Friend Claims She Cheated, She Says Its a Lie

[ascendotum]

Unless the outsiders have an agenda to sabotage the relationship.

 

To the OP: where there's smoke, there is fire. What does your gut tell you? If you have the feeling that she could be lying, that feeling is there for a reason.

 

There are some guys out there that do this with 'skanky ' girls. They know they have a bit of a rep, will get some action with them, maybe a friend or two also, then they slut shame them afterwards. I've seen them try to break up the girl's relationship with some new guy, by letting him know she was an dirty easy girl with him, and dave and steve and jake and the north shore boys and whoever else. They're just dicks. In this case though it seems its a girl who hates the OPs gf who is shyte stirring and quite possibly out to make life tough for her. So far the date of the pic is just hearsay it seems, and the OP can see things in it that match back to earlier in the year. Her story about being drugged at the time of the photo is likely bs to give the impression that she's not the type of girl to get on her knees to please guys in alleys.

[CC12]

4) She doesnt look drugged at all in the picture but she is wearing eye shadow which i hate and told her to stop wearing itaround June time because girls look better with more natural colour. Also her hair is as short as it was around April buti demanded she grow it longer cause i hate it short, it reminded me of her slaggy days.

 

She had short hair in the photo? That seems like solid proof that it didn't happen in August, then. Why are you still questioning it? You went so far as to get her mother involved in this, which seems really weird to me. Her response was weird, as well - "Ask this kid about it." If your version of events is to be trusted, everyone involved seems bat**** insane. I hope you don't find this unhelpful, I just want to make sure you know that none of this behavior is normal or healthy.

 

Also, why are you being so controlling? You're not allowed to tell someone how to wear their makeup or to demand they change their looks for you. It probably hurts her that you don't accept her for who she is or how she looks. Have you considered this?

 

6) I feel it is just unfortunate that she got taken the picture of, by a third party as is evidence in the picture. But this kind of stuff gets passed round throughout the entire world daily.

 

It's indeed unfortunate. Actually, it's disgusting that someone photographed them and passed it around. There is no "but..." Don't minimize it by being all "Eh, but it happens all the time." That doesn't make it okay, at all.

 

And I don't think it's as common as you think it is. I have never been passed a photo of people engaging in a sex act. Sure, I've seen lots and lots of photos and videos of varying degrees of consensual nudity and sexuality, but it's never been "passed" to me like it's a gram of cocaine or something.

 

My advice is to break up with her. It has very little to do with the question "was it or wasn't it in April?" She has a sexual history that you're clearly very uncomfortable with, combined with a social circle that loves to gossip, combined with her having strange parents, combined with her self-esteem and alcohol problems, combined with your control issues, etc. It's all just such a cluster**** and I don't think either of you have the maturity or the life experience to handle this well. No offense intended. I just think it would be beneficial to the both of you to do a little more growing up before attempting a serious relationship.

[RedRobin]

There are plenty of men who believe their behavior is above reproach while using and abusing women who are either just like them (using sex for validation) or actually like the guy and are naïve.

 

These men (and the ones taking the pictures are 'these' men) are repulsive human beings. These men have lots of names for women who do the same things as them. That's the only way they can feel better about themselves.

 

Even better... is that these same guys later on expect to find a woman who hasn't used others for sex to commit to because all they care about is not getting cheated on themselves.... but they have no problem cheating on her if the opportunity arises.

 

God forbid they take time to get to know a woman before having sex or take responsibility for their own choices...

 

A couple of men posting in this thread fit this description.

[RedRobin]

Time to dump the slut, whore, skeezer, skank or whatever name you want to call her. She is that because she carried the qualities I'd like to call DDP. They are drama, dishonesty, and promiscuity. I am a firm believer of keeping it real. If you are honest from the beginning it save a lot of drama.

 

You can't complain about a culture you helped create with your own behavior and preferences.

 

Neither can the OP or anyone else here throwing names around.

 

You don't like it... then don't participate in it and don't encourage others to participate in it either.

[joystickd]

You can't complain about a culture you helped create with your own behavior and preferences.

 

Neither can the OP or anyone else here throwing names around.

 

You don't like it... then don't participate in it and don't encourage others to participate in it either.

There is nothing to complain about just stating the truth. She brought this on herself by her bringing drama, dishonesty, and promiscuity into the picture. The thing about it is if she was just honest about her actions it wouldn't be a big problem. Being promiscuous is not a problem as long as you are honest about it. The problem is she lied and now she has to deal with the consequences of dealing with shady people because they exposed her for what she is. Hell pornstars get married and have families because they don't bring the amount of drama some of these slutty women bring.

 

You can whine about how men perpetuate this but women benefit more than men. They can destroy another woman reputation worse than a man could. If a man says it then it comes under scrutiny more than if a woman said it.

[joystickd]

Even better... is that these same guys/gals later on expect to find a woman/man who hasn't used others for sex to commit to because all they care about is not getting cheated on themselves....

Changed it up a little. That statement is universal. Most men and women want to find someone better than them. What person with a shady past wants to be with someone with shady past? What user would want to be with another user? NONE!

[cottom]

I brought her mom and dad in on it because there is a photo being passed around facebook of there daughter engaging in sexual activities. The photo is distressful for me and her but she doesnt know how to handle it.

 

I brought the parents in on this because if it was your daughter i would just like to be there for her. In the UK lately there have been a LOT of suicides based on naked pictures of kids being terrorized, getting bullied and blackmailed.

 

I am worried about her well being with me moving away forever tomorrow and this coming up.

 

The thing is, 80% of girls in a club will go home with a guy and perform sexual acts on him. It just happens that my gf was taken advantage of because she is extremely drunk and it is visible. The fact that a guy took advantage of this and then a second guy took a photo and has made it public just shows what vile people they actually are.

[Kate9292]

I brought her mom and dad in on it because there is a photo being passed around facebook of there daughter engaging in sexual activities. The photo is distressful for me and her but she doesnt know how to handle it.

 

I brought the parents in on this because if it was your daughter i would just like to be there for her. In the UK lately there have been a LOT of suicides based on naked pictures of kids being terrorized, getting bullied and blackmailed.

 

I am worried about her well being with me moving away forever tomorrow and this coming up.

 

The thing is, 80% of girls in a club will go home with a guy and perform sexual acts on him. It just happens that my gf was taken advantage of because she is extremely drunk and it is visible. The fact that a guy took advantage of this and then a second guy took a photo and has made it public just shows what vile people they actually are.

 

This must be tough for your gf. I think you should support her through these hard times and protect her from scum like that.

[Lost561]

Time to start a new girlfriend search. Just keep her around and have her available for sex until you can upgrade. That's what I would do.

[joystickd]

There are plenty of men who believe their behavior is above reproach while using and abusing women who are either just like them (using sex for validation) or actually like the guy and are naïve.

 

These men (and the ones taking the pictures are 'these' men) are repulsive human beings. These men have lots of names for women who do the same things as them. That's the only way they can feel better about themselves.

 

Even better... is that these same guys later on expect to find a woman who hasn't used others for sex to commit to because all they care about is not getting cheated on themselves.... but they have no problem cheating on her if the opportunity arises.

 

God forbid they take time to get to know a woman before having sex or take responsibility for their own choices...

 

A couple of men posting in this thread fit this description.

This is what gets me about women like you. You down men but want a relationship. If a woman talked all this stuff about men like you say some of these guys did you would be cool with it and go along with it. Wrong is wrong. She cheated and then lied about it. She did it with people she knew would talk about it and that brought unnecessary drama to the mix. She could have been mature and had some accountability in this whole mess. It would have not made the situation so bad. This is what makes her a slut not the fact she had sex or performed a sexual act but the actions she did to cover up and the drama she brought.

 

In speaking on male bad behavior why don't you talk about female bad behavior too. You have women that are used up and then find suckers to marry them. It happens but you don't talk about that. Why is that? I guess you will do like you always do and avoid the question

[RedRobin]

This is what gets me about women like you. You down men but want a relationship. If a woman talked all this stuff about men like you say some of these guys did you would be cool with it and go along with it. Wrong is wrong. She cheated and then lied about it. She did it with people she knew would talk about it and that brought unnecessary drama to the mix. She could have been mature and had some accountability in this whole mess. It would have not made the situation so bad. This is what makes her a slut not the fact she had sex or performed a sexual act but the actions she did to cover up and the drama she brought.

 

In speaking on male bad behavior why don't you talk about female bad behavior too. You have women that are used up and then find suckers to marry them. It happens but you don't talk about that. Why is that? I guess you will do like you always do and avoid the question

 

Show me one thread where I told a woman it was ok to have casual sex and lie.

 

You won't find one. What I don't like are double standards and men trying to use women like me to redeem themselves or give themselves a level of relationship security they can't offer me.

 

If some men are going to talk about women who are 'used up' and call them names, then they need to look in the mirror. Women like me aren't here to redeem them or those who have done the things some people on this thread have done.

 

If you've made changes in your life, then you'll have to accept that others have made the same changes. But you don't get to call names.

Edited November 2, 2013 by RedRobin

[RedRobin]

Time to start a new girlfriend search. Just keep her around and have her available for sex until you can upgrade. That's what I would do.

 

... and that makes you... what??

 

Upgrade to what?? who wants a guy who uses women? Noone I know.

[truth_seeker]

There are some guys out there that do this with 'skanky ' girls. They know they have a bit of a rep, will get some action with them, maybe a friend or two also, then they slut shame them afterwards. I've seen them try to break up the girl's relationship with some new guy, by letting him know she was an dirty easy girl with him, and dave and steve and jake and the north shore boys and whoever else. They're just dicks. In this case though it seems its a girl who hates the OPs gf who is shyte stirring and quite possibly out to make life tough for her. So far the date of the pic is just hearsay it seems, and the OP can see things in it that match back to earlier in the year. Her story about being drugged at the time of the photo is likely bs to give the impression that she's not the type of girl to get on her knees to please guys in alleys.

 

There are lots of people who get off on talking sh-t about other people. They're very immature, insecure and overall losers in life. This is the type of crowd any sensible person needs to distance themselves from.

 

OP's girl is a colossal train wreck. There's a saying: never fall in love with a stripper.

[StanMusial]

I noticed the trend here to start shifting blame from the gf to everyone else, maybe because you know you should dump her but you just don't want to. I also noticed your focus on the timeline like that makes much of a difference. Let's face it, you're dating a girl that does sexual favors on guys in alleyways LOL dang. Maybe where you're from that's the average girl but in the circles I travel in she is trash.

[ExpatInItaly]

So you're dating a girl who has a checkered history and now is giving you some very sketchy explanation about performing oral sex in a dirty alley.

 

You tell her how to do her make-up and demand she wear her hair a particular way.

 

Cripes, how old are both of you? Neither of you is ready for a committed, adult relationship. Do each other a favour and be single for a while.

[joystickd]

Show me one thread where I told a woman it was ok to have casual sex and lie.

 

You won't find one. What I don't like are double standards and men trying to use women like me to redeem themselves or give themselves a level of relationship security they can't offer me.

 

If some men are going to talk about women who are 'used up' and call them names, then they need to look in the mirror. Women like me aren't here to redeem them or those who have done the things some people on this thread have done.

 

If you've made changes in your life, then you'll have to accept that others have made the same changes. But you don't get to call names.

 

Irony is you talk about men that are players won't change or how you judge men that have had FWBs. Are you really any different than the men you say shouldn't call women names for their actions? Calling women names for their actions or YOU judging men because of their actions are no different. Maybe YOU should look in the mirror too.

[phineas]

Irony is you talk about men that are players won't change or how you judge men that have had FWBs. Are you really any different than the men you say shouldn't call women names for their actions? Calling women names for their actions or YOU judging men because of their actions are no different. Maybe YOU should look in the mirror too.

 

dude, she's the biggest slut shamer on the forum.

Any man or WOMAN who does not follow her way of chastity when single is considered lowest of the low.

 

She is holier than thou & makes up so many rules when dating she has ensured she will never know the touch of a man again.

 

So you really should just smile & nod when she posts because she truly is cray cray.

[RedRobin]

Irony is you talk about men that are players won't change or how you judge men that have had FWBs. Are you really any different than the men you say shouldn't call women names for their actions? Calling women names for their actions or YOU judging men because of their actions are no different. Maybe YOU should look in the mirror too.

 

Sure, I judge men who have had FWBs. I've chosen not to date them. And I can do that with a straight face because I haven't had them.

 

But I don't call them names.

 

Any man or WOMAN who does not follow her way of chastity when single is considered lowest of the low. potentially harmful to those who are seeking a legitimate relationship.

 

She is holier than thou & makes up so many rules when dating she has ensured she will never only know the touch of a man again. man with shared values and is relationship oriented.

 

So you really should just smile & nod when she posts because she truly is cray cray. because we don't agree with her

 

fixed it for you.

[joystickd]

Sure, I judge men who have had FWBs. I've chosen not to date them. And I can do that with a straight face because I haven't had them.

 

But I don't call them names.

 

 

 

fixed it for you.

It's no different. You fixed it for yourself. You are no different than those men. It's ok whatever helps you sleep at night.

[joystickd]

Sure, I judge men who have had FWBs. I've chosen not to date them. And I can do that with a straight face because I haven't had them.

 

I want to call them names.

 

 

 

fixed it for you

[phineas]

Sure, I judge men who have had FWBs. I've chosen not to date them. And I can do that with a straight face because I haven't had them.

 

But I don't call them names.

 

 

 

fixed it for you.

 

Er no.

Based on the way you harp on it over & over again on the forums, my description is more accurate.

[phineas]

Normally, I would say that this is good advice.

 

But OP is WAY too emotionally invested and clearly lacks confidence (otherwise, he wouldn't be involved with this chick in a more than casual relationship in the first place).

 

He needs to cut off ties ASAP and get his sh*t together.

 

The word's relationship & op's GF really don't belong in the same sentence.

He wife'd up village bicycle.

Too bad when he jumped on it the seat was missing.

 

But, apparently he likes the pain & looking like a fool.

If op walked in on his girl having sex with another man & she said "he tripped" he'd probably come up with a way to logically rationalize it as her not cheating.