LovelyLamb Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Hi! I'm new here, and was told that maybe someone here can give me good advice I'm 23 and have been single for about a year now. After having a pretty rough breakup last year, I've been pretty cautious about dating again. I've gone out on dates since then and have had guys confess to having feelings for me, but none of them have really sparked my interest or have made me want to actually date them for one reason or another. There is this one guy though that I've worked with for about five months now. We're pretty good friends, and we've hung out a handful of times, but I don't know how to take things to the next level without the risk of ruining our friendship. In all honesty, I love having him as a friend so much so that if telling him how I feel ruins that friendship, then I'd rather keep it to myself. I thought at one point that he had asked me out on a date, but after spending about 7 hours together by going to the beach, going out to eat (which he paid for), and watching movies at his place, he hugged me goodbye and called me 'sis', which was quite a slap to the face. That was a few months ago, and since then I've tried to think of him as simply a friend, but it's pretty hard to do. We get along so well, he makes me laugh, and all my friends love him, so to think that things wont be taken to another level is somewhat a downer. How can I let this guy know that I like him without making a fool out of myself? Or should I just try to move on and date someone that I know has feelings for me?
pteromom Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 How can I let this guy know that I like him without making a fool out of myself? "I have a strange question... could you ever see us as more than friends?" To the point, but it doesn't put your heart on the line or risk rejection by professing your feelings to him. His answer will tell you what you need to know. And if he says "No way!", you can laugh it off, and move on.
deathandtaxes Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Coworker? Don't. Just don't. Go find a different pond to fish in. And he pretty much rejected the notion that you were anything more than friends when he hugged you bye and called you sis.
Author LovelyLamb Posted November 2, 2013 Author Posted November 2, 2013 "I have a strange question... could you ever see us as more than friends?" To the point, but it doesn't put your heart on the line or risk rejection by professing your feelings to him. His answer will tell you what you need to know. And if he says "No way!", you can laugh it off, and move on. Thank you! I'm just wondering how I would bring this up. To just randomly walk up to him and throw it at him would be a bit awkward for both of us I think.
Author LovelyLamb Posted November 2, 2013 Author Posted November 2, 2013 Coworker? Don't. Just don't. Go find a different pond to fish in. And he pretty much rejected the notion that you were anything more than friends when he hugged you bye and called you sis. I've actually dated a few coworkers in the past, and don't have much of an issue with it, so that's not a big deal for me. I'm not sure how he feels about it though. But that's what I was thinking as well that that's why he said goodbye in that fashion. That is until two weeks ago when my friends were giving him dating advice and he complained about always being friend zoned by the girls he likes and how he doesn't know how to let a girl know he likes her. He admitted that he always says and does the wrong things because he's afraid of getting shot down (pretty much my fear right now). That's the number one reason why I haven't given up hope on him - just knowing that he is not the number one guy to know how to make a move on a girl, or what to say.
JTG Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 Hello there, I will throw out my $.02. If he sparks *your* interest, then you must see something in him that you haven't in the couple of dates or any other interactions you had with other guys. Straight up, all men are not player smooth when it comes to women, it's a fact. Some don't know that they are being hit on or a woman is interested with them. The friend zone thing tells me he is prolly a nice guy or great guy, there's a difference. If you are used to guys pushing others out of the way to date you or win you over, not all are like that. This guy will be a little slower, not in a bad way, but maybe different then the guys you have dated in the past. Ask him out for lunch, coffee, bowling, mini golf, or something. You can spend some time and get to know him more. Everything doesn't need to go fast right away, slow and steady wins the race.. If you still have the strong feelings for him, you might need to make it clear to him that you have feelings for him, because he might not be picking up what you are putting down. If you think it's worth it, take the chance. JTG
Author LovelyLamb Posted November 2, 2013 Author Posted November 2, 2013 Hello there, I will throw out my $.02. If he sparks *your* interest, then you must see something in him that you haven't in the couple of dates or any other interactions you had with other guys. Straight up, all men are not player smooth when it comes to women, it's a fact. Some don't know that they are being hit on or a woman is interested with them. The friend zone thing tells me he is prolly a nice guy or great guy, there's a difference. If you are used to guys pushing others out of the way to date you or win you over, not all are like that. This guy will be a little slower, not in a bad way, but maybe different then the guys you have dated in the past. Ask him out for lunch, coffee, bowling, mini golf, or something. You can spend some time and get to know him more. Everything doesn't need to go fast right away, slow and steady wins the race.. If you still have the strong feelings for him, you might need to make it clear to him that you have feelings for him, because he might not be picking up what you are putting down. If you think it's worth it, take the chance. JTG That's great advice, thank you!! I think you're right that he's not as fast when it comes to dating as other guys are, and I think it has all to do with his confidence. It baffles me though, since he's incredibly good looking, smart, talented, and funny - most girls would say it's the perfect combo. Since I've never asked a guy out before though, it really makes me nervous over the idea of asking him - especially if he meant it when he called me "sis" and wasn't just nervous. I was thinking about asking him out for a drink next time we work. We've gone out to bars before, but only with my friends, not one on one. Hopefully if I do so, he'll get the hint that I'm into him. But if he's not interested, hopefully I can cover it up and say I meant it as only friends.
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