Cream Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 so i've been with her for around 6 months. things have been going sour for awhile because she says i'm slacking off. that i need to win her heart. she's really distant and keeps telling me that she's not in love anymore. i understand the honeymoon stage is over, and we're going through a rough patch. she almost got pregnant a few months ago, and blamed it on me, also her doctor said she has an STD, and again its all my fault. when we go out on dates or with our friends she we always get in a fight because i'm not talking and i'm distant. i have explain to her that i'm depressed from everything, and shes pushing me to "act" happy and fake a smile. all this extra drama isn't helping. i'm trying to do whatever it takes to save this relationship.
d0nnivain Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Why do you want to save this relationship? You have only been together 6 months & it's already bad. It is not going to get better. Cut your losses & move on. 5
Author Cream Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 Why do you want to save this relationship? You have only been together 6 months & it's already bad. It is not going to get better. Cut your losses & move on. i want us to work it out. i mean yeah things are bad, but this girl has been everything i ever looked for in someone. i just need advice to overcome these obstacles.
Mariposa10 Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 I agree with the second post. I would add that it sounds like you have your own issues you should be working on. I don't really like when people say "you have to win their hearts." For me that's a huge red flag... If she's made up her mind, there's nothing you can do about it, but respect her decision. Maybe when you feel better and she's done playing games you two can give it a try again.
d0nnivain Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 What is so great about her? really I see a demanding B!%$#. If you want to win her back, since she's telling you that you are slacking off & need to win her heart set about doing that. I'm going to give you a bunch of suggestions but I don't think they will work because I don't think she's a quality enough person to appreciate the effort but: 1. Send her a flirty loving text every day. 2. Hide love notes in places where she will find them -- her car, on the TV, in the refridgerator, in her purse etc. 3. Cook an elaborate meal for her. If you can't cook, get take out but plate it nicely. Set the table with candles etc. 4. Run a bubble bath for her with soft music, candles & champagne. 5. Buy her jewelry. 6. Send her flowers. Bring her at least one flower when you see her. 7. Dedicate a love song to her on the radio & make sure she hears it. 8. Take her slow dancing. 9. Compliment her daily. 10. Give her a sensual massage or book a couples massage for the two of you. 11. Take her on a picnic. 12. Always kiss her hello & goodbye. 13. End every phone conversation with I love you. 14. Do her laundry correctly. Clean her whole house for that matter. 15. Buy her lingiere.
headinthecloud Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 What are the ages of you and how did you meet? It's hard to comment without more information.
Fufu Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 so i've been with her for around 6 months. things have been going sour for awhile because she says i'm slacking off. that i need to win her heart. she's really distant and keeps telling me that she's not in love anymore. i understand the honeymoon stage is over, and we're going through a rough patch. she almost got pregnant a few months ago, and blamed it on me, also her doctor said she has an STD, and again its all my fault. when we go out on dates or with our friends she we always get in a fight because i'm not talking and i'm distant. i have explain to her that i'm depressed from everything, and shes pushing me to "act" happy and fake a smile. all this extra drama isn't helping. i'm trying to do whatever it takes to save this relationship. From how you described your situation, it seems to me that she has lots of high expectations from you. Just wondering, do you find yourself difficult to express yourself? Is the first time you come across a gf that said all these about you? I just find that it's pretty sad that you are depressed but it doesn't seem to me that she understands where you are coming from.
Author Cream Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 What is so great about her? really I see a demanding B!%$#. If you want to win her back, since she's telling you that you are slacking off & need to win her heart set about doing that. I'm going to give you a bunch of suggestions but I don't think they will work because I don't think she's a quality enough person to appreciate the effort but: 1. Send her a flirty loving text every day. 2. Hide love notes in places where she will find them -- her car, on the TV, in the refridgerator, in her purse etc. 3. Cook an elaborate meal for her. If you can't cook, get take out but plate it nicely. Set the table with candles etc. 4. Run a bubble bath for her with soft music, candles & champagne. 5. Buy her jewelry. 6. Send her flowers. Bring her at least one flower when you see her. 7. Dedicate a love song to her on the radio & make sure she hears it. 8. Take her slow dancing. 9. Compliment her daily. 10. Give her a sensual massage or book a couples massage for the two of you. 11. Take her on a picnic. 12. Always kiss her hello & goodbye. 13. End every phone conversation with I love you. 14. Do her laundry correctly. Clean her whole house for that matter. 15. Buy her lingiere. believe me i've been doing all of this, taking her to expensive restaurants, buying her expensive electronics, buy her flowers after every time we don't see each other for a while, cooking her elaborate meals, candlelit romantic nights, we even went on vacation every month we've been together. no matter what i do good, all these little 'bad' things seem to overshadow the good i do.
Author Cream Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 From how you described your situation, it seems to me that she has lots of high expectations from you. Just wondering, do you find yourself difficult to express yourself? Is the first time you come across a gf that said all these about you? I just find that it's pretty sad that you are depressed but it doesn't seem to me that she understands where you are coming from. yes, she has high expectations. she wants me to meet them right away. really demanding. this is the first time i've been with a girl like this. i'm trying to just reason with her and compensate about things.
Purepony Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Sounds like you're the only resource right now is no contact ignore her text ignore her calls forget about her and see what happens. My bet is shell go crazy and start calling you 50 times because that's happened to me
d0nnivain Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 believe me i've been doing all of this, taking her to expensive restaurants, buying her expensive electronics, buy her flowers after every time we don't see each other for a while, cooking her elaborate meals, candlelit romantic nights, we even went on vacation every month we've been together. no matter what i do good, all these little 'bad' things seem to overshadow the good i do. If you are doing all that what the heck are the so called "little 'bad' things"? If you are doing all that & the relationship has still turned sour in 6 months really what is there worth saving? I just don't understand. 2
Author Cream Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 If you are doing all that what the heck are the so called "little 'bad' things"? If you are doing all that & the relationship has still turned sour in 6 months really what is there worth saving? I just don't understand. the bad things like, when i don't want to do the things she wants me to do, because she's pushy. example we were having dinner with her family, after we got in a fight. i was quiet the whole time and she wanted me to pretend like i'm having fun. i admit, i wasn't happy at all that night, i was emotionally unavailable. she compare me to Spock from Star Trek, lol. anyways, we have great times together. we've known each other for years, and we just began building our relationship. i just want her to realise she's making a mistake.
Fufu Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 yes, she has high expectations. she wants me to meet them right away. really demanding. this is the first time i've been with a girl like this. i'm trying to just reason with her and compensate about things. If a relationship is too hard to manage and you don't find the joy anymore, i think the answer is pretty obvious. Relationship is always about 2 persons working together having mutual respect for one another. It's not one-sided at all. 1
Chi townD Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 i want us to work it out. i mean yeah things are bad, but this girl has been everything i ever looked for in someone. i just need advice to overcome these obstacles. So, you were looking for someone to treat you like a trained dog? Smile, even if you don't feel like smiling, "act" happy when you're not. "Dance for the crowd, honey!" She got and STD. I take it you have a clean bill of health. Therefore, she got it from someone OTHER THAN YOU!! Dude, run....run fast and run far! If a girl is telling you that she isn't in love with you, then believe it.
Author Cream Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 So, you were looking for someone to treat you like a trained dog? Smile, even if you don't feel like smiling, "act" happy when you're not. "Dance for the crowd, honey!" She got and STD. I take it you have a clean bill of health. Therefore, she got it from someone OTHER THAN YOU!! Dude, run....run fast and run far! If a girl is telling you that she isn't in love with you, then believe it. believe me i'm clean. but she's forcing me to get checked up. i admit i was a a-hole, when she said she had something or was pregnant, i said "you sure it was from me?!" that's when things started going downhill. i accused her of messing around, when i know she's loyal.
d0nnivain Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Sounds like you were better friends than lovers. Especially if you didn't give her the STD, run don't walk away from this toxic relationship. She is bat ***** crazy.
Zahara Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 (edited) She got and STD. I take it you have a clean bill of health. Therefore, she got it from someone OTHER THAN YOU!!. I don't believe this is true. There are viruses that can remain dormant in your system without ever showing symptoms. You can have it and keep passing it on to partners. If your partners immune system is compromised they may show symptoms that the carrier never had. The high risk HPV virus cannot be detected in males as there are no tests. The low risk virus is detected through the appearance of symptoms. I'm not sure what STD OP's gf has but I have a girlfriend that has the herpes virus and never even knew it until her boyfriend (virgin) started showing symptoms. It all depends on how your body is able to suppress it, fight it or not. You never know who has what. Edited November 1, 2013 by Zahara 1
ponchsox Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 You cannot save something this is unable to be saved. What you want and what reality is are two separate things. 1
Author Cream Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 so is this all my fault or is she really just crazy?? i love her so much and it's hard to walk away from her.
Author Cream Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 I see someone who will text you how many cuts she slashed on her wrists after you let her ACTUALLY go. She's gonna kill you every single day with her craziness. No offense. She's not for keeps. Ditch her. you make it seem like i want to leave, but she's the one who wants to dump me.
d0nnivain Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 so is this all my fault or is she really just crazy?? i love her so much and it's hard to walk away from her. None of this seems like your fault. The only thing you did "wrong" was to pick a demanding drama queen for a girlfriend. Seriously, if it is this bad after 6 months, it will never get better. I can't see why you love her so much. All she does is torture & belittle you. Are you masochistic?
Author Cream Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 None of this seems like your fault. The only thing you did "wrong" was to pick a demanding drama queen for a girlfriend. Seriously, if it is this bad after 6 months, it will never get better. I can't see why you love her so much. All she does is torture & belittle you. Are you masochistic? i don't know whats wrong with me. this is like a love/hate thing. there's so many reasons to leave yet so many to stay.
d0nnivain Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 I think you liked her when she was just your friend & now you think that thsi must be something worth saving b/c the friendship had been good. 1
Kate9292 Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 i want us to work it out. i mean yeah things are bad, but this girl has been everything i ever looked for in someone. i just need advice to overcome these obstacles. You may want to work it out. But does she? You can't work it out if she doesn't want to.
Author Cream Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 I think you liked her when she was just your friend & now you think that thsi must be something worth saving b/c the friendship had been good. well it was cool while we were dating. we were so affectionate. then when things got serious, like wanting to having kids, her wanting to buy a house and get married. i mean, i'm all for that, i'm committed to it. but she's demanding me to be this perfect guy right away.
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