 year anniversary. That is probably going to set me back. I'm going to need all the support and advice that I can get. I read constantly on this site but I don't post as much. Please answer my question and please... for the love of God.... help me!
JDPT Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 You have wounds, and if you or someone picks at them and sticks their finger in its going to hurt yes? A mundane trigger as her name is more than sufficient to set off an excruciating chain reaction. Take this experience with a grain of salt and start setting boundaries with individuals that you can and simply disclose that you prefer to not hear from her. This reminds me of the time I was told that my ex went on a trip for her birthday which was a few months ago. Roughly 40% of me wanted to know details pertaining to this trip but luckily and to my benefit realized that ignorance is bliss at least for that particular scenario. This clearly saved me from hours perhaps days of grief. Pick yourself up yourself up, it's ok to feel pain and suffer for now. However, you need to find that inner strength and propel yourself and know that you are the only one responsible to proactively make this pain dessipate.
aybc123 Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 Dont sweat it, it's only been a month after nearly 3 years, you're bound to have set backs and these kind of things causing some uncomfortable feelings is totally natural. I wouldnt think too much about the whys it'll just drive you crazy, the least you can say is that she hasn't deleted you from her brain, or she wouldnt be introducing herself as your old girlfriend or getting angsty when someone calls her you ex, but dont read anything into it beyond that because you're absolutely right, if she wanted to reconcile or even talk to you yet she would've done after she was reminded of you. Btw chances are she was just a bit pissed at your friend, if i broke up with someone a month ago who i was long term with and someone came up to me and said that i'd feel like they were a bit of a douche and just trying to make me feel guilty (and they might succeed) i'd also be like 'oh great, alex is going to hear i'm out partying after dumping him' Also NC is great for avoiding triggers, but to be honest, it probably wont do you any harm for this kind of thing to happen every now and again, you can dull your senses to it and judge your progress, before you know it the lump in your throat will turn into a bit of a raised heartbeat then just a bit of sadness and then nothing.
Author Froelich87 Posted November 2, 2013 Author Posted November 2, 2013 Dont sweat it, it's only been a month after nearly 3 years, you're bound to have set backs and these kind of things causing some uncomfortable feelings is totally natural. I wouldnt think too much about the whys it'll just drive you crazy, the least you can say is that she hasn't deleted you from her brain, or she wouldnt be introducing herself as your old girlfriend or getting angsty when someone calls her you ex, but dont read anything into it beyond that because you're absolutely right, if she wanted to reconcile or even talk to you yet she would've done after she was reminded of you. Btw chances are she was just a bit pissed at your friend, if i broke up with someone a month ago who i was long term with and someone came up to me and said that i'd feel like they were a bit of a douche and just trying to make me feel guilty (and they might succeed) i'd also be like 'oh great, alex is going to hear i'm out partying after dumping him' Also NC is great for avoiding triggers, but to be honest, it probably wont do you any harm for this kind of thing to happen every now and again, you can dull your senses to it and judge your progress, before you know it the lump in your throat will turn into a bit of a raised heartbeat then just a bit of sadness and then nothing. Thanks to both of your replies. I just honestly don't know what to do and I can't stop myself from thinking what she was thinking that night. I know this is just eating up at me and I'm trying to take my mind off of it when it arises just very difficult. Yeah, it was a long one. The first year was great. Then she moved down to a university 4 hours away and we did long distance for 1 1/2 years. We both kind of thought that we wouldn't work out if I didn't move down here. So yeah, I finally got my GPA up at my community college and transferred down last January. Things seemed to be great for the first few months and then we were back to were we started with arguing. ( I honestly think she has some sort of problem... not Bi Polar but maybe mood and Narcissistic ) The last 6 months of our relationship I could definitely see now looking back that she was very passive aggressive and manipulative in every way. Including using sex as a control mechanism. She made it unbelievable in bed just to control me later... then the sex was here and there... definitely not like the beginning and then it died off completely 3 weeks before D-Day. I moved all the way down here and I'm so far away from home. I thought this would have worked out. Now I just feel so damn stuck and alone here. Also... she never drank. EVER. I finally got her to drink when I moved down. But we only drank together on weekends. Then it lead to going to bars. She really likes it now. House parties aren't who she is... or who she was ( I guess ) and even the fact that I heard she was at one ate me up inside. I don't know what phase I am in. I haven't cried once since the BU. I teared up a little bit when we both decided we needed to end it. I also teared up when we tried the whole friends thing for 2 days when I saw how cold she was to me... as if we weren't a couple for a long time. Besides that... nothing. I mean, I get sad and dream about her constantly. All of the good memories keep playing in my head. (Especially the earlier years... how we met...first kiss...first everything) I try to kick them out with bad memories to tell myself she wasn't worth it. In the end I want two things... I want her and I to be happy ( not together ) but in general... and then I want her to feel guilt... realize that the grass isn't greener... the partying and etc isn't worth it and that she let go of a really awesome guy. I want her to go through what I'm feeling eventually and I only dream of the day that I'm finally healed completely and give her the boot if she came crawling back. Please tell me that could be a possibility!
Author Froelich87 Posted November 2, 2013 Author Posted November 2, 2013 Also aybc, this is me again looking too far into anything.. which I hate but I told her NC because I need to heal and I said that I would get ahold of her when I was ready. So maybe that's why she didn't get ahold of me that night b/c she has always been stubborn. Then again... I highly doubt it.
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