Ladies? - Importance of emotional strength in your man

[alphamale]

Ladies;

 

How impt is it for you to have a man who is emotionally strong vs. just physically strong. By emotional strength I mean:

 

- someone who has a calm and cool demeanor in most situations

- a man who does not cry often or show negative emotion often

- someone with "emotional independence", i.e. not clingy or desperate emotionally

- a man who shows little or no jealousy

- someone who shows less emotion vs more emotion (outwardly)

[LucreziaBorgia]

Originally posted by alphamale

- someone who has a calm and cool demeanor in most situations

- a man who does not cry often or show negative emotion often

- someone with "emotional independence", i.e. not clingy or desperate emotionally

- a man who shows little or no jealousy

- someone who shows less emotion vs more emotion (outwardly)

 

Its key in why my marriage is working. My husband is the rock in our relationship - he is the calm to my storm. Pices to my Cancer. He doesn't have to make an effort to be any of these things: he just is, and always has been that way. In general it is a matter of a good match, though. The woman has to be fairly secure with herself and the relationship, otherwise she might see these emotional strengths as "coldness" or "disinterest".

 

Me? I'd rather my man not be a clingy, weepy, over-emotional hothead. I've had enough of those in my life. Its nice to finally have a man who is not only strong, but emotionally strong and secure with himself. Don't get me wrong, he cries from time to time (when our daughter was born, and teary eyed when we got married, and when his best friend was killed in a motorcycle accident this past year - stuff like that), blows his top from time to time, and stuff like that - but 99% of the time he is very even keeled.

[Dakini]

Originally posted by alphamale

Ladies;

 

How impt is it for you to have a man who is emotionally strong vs. just physically strong. By emotional strength I mean:

 

- someone who has a calm and cool demeanor in most situations

- a man who does not cry often or show negative emotion often

- someone with "emotional independence", i.e. not clingy or desperate emotionally

- a man who shows little or no jealousy

- someone who shows less emotion vs more emotion (outwardly)

 

I found it interesting that you would group all these together and assume that they would all imply that someone is emotionally strong. I would not group them together.

 

"- someone who has a calm and cool demeanor in most situations"

This I find very important. Its a sign of maturity.

 

"- a man who does not cry often or show negative emotion often"

This is NOT a desirable trait. I think its unhealthy for anyone, man or woman, to bottle up their emotions. Expressing negative emotion and crying is as natural for a man as a woman. But crying to garner sympathy, like my ex. did - emotional manipulation - is not good.

 

"someone with "emotional independence", i.e. not clingy or desperate emotionally"

This is definitely a plus in a man. I hate clingy men. Although, a little bit of clingyness, just to let you know that you are the one he wants, is nice sometimes.

 

"- a man who shows little or no jealousy"

This is also a positive trait, but a little jealousy every once in a while (as long as its playful and not destructive) is a good thing.

 

"- someone who shows less emotion vs more emotion (outwardly) "

For me this relates back to your first point. I like men who are a little more introverted than extroverted - so that I know they are sharing their most intimate selves with just me - but I think someone stoic, or lacking in emotion, is just boring and disconnected, and probably emotionally unhealthy.

[johan]

How about a guy like this:

> You need to start doing to her the things she does to you, like don't even try to hold her hand anymore

> start seeing other women casually and tell her you are doing this

> slowly start seeing less and less of her, if you are living together then move out

> stop treating her so nice and start being more of a selfish dick

 

or this:

time to shake things up a bit. you must play games to get ahead in life and in relationships and everything else.

 

after the holidays tell him you need some "space" for a month or two. during this period of "space" you only talk to him maybe once a week on the phone.

 

Do these things define emotional strength?

[bebop]

1. Emotional maturity.

 

2. Zero gamesmanship.

 

3. The maturity and the balls to say what is true and not engage in evasion or mindgames of any kind, ever.

 

4. The ability to cry, when that response is warranted.

 

5. Calm self-confidence. Not to be confused with ego-tripping.

 

6. The maturity and ability to engage in genuine partnership with a woman.

 

7. The balls and good breeding to respect women.

[SoleMate]

Yes, any man should have "balls". They are one of the important ways for knowing you are dealing with a man and not a woman.

 

I agree with Dakini and bebop. It is definitely important for any man (and any woman, for that matter) to be in control of his emotions. Not to be swept helplessly away by the events of daily life, not to over-react, to roll with the punches when needed, to have a reservoir of self-confidence and strength to draw on. But it would be a definite negative for him to pretend to be emotionless. Only psychopaths are truly emotionless.

 

You do see a lot of men out there acting or trying to act like they have no feelings and are totally bulletproof. As part of this act, they have to avoid ever admitting problems, failures or weakness, and avoid asking for help. They can usually get away with it for a while, but when stuff catches up with them, it ain't pretty. Better to be a willow bending with the storm, then the big ol' oak tree that stands tough and then gets split open and toppled over.

 

You're wound pretty tight, omegamale, BTW.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Maybe I'm missing the point here, but I was thinking by 'emotional strength', it was meaning:

 

- someone who has a calm and cool demeanor in most situations

Someone who is in control of his temper, and is polite and even tempered in most situations

 

- a man who does not cry often or show negative emotion often

someone who does not use or overuse emotional displays to get what he wants, and understands that shows of negative emotions are counterproductive and can be expressed in better ways, or the energy diverted to fixing whatever it is that causes the negativity - why waste your time showing negativity about something when you can apply logic to fix the situation that causes the negative emotions

 

- someone with "emotional independence", i.e. not clingy or desperate emotionally

someone who lets a woman grow and develop emotionally in a relationship without smothering or overshadowing her, and grows along with her in the process

 

- a man who shows little or no jealousy

someone who is secure enough with himself and the relationship that he doesn't need to be jealous

 

- someone who shows less emotion vs more emotion (outwardly)

someone who shows the amount of emotion appropriate in a situation, and does not overdo it

 

In other words, a man who is in touch with his emotions and expresses them appropriately and a man who is secure with himself. An emotionally strong man will tell you that he loves you and will show you affection, but he won't drown you with it or obligate you to it. An emotionally strong man is not an emotionally closed off man, by no stretch of the imagination. He is in control of his emotions, they do not control him.

 

Maybe I'm seeing it all wrong, but I see an emotionally weak man as one who is immature, irrational, jealous, weepy, someone who uses his emotions to manipulate, clingy, overprotective, has an explosively angry temper or similarly overdone shows of emotion, or one who is cold and mean to a woman, and so on.

[tattoomytoe]

i think it is a very important characteristic that i want my spouse to possess or at least show signs of.

 

to me emotional strength is defined as being able to control and effectively & constructively release emotion....whether it be sadness or anger.

 

i need a good example to Lead Me!

[Merin]

I don't view being emotional as a weakness...

 

I agree with the strong sista's on the shack here;)

 

Being secure enough to cry when it's appropriate

Being confident without being cocky

Treating a woman as his equal

Not trying to control with jealousy

Not being clingy and weepy.. but being MAN enough to say how he's feeling

[alphamale]

Originally posted by LucreziaBorgia

Maybe I'm seeing it all wrong, but I see an emotionally weak man as one who is immature, irrational, jealous, weepy, someone who uses his emotions to manipulate, clingy, overprotective, has an explosively angry temper or similarly overdone shows of emotion, or one who is cold and mean to a woman, and so on.

 

 

Yes, you are correct LUCREAIABORGIA:

 

this is what I meant by my post. But i was trying to get responses from women on how important this is for their men to be like this.

[Debster]

My husband definitely fits what you posted alpha male.

We are complete opposites. I am his 'gentle inner voice' and he is my 'calming influence'.

We complement each other very well.

[whichwayisup]

My husband definitely fits what you posted alpha male.

We are complete opposites. I am his 'gentle inner voice' and he is my 'calming influence'.

We complement each other very well.

 

Good reply to an interesting question!

 

My H and I are the same way...We are similar but different too in alot of ways. I'm the weird and wacky one, silly and fun...He's more serious. We bring out the best in eachother.

[GirlDown]

i think the balance of these things is what i desire in a man.

 

no one, man or woman, wants to be with a crybaby basketcase. but people should be able to feel and show appropriate emtion to be healthy.

 

no one, man or woman, wants to be with someone who is so jealous they get controlling; at the same time, you don't want to be ignored either. for example, if a guy is very obviously cheking me out in front of my boyfriend, i like that he puts his arm around me or does something else to show that i am his (and i say his in a way that i want to be his, not that he owns me). if he flew off the handle and said things like "how dare you let that guy look at you? you're dressed like slut and i saw you look at back at him. go screw him, i know you want to", that would be overkill. it would also bother me if he ignored it and didn't care at all, as in "hey i don't care, go talk to him, i'll be here when you get back. tell me what happens"

that's just as bad.

 

yup. it's all about the balance.

[alphamale]

Originally posted by Debster

My husband definitely fits what you posted alpha male.

We are complete opposites. I am his 'gentle inner voice' and he is my 'calming influence'.

We complement each other very well.

 

DEBSTER:

this is what men and women are supposed to do, compliment each other. Other wise the human race would have ceased to exist long ago...

[HokeyReligions]

Physical looks change -- that is not important to me at all -- never has been.

 

Emotional strength as described by most of the women above is vital to me. Showing some emotion, even crying when he's really hurting is fine. If he hadn't cried when the kids passed away would have hurt me too. If he had broken down in the hospital a couple weeks ago when I nearly died it would have been harder on me, but he was strong and he was there. He held my hand and talked to me and when I was drifting away outside my body it was seeing him walk in that brought me back. He is my anchor.

 

I would like a little show of jealousy though! My husband is not the least bit jealous. NOT THE LEAST BIT! I would like it if he showed a little tinge of jealousy when another man shows an interest in me. He just laughs and thinks its sweet - because he knows that no matter who might pursue me I will never be interested. But it would be nice if when we are out and I'm talking with another man he would come over and put his arm around me!

[alphamale]

Originally posted by HokeyReligions

I would like a little show of jealousy though! My husband is not the least bit jealous. NOT THE LEAST BIT! I would like it if he showed a little tinge of jealousy when another man shows an interest in me. He just laughs and thinks its sweet - because he knows that no matter who might pursue me I will never be interested. But it would be nice if when we are out and I'm talking with another man he would come over and put his arm around me!

 

Dear Hokey:

I personally believe that the less jealousy a man shows the MORE confident he is as a person and also in his ability to "keep" his woman around.

 

What do you think? But I agree, a little bit of jealousy shown by both partners on occasion is a nice thing.

alpha

[moimeme]

I'll go with what most of the ladies said; though I'm not in need of a 'rock', particularly. I think it's perfectly fine for both sides of the equation to be supporter or supported depending on the situation. What I never want to deal with again, however, is the high-strung, easily-upset sort. I like humans who take life in their stride and avoid getting angry except when something really warrants it. A road rager is an absolute no for me.

 

I agree that the emotionless sort is no deal. I like a guy who will express happiness and delight, for instance. I think that people who feel it's 'unseemly' to be cheery are a bore. And if he has sufficient sensitivity to shed tears at really sad movies or at emotional life events, I'm hooked. Give me a guy with a heart.