Intrepidtraveler Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 So I broke up with my ex about 18 month ago.. I've been on dates, slept with other people and still can't seem to shake the thoughts of her.. I feel this is because I haven't gotten closure.. I've asked to speak to her many times but that was to try to win her back. Now I've accepted the fact were not togeather and now need to seek some answeres to fully move on from her.. Is 18 months later to long?
d0nnivain Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 You want closure which is understandable. Very few people get that luxury. Plus, you broke up with her. You hurt her. She's unlikely to give you anything you want at this point. Make a list of all the reasons you ended the relationship. Read it over & over until you don't wonder any more.
Mario79 Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 18 months, almost 2 years. When you say closure, what do you want to know? I would say after that long I would reach out.
Author Intrepidtraveler Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 A bit more information might actually help. When we got together she was depressed, i figured this out shortly after we started dating. Never the less i chose to Carry on dating and then we got together.. the First 6 months or so were great shortly after this things started to go down hill by Which time i had completely fallen head over heals for her. we didn't have many problems, until it got to the point where she came in from work crying and saying she hated it. we talked it though i tried to persuade her that if it was work making her feel like that she should leave.. She never did. Soon The sex dried up up until the point i stopped trying it on as i didn't want to deal with the rejection.. fast forwards 9 months and see decided to stop smoking which i was thrilled about, ( as she never had any money) went to the doctors and see got prescribed Champex.. ( after some research after we broke up she should never have been put on them with a history of depression) I never told her how much it was Effecting me as i done alot of research into depression and found that any added pressure could make things worse.. Shortly after we split like 4 weeks, i sent her a letter explain my feeling and telling her that i was sorry and wanted to fix things and i got a text saying we should talk. i find out the night before we were supposed to meet that she had gotten some concealing and that she had started a new relationship.. i guess the answer i want are. Why wouldn't she do that for me? Why has she been leading me on in this past year? Why she wouldn't ever talk to me about it? and more.. sorry for the Essay!!
d0nnivain Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 She doesn't know why she did that to you so how do you expect her to explain it to you? Go back to my suggestion about the list of reasons why the relationship didn't work. I'll start it for you: 1. She cheated 2. She stopped having sex with you 3. She has no money / can't hold a job 4. She wasn't willing to try 5. She doesn't keep her promises 6. She used you 1
MoooOinkBaaa Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Bro I was all for reading and thinking about your story until I read she got a relationship the next day. Here we go just another example of someone doing a little monkey branch swinging. Don't feel bad though my friend, it happens to us all.
Author Intrepidtraveler Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 Not so sure I follow on the monkey branch swinging?
MoooOinkBaaa Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Basically they hold onto you with one arm and reach for the next sucker with the other. Once they get the new person they let go of you and make up a bunch of excuses. My ex is already on the move, let alone moved on after less than 2 months from a seven year relationship. I hate her. 1
devilish innocent Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 It is what it is. She could try to answer your question and that would only give you more things to think about with regards to her. It could also easily lead you back to wanting a chance to redo things if you see things you could have done differently. Closure can't come from an ex. It needs to come from within yourself. You claim to have gotten to the point where you don't need to get back together with her. Now you need to bring yourself to the point where you can accept that there will be some things you'll never know. That's part of letting go and moving on.
cavalier99 Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 Dude at this juncture it is pointless to rehash anything. Just forget about her. It is ancient history. Im serious..forget about her. Stop thoughts relating to her and do anything and everthing you can do to decide she doesnt exist. The time for mourning and rehashing is long gone. Over, finito, done. Cav 2
Author Intrepidtraveler Posted November 2, 2013 Author Posted November 2, 2013 Thanks for all the advise people. The thing is I work in her local pub 2-3 days a week, although she often doesn't come in, but in the odd occasion she does and have to chat to her.. Makes me feel physically sick, also she sometimes brings her new bloke in too. I mean I act like I don't care anymore but sure enough I'm garuenteed a sleepless night... Any ideas? And I can't leave my job
Sugarkane Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 +1. Exactly what I thought. She doesn't know why she did that to you so how do you expect her to explain it to you? Go back to my suggestion about the list of reasons why the relationship didn't work. I'll start it for you: 1. She cheated 2. She stopped having sex with you 3. She has no money / can't hold a job 4. She wasn't willing to try 5. She doesn't keep her promises 6. She used you
Sugarkane Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 I think if you contact the ex now, she will just think you're crazy and not over it. But I dont know why the same doesn't apply if a dumper contacts you this long after a breakup aswell.
Mz_sassy_77 Posted November 3, 2013 Posted November 3, 2013 I didn't get any closure in my BU. After 3 years together he just decided he didn't want to be with me anymore and that was it. After a brief conversation haven't seen or heard from him again and that was months ago. I have since found out the reasons why and guess what - it didn't make me feel any better. I don't think you ever get "closure" on these sorts of things. Trust me there is nothing they can say to you that will make you feel you have closure. I think the only closure you get is when you accept it is over. If you really accept its over it won't matter about getting closure from them because you don't care anymore why or what the reasons were. Also she will think wow OP is still thinking about me after 18 months and probably feel awesome. It's how people are. i wouldn't give her the satisfaction.
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