SilverlinedCloud Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 As the dumper, i most certainly have empathy for my ex. Before the final break We went on a very short mutual agreed hiatus, in the heat of the moment argument... we understood we both needed time to think for ourselves and be by ourselves. and then we got back together... He admitted he had slept around while still being in contact with me {i was no contact} and feeding 'false' pretenses of missing me and hoping we could still go away together, and needing my advice. I can most certainly understand if he had slept around and chose not to have contact but upon finding out this information he gave up willingly and was somewhat proud of, i couldnt look at him the same way again, i must admit i did try. I swear. I guess i was so expectant that like me he would use the time to cool down - not bed other people. But where i went wrong was i was so quick to want him back and i didnt take the time to consider my own feelings and reaction properly, he was also happy that we got back together, and was probably never expecting me to let him go. Reading alot of the stories on here of people that have been dumped i can definitely understand his feelings of discard - his anger, his frustration, his confusion and upset. I respected him, i didnt contact him and gave him space. What happened next was interesting. I got ALL the blame, i got ALL the abuse, I got ALL the anger. Reasoning was impossible he refused to make any admission to any of his mistakes or vices in our initial time together. I didnt blame him but i did make it apparent we were both responsible for doing/saying things that hurt each other. In his mind he was right about everything and it was my fault apparently that we had a hiatus that led him to sleep around.. What? Really? So i went NC.. 2 months later i get very threatful torrents of abuse... VERY - i was so hurt, i cried, i wanted to die, i couldnt eat and the substance misuse became even more apparent. He got the upper hand. I think in the end thats what it was that he wanted. Just like if he was the Dumper. Ive never had to defend myself so valiantly and yet with such little strength. Iron Arrows piercing a wooden shield. A month later.. he apologised. I didnt respond. Im confused about him. He showed a very volatile side. 60+ Days into NC i still get the occasional texts, he hopes that i will reply. I have nothing to say. A part of me wants to break the NC again to show my indifference and a part of me wants to continue. Its been a long road and i can acknowledge my silence has been what gave me power and he really has.. no idea about my progress. What is and isnt acceptable in the circumstance? Will i be doing him a favor by communicating with him again, seeing as he was the dumpee whom was hurt. I mean.. i was hurt too... is it worth talking about anything if his anger has now passed? Breadcrumbs? Sorry my thoughts run wild.
Lost_Dragon Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 I would keep NC. His seeming past the anger could be his cover to get back at you. He already slept with others, why would you want him back? Keep your self-control. He has already displayed his lack of.
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