Sunshinegrl Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 I have been divorced 10 years and now remarried. My sons from my previous marriage will be of driving age soon and want vehicles. I'd like to approach my exH about helping me make it happen. I assume his initial response will be that he pays his child support and that is all he is required to do. He is not obligated to furnish them a car. Am I in the wrong to ask him to help me with the expense? Am I being out of line to even ask?
d0nnivain Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 What does your PSA say? What does your lawyer say? What's the law in your state? If you can nicely & calmly approach your EX & say something like -- son is turning 17; I can contribute something to helping him buy a reliable used car. Are you willing to pitch in? I wanted to talk to you before kid. This will also make it easier for you to see him who can now drive you to. Just to clarrify -- we are talking about asking your son's biological father for the money, right? If not, don't ask.
carhill Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Teen pays for cars. This instills work ethic. I recall, when I became of driving age, I already had the money to buy a car and pay for insurance and I still had to ask my parents permission to buy a car since it would be parked at the family home, e.g. their house. This instills respect for parents. 5
CarrieT Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Teen pays for cars. This instills work ethic. ^^^ THIS ^^^ Seriously. If they want a vehicle, consider a one-time gift of a down-payment or something, but it will mean more to them if they have to work for it and maintain it.
Author Sunshinegrl Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 Yes. It is the biological father. The divorce agreement doesn't specify and I haven't seen the lawyer since the divorce. I don't even know what kind of a law I would be looking for to find out about any regarding the subject. He had the same knee jerk reaction (not obligated) when it came time for braces but he did ultimately pony up for it. So, I am hoping for the best.
carhill Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 As example, first car cost 400.00 and I spent another 1200 restoring it (30's sedan), then sold it and bought a used '67 Mustang for 1200 when I was a junior in high school. I was only allowed to touch the money I had saved and my dad's dollar for dollar matching of savings since I first started working at ten was restricted from use. That became the down payment for my first house. Perhaps times have changed. Back then, when working, I made 1.90/hr, which was minimum wage. Lots of work, along with going to private school. IMO, it's easy to throw cash at kids but that teaches them very little about money or life. YMMV>
Balzac Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 I'd pitch a compromise to the Kids - three way split. That puts the kids on the line for a third. If they're old enough to drive, they for sure are old enough to talk money w their dad. What's your plan for insurance and fuel and maintenance? Is this about one shared vehicle or two vehicles? Out of curiosity - college expense?
Author Sunshinegrl Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 yep. I absolutely agree about having them pay their own way and they've saved up some. But we live 3 hours away from their dad and they see him every other weekend and a month for summer, so it will be hard for them to hold down a job when they have to be gone so much. "I would love to work for you for the summer, Mr. Employer, but I can't the whole month of July." That kind of thing.
carhill Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 What's your plan for insurance and fuel and maintenance? Important consideration as, for a used car, those costs per annum can easily outstrip the cap cost of the vehicle, especially with the high insurance rates applied to teen drivers these days. Back when I was a teen, it was ~250.00/yr on my parent's policy and I paid it in monthly installments to them, so about 21.00/mo. Gas was around .50/gallon and I did all my own maintenance, since I had been doing mechanics for awhile. All stuff to consider, if there's going to be parental contributions. Cars and teens, especially if the teens aren't responsible, can be a money pit.
Author Sunshinegrl Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 I like the 3 way split idea. Furthermore, we don't just have two boys. We have 4 teens altogether. One already has a car. She is a senior in high school and hoping when she goes to college next year, she can work and pay her own insurance. Then we have 3 boys. 15, 15,and 14. They are all 3 on motorcycles. My current H and I bought all 3 motorcycles and we are paying the insurance on all.
Balzac Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Most states recognize kids' preference for sports and work as to visitation agreements. The age of high school/driving is about their normal developmental tasks. Clearly you hold the belief that dad can afford a car or two cars and operating expenses.
KathyM Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 For my kids, although we are not dealing with divorce/alimony/child support issues, we paid for our sons' downpayment on their cars, and they make the monthly car loan installments out of their own job salary. They would get summer jobs while in high school, with the income being saved and portioned out through the year for car payments. Two have now graduated college. One is still in college. They make their own car payments out of their own salary. One has his car paid off now in full. One has a year of payments still to make before it is paid off. One just bought a new car after recently graduating from college. We made the downpayment. He pays for the monthly car loan installments. If your son wants a car, I suggest you not just give it to him. He needs to work for it. Maybe offer to help him by paying the downpayment. If he wants it bad enough, he'll get a job to pay for it. Either a full time summer job, or a part time job he can maintain while in school.
Author Sunshinegrl Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 Insurance, fuel and maintenance for 4 teens is definitely our main concern. We will get decent used cars and collision only insurance with comprehensive for deer since we live in a rural area. We will do our own maintenance. As much as we can. As for fuel, the girl is gleaning from her dad with hugs right now, but the boys will have to work for it somehow.
Author Sunshinegrl Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 Thank you Balzac. Are you saying that if they want a summer job, that I may not have to send them away for a whole month? I thought I was obligated per the divorce agreement.
Balzac Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Yup-that's exactly what I'm saying. Local guidelines and case law are easily determined. Likely your divorce decree states which jurisdiction holds power if you've both left the original court area. I'm sure you can arrange for a free initial consult w a local attorney to learn the facts. More importantly though is what do the kids desire?
Balzac Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 In the FWIW category. I've not known a single mid range teen that held to a rigid visitation guideline agreement. Whether its dating, normal social life, arts, sports, camps, - they modify their visits. Often the non-custodial parent has their first shakeup at the time. Faceing independent life comes naturally.
Author Sunshinegrl Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 The kids enjoy spending time with their dad and they love being with him. I am not even against them getting a summer job where he lives. I've just never looked at it that way. Never considered that we could modify the visitation to that extent. That takes a load off my shoulders, and I will talk to the the dad. 1
TheGuard13 Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Teens should really be contributing to their own vehicle via getting a job to pay for the car, insurance, and maintenance. The kids whose parents bought them cars in high school were the ones who didn't take care of the cars. The kids who bought their own did. A car is a privilege, not a right. If the money isn't there for them each to have their own vehicle, then they will need to learn to share or find alternatives until they can purchase their own.
Balzac Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 I'm not sure of your age TheYiard13bit in practice - I have found the car situation to be often dictated by convenience. Often a patent contributes to the initial cost and operating expense to make their life more convenient. Safety concerns of a parent come into play. I'm not disagreeing w your opinions. I'm pointing out that in many suburban and rural areas - a car is common. I attended a boarding school -no cars, no riding in cars w/o express written permission of parent. Finances were never the concern. Most students had a car at home. Situations vary.
Purepony Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Call insurance companies and check monthly insurance payments on a lease. If your credit is good get him a 3 year lease for example a honda civic lease is about 0 down and 220 a month. This gives your son three years to get a job and finish getting things situated. By the time the lease is over your son will be over 20 years old and he can work and pay for the vehicle itself if he wants to buy it for the other half the residual probably be around 13 or 14 which wouldn't be much for that car. That way you don't have the full expense neither does your ex and he is more probable to give you and help you for a 220 dollar payment as opposed to a 400 Plus being on a purchase
Got it Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 I'm not sure of your age TheYiard13bit in practice - I have found the car situation to be often dictated by convenience. Often a patent contributes to the initial cost and operating expense to make their life more convenient. Safety concerns of a parent come into play. I'm not disagreeing w your opinions. I'm pointing out that in many suburban and rural areas - a car is common. I attended a boarding school -no cars, no riding in cars w/o express written permission of parent. Finances were never the concern. Most students had a car at home. Situations vary. Sorry I don't agree. My parents did not buy me a car, my brother worked and saved up for his own and bought his, I used their cars. My parents paid insurance and we paid gas. I think that you could offer to match whatever the son raises but it does the kids little good not to learn to work for things. I am not that old but I do not understand this expectation that parents need to provide everything for kids. To be frank it stunts their maturity growth when they think they get things because of their sheer existence. I started working at 15 and haven't stopped. I paid for my own schooling and board when I lived off campus. My parents just didn't have the money to buy us these things.
TheGuard13 Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 I think the bottom line is that many parents simply can't do it without going into serious debt. Nor should they be expected to.
almond Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 I can see the merit in having a teen contribute towards purchasing a car, but I disagree with the sentiment that having a car purchased for you by your parents will automatically negatively influence a teen's development re: sense of responsibility or work ethic. My parents bought me my first car. It was on the condition that I averaged over 90% on all of my school work. School was my full time job, and I worked hard to get where I am.
thefooloftheyear Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 I think the bottom line is that many parents simply can't do it without going into serious debt. Nor should they be expected to. Im sorry, but this is ridiculous.... I live in an area where NO kids pay for their own cars, gas, repairs, insurance, anything...And they are mostly a bunch of entitled little crybaby bitches..Abd these moronic parents think its AOK to give an 17 year old kid a new BMW or Benz...I want to slap some of these people, I swear...And some of these idiots are STILL paying for their kids cars/gas/repairs well into their 20's and 30's..Its crazy...I could buy my kid a Ferrari if I wanted to, but no way... A car doesn't have to be a huge investment that puts someone into debt. There is NO logical explanation that a kid cant get a summer job or part time job and make a few grand to buy an older car..Sure, you arent going to get something great, but tough shyt...Learn that things dont fall from the sky, you need to WORK and EARN for things in life..This needs to be taught very early on..Its not like a kid needs some nice car to travel 100 miles a day for a job..They are mostly just knocking around town.. And while cars of the last 25 years or so are far too complex for shadetree repairs by novices, an older car can provide an opportunity for a younger kid to learn about the smaller things about car ownership..maintenance, upkeep, etc...There is almost NO man or woman these days that can even change a flat tire or battery....Its pretty pathetic.. TFY 1
crederer Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 As for the kids not being able to get work because of visitation is bs. They're old enough that court ordered visitation really shouldn't count for jack. They can see their dad as often as they want or as little as they want. If they have a job there in his city or in your city, both parents should be understanding of this. Based on that paragraph, I think you came to the conclusion that the kids should pay for it, or at least a portion of it. My parents never bought me a car, but we had 2 cars for 4 people. My parents, obviously, had first dibs, but if they weren't using a car, or both cars, they'd let us use them whenever. They'd also compromize if me or my brother had a weekend trip planned or something they'd let us use it and we'd work out a plan on how it'd work. Something like "well your father needs to see the dentist, and I need to go to work at the same time, if you drop me off at work, and your father agrees to pick me up from work, you can have the car for the night". I dunno if this applies to you, just saying, sometimes thinking outside the box works out for everyone.
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