ponchsox Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 1st day of the month, fresh start. I mean full fledged NC. Block texts, block Facebook, no calls. Who wants to join me? 1
faithfully Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Am in tooo, new month new start!!! We should all stick together and support each other so yeahh am in :)
faithfully Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Am on day 8 of NC, hope this isnt a problem, ive deactivated facebook anyways and deleted his number, everything
BottleofHope Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 It's been my one week of NC today, I was doing well until this afternoon that I broke down and cried at a cafe because they opened 'our song' I had to rush out of the place before having a panic attack. I cooled down and called my best friend and started to concentrate on my breathing. Keep strong everyone, don't give in by contacting her! She wouldn't even care how much we are hurting because they are busy living their 'new' life without us. Don't give in by thinking that they will comfort us because they wouldn't even care. Keep coping. 1
rec88 Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Way to go everyone! As someone who knows how hard it is to keep NC, I'd like to add a somewhat different perspective on why you should keep it: YOU get to show a massive amount of integrity and stand by the decision that they made for you. You get to show that while this isn't what you wanted, you are strong enough to accept that you cannot control anyone but yourself and will carry on a life without them. In the weeks/months down the road when they are doubting their decisions and start sending breadcrumbs, you will hold strong, and your silence (or confident reply) will remind them that you deserve better than someone who is anything less than honest in their intentions. It's truly an accomplishment to be proud of! Remind yourself of this when times get tough and push through. 4
im_thedude Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 I'll take part in this thread, as somebody who has repeatedly broken NC by way of social media. No urge to contact her directly, and I have no hope for reconciliation. I'm not even entirely sure why I look at her Instagram and Tumblr. Honestly I think it's just pure curiosity. Every time I've looked, it's made me feel this weird combination of anger and relief. It's like I've fallen into this weird stage of keeping tabs on her even though I have had zero desire to actually talk to her. I'm ready to move on though after a frustrating few months. So help keep me in check ladies and gents!
lindsay1990 Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 I broke up mid-JULY. Nov. 1st? I feel pathetic.
AnyaNova Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 1st day of the month, fresh start. I mean full fledged NC. Block texts, block Facebook, no calls. Who wants to join me? If I hadn't have broken contact earlier this month I would be at 50 days ish I'm more like 24. The only thing I won't do is block him on Facebook. We're not fb friends anymore, and he hasn't blocked me even after I broke NC through fb. We don't message and his profile is private and he never uses it/ updates it anyway, so it doesn't pose too much of a problem. I think maybe he wants to leave that open to see if we could be friends down the road. I would be okay with that, the dude needs a friend and proof that everyone won't go away in the end. But it is clear that no matter how much he loved me then, it's not enough motivation for him to make it work. But I know I want someone who can stand with me and will fight for "us." Perhaps he has a sweet thing now who won't upset his family's apple art by suggesting that he is important and who won't want to much real closeness. Apologies. Having a bad day today. Really sleep deprived and a tense test (that turned out to he easy) but all I want right now is cuddles from him and it is kind of pissing me off right now. Anyway, great thread. Though it won't be day 1 for me, 1
AnyaNova Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 I broke up mid-JULY. Nov. 1st? I feel pathetic. Don't. My technical breakup was in mid July as well, though tons of contact and last meeting early September. Although, to be honest, I believe I applied the same word to myself in a PM, so there you go.. I think we're always harder on ourselves.
Never Again Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 But it is clear that no matter how much he loved me then, it's not enough motivation for him to make it work. But I know I want someone who can stand with me and will fight for "us". I think many of us feel this way. I know I do. I would never suggest that I think someone should stay in a relationship that makes them unhappy or that they find unsatisfying...but I always feel that people should try. You never know if something is worth it unless you invest at least a little bit of your time and effort. This has been my major driving force in continuing NC - the realization that someone gave up without the slightest bit of communication or effort first. Today is day 20 for me. I had left her unblocked on social media until then...I didn't want to appear too passive-aggressive when I knew I was going to be forced to interact with her at a wedding. I've got no excuses now. Time to get real. 3
Janni Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 I broke up mid-JULY. Nov. 1st? I feel pathetic. Same for me. Spent one month trying to move on. Then he wanted me back and of cause I went with it. Until a month later, when I found out he was seeing someone else at the same time.
Katie9321 Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 It's been just over 2 months since I last talked to him. He initiated NC and has stuck to it without issue. I've sent him a Facebook message and sent him a few texts, of course with no reply. The holidays and my birthday are coming up and I'm plagued with all these great memories of last thanksgiving and Christmas. I honestly don't know how to keeps my emotions under control anymore
AnyaNova Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 I think many of us feel this way. I know I do. I would never suggest that I think someone should stay in a relationship that makes them unhappy or that they find unsatisfying...but I always feel that people should try. You never know if something is worth it unless you invest at least a little bit of your time and effort. This has been my major driving force in continuing NC - the realization that someone gave up without the slightest bit of communication or effort first. Today is day 20 for me. I had left her unblocked on social media until then...I didn't want to appear too passive-aggressive when I knew I was going to be forced to interact with her at a wedding. I've got no excuses now. Time to get real. You want to know the reason he broke up with me in July (nothing to do with the last meeting and September and all, but the "official" breakup? Because he didn't feel anything will kissing me the night before. Never mind he was under a ton of stress at work, had mono at the time, and his parents were giving him crud about not being "future oriented enough" because he didn't have his life and career mapped out for years in the future, never mind the job that he had (probably still does in fact, I would assume so, anyway) takes three years to learn, and he'd only been there a year. One night. When I tried to ask it if would be worth sticking it out for a bit to see if this was just a temporary state, all he would reply was, "I won't pretend." Which actually turned out to be b.s. in its own way. By the time September rolled around and our last meeting, he had plenty of really strong feelings, but oh well. Yeah. I am with you. If you care about the person, you care enough to stick around for a bit and find out if it is temporary. (Though, to be fair to him, I'm pretty sure the real reason had to due with some of his own issues and the fact that "the night before" I had been unable to completely 100 percent assure him that after I finish my program, I would be able to get a job in the area. 1
wwobuk Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Because I have kids I have some limited contact but I have kept this to text only and only when its about the kids. I dont want her to hear my voice. I blocked her on facebook. It is getting easier. As she feels so distant now, and her replies about when I can have the kids are now short and snappy I really am crumbling. I have to admit. If I could call her now I would but I know it wont get me anywhere so I'm sticking to it. It's only been a week for me so far. A lot harder then it looks. Especially after being together for 7 years. I can't wait for the day that Karma comes calling and I get to take control.
mendsley Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 I'm in too! I've been doing pretty good not initiating the contact, but I've been weak when she initiates. Today she sent me an email where I would usually respond instantly, but instead that garbage went right in the trash. So I'm starting off good! Keep strong, NC has improved my healing process dramatically by giving me the opportunity to see how much better my life is without all the damn drama. Her leaving me was a true blessing, funny how things work out
Harradin Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Some motivation: Over a year NC (sometime in October don't really remember) and I don't think about my ex any more, got with a girl on Wednesday actually! The first couple of months is the hardest, once you get past those it's easier from then. 1
Author ponchsox Posted November 4, 2013 Author Posted November 4, 2013 Well I broke NC today but I actually think it we beneficial. We texted, spoke on the phone, got into it, and I told her how I really felt. I'm tired of her having so much control over me and I stood my ground. She gets the picture that I don't like her anymore.
AnyaNova Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Broke NC. For a good reason. If he doesn't respond, I will join you in day 1 tomorrow, I guess. Wishing I was better at self-soothing. 1
im_thedude Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 You guys need to stop rationalizing how breaking NC is a good thing. This mentality will hurt you in the long run.
JoelBarish Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Well I broke NC today but I actually think it we beneficial. We texted, spoke on the phone, got into it, and I told her how I really felt. I'm tired of her having so much control over me and I stood my ground. She gets the picture that I don't like her anymore. You broke NC to tell her that you don't like her anymore? I think you contacting her shows her you still like her. If you didn't like her you would be indifferent and not contact her. You said you feel better now then at least you have that.
JoelBarish Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Broke NC. For a good reason. If he doesn't respond, I will join you in day 1 tomorrow, I guess. Wishing I was better at self-soothing. I've done a lot of "self soothing" since my break up. I guess it just takes lots of practice!
AnyaNova Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 I've done a lot of "self soothing" since my break up. I guess it just takes lots of practice! :-p Anyhow. More radio silence. Nothing. Nada. No response. I guess day one begins today.
JoelBarish Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 :-p Anyhow. More radio silence. Nothing. Nada. No response. I guess day one begins today. Anya, I know that I may sound like a hypocrite considering my situation... I think you just have to let go of him. I know your intentions are coming from a good place but his issues are his own and apparently he wants to deal with them on his own. If he ever wants to pursue a friendship with you then it has to be his decision to contact you. Who knows, maybe the times you have broken NC has pushed him further away? Regardless of what is going on with him, your needs should be your biggest concern. The most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself.
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