Dear God my biggest fear?

[solostand]

Hoping Again, I hear what you are saying. But in this case I think it was just a series of terrible coincidence. His first surgery was an elective shoulder replacement. He didn't HAVE to have it but chose to because it would fix his bum shoulder.

The second incident was a bowel blockage caused by scar tissue from operations many years past. I have had the same thing happen to me for the same reason.

The blood poisoning was caused by bacteria getting into his bloodstream somehow. I'm guessing from the bowel blockage. Believe it or not, I too almost died from blood poisoning when I was in my 30s. Nasty Nasty Nasty piece of work.

 

Now that said - I most certainly am rethinking this relationship in a serious way. What got me most was when he was describing his family at his bedside in intensive care. He said he had never seen so many people crying in his life. Everyone had rushed home to be at his side and they were all terrified he would die. This man is loved by his family, and I am an interloper.

I felt overwhelming guilt. I love him too though, but my love is forbidden.

 

I wonder how hard it would be to transition back to really good friends, which we always were. I could go find someone single and still have my confidant and friend.

 

 

[ladydesigner]

Hoping Again, I hear what you are saying. But in this case I think it was just a series of terrible coincidence. His first surgery was an elective shoulder replacement. He didn't HAVE to have it but chose to because it would fix his bum shoulder.

The second incident was a bowel blockage caused by scar tissue from operations many years past. I have had the same thing happen to me for the same reason.

The blood poisoning was caused by bacteria getting into his bloodstream somehow. I'm guessing from the bowel blockage. Believe it or not, I too almost died from blood poisoning when I was in my 30s. Nasty Nasty Nasty piece of work.

 

Now that said - I most certainly am rethinking this relationship in a serious way. What got me most was when he was describing his family at his bedside in intensive care. He said he had never seen so many people crying in his life. Everyone had rushed home to be at his side and they were all terrified he would die. This man is loved by his family, and I am an interloper.

I felt overwhelming guilt. I love him too though, but my love is forbidden.

 

I wonder how hard it would be to transition back to really good friends, which we always were. I could go find someone single and still have my confidant and friend.

 

 

 

Thank you for sharing this Solo. I'm sure this is hard on you as well as his family and my prayers go out to everyone. What a difficult and painful situation.

[whichwayisup]

Now that said - I most certainly am rethinking this relationship in a serious way. What got me most was when he was describing his family at his bedside in intensive care. He said he had never seen so many people crying in his life. Everyone had rushed home to be at his side and they were all terrified he would die. This man is loved by his family, and I am an interloper.

I felt overwhelming guilt. I love him too though, but my love is forbidden.

Then you both need to rethink things. He has tons of love and family support. He'd be giving all that up for you. A whole life time of memories, of love, care and friendship with these people. Nothing would ever be the same for him if he left and came to you.

 

It hurts I'm sure to come to this realization but maybe it is best to give much more thought into ending it and loving him from afar. Be unselfish and let him go...

[JamesM]

I am so glad that it turned out okay. It would have been hard if you could not have spoken with him again. I am glad that I saw this knowing today and could see how it turned out.

 

 

 

I know it will sound cold, but he's heading that way anyway. At some point death becomes statistically closer. You are not part of his official life though, and won't be a part of his death either. I'd be more worried about you dealing with that and preparing for it.

 

Actually, with all due respect for your response because knowing you I don't think you mean to be mean at all, the MM could have quite a few years left despite his recent "illnesses." My father is almost 85. I know of many men who are in their 70s and 80s and even 90s. So yes, he is nearing the end of his life, but really, that could be twenty or even thirty years away.

[solostand]

Thanks guys,

he's still pretty sick but is on the mend and calling me from the hospital twice a day. He still says I love you.

I love this guy to bits but I think when he gets out of the hospital we will have a break-up talk. I feel guilty, especially when he described his wife and son crying at his bedside. I think he probably feels guilty as well, knowing him.

I also feel like I don't belong in this equation. If he HAD died, I would have gone to the wake as just a random person, but I would have fallen apart. God love is hard sometimes.

[ladydesigner]

Thanks guys,

he's still pretty sick but is on the mend and calling me from the hospital twice a day. He still says I love you.

I love this guy to bits but I think when he gets out of the hospital we will have a break-up talk. I feel guilty, especially when he described his wife and son crying at his bedside. I think he probably feels guilty as well, knowing him.

I also feel like I don't belong in this equation. If he HAD died, I would have gone to the wake as just a random person, but I would have fallen apart. God love is hard sometimes.

 

 

It is for all of us. You sound like a woman with her head on her shoulders who is currently possessing empathy and compassion for her MM and his family. I wish you well in your future whatever that may be. Lean on good friends during this time.

 

I do hope one day you will find a single man who can give you the time, devotion and love that you properly deserve.