Justachip Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 It's gonna be long so brace yourself. Here it is: About me: I'm a materialistically and emotionally independent guy. I take care of myself pretty well both mentally and physically. When I went overseas for 3 months for an internship (when I met my recent ex girlfriend), there wasn't a moment I missed the people back home. Sure it was only 3 months, too short for any yearning for some people. I do the laundry and cooking myself and would change the bed sheet if the apartment didn't provide the service. I have a passion for the gym and intense strength training. The stress I put on my physical body sometimes translates to mental strength as I found out that I was different from a lot of people my age (I'm 20). Whenever I miss a personal best record for strength I get moody lol. About her: She is also an independent person. However I know she isn't as independent emotionally as me because she is a woman (pardon for the generalization, it was my observation). She would depend on people to give her the emotional support, to talk about her problems and think as she talks. She stayed in Thailand for 4.5 months in the outskirts of the capital. She can take care of herself too as she was in charge of her room mates' laundry and sometimes their cooking. She is a strong woman who is loving and sweet to others. She was never the attention seeking kind as she was always the quiet one in her own group. She have a passion for dance and the harp. One which I greatly adore. Our story: As I’ve mentioned before, we met while we were in Thailand for an overseas internship. We are from the same home country (Singapore), of the same race and the same religion. Its wonderful how we live so near to each other, and the church we attend is so near to each other. And yet, it took 1300 miles of distance for us to meet in a foreign country. When I first saw her in Thailand at the airport for our rendezvous with our correspondent there, I don’t remember her face well, neither did I remember her name. It was not a “love at first sight” thing for me or her. Oh I need to mention that I wasn’t dressed up well and was in my nerdy dressed down mode as we had to wake up early for a morning flight that day. It was definitely more than a physical thing for us. 1 month into the internship, we met up and exchanged contact after a joint activity organised by our hosting company. We exchanged contact then and started texting each other. We started texting and flirting. Then I found out that we had so much in common. The same idea of the family we want, the number of children we’d like personally (not with each other), the same religion, beliefs and values. I knew then, I can allow myself to fall for her without any worry. I’ve let my walls down after 2 years after my last break up. Our religion was similar but different. I’m a Roman Catholic while she’s a Christian without any denomination, although she attends a Methodist church. When I returned to Singapore for my 3 months industrial attachment at a local hospital, she stayed in Thailand. She would wait for me to reach home every night and come onto skype where she’d talk to me and share with me her feelings and day. She would get excited when she see me online on Whatsapp during the day and say “hi” to me. Back then she totally depended on me and I could relate too. She was feeling a little alone in Thailand and I was going to fulfil her emotional needs. I was thinking that if this goes on for too long, I’d have to declare that I need some space for myself as I was using my “me” time for her. It didn’t come to that point though as she had work to be done too. Shortly after that, it was her turn to fly back. When she came back her grandfather had just passed away. Even though I was busy with work, I stayed by her side. This was the girl I want. A week after she came back, I brought her to the church I’ve always attended since 13 years ago. I could tell that she was scared (first time in a Catholic Church). She sat through the whole hour, being respectful and followed what we did. For that I applaud her and really respected her. After the mass, I suddenly grabbed her hands and she tensed up (later admitting that her heart was racing lol). I told her: “I may not be the best out there, I may not be the most romantic, I may not have everything she wants, I may not be the best looking out there, but I promise to grow to love you the way God does. I am making a promise to God right here in his house. I am making a promise to myself, to always be true to you, to be by your side and to show you true love.” She agreed to be my girlfriend and was overjoyed. The next few months of my life were the best of the year. We spent a lot of time together, but we only met twice a week or so. During our time apart we would be glued to our phone, texting each other, always thankful for each other in our lives. She was eager to show me to her family and friends. Right there and then, I knew it was too early, we were moving too fast. I knew early in my previous relationship, moving too fast would mean a burnout too. Those were some red flags, I tried to ignore it as it was her first relationship and I didn’t want to spoil the moment for her. I tried to keep a distance and she would always come to me. Fast forward to a vacation we took for 4 days in Malaysia, we went there with her brother and Mum. At night, she would come over to my bed and we’d cuddle for a while and she’d refuse to return to her bed for the night. Nothing else happened as her mum and bro was around. Even if they’re not, we wouldn’t do anything sexual. It was one of our values. In hindsight, our relationship progressed to this point. The intimacy we shared was innocent and honestly nothing lustful. Soon, she went for her university orientation camp. There she met a lot of new people and made a lot of friends. I was honestly glad for her. I’m happy that she’s moving on with her life. As for me, I was supposed to be enlisted in the military soon. Conscription in Singapore. But there was a problem. The army took a lot of time to settle my medical grading and I was stuck waiting in a limbo. I was waiting and watching my peers moving on into the army. They went into basic training as I helplessly fantasize about the day my turn comes. I want to move on with my life and get into my university course in time. I already reserved a slot there and I have to enlist before November for that to be a smoother process. But I was still stuck, waiting, watching, hoping. Soon I started to panic (not a good idea, my ex was understanding but after a while it took a toll on her). I became a depressed emotional mess. And I was honestly unattractive then. I became weak in her eyes. She told me about her eye candy that she met in the camp. How he was also attracted to her. And would pursue her If she wasn’t in a relationship already. Well something else in me flipped. I became more paranoid and insecure. I was paranoid that she’s emotionally cheating on me. I talked to our mutual friend and she understood what I was going through. Not to be a braggard, she said that I am one in a million as I am honestly an independent person who knows what I want. Soon my erratic behaviours drove my ex girlfriend to resent me and into the arms of another guy. But something in me tells me that she’s using him for emotional needs and the convenience of his car rides. I know how stressed she is with her dance competitions and her studies and I never blamed her. Only myself once I calmed down. I experienced it before, how stress can kill the feelings for our partners. When we are more relaxed and loving we tend to be more forgiving. Well I did that for my first relationship. I dumped my ex ex and soon I regretted it after a month when my stress subsided and tried to get her back. But I ended up not doing it as I realised we were not fundamentally compatible religion and value wise. Right now, I think that my recent ex is too occupied with her school and dance to think about me and the relationship. Once her holiday rolls around, she’ll be going back to Thailand with her mum for a shopping trip. I bet she will remember the times we spent together then. I believe that my ex ended the relationship prematurely because of the stress from handling me when I was depressed (no longer as I don’t have anymore negative feelings). Her feelings for me were likely buried by work, friends and dance and my constant drama. I believe they will resurface after she goes to Thailand. Then again there’s the possibility that she won’t ever look back and want to try again. Oh and the reasons she gave for the break up was honestly a little funny when I think about it. 1. We didn’t have chemistry 2. She was not attracted to me as a person but attracted to my traits, dependable and strong. 3. She said she didn’t like to kiss me. Which is funny because back then, she’d trap me in her bathroom and we’d make out for like 30 mins straight (lol). And she’d fantasize me kissing her and her heart will race (LOL). Until then I will keep NC. I have blocked her on fb, twitter and my blog posts are privatized. I know she snooped on my blog as our mutual friend showed me their conversation with her saying I blogged crap lol. Well I had to let off some steam and perhaps I should've kept the things offline. I do not hope or expect her to contact me. I will keep moving forward in my life. I will focus on serving in the army. Well truthfully there are a lot more details but I’m too tired to think about them and organize the texts. If you want more details please let me know. I know that the eye candy kissed her and basically made her heart race and made her feel butterflies and made her confused. But come on LS, those who know how to maintain a relationship will know that those feelings will fade away in time together. He was probably a novelty to her. I never have the butterflies with her. I just thought she was a nice girl who is also gorgeous to me which is a bonus. She told a mutual friend that even if we have a chance again, her feelings won't come back again. Well feelings come and go and we can't be sure! I just think this is a sign that she's open to recon but not sure if the feelings will be back. I just need to bring the feelings back somehow. Our relationship lasted 8 months and in my opinion, it ended prematurely. What would be your opinion here? Do share and let me know, I’m curious! And don’t worry LS, I’m sticking to NC.
conf Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 early 20's = she does not know what is love. She only knows/wants the inlove feeling. After the honeymoon period is over she must find the butterflies elsewhere.
Author Justachip Posted November 2, 2013 Author Posted November 2, 2013 early 20's = she does not know what is love. She only knows/wants the inlove feeling. After the honeymoon period is over she must find the butterflies elsewhere. My thoughts exactly. And also she wants to try out other grass I suppose, as this is her first relationship. NC through it all!! for myself.
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