Addicted2wife Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Hello: I have been unable to cope with my upcoming divorce. I haven't been able to concentrate and my job and health are spiraling out of control. I was reading some posts and found I am not alone. Not that it gives me comfort to see other people hurt but it made me want to contribute and share my story. I was married for nearly 4 years. I was 30 and my wife 20 when we met online through an MMO. We dated for 8 weekends after which we got married. I was awe struck by her beauty and the fact that we shared hobbies which made me rush my proposal (It didn't help either that she was my 1st girlfriend at age 30). I'm not hideous looking or anything, I have just been extremely shy all my life. After 3 years of bliss & struggles, (We had to relocate 6 different times in the first 3 years, we had a miscarriage), she blew up and said she wanted out of our marriage. She said she couldn't keep up the charade going anymore and that she only married me because she thought we were going to be rich, and was hoping to see what she could get out of me, divorce, and go back to her ex-bf. But she couldn't go through with her plan because she didn't realize she would actually care about my feelings at some point. I figured this was an outburst due to the economic struggles we had but even though things got better financially I lost her from that point on. The next year was full of insults and turmoil. She kept telling me things like: - All the places we went to (we vacationed a lot), I always wished it was him with me and not you. - She would say sex sucked with me and get all starry eyed when she would relate how great sex was with her ex-bf - She would non-stop compare me to him, and even before the economic troubles we had, she would want to recreate activities (I didn't know at the time) she did with her ex-bf when we were together. - One of the low points of my life was one night watching read an email (she never used to at night), and I realized it was from her ex-bf. She closed her laptop and 5 min. later the bed started rocking (she was masturbating to what they were telling each other). I got out of bed, she was surprised I got up and apologized for waking me. I just went downstairs, and when I came up I saw her in the bathroom all sweaty with a huge grin on her face. I felt disgusted. - Shortly after she said she couldn't take it anymore and left me to sort out her own life with her parents. Now, one would say, why in the world would I put up with this. I could say I felt responsible for our marriage not working because: - I always saw her as someone so beautiful and out of my league. - It was my first girlfriend. I was so insecure that I did everything I could to keep her happy. - I was unable to provide with a house that she wanted from the start. - Once we were married I really loved her but at times I took her for granted. I would play videogames in the car while we went out at night. Or play games on my phones we we would be at a restaurant. - I would get annoyed that she would want to do some activities if it interrupted my MMO hobbies. I changed for the better. Stopped doing all the bad things she complained about but she left me from January to March this year regardless with a divorce in mind. She started calling me in February hoping to keep me on the hook as a friend, saying she wanted to see if we could save our marriage, when in reality she was going out with her ex-bf. As soon as I found out I blew her off in an email saying we were through. The next day she called 4-5 people looking for me because I had changed my phone number, and ultimately got in touch with me saying she felt so stupid for not realizing I was the best thing that even happened in her life and that she was willing to do anything for me if I would forgive her and give her another chance. I caved in and we got back together. However, things were never the same. The first day we reconciled I paid for a suite at a luxury resort, for a romantic setting. As soon as we started having sex , she started crying. And she said, "I don't know what's wrong with me, I just know I want to be with you". We stopped, but that was a sign of things to come. I lost my father in July, and a few days later she left because she said she couldn't deal with all the drama that was going on. We called and she said she wasn't happy with me anymore. She felt alone away from her family (who lives 3 hours away), and that she doesn't want to live "alone" anymore when I'm at work. I said "You haven't worked, gone out, socialized or done anything other than be in bed, browsing the internet and waiting for me to take you out to dinner every day. You don't cook, do laundry, or anything. Do something productive and you are going to feel different about yourself and about our marriage". She came back in August but after 2 months of the same: - comparisons to her ex again - complaints about how I don't satisfy her sexually - constantly telling me "I want a divorce" only to say "never mind I am being stupid". I couldn't take it anymore. It haunts me that she said things like: "I am so happy you were so patient with me throughout all my craziness, and it is because of you that our marriage has survived and I will love you the rest of my life for that". and "I can't believe how stupid I have been. I've been making a mountain of problems out of nothing. Our marriage is great and you are a great husband, don't think I don't see that". Yet She left 3 weeks ago saying she couldn't stop thinking about her ex-bf and needed a couple of months to decide weather she wanted to stay in the marriage or not. That she would inform me of her decision when she was ready". I didn't wait , I told her to stay home and not come back, to act as if were were already divorced because I was going to file the papers. She said "ok cool. I agree". And I haven't talked to her since. I've been extremely depressed. I went to see a psychologist and she said I had subjected myself to brutal emotional abuse and that I was addicted to her. I needed to cut myself off because she was nothing but a sickness to me. I have tried to keep her off my mind but I can't. I don't look at pictures of her, I took off everything in our place that reminded me off her, but every day, all my conversations end up about her, because it still pains me to lose her even though I realize full well there is nothing we can do to make our relationship work. If I am honest, my life is on hold waiting for her to call for another chance. Because I know if I call her right now she will not want to waste the free-pass she was to go out with her ex-bf. As I am typing this I realize how pathetic my situation looks, self-esteem wise, dignity-wise. I just feel really empty without her, and I try and turn a blind eye to everything she is doing because it's the easiest thing to do, but in the meantime everything in my life is going to hell. Thanks for letting me share and for comments good or bad .
Author Addicted2wife Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 lol. Yeah. Tried doing that right now and couldn't find where. Thanks
loveofhorses1970 Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 And it is just that..an addiction...and while you are going through this, it's like a detox. I'm so sorry you are going through this.
Recommended Posts