Charisma Posted December 14, 2004 Posted December 14, 2004 Hey all, Recently a guy I was seeing decided to put our relationship on the back burner. He decided later on to call it off because he wanted to put all of his attention on his career. I guess we would describe this person as a workaholic. The funny thing is he pursued me and then claimed he didn't have the time to put into it. I'm just curious how many people feel a career should be the first and foremost important thing in your life over a relationship? Is it not worth it to free up time to spend with someone who you may like? I doubt it when you're old and grey that you would say to yourself, "I wish I would have spent more time in the office?" Any thoughts.....
SadAndLonely Posted December 14, 2004 Posted December 14, 2004 I can see it from both angles. Although I'd never put my job before those I love, if he's just dating you, then I don't see that as being the same thing. He may want to further his career so he can someday take care of whomever he marries, or maybe he really likes his job. If he has no real commitment to you (I mean marriage, familial ties, etc.), then there isn't much you can do about it.
Quiet Waters Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 Ouch... That kind of sucks. A "relationship" can be friends you know. He's not interested in friendship? What does he do if I may ask?
greenlove Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 That does suck. But at least you know now that maybe he wasn't into you as much as you thought. If he put his career ahead of a relationship with you. Now you can consentrate on someone who can give you that attention.
Quiet Waters Posted December 17, 2004 Posted December 17, 2004 I think it's possible if two people work together - that one can have a relationship and have a high demanding job. It just takes a lot of patience on both parts. If he's so busy then there's nothing wrong with remaining 'intimate friends' until he gets where he needs to get to be stable. I know a lot of young professionals (paralegals, professors investment bankers, doctors doing their residencey etc) struggle with this in their early years. It's not that they think 'work' is more important than money. It's that they have to fight to keep their positions. They either get 'tenure' or they're replaced with new rising stars. Either that or they can go back to being expendible drones in cubicles and that doesn't guarentee a lot of security if you want a family. I have a friend for example, who works in a corporate job. Even though he's in a well off position, he's got only a few years to make it to the next level or he gets the boot. It's a competitive game - revolving door policy... and if you put a relationship before your job, you may very well end having to do all that work over again for another company/university. I know this myself because I'm an aspiring academic and it's very much the same thing. I've always put work before my relationships but I've always been successful at maintaining the relationships despite the work. (By relationship I mean close friendship). If I think I have it rought now... but I don't know what kind of work your friend does. On the other hand, it is harsh of him to dump you like that. It doesn't sound like there was a lot of room for discussion : (. Men who lead women on only ot tell them "I'm busy" later make me ill. Was he on the rebound or something? This is yet another reason why I stay out of the mess all together.
charley_horse Posted January 20, 2005 Posted January 20, 2005 I felt compelled to reply to this post just because I recently went through the same thing w/ my relationship. He said he was married to his work and wanted to make his mark on the world. He called it a disease/addiction and that he strived on the stress and the fact that he felt a rush when he got problems resolved. The irony is that I was a workaholic when we met (not as severe) but I can understand what he's referring to. His work ethic and success on the job was something that attracted me to him since I knew he'd understand when I had to work late or on weekends. Here's the thing... I went through a personal transformation when I suddenly had to drop everything to care for my mother and I realized that my priorities were kind of screwed up. Until this happened, I wouldn't have been able to change either. It took something pretty drastic and severe to wake me up. So while a part of me agrees with greenlove and he's probably not that into you and a part of me agrees with quiet waters that if the desire was there, anyone could have worked out a compromise, a bigger part of me knows from experience that he can't see the world from any other perspective until he's ready to. I know, this is letting him off the hook a little. Of course, some men are just cowards and have fragile egos. If that's the case here, there's another factor to his choosing work over a relationship -- at work he feels competent, successful and respected but in a relationship he has to deal with other feelings like fear, insecurity, hurt. He bailed and avoided dealing with those feelings that he couldn't handle. Bottom line is that getting dumped sucks even though I can relate to his frame of mind. I hope things work out for you and I hope we both find someone else who is willing to make his relationship his top priority!
mt_joy Posted January 21, 2005 Posted January 21, 2005 A career should never take the place of a loved one. I've decided personally that workign from home is a better decision for me, my boyfriend, and my son. I'm taking online classes right now in order to do this with a valuable education. (I'm studying to be a Medical Transcriptionist.) I can't wait to start because I'll be able to put my family first and work my career around my schedule. You just have to find out what is more important in your life. Joy MT Student
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