highinthesky Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 Hi I have been seeing this guy for about six months. We got on great, he was perfect for me and he always made the effort to make me feel good and he said he felt the same. He really liked me and enjoyed the times we spent together. He is currently abroad with work and does not know when he will exactly be back but said definitely before Xmas. Last week we were talking fine and he even said that things were calming down. There was flirting and his messages made me smile. Then after I suggested a Skype meeting, I got a very cold text from him saying he can't do this right now (too much going on), feels like he is messing me around and thinks it is best if we leave things for now. He also said he can't give me what I 'want' right now, this was after I asked him earlier on whether something was up and he said I was being silly, just work keeping him busy. I do genuinely believe him as he I found him to be honest and not a player so I have no concerns that he has someone else or that it is simply because he no longer likes me. So after getting over this text and decided maybe it is for the best after all as we haven't seen each other for a couple of months and he obviously wants to concentrate on his work I have decided to just leave him alone and make no contact. I do wonder whether my texts maybe annoyed him while he was trying to work and that is why suddenly out of the blue he ended things. But I can't help feeling that I should hold on and just wait for the dust to settle and see if he is any less stressed or his workload reduces. I know I should move on but I can't while this is still hanging over me and realistically I can't see myself meeting anyone this year. How long should I wait until I contact him again? I don't want him to think I have moved on if I don't say hi at some point before he gets back for Xmas as I would like to see him and discuss what is going on. He said he felt the same and wished things were different or am I just kidding myself? TIA
d0nnivain Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 I'd contact him when & if you feel like it but I wouldn't just wait for him. I'm not saying forget him but don't put all your eggs in one basket so to speak. Live your life & see what happens. If you are happy & fulfilled, rather than bitter & clingy when he gets home you will be more attractive to him & even if he doesn't want to peruse a relationship you will have available distractions.
Author highinthesky Posted November 2, 2013 Author Posted November 2, 2013 I'd contact him when & if you feel like it but I wouldn't just wait for him. I'm not saying forget him but don't put all your eggs in one basket so to speak. Live your life & see what happens. If you are happy & fulfilled, rather than bitter & clingy when he gets home you will be more attractive to him & even if he doesn't want to peruse a relationship you will have available distractions. Thank you, you are 100% right. I will contact him after some time but will just start with hi how are you type thing and not push him. If he comes back negatively then I know I had tried and ready to move on. It's just hard as he felt like the right guy and it's just circumstances that are the problem.
Author highinthesky Posted November 4, 2013 Author Posted November 4, 2013 First week of no contact...it's killing me! I keep making myself busy but I can't stop thinking about him. 1
BlueIvy Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 First week of no contact...it's killing me! I keep making myself busy but I can't stop thinking about him. I am not trying to be mean but why should you wait for him? People make time for what's important to them. Obama is busy and he makes time for his wife? There are plenty of busy people in relationships and they make effort to make it work. I mean he can't even call you or text you to see how you are going? Move on you shouldn't have to wait for anyone, if they want to be with you, they put effort. There is no gray area on that. Date other guys and have a blast. 3
ponchsox Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 I am not trying to be mean but why should you wait for him? People make time for what's important to them. Obama is busy and he makes time for his wife? There are plenty of busy people in relationships and they make effort to make it work. I mean he can't even call you or text you to see how you are going? Move on you shouldn't have to wait for anyone, if they want to be with you, they put effort. There is no gray area on that. Date other guys and have a blast. Agreed. If someone wants to be with you, they find the time. Take is a sign that you need to find someone who can't be without you.
aybc123 Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 Yes i'd agree that this sounds like a breakup excuse along the lines of 'it's not you it's me' and 'i dont want to be in a relationship right now' 'i'm too busy with work to be in a relationship'. These (and most breakup excuses) are almost always half truths 'i dont want to be in a relationship right now...with you' 'im too busy to be in a relationship right now...with you' etc. Chances are he likes you but just not enough for it to be worth the effort (sorry) and when he realised he was feeling like that after 6 months thought it was time to call it quits. As others have said if someone really wants to be with you they will move mountains in order to do so and make time. 1
Author highinthesky Posted November 9, 2013 Author Posted November 9, 2013 Thank you for your advice. It's just hard to accept that he was so into me and within 12 hours he suddenly went so cold. Do guys just decide over night it's not for them? I decided to email him the other day and just say hi as it was constantly playing on my mind. I now have my answer…...he hasn't replied. This one is definitely done and dusted and I can move on now.
Author highinthesky Posted November 9, 2013 Author Posted November 9, 2013 I am not trying to be mean but why should you wait for him? People make time for what's important to them. Obama is busy and he makes time for his wife? There are plenty of busy people in relationships and they make effort to make it work. I mean he can't even call you or text you to see how you are going? Move on you shouldn't have to wait for anyone, if they want to be with you, they put effort. There is no gray area on that. Date other guys and have a blast. It just feels like no one makes time for me and I'm always putting the effort in. I try dating other guys but they just go nowhere
faithfully Posted November 9, 2013 Posted November 9, 2013 I am not trying to be mean but why should you wait for him? People make time for what's important to them. Obama is busy and he makes time for his wife? There are plenty of busy people in relationships and they make effort to make it work. I mean he can't even call you or text you to see how you are going? Move on you shouldn't have to wait for anyone, if they want to be with you, they put effort. There is no gray area on that. Date other guys and have a blast. must say I agree with this comment. If a guy truly like or love a girl he will do whatever to make the time. Sound like this guy is making excuses and you are getting hurt in the process. Me personally I would give someone a time of day who hasn't got time for me. yeah Obama is busy but still makes time for his wife- yeaaaahh definitely agree. Time doesn't wait for nobody so why should you wait. There are billions of men out there who will put all the effort in the world when he likes a girl and clearly this guy is using "busy with work" as an excuse. Go NC and move on. His lose!!! not yours. He will realise when its too late but pffftt that's his business, not urs 2
Author highinthesky Posted November 9, 2013 Author Posted November 9, 2013 (edited) must say I agree with this comment. If a guy truly like or love a girl he will do whatever to make the time. Sound like this guy is making excuses and you are getting hurt in the process. Me personally I would give someone a time of day who hasn't got time for me. yeah Obama is busy but still makes time for his wife- yeaaaahh definitely agree. Time doesn't wait for nobody so why should you wait. There are billions of men out there who will put all the effort in the world when he likes a girl and clearly this guy is using "busy with work" as an excuse. Go NC and move on. His lose!!! not yours. He will realise when its too late but pffftt that's his business, not urs Thanks hun, that's really made me feel better. He will one day realise what I could have given him but it's too late now, just hope something better comes up in the meantime Edited November 9, 2013 by highinthesky
Author highinthesky Posted November 11, 2013 Author Posted November 11, 2013 I've turned angry now. He hasn't replied and that's not like him to not say hi and ask how I am at the least. Really thought he was different and glad I gave up no contact so I could realise what an idiot I was for falling for it (again!) and believing that he was worth something.
radiodarcy Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 I'm sorry you are going through this. I have gotten this line/explanation - - whatever you want to call it - - more times than I care to count. More often than not it turned out they guy just wanted to stay single and have fun or - - he went off with someone else. As other posters on this thread have already said if he really wanted to stay together he would have been willing to make the time to spend with you. It is good that you're finally seeing his motivations for what they are. Now you can really focus on you and moving on.
Author highinthesky Posted November 11, 2013 Author Posted November 11, 2013 I'm sorry you are going through this. I have gotten this line/explanation - - whatever you want to call it - - more times than I care to count. More often than not it turned out they guy just wanted to stay single and have fun or - - he went off with someone else. As other posters on this thread have already said if he really wanted to stay together he would have been willing to make the time to spend with you. It is good that you're finally seeing his motivations for what they are. Now you can really focus on you and moving on. I think he just wasn't ready for something serious. He told me at the start he had ended an 8 year relationship with someone for being 'too clingy' and obviously wants to focus on his work. I'm beginning to realise now maybe it was doomed from the start and just got carried away because I really liked him. The only problem now is that because of this and past break ups of a similar nature I'm not sure I can trust anyone. My confidence takes a bashing every time and it's hard for me to be positive when this always happens.
radiodarcy Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 I know what you mean about the difficulty in trusting. I am going through a similar situation where the guy said he was totally committed to getting to know me. That he was so lucky to have met me, etc. And then he just disappeared for days on end and wouldn't respond to my emails during that time, then come back with some lame excuse. Unfortunately, having been through similar scenarios in the past, I saw the writing on the wall and have decided to go NC - - I pretty much saw the "i'm too busy" excuse coming sooner or later :/. Still, it's only been 3 days and it's all I can do - - short of sitting on my hands not to pick up my cell and shoot him a text or email the way i see it, the "too busy" line is just a cowardly, selfish way of them forcing us to do their dirty work: which is dumping us for them
faithfully Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 I've turned angry now. He hasn't replied and that's not like him to not say hi and ask how I am at the least. Really thought he was different and glad I gave up no contact so I could realise what an idiot I was for falling for it (again!) and believing that he was worth something. Darling, you are wasting your time on this idiot, Mr am just too busy excuse. There are 24hours in a day and is he that busy he cannot find 3mins to send a quick message??? Bull****!!! the sooner you realise this guy is not worth your time or your attention. There are many many men out there who will treat women like princesses and will give you all the time in the world. Mr excuse and Mr am too busy are all the same huni, Its an excuse to gently push you away. Forget this clown. get your hair done, nails, eyelashes, get a pedicure. go pamper yourself. take your mind of this clown. like I said before, his loss 2
Sugarkane Posted November 11, 2013 Posted November 11, 2013 I wouldn't wait for him, he's just not that special. Why would you, when you can date someone that actually cares ?
Author highinthesky Posted November 12, 2013 Author Posted November 12, 2013 I know what you mean about the difficulty in trusting. I am going through a similar situation where the guy said he was totally committed to getting to know me. That he was so lucky to have met me, etc. And then he just disappeared for days on end and wouldn't respond to my emails during that time, then come back with some lame excuse. Unfortunately, having been through similar scenarios in the past, I saw the writing on the wall and have decided to go NC - - I pretty much saw the "i'm too busy" excuse coming sooner or later :/. Still, it's only been 3 days and it's all I can do - - short of sitting on my hands not to pick up my cell and shoot him a text or email the way i see it, the "too busy" line is just a cowardly, selfish way of them forcing us to do their dirty work: which is dumping us for them This is true. I couldn't believe after all this time it came to a single text saying he couldn't do this right now, this being two months of me sat waiting in a different country for him.
radiodarcy Posted November 12, 2013 Posted November 12, 2013 Yes, it's very frustrating - - trying to get closure for yourself. I'll never get answers to the questions I asked. But I guess it doesn't matter. When someone is done they're done. But to end it so abruptly and with minimal or no explanation is just cruel. But I do feel that dealing with people who treat us like this makes us stronger and more likely to heal faster. After all how long can we miss someone who was heartless enough to do this in the first place?
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