Told Her "I Can't Do This Anymore" and Left

[lakerman34]

So, I've posted several times about this girl I really liked on LS.

 

It was since February. We even almost had sex (she was on top of me naked -- I rejected her). Then, we didn't talk for about 5 months, then I saw her, she acted like a bitch to me, apologized the next day, we started talking again, and hung out twice.

 

That's the SUPER, SUPER, SUPER condensed version of the story.

 

All feelings aside, the girl may be the coolest girl I've ever met in my life. Sort of a guy in a very beautiful girls body without losing any of that wonderful femininity.

 

We were supposed to go out together tomorrow night (Saturday).

 

I was looking forward to hanging out with her all last weekend. We hung out Tuesday. It was going to be a night where I drove around with her, we talked about music and life and such, then we went back to her room to do some yoga (she claims to have a senior citizen's skeleton, I told her that I could help her out with that).

 

I get there, she tells me I'm not going to her room because her friend heard "male voices" in her room when I was there last. This girl is obnoxiously private. So, we drive around. I drove 40 minutes to go see her just for 40 minutes of driving around.

 

We had pretty deep conversation, but she must have called me "bro" and "friend" at least 20 times. She told me about a guy she was recently hung up on, and a German guy she met in a study abroad in London two years ago that was 4 years older than her (she was 19) and recognized him as "the only guy that ever really understood me and that I trusted." I thought this was BS considering she was spilling her guts to me.

 

Anyway, I went to touch her at one point in the night, and she told me (for the very first time -- usually she is pretty receptive to my touch) to "stop touching her."

 

We spoke about our hookup, and she acknowledged that I read too much into it, and I told her I rejected her because I realized she was into another guy and I felt like a one night stand that night. She apologized, and I told her "why? It was so long ago."

 

When we got out of the car, I walked her to her dorm room. We talked about music, she laughed at my jokes, and she told me she had a really great time. I went in to hug her, she gave me a half lean-in hug and told me "it was fun, friend."

 

I mentioned to her our rendezvous this weekend, and she was really excited.

 

Two days later, I messaged her telling her that I wasn't going to take her anymore. She accepted that, but I could tell she was a little upset about it. I then explained to her how I see her as a friend, but I tried to do the "just friends" thing, but it wasn't working for me. I then rubbed her ego a little bit (saying how she's one of the coolest girls I met, how I know she has a fear of failure but I never doubted her, etc.) and told her if, after she graduates, we end up in the same city, I'll call her up for coffee.

 

She told me that what I told her may be the most genuine, nicest thing anyone has ever said to her, that she understands where I'm coming from, she won't bother me again, and in the off-chance we end up in the same city, coffee is on her.

 

So that's the end of that. NC now.

 

I never actually dated her, but this may be the hardest girl I ever had to let go of. I think she made a mistake. My last girlfriends and I were compatible insofar as we liked the same movies and music, this girl and I both had the same insecurities, same values, same morals, shared the same ambitions, had the same kind of dark humor, we understood each other on a deeper level. When she told me how she didn't trust anyone and was incredibly detached and how she struggles with that, I told her I'm the same way. Her perfect relationship and my perfect relationship are identical. To me, she's blind. I wish she could see, but I think, perhaps that she's only 21, she still needs to figure things out.

 

Getting past this is going to be extremely tough. I feel a void inside of me. This weekend, I'm going to the haunted house with a girl that we, pretty much, understand is just for a hookup.

 

I'm going to miss this girls intellect (I rarely, if ever, meet a girl that I feel is a step ahead of me), her charm, her beauty, and how I knew I could tell her anything without being judged. Not even past girlfriends understood me like her.

 

Ugh.

[lakerman34]

Bump-bump ?!?

[Outsider77]

All I can say is that it's extremely obvious that she only wants to be your friend. It doesn't matter how much you like her or how compatible you think you two are. She doesn't feel the same way.

 

I don't think pursuing her is going to do you any good. I think you should try to forget about her completely because you are only hurting yourself otherwise. As perfect as she may seem, there is probably someone out there who is as good or better who would be interested in being more than friends.

[lakerman34]

All I can say is that it's extremely obvious that she only wants to be your friend. It doesn't matter how much you like her or how compatible you think you two are. She doesn't feel the same way.

 

I don't think pursuing her is going to do you any good. I think you should try to forget about her completely because you are only hurting yourself otherwise. As perfect as she may seem, there is probably someone out there who is as good or better who would be interested in being more than friends.

 

Yeah, I think it was a situational thing. We just were never in the same place at the same time, and when we were (when we went to the same school), we never knew each other. At the tail-end of my last semester, we met, and we almost made love. I wish I met her before that, but I wasn't so lucky.

 

So it's NC. Some of her best friends and I are friends, and they know about our history, and know better to talk about it. I am letting go of her completely, and I'm happy we ended on such great terms. I told her that I'm going to call her up in a couple of years, but of course, that's highly unlikely. She and I are in the same page in terms of we want to leave our current cities (me Philly and her NYC), so I told her if Fate brings us to the same city, I think we need to listen to Fate. I think she kind of agreed with that.

 

Anyways, no question, I'm NCing. I'm alright. My mind has been dancing around her all day, thinking about things I could have done differently, mistakes I've made, how I should have had sex with her, and I think all these thoughts are normal. I'm not trying to ANALYZE anything, which I think is huge. I'm going to be fully invested (physically and mentally, not emotionally) with this girl tomorrow. I thought she was cute when we met, and she thought I was cute. I don't want anything more than an FwB, and she can fill that void. Perhaps knowing I have a girl that is DTF for a while is making this easier, and after a couple of times with her, perhaps my mind will be off that girl. I just have trouble figuring out how she doesn't see the compatibility when it is as clear as day to me. Again, I think it's an age thing.

 

Ah well.

[lakerman34]

I almost ALREADY broke NC.

 

This girl was just so intellectually stimulating.

 

I typed up this LONG theory over the course of a week in regards to something she and I LOVED talking about. She and I both get off to intellectual stimulation.

 

No one else would understand it. I feel as if it's going to waste.

 

Is it REALLY wrong to want a symbiotic, intellectual relationship?

[flight E]

Been in almost d same thing. Pls no contact for your peace and sanity

[Waz]

You idealize her too much. She isn't better than you and of course she isn't better than all the other girls in the world and she is not rare too. Keep that in mind. Thinking she is unique is a false way of thinking for anyone and only makes things worse because you delude yourself. Been there, done that, thinking the same, all that intellectual thing, similar traits etc. It's nothing special.

 

What i see here, is some issues. She was naked upon you and now she calls you a friend. You did good. Keep up. You are not responsible for her problems.

 

NC her as you already start it and don't initiate contact ever again. She will reach out some time anyway, either in 10 days, in 10 months or 10 years. Don't wait, do your thing, your time is too precious to throw it just like that.

[lakerman34]

You idealize her too much. She isn't better than you and of course she isn't better than all the other girls in the world and she is not rare too. Keep that in mind. Thinking she is unique is a false way of thinking for anyone and only makes things worse because you delude yourself. Been there, done that, thinking the same, all that intellectual thing, similar traits etc. It's nothing special.

 

What i see here, is some issues. She was naked upon you and now she calls you a friend. You did good. Keep up. You are not responsible for her problems.

 

NC her as you already start it and don't initiate contact ever again. She will reach out some time anyway, either in 10 days, in 10 months or 10 years. Don't wait, do your thing, your time is too precious to throw it just like that.

 

Never said she was better than me ?!?

 

I said she's probably intellectually smarter than I am, but I definitely have strengths where she has weaknesses. And I've let it known to her (actually why we started talking again) that she comes across as Miss Perfect, but I see that she's a little insecure.

 

I think most non-shallow girls ARE unique.

 

But yeah, she's already contacted me last night to tell me she wasn't happy. That was at about 1:30AM. At 1PM, I asked her "why is that?" She didn't respond.

 

I'm not going to contact her. If she contacts me, I'm going to keep my responses short and sweet. As if I'm talking to one of my dude friends. When (if) she asks me out or to hang out in a context greater than "just friends," THEN I'll treat her like a lady that I want to have a relationship with and sex with.

[Outsider77]

I almost ALREADY broke NC.

 

This girl was just so intellectually stimulating.

 

I typed up this LONG theory over the course of a week in regards to something she and I LOVED talking about. She and I both get off to intellectual stimulation.

 

No one else would understand it. I feel as if it's going to waste.

 

Is it REALLY wrong to want a symbiotic, intellectual relationship?

 

There's nothing wrong with wanting an intellectual relationship. Do you know how many smart girls there are out there? Tons. Just find someone else who is intelligent and who you find attractive.

 

I have a hard time finding people who are interested in the nerdy/sciency things that I like but that doesn't mean those people don't exist. Stop obsessing over her and find someone who has the qualities you want so you can move on with your life.

[lakerman34]

I was at my best friend's cousin's wedding, having a really good time. I told my best friend (he was sitting at the wedding party table) that I was going to Live Tweet the reception (so we could talk without sitting at the same table).

 

I was a few drinks deep, having a good time. I was tweeting about how pretty the girls are, how short dresses and heels is possibly the best thing a girl can wear, and even planned my own wedding, saying things I'd do differently and things I liked.

 

Then, this girl replied to one of my tweets. All she said was "[lakerman34], do less."

 

This bothered me ALL night. Sure, I was a couple of drinks in, but my mind went to "does she think I'm trying to make her jealous? Does she find me annoying? Why is she tweeting at me?"

 

I responded: "[her last name] don't kill my vibe." She knows how much I like Kendrick Lamar, that's one of his songs.

 

I left it at that.

 

Probably nothing, but given that we BOTH sort of said "lets not talk anymore," but we ended it on VERY good terms, I don't see why she did that. What's the point of her teasing?

[Sugarkane]

Do guys actually care what their wedding would be like?!

I was at my best friend's cousin's wedding, having a really good time. I told my best friend (he was sitting at the wedding party table) that I was going to Live Tweet the reception (so we could talk without sitting at the same table).

 

I was a few drinks deep, having a good time. I was tweeting about how pretty the girls are, how short dresses and heels is possibly the best thing a girl can wear, and even planned my own wedding, saying things I'd do differently and things I liked.

 

Then, this girl replied to one of my tweets. All she said was "[lakerman34], do less."

 

This bothered me ALL night. Sure, I was a couple of drinks in, but my mind went to "does she think I'm trying to make her jealous? Does she find me annoying? Why is she tweeting at me?"

 

I responded: "[her last name] don't kill my vibe." She knows how much I like Kendrick Lamar, that's one of his songs.

 

I left it at that.

 

Probably nothing, but given that we BOTH sort of said "lets not talk anymore," but we ended it on VERY good terms, I don't see why she did that. What's the point of her teasing?

[lakerman34]

Do guys actually care what their wedding would be like?!

 

If you're stuck in the mindset that "men should be like x, women should be like y," then no.

 

I'm a romantic. I don't know if I ever want to get married, but I love love.