How Important Is It To Have Common Interests

[Mz_sassy_77]

Hi All. How important do you guys think it is to have common interests in a RS?

Is it a make or break thing? After 3 years my ex BU with me because he says we didn't have common interests. So the things he is really into I am not. However in saying that I always tried to make an effort and would tag along for things he was interested in. And in fact I enjoyed those things - they weren't things that were a major priority to me but after meeting him I did enjoy those things he is talking about.

 

The thing that pisses me off about this is that we were together for 3 years. If you had known you didn't think you had things in common and that's what you wanted then why the f hang around for 3 years. Basically he wants to date the female version of himself. He's also claiming that only now he's got his interests back. What a load of crap. The whole time we were together he always did exactly what he wanted to do. I never once stopped him or complained about anything he wanted to do so I am really at a loss as to why he is telling people this.

 

And many couples I know are complete opposites and totally happy with each other. Is it that those couples are just accepting of each other and their differences and my stupid ex isn't?

 

It sounds horrible but I really want him to meet the person who he has imagined in his mind is perfect for him and develop a RS and it to fail miserably. I know he comes across as an ok guy when you meet him but he is very picky and has definite ideas about what he will and wont accept in a mate and they are all superficial reasons as far as I am concerned. I mean people's interests change over time as far as I'm concerned. You are not the same person at 20 as you are at 30. At 20 you like going to clubs and at 30 you don't. So what happens then? You BU because suddenly you're not 100% on the same level.

[Mariposa10]

I remember once watching this video where this woman was talking about how you DO NOT have to have to share the same interests with your partner, AS LONG as you two share the same goals/ideas for the future, meaning whether you guys want to have children, get married, live in a certain city, you know stuff like that.

She went on talking about how she had had relationships where she had the same interests as her boyfriend, but because in the end things wouldn't work out because they didn't share the same goals for the future. She added how in the relationship she is now, she does not share the same interests with her new boyfriend, but they do agree on what kind of future they will have.

 

Hope I made myself clear.

[Mz_sassy_77]

I remember once watching this video where this woman was talking about how you DO NOT have to have to share the same interests with your partner, AS LONG as you two share the same goals/ideas for the future, meaning whether you guys want to have children, get married, live in a certain city, you know stuff like that.

She went on talking about how she had had relationships where she had the same interests as her boyfriend, but because in the end things wouldn't work out because they didn't share the same goals for the future. She added how in the relationship she is now, she does not share the same interests with her new boyfriend, but they do agree on what kind of future they will have.

 

Hope I made myself clear.

 

I always thought life goals etc were so much more important. I find interests something that really is not so important, so long as you don't stop someone doing what they love and try to take an interest in it. I mean as far as life goals were concerned I know we wanted the same things. So I find BU for reasons of interests silly

[Mariposa10]

I always thought life goals etc were so much more important. I find interests something that really is not so important, so long as you don't stop someone doing what they love and try to take an interest in it. I mean as far as life goals were concerned I know we wanted the same things. So I find BU for reasons of interests silly

 

 

They do sound silly. Could you give an example??

[Mz_sassy_77]

So as far as life goals goes we both wanted to have kids, both wanted to get married at some point, both happy living in the city we are in.

 

As far as interests goes he is really into his music so he likes going to see bands. It's not something I would of done before we got together but I was happy to do this when we did. He also wants someone who plays a musical instrument so they can do it together - which I'm not going to do cos I'm not interested in learning one. As I am writing this I am laughing. To me It's just ridiculous.

 

A close guy friend of mine is going fishing next week with a mate. I said to him aren't you annoyed your wife isn't into that and going. He laughed and said no actually I like that she isn't so I can do my own thing sometimes. LOL. I really liked that.

[aybc123]

I dont think it's so silly tbh,

 

I wouldnt want my gf to like all of the same things that i do, or even most, because i don't want to date myself, and it's nice to have differences and time away from the relationship, but, im a really active person and i'd need my gf to:

 

a) have a few of the passions i have

b) have a bunch of passions of her own

 

I'd also need her to actually be interested in the things that i do and believe that they are valid/useful interests, purely from a supportive standpoint and that wouldnt mean just tagging along, people can tell if you're actually enthusiastic or just trying to join in because you feel you should. Equally i love when people are passionate about stuff so i always want to support gfs in the things they enjoy.

 

Having the same outlook on life and future goals is a different issue really but i agree that it's critical and even more of a dealbreaker to not share that than the passions.

 

The worst thing i can imagine is to be with someone who doesn't really have any interests, i dated someone like that for a few months, and it sounds harsh but they were just so goddamn boring.

 

Anyway, breakup reasons are ALWAYS half truths and excuses so i wouldnt think about it too much.

[D-Lish]

I have deal breakers when it comes to dating, but I usually like when someone has their own "thing" going on.

 

I could never date a religious person because I am an Atheist. I could never date a guy that hunts because I can't wrap my head around a person that kills for sport- that incudes guys that like to fish.

 

When it comes to interests, the best relationships I have had have been with people that have opened new doors for me.

 

My most successful relationships have been with people that are my opposites.

[h0000]

if he likes you he likes you, , common interests or not it doesn't matter. you can be a complete opposite of him and he still likes you.

[2fargone]

I think it matters up to some extend...

 

My ex and I liked to watch the same shows, go biking together, played guitar together. We at least showed interest in eachothers other activities.

 

I don't think it's the real reason for leaving you, or perhaps a small part of it. After a break-up, dumpers try to make up reasons to justify what they've done.

If you bite, basicly you are validating them.

[Fufu]

Hi All. How important do you guys think it is to have common interests in a RS?

Is it a make or break thing? After 3 years my ex BU with me because he says we didn't have common interests. So the things he is really into I am not. However in saying that I always tried to make an effort and would tag along for things he was interested in. And in fact I enjoyed those things - they weren't things that were a major priority to me but after meeting him I did enjoy those things he is talking about.

 

The thing that pisses me off about this is that we were together for 3 years. If you had known you didn't think you had things in common and that's what you wanted then why the f hang around for 3 years. Basically he wants to date the female version of himself. He's also claiming that only now he's got his interests back. What a load of crap. The whole time we were together he always did exactly what he wanted to do. I never once stopped him or complained about anything he wanted to do so I am really at a loss as to why he is telling people this.

 

And many couples I know are complete opposites and totally happy with each other. Is it that those couples are just accepting of each other and their differences and my stupid ex isn't?

 

It sounds horrible but I really want him to meet the person who he has imagined in his mind is perfect for him and develop a RS and it to fail miserably. I know he comes across as an ok guy when you meet him but he is very picky and has definite ideas about what he will and wont accept in a mate and they are all superficial reasons as far as I am concerned. I mean people's interests change over time as far as I'm concerned. You are not the same person at 20 as you are at 30. At 20 you like going to clubs and at 30 you don't. So what happens then? You BU because suddenly you're not 100% on the same level.

 

I actually think he could just be using this "common interest" reason to break up with you. I don't think it is necessary for couples to have common interests to stay together, i think it's really about getting involved and accepting each other interests and try to participate together (if possible).

 

If he can't even accept you who doesn't share the common interest as him and break up with you abruptly after 3 years, then I really think it's a blessing with disguise. Don't let him drag you for another 3 years.

[funnylilfrog]

Some people want a partner who shares their passions. I think it's harder to connect to someone who isn't that interested in your passions. That being said, common interests don't make a relationship. I had so much in common with my ex (and our interests are not that common) but he dumped me because he didn't feel romance.

[d0nnivain]

Common interests can be helpful & they can provide a foundation for a new relationship. Having some overlap provides time to spend with your partner.

 

My EX loved to fish. I hate fishing but I was happy to go with him. I'd help lug the gear, then set up a chair & read in the sun.

 

My husband doesn't really have hobbies although we both like to travel & we have similar mentalities about a variety of subjects. I don't care if DH comes with me when I am doing my hobbies but sometimes I do get frustrated because I wish there was something we could do together.

[Never Again]

Common interests can be a nice catalyst to BEGIN something.

 

However, once you're in a relationship, you can find things to share.

 

Hell, even if you're total opposites (like my parents), you SUPPORT one another and learn enough to hold a conversation...or at least learn to listen.

 

I've made it my prerogative to DISCOVER ways I could overlap with my partners. I'll find a show I like that I think they'd like to watch too. I'll learn enough about an interest to buy them gifts that support it. I'll find an activity or item that overlaps.

 

Anyone who breaks a relationship over "common interests" MAY be trying to tell you that they think you're incompatible...but it's more likely that they're too lazy to actually mentally invest in their partner, find communication (listening AND talking far too taxing), or are just outright selfish (they want to do what THEY want all the time, and that's just easier if you like the same things).

[aybc123]

Reconsidered, it's actually the nicest of all if you can discover and start a shared passion together and grow that way. Or even if you both start different things not long before/ shortly after the start of a relationship, seeing someone grow and improve etc makes a relationship feel a lot more fruitful or something i dunno.