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Realising you're so stupid and they're an arsehole

Helen A

By Helen A
in The Other Man / Woman

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Helen A Established Member

Helen A

Posted
Posted

I'd deleted the number and I'm doing NC I want out of all what happened.

 

Ignore a picture message get another message asking how I am.

 

The conversation goes in the way that he's happy to continue this and wants to send dirty pics etc / wants to attempt to cheat at get togethers with the partnersthere.

 

I've told him that there is something wrong with him and told him no chance.

 

He does not care about anyone.

 

I'm going to have to think of a way to stop socialising with them.

As he is an absolute git who doesn't care about anyone.

 

Who wants to cheat while their partner is in the house that's not normal. This did happen when drunk but I wouldn't plan it to happen again I wouldn't WANT it to happen again.

 

Any opinions?

LilGirlandOW Established Member

LilGirlandOW

Posted
Posted

Stick to your guns.

 

If your not happy, scratch him and move on.

 

You should be treated like a princess and a priority no matter what dynamic your relationship entails.

  • Like 1
anne1707 Established Member

anne1707

Posted
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Betsy

 

Responding to text messages is not NC. Stop trying to kid yourself that you are doing NC. If you have any respect for your husband end all this mess now. You cannot be friends with the MOM and expect everything to just be normal and as it was before.

 

You ask for opinions. You have been told all this before repeatedly yet you have continued to do nothing to change the situation. Time to grow up and ACT.

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Helen A Established Member

Helen A

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I won't respond again.

 

I just can't get how people can't be bothered how they treat people.

anne1707 Established Member

anne1707

Posted
Posted
I won't respond again.

 

I just can't get how people can't be bothered how they treat people.

 

Pot. Kettle.

 

How about how you have treated your husband? Is that any better? No. Worse? Yes.

 

Start focussing on what really matters Betsy. Unless of course your marriage is not your priority.

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Helen A Established Member

Helen A

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I was bothered about the way I behaved though it did bother me.

anne1707 Established Member

anne1707

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What do you want Betsy? Do you want to make your marriage work or do you still want the MOM deep down?

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Helen A Established Member

Helen A

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My marraige as I've said.

 

This was an out of the blue message after a long time.

Owl Established Member

Owl

Posted
Posted

As Anne has said...you're not in NC.

 

And in your case, you'll never be in NC.

 

You won't truly end any interaction with him, because in order to do so, you'd have to enlist your H's help to make it happen. He'd have to understand why it is you two can no longer interact with that other couple.

 

And you flat refuse to tell him the truth, to take true ownership and responsibility for your actions.

 

Given that...you are right where you have chosen to be. Accept it. Stop complaining about it. Stop coming here asking the same question ad nauseum over and over and over and over hoping that for some strange, crazy reason you'll get a different answer.

 

He treats you the way that he does because you let him. You let him.

 

You refuse to take true action to change the situation. That also is your choice.

 

You refuse to tell your H the truth, to give HIM the choice to remain with you or not in light of what you've done. Again...what you've decided to do.

 

Why are you upset again????

  • Like 2
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Helen A Established Member

Helen A

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Posted (edited)

My post was about the random out of the blue message and any opinions on it.

 

I have been doing NC this happened in august it's November I've hardly seen him since.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Reference to deleted post redacted.
Spark1111 Established Member

Spark1111

Posted
Posted
I'd deleted the number and I'm doing NC I want out of all what happened.

 

Ignore a picture message get another message asking how I am.

 

The conversation goes in the way that he's happy to continue this and wants to send dirty pics etc / wants to attempt to cheat at get togethers with the partnersthere.

 

I've told him that there is something wrong with him and told him no chance.

 

He does not care about anyone.

 

I'm going to have to think of a way to stop socialising with them.

As he is an absolute git who doesn't care about anyone.

 

Who wants to cheat while their partner is in the house that's not normal. This did happen when drunk but I wouldn't plan it to happen again I wouldn't WANT it to happen again.

 

Any opinions?

 

Oh MY GOD! IF this is true, he suffers from a real pathology of trying to destroy his spouse by violating the marital bed.

 

He doesn't care about you, per se. he wants to PUNISH his spouse by having you in the marital bed.

 

He is angry, angry, angry at her....and YOU happen to be the tool he will USE to punish her by.

 

The opposite of love is Not hate, but indifference. AS long as he is trying to hurt her by having sex with you under her nose, he is in rebellion mode.

 

Get out of this please. he doesn't love you. He is using you to hurt her because HE PERCEIVES she doesn't love HIM as much as he desires her to.

 

RUN......

  • Like 1
anne1707 Established Member

anne1707

Posted
Posted (edited)
My post was about the random out of the blue message and any opinions on it.

 

I have been doing NC this happened in august it's November I've hardly seen him since.

 

Don't you even see that you have contradicted yourself here. If you had actually being doing NC then you would not have seen him AT ALL. Plus NC is not just about seeing the person, it is about any form of communication so you texting him is again NOT NC.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Language redacted; quote edited.
Owl Established Member

Owl

Posted
Posted (edited)
My post was about the random out of the blue message and any opinions on it.

 

I have been doing NC this happened in august it's November I've hardly seen him since.

 

 

People do it, more than you'd think.

 

It's pretty uncommon to see someone so completely unwilling to listen to what they're being told when they come here.

 

I've rarely seen anyone deeper in denial than you've been since you've started coming here.

 

I'll ask it again...WHAT IS IT THAT YOU ARE HOPING TO GAIN FROM POSTING HERE ON LS???

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Discourse relevant to edited quote redacted.
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Helen A Established Member

Helen A

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Posted (edited)

I'm posting here to talk about it.

 

What have I been unwilling to do?

 

I've read books, quit texting, done as much NC as I culd.

 

Some replies are unnecessary and just nasty.

 

I have also been cheated on but because of this I would not post nasty replies to other people who have cheated.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Response to edited post redacted
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Owl Established Member

Owl

Posted
Posted (edited)

Here's my observation.

 

You want to talk about it...but you don't want to do anything to actually change the situation.

 

What have you been unwilling to change? You've "I've read books, quit texting, done as much NC as I culd.".

 

You haven't gone true NC. You haven't taken action to prevent recurrences, such as telling his wife or your H. You haven't (from your posts here at least) spent any effort in self-examination trying to figure out why you did this. You haven't invested any true effort into working on your marriage. You haven't stopped focusing on OM's motivations/thoughts/etc... You haven't stopped trying to minimize your actions by trying to claim it wasn't an affair, it was only one time, etc... You haven't accepted full responsibility for what you've done, nor have you done anything to make amends or fix the damage done by your actions.

 

Because you've not told his wife nor your H, he's got no reason to believe that he won't succeed in doing so <reference to future sexual contacts> either. BECAUSE it happened ONCE...and nothing was done about it...he's got everyone reason to believe it'll happen again.

 

And you STILL do nothing to change the situation. But you'd like to talk about it.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Response to deleted post redacted. Language redacted.
  • Like 1
William Established Member

William

Posted
Posted (edited)

Moderation reminds members to address the specifics of the posting and to do so in a respectful manner or find yourselves subject to suspension and/or ban. It's easy to do. Address the topic. This thread has been edited. Thanks!

Edited by William
Republished thread after review.
anne1707 Established Member

anne1707

Posted
Posted
I'm posting here to talk about it.

 

What have I been unwilling to do?

 

I've read books, quit texting, done as much NC as I culd.

 

Some replies are unnecessary and just nasty.

 

I have also been cheated on but because of this I would not post nasty replies to other people who have cheated.

 

 

But you need to do 100% full NC if you are going to break free from this obsession Betsy. This is not healthy for you and your marriage if it continues. Are you going to end all forms of contact with him including socialising with him and his wife?

 

 

 

 

Re the nasty posts - apologies if you thought I felt that way about you. I absolutely do not. It is just I think this POS MOM has a low opinion of you and probably all women as it happens. There is no respect in the way he treats you or his wife.

whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

Posted
Posted (edited)
I'd deleted the number and I'm doing NC I want out of all what happened.

 

Ignore a picture message get another message asking how I am.

 

The conversation goes in the way that he's happy to continue this and wants to send dirty pics etc / wants to attempt to cheat at get togethers with the partnersthere.

 

I've told him that there is something wrong with him and told him no chance.

 

He does not care about anyone.

 

I'm going to have to think of a way to stop socialising with them.

As he is an absolute git who doesn't care about anyone.

 

Who wants to cheat while their partner is in the house that's not normal. This did happen when drunk but I wouldn't plan it to happen again I wouldn't WANT it to happen again.

 

Any opinions?

 

Change your number. Do all that you can to cut him out of your life. The game will stop when you stop playing....He is a schmuck and not worth your energy, time or effort. If you want it over, just walk away. It can be that easy if you truly want him out of your life on all levels.

 

I won't respond again.

 

I just can't get how people can't be bothered how they treat people.

 

Some people are just..arseholes and he's one of them. Don't waste time trying to figure out why he is doing this. His motives are not sincere or kind, you know this now.

 

Some people just do not care at all and they feel good poo'ing on others.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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Helen A Established Member

Helen A

Posted
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No I'm not going to waste any more of my time figuring out the whys what's ifs.

Don't think ill ever get it.

 

Any more txts I'm not going to even read them I'm just going to delete them.

 

And just move on the best I can.

 

This has been upsetting me for far too long now.

  • Like 1
Cali408 Established Member

Cali408

Posted
Posted

Change your number Betsy. You can say you won't read them, but your heart will hit your throat and set you back a couple of steps even if you delete them. Why even have the temptation?

 

He doesn't respect you or your marriage. That's not a friend. If he did, he wouldn't do it. Just trying to get a cheap thrill.

 

Full No Contact is really hard. But it gets easier after a week. I'm sure you still want him and that's natural. When he crosses your mind, think of the lack of respect he has for you.

 

It's not easy, believe me I know.

anne1707 Established Member

anne1707

Posted
Posted

That's good Betsy.

 

How about the socialising though? You really need to put an end to that too.

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Helen A Established Member

Helen A

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Thanks Cali. I don't still want him though, in that way. I'm just trying to get him though I don't know why. The way I've written about him does make him sound like an uncaring using idiot and for the most part I agree with that, but I'm still wondering why about it all.

 

But I am done with it. Like you said absol no respect and he's not my friend.

 

I just wonder why if he's so happy in his life he bothered doing. This and why he can be so cold we've been friends the best part of ten years

Cali408 Established Member

Cali408

Posted
Posted

He's not happy in his life. He is filling a missing piece with you. Once you've crossed the line, you can't be friends.

anne1707 Established Member

anne1707

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Your time would be better spent trying to figure out why you did this, not why he did it.

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Helen A Established Member

Helen A

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I can't be the peice in his life though I can't be this person anymore.

 

I have to walk away now and I kind of know we can't be friends anymore but I have no idea of how we can't socialise anymore.

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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