GorillaTheater Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 As a general rule, by planning and calmly executing those plans. What are you scared of?
Clay Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 As a general rule, by planning and calmly executing those plans. What are you scared of? I second that.. Are you in fear of your life ? Or just being on your own again ? Clay
dreamingoftigers Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 I second that.. Are you in fear of your life ? Or just being on your own again ? Clay Or scared that you might not want to leave but if you do then it is final? 1
Author Mamma Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 I am an expat,living in a country with Sharia law,might lose my children. We are wealthy (sorry if this sounds pretencious) but our money is all offshore.Our home country does not have a system of spousal support.I havent worked in 23 years,use to be a RN many many years ago.My visa will be cancelled and I will have to go back to my home country. The SOB WS is a liar,a cheat and has gaslighted me (in general) over the years until I believed I was useless as a human being,insane! On a cognitive level,I know this is not true,but emotionally I am petrified and just cannot see a future,cannot see how I will make it in life. However,this is destroying me.It is just killing me! I have always been the encourager of all and I just dont have even one word to say anymore when the Ws is at home.I cannot even get one word to come out of my mouth.I cannot find it in my heart to even look his way.I JUST CANNOT TOLERATE THE LIES ANYMORE! I am so stuck!
ChooseTruth Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 I am an expat,living in a country with Sharia law,might lose my children. We are wealthy (sorry if this sounds pretencious) but our money is all offshore.Our home country does not have a system of spousal support.I havent worked in 23 years,use to be a RN many many years ago.My visa will be cancelled and I will have to go back to my home country. The SOB WS is a liar,a cheat and has gaslighted me (in general) over the years until I believed I was useless as a human being,insane! On a cognitive level,I know this is not true,but emotionally I am petrified and just cannot see a future,cannot see how I will make it in life. However,this is destroying me.It is just killing me! I have always been the encourager of all and I just dont have even one word to say anymore when the Ws is at home.I cannot even get one word to come out of my mouth.I cannot find it in my heart to even look his way.I JUST CANNOT TOLERATE THE LIES ANYMORE! I am so stuck! For starters you could let him know his lies don't fool you anymore. He might not give in without proof, but proof might teach him how to hide better so probably should leave that out. I wish I could provide better guidance on your particular situation Maybe someone else will have some words of wisdom.
Artie Lang Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 is there anything in Sharia law that might help you? you might want to petition your home country to help you out on this. 2
Author Mamma Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 Hi,we had Dday 8 weeks ago as I had my ducks in a row as much as I could. I thought he would welcome me leaving.Instead he completely did the opposite.Confessed,repented...the works.But,kept up TT until 2 weeks ago.Then came clean about the TT.Said and done everything that pointed to R.Everything. AWeek ago he started working late again every night.On whatsapp all the time (telling me my phone must be wrong when I see his online time) Avoiding eye contact,restless,...ugg,just all the signs of lying! Saw him on whatsapp while I was upstairs tonight.Asked him when last he used the phone and in front of the kids the SOB lied again.Then got very defensive and said he couldnt remember when last he used it (10 minutes before...) and wrote me a whatsapp saying that he is not lying to me anymore but that doesnt seem to matter to me at all anyway.What,he wants a medal for being honest for a week in his life?And it only did last a week...lol. LIES!!!! all of it.I have lived with these lies for long enough to KNOW! Anyway,I have had time to think.I can be as callous and calculated as he is. My game face is on.My plans will be made,my funds will be transfered (will get him to transfer it into my home account for investment purposes this coming week,I am the minister of finance in this house,it is because of all my saving and in spite of all his spending that we are wealthy,he trusts me with this.)We actually saw our wealth manager on Wednesday in order to set up seperate account for me in case something happens and accounts are frozen.The sums that will have to go into new account will just have to be way larger for immediate use. I will take my kids.They would not want to stay without me.They are old enough to choose.He is never really here,how would he cope with them anyway? I just never thought that I would have to tap into a side of myself that that uses deception to get what I need!It is so counter intutive to me! My heart is broken.In spite of all this,I love my life here.My kids dont want to move (we've spoken breafly about this a couple of weeks ago) if they dont have to.They dont get what the heck is wrong with us. Anyway,I hate this seedy,undignified thing this person I use to love has become.In a way,I feel nothing but contempt for him whereas before I always tried to understand the broken background that caused a deep sense of inferiority in him,in spite of his success in life. Now,I couldnt give a damn about that.He is a liar,will always be a liar.I value truth above all.I am a born again believer of Jesus and I cannot reconcile his choices with my values anymore. This is how I feel tonight.But being a christian,I am prone to forgiving way too fast and being way too empathatic to others,the SOB included. As for the question about what Sharia law can do for me.Diddly squat!Sharia law is completely biased to women.Men gets custody of the kids.Women in this country are left destitute all the time as in their culture he can text her 3 times saying he is divorcing her and it is done!Thank goodness I can leagally take my kids and go on a holiday,to never return! My brother is a lawyer in my home country and he will help me settle my affairs if and when I get the courage to actually do this.It is not easy even contemplating walking away from your life! I suppose my biggest obstacle is ME!I dont want my life as I know it to be over!
WakingUp Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 I suppose my biggest obstacle is ME!I dont want my life as I know it to be over! But you just said you don't like your life as you know it! So either start liking it or change it! You can do something to make it the life that you want!
Author Mamma Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 I suppose I will have to be even more blunt about it. This life,the one that gives me all the creature comforts known to man,is all that I have known for most of my adult life.I like it. I do not have a big earning potential and I am nearly 50.I am also from the land of affirmative action.Middle aged women of the wrong ethic background do not have a lot of job joices! If it wasnt for the fact that I dont have a career,might very possibly struggle my behind off to find a job,I would have been out of here so fast I wouldnt have time to post on this forum. Well,thats the ugly truth about me!
WakingUp Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 Well, if you don't want to change it you won't. So that courage isn't coming. You may as well just get on with it, tolerate your husband (doesn't sound like he is changing) and enjoy all those creature comforts that you are so used to. Im sorry to be harsh but it is your life, and your choices, so realise that you are not a victim, you are a volunteer. Make it a life that is worthwhile, whatever that means to you.
Spark1111 Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 can your brother help you get the money....and then transfer it back to where you live now while you file for divorce? What would it take to reach your goals with the least disruption to the lives of your children? have you spoken to a local attorney? Think BIG woman, real big....if you want a different future.... What would it take for you to be free of the charade?
veryhappy Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 How old are your children? At what age would they be able to get out of the country on their own? Please make sure you cover all your tracks and your H doesn't find out what is going on through your head. Abusive men are not happy when their victims leave or plan to leave and things escalate. If it were just the infidelity you could stay put for the kids and enjoy the comforts. However, it sounds like your spirit was broken and infidelity was just the last drop. It's hard to find the courage to leave when in abusive setup because you are made to believe you can't make it on your own. Your brother sounds like your best chance at realistic, reliable support. Keep consulting with him while you figure out the best course of action.
rumbleseat Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 Is there anyone at the consulate of your home country who cold help ou if you needed it?
Solcita2 Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 Please google Gabriela Arias Uriburu, she's an Argentinean, daughter of a Diplomat who got married to a musulm. A few years after, they divorced, she got the custody of the couple0s three kids (this happened in Guatemala, where they were living). But then one day he took the kids for a vacations to his home country and never returned (he took them out of Guatemala illegaly) Her big problem was the law and how the children were his property in that country. She even fought him in International courts and was never able to take them home with her, but at least she got to see them every once in a while. Even the president of our country got involved in this and nothing was able to be done. I tell you this to BE CAREFUL. Even if you take the kids with you he can come over and take them away from you because they are his property... you can't acuse him of kidnapping either. Google her she might have a lot to say about it, she's very famous in Argentina because of what she's been through... 1
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