romanticisingme Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 This guy I know (can't really define our relationship/friendship/whatever-ship, I guess you can say we have some kind of sexual tension) has been really stressed at work lately. He vents a lot to me about it. I listen most of the time. But when I comment about things going on in my life/head, he doesn't respond to them. Don't know if I should chalk it up to him going through a difficult time so he's more self-absorbed or that he just doesn't care to listen about me (meaning he has less/no interest in me). There's no point in asking/talking to him about it because he's too wrapped up and upset now. But does his action/lack of imply he's just not interested?
d0nnivain Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 At this point he doesn't have the emotional engery to be interested. Back off. If he gets his head together & comes to you asking for a real date, fine. Until then, assume he's not available.
Author romanticisingme Posted November 2, 2013 Author Posted November 2, 2013 So you guys don't think he's inattentive because he's in a difficult situation? Assuming he's really a self-absorbed prick, do these people treat their significant others differently though?
LovelyLamb Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 So you guys don't think he's inattentive because he's in a difficult situation? Assuming he's really a self-absorbed prick, do these people treat their significant others differently though? I've dated someone like him before. You'll end up investing more in the relationship than he will and it will emotionally drain you. Until he starts showing that he legitimately cares, back off and don't try to be his counselor or the person he vents to. But in regards to your question, I doubt it's because he's in a difficult situation, I think it's more so because he's too caught up in himself, and he doesn't care about you like someone you're dating should. Save yourself the heartbreak and move on.
Author romanticisingme Posted November 2, 2013 Author Posted November 2, 2013 I've dated someone like him before. You'll end up investing more in the relationship than he will and it will emotionally drain you. Until he starts showing that he legitimately cares, back off and don't try to be his counselor or the person he vents to. But in regards to your question, I doubt it's because he's in a difficult situation, I think it's more so because he's too caught up in himself, and he doesn't care about you like someone you're dating should. Save yourself the heartbreak and move on. So a person that acts like this with his *friends* (assuming he doesn't like me at all) is likely to treat his SO the same way? What I mean is does how one treats people around him translate to how he likely treats his SO? Or will there be any difference in this case?
Shosh Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 I think it would help if you gave specific details of his behavior or your 'relationship' if you want better advice. But to answer your question generally - I once dated a guy for a few weeks who would want to see me 1-3 times a week, which seemed like he was quite interested in me, but when we were together he would constantly talk about himself and his concerns and barely ever ask me any questions about mine. I think he went as far as 'how are you?' and that was that. I went out with him for a few weeks because I was wondering if his behavior would change at some point, but it did not. One day I did not accept an invitation to meet and I never saw him again. Looking back I don't think he was interested in me specifically, he just wanted someone to talk to and listen to his concerns. Not saying that this is what's going on with your man.
Author romanticisingme Posted November 2, 2013 Author Posted November 2, 2013 I think it would help if you gave specific details of his behavior or your 'relationship' if you want better advice. But to answer your question generally - I once dated a guy for a few weeks who would want to see me 1-3 times a week, which seemed like he was quite interested in me, but when we were together he would constantly talk about himself and his concerns and barely ever ask me any questions about mine. I think he went as far as 'how are you?' and that was that. I went out with him for a few weeks because I was wondering if his behavior would change at some point, but it did not. One day I did not accept an invitation to meet and I never saw him again. Looking back I don't think he was interested in me specifically, he just wanted someone to talk to and listen to his concerns. Not saying that this is what's going on with your man. My situation may be similar to yours, that the guy is only looking for me to talk to. Why not? When I'm a good listener.
Author romanticisingme Posted November 2, 2013 Author Posted November 2, 2013 Anyway, some background. We started off as friends. I have always known him to be a little self-absorbed. But sometimes when he knows I'm upset, he'll listen to me vent or ask about my situation. All in all, he talks mostly about himself. He rarely asks me about me except for the times he knows he really needed to listen when I was going through difficult times. Is this background enough for more comments as to whether he's just a self-absorbed prick or someone deserving of a little more time?
Author romanticisingme Posted November 3, 2013 Author Posted November 3, 2013 Bumping this up. Anyone?
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