Zoe Lilith Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 I don't know what to do, everything is happening so fast...I moved on quicker than I thought I would..I never believed, but few days later he wanted to reconcile, I ignored him...I changed my number, blocked his email, deleted every photo and message..anyway, I've got a note at my door saying "I'll try again tomorrow"..That means he came from Germany. I don't know what to do, I have no feelings for him after all that has happened. I thought he doesn't have any feelings for me either, because he clearly stated it in one of his messages earlier last months, he also said never to contact him again....What is going on in his head? Does anyone have any idea or has similar experience? :-(
Author Zoe Lilith Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 before I changed my number, I got numerous messages from him, the last few were really mean..he called me a cold, mean b*tch.
Toddbt12y1 Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 You should get a restraining order. That will settle this monkey business fast. He made it clear. He hurt you. He's only afraid of being alone. Maybe he got a friend to put it up there? Or he did. Idk. I wouldn't cave, after all he told you.
Author Zoe Lilith Posted November 2, 2013 Author Posted November 2, 2013 You should get a restraining order. That will settle this monkey business fast. He made it clear. He hurt you. He's only afraid of being alone. Maybe he got a friend to put it up there? Or he did. Idk. I wouldn't cave, after all he told you. I know his hand writing..by the way, I should get a restraining order, I ever bothered him showing up at his door, but he threatened me with lawyers, when I used to call him the worst names possible..My God, what a mess..It's like a cheap soap opera...I don't know whether to laugh or cry..
Author Zoe Lilith Posted November 2, 2013 Author Posted November 2, 2013 I can't believe I did what I did..I feel so humiliated and embarrassed. What a mistake this has been
Toddbt12y1 Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 I can't believe I did what I did..I feel so humiliated and embarrassed. What a mistake this has been Do not feel too bad. You are making the right choices now. This guy is just a crazy person. I say get a restraining order. Probably be very wise.
Author Zoe Lilith Posted November 2, 2013 Author Posted November 2, 2013 Do not feel too bad. You are making the right choices now. This guy is just a crazy person. I say get a restraining order. Probably be very wise. Thank you Tod..I feel like I am about to give up..I really don't need any more dramas in my life..
Toddbt12y1 Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 Thank you Tod..I feel like I am about to give up..I really don't need any more dramas in my life.. No you you don't. So end this now, why it's goodn 1
Mario79 Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 Thank you for sharing this, I sometimes fear I am turning into someone like this, not like your ex exactly, but just trying to force something that isn't there anymore, just believe that everything is justified, things make sense, when it's just not the case.
cristy Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 Gosh Zoe i'm worried about you :S This is getting creepy... And I don't want to jump to conclusions but his actions are twisted and seriously close to a stalker definition. Have you been absolutely clear about how you feel? I mean is there ANY chance you might have said something he could interpret like he had a chance? Keep us posted...
aybc123 Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 (edited) Why didn't you just tell him what you just told us? That you moved on faster than you thought don't have feelings anymore, you dont want to talk to him and no offense but it's over. Honestly you're just playing games right back by ignoring him too. Ignoring people without an explanation NEVER makes them go away and frankly it's cruel, ignoring them AFTER you've said all of the above, fine, but before? not cool, it's practically provoking them to do stupid **** like come by your house. After the way you felt about it when he did the same you would've thought you'd know that. Edited November 2, 2013 by aybc123
Author Zoe Lilith Posted November 2, 2013 Author Posted November 2, 2013 Why didn't you just tell him what you just told us? That you moved on faster than you thought don't have feelings anymore, you dont want to talk to him and no offense but it's over. Honestly you're just playing games right back by ignoring him too. Ignoring people without an explanation NEVER makes them go away and frankly it's cruel, ignoring them AFTER you've said all of the above, fine, but before? not cool, it's practically provoking them to do stupid **** like come by your house. After the way you felt about it when he did the same you would've thought you'd know that. Honestly, I ignored him, not to get back at him, but because I didn't want to start any conversation...As I mentoned before, I lost my dignity and no matter how I act now, nothing is going to change that fact...I just thought not responding, would be the right thing.
Author Zoe Lilith Posted November 2, 2013 Author Posted November 2, 2013 Gosh Zoe i'm worried about you :S This is getting creepy... And I don't want to jump to conclusions but his actions are twisted and seriously close to a stalker definition. Have you been absolutely clear about how you feel? I mean is there ANY chance you might have said something he could interpret like he had a chance? Keep us posted... I know how I feel, that hasn't changed. No feelings what-so-ever :-)
aybc123 Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 Honestly, I ignored him, not to get back at him, but because I didn't want to start any conversation...As I mentoned before, I lost my dignity and no matter how I act now, nothing is going to change that fact...I just thought not responding, would be the right thing. Honestly reading your threads it seems like youve both acted pretty crappily to one another, him before and now you. From how you seem very concerned about lowering yourself for him it really does seem like you're just enjoying having the power back and hurting him the way he hurt you (and you have to know being ignored hurts after having experienced it barely 3 weeks ago). You were together for 18 months, you both should've been able to treat each other with a little more dignity and respect than either of you have imo, and like you said in one of your first posts, it's not like either of you are kids here. Honestly don't know how people are condoning stuff like this as a mature or appropriate way to act. Maybe you deserve each other.
Author Zoe Lilith Posted November 2, 2013 Author Posted November 2, 2013 That is a bit harsh...I am NOT doing that to get back at him, I have no time for game playing. I don't believe in revenge, I think it's a waste of time, but I do believe in Karma, however...I just followed my gut feeling and took few advices from some emotionaly strong people in here, who have been in the same or similar dramas.
Author Zoe Lilith Posted November 2, 2013 Author Posted November 2, 2013 ..If I talked to him, I wouldn't be able to control myself..I'll be an emotional wreck all over again. I am selfish, and don't want to do it becuse I know that I will fall for him, and that is not what I want. I moved on, so it seems. I am single and happy.
aybc123 Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 That is a bit harsh...I am NOT doing that to get back at him, I have no time for game playing. I don't believe in revenge, I think it's a waste of time, but I do believe in Karma, however...I just followed my gut feeling and took few advices from some emotionaly strong people in here, who have been in the same or similar dramas. I didn't say it to be harsh, I don't know you at all, I'm sure you're a lovely person, I'm just saying it how I see it. And yes, those emotionally strong people told you to go NC and ignore him, and those same people would've said exactly the same thing to your ex had he been on here when breaking up with you, to ignore her and get on with your life. And look at the mess it has caused for both of you in turn. Treat people how you would like to be treated, if you believe in karma you must believe in that too, I know that he has not acted that way when he had the power but that doesn't mean you have to do the same. ..If I talked to him, I wouldn't be able to control myself..I'll be an emotional wreck all over again. I am selfish, and don't want to do it becuse I know that I will fall for him, and that is not what I want. I moved on, so it seems. I am single and happy. You don't need to see or talk to him to tell him to kindly **** off or give away any of the power or closure that's making you feel better at the moment. Just send him an email saying that "you caused too much hurt, i've moved on and don't have any feelings for you anymore, I don't want to see you so do not come to my house again I dont wish you ill but i wont be replying to any future contact". Done. If nothing else it will get him off your back far quicker than carrying on ignoring him will and without the need to consider ridiculous stuff such as restraining orders. 3
Froelich87 Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 ..If I talked to him, I wouldn't be able to control myself..I'll be an emotional wreck all over again. I am selfish, and don't want to do it becuse I know that I will fall for him, and that is not what I want. I moved on, so it seems. I am single and happy. A few things... If you don't talk to him then this is going to continue. With getting a R.O. without telling him how you feel is a pretty low blow. He should hopefully back off if you just tell him. It doesn't have to be face to face... send him a text or something. Another thing... 1 1/2 years is a decent amount of time. Both of you deserve respect for what you've been through. So respect him and tell him. Also... If you're as 'over him' as you say you are... you'd be able to talk to him without falling for him. Expect a roller coaster for awhile. It comes in waves. Just accept those waves... breathe them in as they come and face them head on. So tell him this... and then go No Contact. Alex
Author Zoe Lilith Posted November 2, 2013 Author Posted November 2, 2013 I didn't say it to be harsh, I don't know you at all, I'm sure you're a lovely person, I'm just saying it how I see it. And yes, those emotionally strong people told you to go NC and ignore him, and those same people would've said exactly the same thing to your ex had he been on here when breaking up with you, to ignore her and get on with your life. And look at the mess it has caused for both of you in turn. Treat people how you would like to be treated, if you believe in karma you must believe in that too, I know that he has not acted that way when he had the power but that doesn't mean you have to do the same. You don't need to see or talk to him to tell him to kindly **** off or give away any of the power or closure that's making you feel better at the moment. Just send him an email saying that "you caused too much hurt, i've moved on and don't have any feelings for you anymore, I don't want to see you so do not come to my house again I dont wish you ill but i wont be replying to any future contact". Done. If nothing else it will get him off your back far quicker than carrying on ignoring him will and without the need to consider ridiculous stuff such as restraining orders. In country (Bosnia), where I currently live, nobody cares about restraining order or other "personal issues" people may face...sad but true..so I couldn't have done that, even if I wanted to..I was mad and confused and responded that way..Just like I said all those thing to him, when I realized he is "playing me" with that surgery thing..He has always been fair and kind when we were in relatonship.. he must have been having someone else, and decided that LDR is not for him..OK. I just can't get over the lie and ignorance..Now that I think about that, maybe he felt the same as I feel now...this is bothering me all over again.. :-(
Author Zoe Lilith Posted November 2, 2013 Author Posted November 2, 2013 I know that if I send him one email, he replies, I will have that old urge to be with him, I would want him in my life...I am alright with how things are now.
Author Zoe Lilith Posted November 2, 2013 Author Posted November 2, 2013 A few things... If you don't talk to him then this is going to continue. With getting a R.O. without telling him how you feel is a pretty low blow. He should hopefully back off if you just tell him. It doesn't have to be face to face... send him a text or something. Another thing... 1 1/2 years is a decent amount of time. Both of you deserve respect for what you've been through. So respect him and tell him. Also... If you're as 'over him' as you say you are... you'd be able to talk to him without falling for him. Expect a roller coaster for awhile. It comes in waves. Just accept those waves... breathe them in as they come and face them head on. So tell him this... and then go No Contact. Alex Thank you, Alex...I'll have to dig deeper into my soul and the way I feel and figure it out for myself
cavalier99 Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 NO EMAIL. NOTHING!!! ZERO, ZILCH Stay NC like you are doing. He will go away back to Germany and will get tired of pursuing you. What you are doing is the right move. GOOD JOB. Stop second guessing yourself. IF you do contact him even to tell him to leave you alone it will cause problems. Cav
Author Zoe Lilith Posted November 2, 2013 Author Posted November 2, 2013 NO EMAIL. NOTHING!!! ZERO, ZILCH Stay NC like you are doing. He will go away back to Germany and will get tired of pursuing you. What you are doing is the right move. GOOD JOB. Stop second guessing yourself. IF you do contact him even to tell him to leave you alone it will cause problems. Cav I prefer to keep my distance, my gut feeling is telling me to leave it as it is. I believe that this is the right thing. He wanted the end. As sorry as I am that it ended, I also feel much better..Thank you for your kind post. :-)
Author Zoe Lilith Posted November 2, 2013 Author Posted November 2, 2013 Gosh Zoe i'm worried about you :S This is getting creepy... And I don't want to jump to conclusions but his actions are twisted and seriously close to a stalker definition. Have you been absolutely clear about how you feel? I mean is there ANY chance you might have said something he could interpret like he had a chance? Keep us posted... Hi cristy, it is kind of weird. Doesn't freaks me out, but it does annoy me.
cristy Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 Hi cristy, it is kind of weird. Doesn't freaks me out, but it does annoy me. Honestly i feel a bit hypocritical giving you all this advice. God knows how i feel about my ex and no one in their right mind would understand why i still have feelings for him. My point is, our advice may offer you some perspective or whatever, but in the end what truly matters is what you feel. Deep down, you know? Really ask yourself whats going on and dont judge yourself. If you're absolute positive there's nothing you can do or want to do about this relationship, go ahead and tell him. Be as harsh as you can possibly be. Why am i telling you this? Because if it were me, and i was truly in love with someone - and thats the case- id rather have it the hard way. That way i get real closure and its like i have a green light to go on with my life. Not just green light, more like an obligation to MOVE past it and be gone. Thats why i asked you if you did or say something that might have been missunderstood. If you are truly over him and you're absolutely possitive you dont want him in your life ever again, tell him. Just do it and make it unmistakably clear. If that doesnt work, then you're dealing with someone whos obsessed rather than in love.
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