scrubsarelikepajamas Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 My boyfriend and I have been dating for some time now, and for the last couple months his lack of ambition towards both work and life is starting to have me worried. I'm in my early twenties and he's in his late twenties. I'm a student and work full time in a health care setting, and he works as a cab driver for a company where there are no opportunities for advancement. He says he wants to go back to school, and even though his parents will pay his tuition and his employer is flexible with scheduling, he will find a million reasons as to why he can't do it "right now". For example, he had said before he didn't want to enroll in classes until he had a reliable form of transportation (his car was suuuper old). His dad bought him a car under the assumption my boyfriend would pay him back (which he hasn't started to yet), but now that transportation isn't an issue, he's found other reasons. He isn't happy with what hes doing; he doesn't like being the guy who's not far from thirty and who drives people around for a living. He's a wonderful guy; he's funny, he's caring, I enjoy spending time with him, he's intelligent and has a huge heart. It's not the money that's an issue for me, it's the laziness, the excuses, the snide remarks and resentment towards successful individuals who make more money than him, and just the fact that I have my **** together way more than he does. My biggest worry is am I wasting my time? He's an amazing guy and he treats me wonderfully, but I worry that his lack of motivation towards school and his work will apply to other aspects of his life and our relationship. I know I can't make him change or grow up, he has to do that on his own, but should I continue to wait around when I have no idea when he will be ready to do that? Any advice or other perspectives on this would be a huge help. 1
d0nnivain Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 If you are having fun, you are not wasting your time. However, this guy doesn't have meaningful long term potential. 1
Locust Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 This don't sound good. I'm 27 years old and I will say school is tough and trying to work is another, but I manage to do it. I'm currently a senior and next semester is my last and excited. Your boyfriend can do it but he has to plan it and stick with it no matter how difficult it becomes. He is lucky, I came from poor parents so everything I own I got it myself with my hard earn money.
todreaminblue Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 My boyfriend and I have been dating for some time now, and for the last couple months his lack of ambition towards both work and life is starting to have me worried. I'm in my early twenties and he's in his late twenties. I'm a student and work full time in a health care setting, and he works as a cab driver for a company where there are no opportunities for advancement. He says he wants to go back to school, and even though his parents will pay his tuition and his employer is flexible with scheduling, he will find a million reasons as to why he can't do it "right now". For example, he had said before he didn't want to enroll in classes until he had a reliable form of transportation (his car was suuuper old). His dad bought him a car under the assumption my boyfriend would pay him back (which he hasn't started to yet), but now that transportation isn't an issue, he's found other reasons. He isn't happy with what hes doing; he doesn't like being the guy who's not far from thirty and who drives people around for a living. He's a wonderful guy; he's funny, he's caring, I enjoy spending time with him, he's intelligent and has a huge heart. It's not the money that's an issue for me, it's the laziness, the excuses, the snide remarks and resentment towards successful individuals who make more money than him, and just the fact that I have my **** together way more than he does. My biggest worry is am I wasting my time? He's an amazing guy and he treats me wonderfully, but I worry that his lack of motivation towards school and his work will apply to other aspects of his life and our relationship. I know I can't make him change or grow up, he has to do that on his own, but should I continue to wait around when I have no idea when he will be ready to do that? Any advice or other perspectives on this would be a huge help. i feel that when you are in a partnership you are a machine....with different parts some of those parts get jaded and need revamping.......the tools you need to fix the parts are motivation....and support.....you give motivation then you support..... you know the parts o the machine before you fix it you study it research what you need to break through......you combat the bad parts with replacing thoughts and ideals held with positivity so encouragement in other words..... encourage motivate support its strategy ...strategic and if you follow it and that partner you have has working parts you can grease them know his passions, know what he has always wanted otu fo life and build on it......write eltters to prespective employers with hsi permission of course......sometimes peopel need a push ...be that push.....you would push a car you owned if you were stuck on a hill you would do what you have to do to get that car running...people are more important than cars ...partners who you love are a treasure treat them as such..and get that person up and running ...takes a little effort ...but yeah i feel relationships are worth effort....do you get out of your car or trade it in when it doesnt start when you expect it too, beat it up smash the steering wheel with your hand open the door adn get otu and leave it on a hill...or do you stroke the car and say come on baby you can do it and call the racq for support....depends on you really doesnt it.......dont complain if your car wont start do something about it......good luck i wish you the best with your hill start ...dont over work the clutch and go easy on the stick when you get it........drive the hell out of it.......manually work it baby.....debbie
Outsider77 Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 I think if you guys aren't on the same page as far as ambition and what you want from life it's not going to work out. If it's only been the last couple of months that he hasn't been ambitious then I wouldn't worry about it. But if it's been a pattern throughout a good portion of his life, then I'd say that's just the way he is and you are not going to change him. In that case if you aren't happy being with someone with no ambition then you are better off ending the relationship.
nepo Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 I was in the same boat. I married him. I thought he would change. Long story short, I divorced him. I thought when I bought a house for us he would man up. I thought that paying for him to go to a technical school for something he enjoyed doing would help him find a career, $3,500 later he was no longer interested. He didn't want a desk job but just couldn't handle the outdoor jobs. He sat and watched me struggle to pay the bills to continue feeding the both of us. Our ambitions didn't match up. He thought I was a money hungry person that would stop for nothing. He didn't see me working three jobs to make ends meet and going to school so that I could get a decent paying job and have a good standard of living for the two of us without working myself silly. I don't want much, I just want to know that I will be able to pay all of my bills with a little left to save and I want a partner who is willing to assist in that. There was no ambition, no drive to better himself he was just ok collecting unemployment or working a crappy job and then complaining about it. The money was not even the largest issue. I just couldn't understand how someone could be so content with doing nothing with their life. I don't understand how you can feel good knowing you are contributing nothing or bare minimum to a cause. I always worked hard to make our lives TOGETHER better and he just couldn't have cared less. No matter what I did NOTHING changed his attitude. Supporting, encouraging, nagging crying, screaming, leaving, kicking him out... NOTHING. Some people are just ok with the bare minimum as long as they can remain lazy. The second I see those traits in any potential partner I run, I run FAST, as far as I can in the opposite direction.
irc333 Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 Why can't you be okay with him just being a Taxi drive, be thankful he is even employed in this economy. Women..never satisfied. My boyfriend and I have been dating for some time now, and for the last couple months his lack of ambition towards both work and life is starting to have me worried. I'm in my early twenties and he's in his late twenties. I'm a student and work full time in a health care setting, and he works as a cab driver for a company where there are no opportunities for advancement. He says he wants to go back to school, and even though his parents will pay his tuition and his employer is flexible with scheduling, he will find a million reasons as to why he can't do it "right now". For example, he had said before he didn't want to enroll in classes until he had a reliable form of transportation (his car was suuuper old). His dad bought him a car under the assumption my boyfriend would pay him back (which he hasn't started to yet), but now that transportation isn't an issue, he's found other reasons. He isn't happy with what hes doing; he doesn't like being the guy who's not far from thirty and who drives people around for a living. He's a wonderful guy; he's funny, he's caring, I enjoy spending time with him, he's intelligent and has a huge heart. It's not the money that's an issue for me, it's the laziness, the excuses, the snide remarks and resentment towards successful individuals who make more money than him, and just the fact that I have my **** together way more than he does. My biggest worry is am I wasting my time? He's an amazing guy and he treats me wonderfully, but I worry that his lack of motivation towards school and his work will apply to other aspects of his life and our relationship. I know I can't make him change or grow up, he has to do that on his own, but should I continue to wait around when I have no idea when he will be ready to do that? Any advice or other perspectives on this would be a huge help.
AShogunNamedMarcus Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 It could be ADD. I have it and I've always been lazy. At 5 years old I was taken to the doctor for something and he said my only problem was laziness. It affects pretty much everything I do. School was a bitch. The only times I've been motivated are when something excites me. I'll get a rush and a manic interest in something, but it will eventually subside. Can you handle that for the rest of your life?
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