Necris Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 (edited) Its unfortunate I couldn't think of a title besides the lame one I gave it oh well anyway.. I've haven't posted here in awhile so I'm like why not ask the people of love shack this question. Anyway I'm wondering would filling my free-time with playing video games actually hurt me in the future when it comes to getting dates/getting a relationship, should I even care? Now before you jump and say of course, I'll give a little info about me. I'm a guy in my twenties never had a girlfriend, virgin, never had a kiss, etc. So prospects are grim and have been forever and unlikely to change. Now I used to go try to talk to as many women as I can thinking since it is just a numbers game someone will be interested in me unfortunately that just resulted in tons of rejection, I did get a couple of dates though but they never went passed the first date (they always claimed they had a nice time then just dissappear can't even answer a phone call). Girls in my social circle were never interested as well and asking them out only created awkwardness within the social circle. To my knowledge I couldn't recall any girl ever being interested in me at all as I can't recall a woman ever flirting with me. Anyway long-story short all of this made me sad as pure constant rejection wears on one's self esteem and made me feel a sense of desperation (though I doubt that effected anything since the women I talked to never actually got to know me in the first place). Now however I've mostly stopped trying, my free time is spent doing things I really like and that is playing video games my favorite being League of Legends always fun to compete with other players online. I've also been riding my bike alot more (I actually bike more than I drive now lol) and working on a novel I always wanted to write. All of this really takes my mind off feeling lonely so I don't really feel all that lonely anymore nor desperate. But these activities aren't ever going to get me any closer to my goal. Edited November 1, 2013 by Necris
Valen Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 As a former video game addict, yup it will affect your social life. My roommates in college had to drag me out of my room cuz I play all day. It was my way of coping with my breakup though so they understand. But I kept playing for so many years I didn't date during that time. I finally broke free and started doing social things. Yea you're not going to meet a girl playing video games. In Wow, most of those female toons are dudes anyways, not sure how it is in LoL. So if finding a girlfriend is something you want, then I suggest cut back on video games. Don't play everyday. Seeing that you have never had a gf, then you have lots of work to do. By that I mean learning how to interact with people and esp females. How to make things fun, instead of dull. THe most important thing is to be comfortable in your own skin. Don't put on an act, just be yourself.
man_in_the_box Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 As a former video game addict, yup it will affect your social life. The proper conclusion would be: unless you are/become and addict it would unlikely significantly affect your social life. The large majority of the younger generations and significant percentages of older generations are people who in varying degrees enjoy playing a video game. And last time I checked there is no breakdown of relationships forming so apparently they are unrelated. Heck, even tons of women play videogames. 5
Author Necris Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 I'm just wondering should I be trying to focus on attracting women something I've have had 0 success with doing and just had the effect of making me feel worse and lonely + desperate due to constant rejection, or should I just keep doing what I'm doing but then somehow rely on just pure chance (my social ineptness will make slim chances even slimmer) of meeting someone going about my regular routine and yes while I do play video games I do actually leave the house and have friends so I'm not a recluse or anything.
Shepp Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Its unfortunate I couldn't think of a title besides the lame one I gave it oh well anyway.. Are video games putting me on standby?... ba-dum-dum-chsh Free time is spent doing things I really like There's nothing wrong with that in itself - lifes short, live it, after all! But being Addicted to anything is never good, what ever it is - doesn't matter! You need to do different things to lead a well rounded life but the components that make up that like are totally up to you. But these activities aren't ever going to get me any closer to my goal. If this is the case then its about finding balance. Being happy in your day to day life whilst making some sacrifices today in order to better prepare for tomorrow. I love football, so much! But playing football the day before the marathon would of been stupid - that doesn't mean I give up football all together. Everything in life is just about balance! 2
Valen Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 (edited) The proper conclusion would be: unless you are/become and addict it would unlikely significantly affect your social life. The large majority of the younger generations and significant percentages of older generations are people who in varying degrees enjoy playing a video game. And last time I checked there is no breakdown of relationships forming so apparently they are unrelated. Heck, even tons of women play videogames. We are in agreement. I never told him to quit, I told him to cut back. I assume the OP is an addict as he had to contemplate the effects on his social life. Playing video games is like any form of entertainment, but it's when you become a full fledged addict, doing nothing else with your spare time except playing it. Then it can be a problem. Edited November 1, 2013 by Valen
KatZee Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Well if your ultimate goal is to find a girlfriend, why would you do things that prevent you from achieving this goal or distract you from that goal? You stated that you're aware you're socially inept. Well, instead of focusing so much on video games, why not change up what you're doing and put effort into that? If you've never gotten past the first date, you've never had a girlfriend, no one's ever been interested in you, you've never kissed a girl.... there has to be SOMETHING you're doing wrong. Is it your look? Your personality? Your mannerisms? Instead of giving up, figure out what the problem is, and change it. Maybe do a makeover? New hair? New clothes? Do you come off boring and dull in conversation? Join meetup.com and practice having engaging and charming conversations with strangers, or go out with your friends and branch out and try having convo's with new people. Maybe if you want HONEST (but maybe hurtful advice) ask one of your friends to tell you what they think the problem is, and then you can take steps to adjust accordingly. So long story short, NO video games won't hurt your chances of getting a girl if you're only playing occasionally and not for hours and hours on end, but if you have an ultimate goal to get a girlfriend, why give up? Put the effort into getting what you want, not just resigning to the fact that you'll be alone forever.
man_in_the_box Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 We are in agreement. I never told him to quit, I told him to cut back. I assume the OP is an addict as he had to contemplate the effects on his social life. Playing video games is like any form of entertainment, but it's when you become a full fledged addict, doing nothing else with your spare time except playing it. Then it can be a problem. It definitely matters how much free time is spend. If you spend (almost) all your free time playing video games then ofcourse your social life is taking an impact. But that could apply to any hobby/occupation. OP do you think you spend too much time playing video games?
d0nnivain Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Anything that takes time away from interpersonal interactions with other people will be detrimental to your social life / getting a date. You have to put yourself in the land of the living not hide in your house.
man_in_the_box Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 So aside from working, sleeping and eating all you do is socialize with other non-stop?
Copelandsanity Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Ask yourself this question: What do you have to offer a girl? I know a guy who also plays a ton of video games, especially of the online multiplayer type. But he's also attractive, in good shape, dresses well, has a decent job and has a couple of hobbies that he shares with his gf (running, skiing). It's only unhealthy if you don't have enough to offer someone in a relationship. 3
tlegend Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Ask yourself this question: What do you have to offer a girl? I know a guy who also plays a ton of video games, especially of the online multiplayer type. But he's also attractive, in good shape, dresses well, has a decent job and has a couple of hobbies that he shares with his gf (running, skiing). It's only unhealthy if you don't have enough to offer someone in a relationship. Exactly!!!!!! The social stigma of "gamers" is, unfortunately, one that gives the stereotype of someone who is bad in social situations, does nothing but play games, and so forth. This is the case for any addict. Replace "games" with your choice of drug, and it will be as equally true. I myself am a huge online gamer. I have an awesome "battlestation" and I'm quite good at these games (including LoL). However, my life does not revolve around my games. Responsibilities and taking steps to better your life are needed in conjunction with playing games. Reward yourself by playing games, don't make it the job and the reward is your incompetence. Do not be ashamed of being a gamer. The stigma of "online gamers" have come a long way, and is even becoming a mainstream event (see world championships for Starcraft and LoL....these events are even being televised in other parts of the world....) If you find a woman who is not ok accepting all of you, including the gamer side, then she does not deserve you. You should not have to hide who you are! 1
TheGuard13 Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Find a gamer chick, and it'll be less of an issue. You need someone who shares your passions. 1
Nikki Sahagin Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 It's okay to play video games in your spare time, but not obsessively and you should try adding in some hobbies that include others and being social in the real world.
Keenly Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 The act of playing video games will not affect your chances of Finding a mate. Just like eating a chili dog won't affect you finding a mate. ( well, maybe a few hours later ) But if you eat 5 a day, and you gain 300 lbs.... You see where I'm going with this. 1
Woggle Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 My wife and I almost have to fight each other for the turn to play GTA V so just find a woman who likes games and there are plenty of them. 1
Phoe Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Just don't let gaming be the center of your life. And find a gamer girl. I love video games, but I don't let my life revolve around my xbox. ( this statement may become false over the next month as new games and consoles release, haha ) 1
Phantom888 Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 I used to play a lot of video games in my 20s (when I was married). But I never let my video gaming dominate my life....or my schedule. I only play when I had free time. I guess I wasn't so addicted, as I could stop at any time, and enjoyed it as much as enjoying a movie. I still play God of War III on my PS3 when I have time. Love video games. That said, I feel that it could affect my social life if I spend more time on games than interacting with people. I met some awesome attractive gaming girls at the recent E3. They love gaming, they love fun, and they love sex! If you want to date some quality women, you have to find some balance. You can still enjoy your video games, but don't invest some much time and effort on it than your REAL LIFE. Lots of attractive women out there looking for a good man. If you are not creepy or an *******, you are likely to find a nice girl to date. I mean there are so many fine single girls out there I wonder why there are any decent guys not getting any action??! It's like complaining about starvation at a BUFFET! Bottom line: Play less video games. Meet more real women. Go outside more. Enjoy the real world.
SearchingforPlayer2 Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 Like others have posted, Gamer Girls are Great!!
Author Necris Posted November 2, 2013 Author Posted November 2, 2013 As for myself I like to play video games about 6-8 hours a day assuming I have no other obligations,though during the weekday due to things like work I have to cut it down to 2-4 hours. I'm also enjoying riding my bike and working on a novel I've been trying to write. Anyway my main question was should I go back to really putting in alot of effort into trying to find a girl, get rejected a million times which will then lower my self-esteem and make me feel more desperate or just keep doing what I'm doing and just leave the finding a girl thing to chance, a chance that is very unlikely but for the time being I feel good about myself and not desperate feeling, but as time goes on I could miss my chance to ever find someone and then end up alone.
Valen Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 As for myself I like to play video games about 6-8 hours a day assuming I have no other obligations,though during the weekday due to things like work I have to cut it down to 2-4 hours. I'm also enjoying riding my bike and working on a novel I've been trying to write. I'm pretty sure all can agree playing video games in of itself is nothing wrong. Many adults are still gamers, including myself. I love Starcraft II and Guild Wars 2. But it's when you become a full fledged addict, spending all your free time mostly playing videos in your room can have a negative impact on your social life. By your description above, I qualify you as a gaming addict. 6-8 hrs a day on your free time is a lot. That would indicate you mostly spend time at home. You don't expect a girl to suddenly appear in your room, do you? Even if you want to find a gamer girl, you two have to meet by other means. It's extremely rare to meet one within the game. Yea if you want a girlfriend, you have to balance your life a bit. Go out and do social things so you have a better shot of meeting someone. And when you do find that girlfriend, play video games with her of course.
Author Necris Posted November 2, 2013 Author Posted November 2, 2013 I'm pretty sure all can agree playing video games in of itself is nothing wrong. Many adults are still gamers, including myself. I love Starcraft II and Guild Wars 2. But it's when you become a full fledged addict, spending all your free time mostly playing videos in your room can have a negative impact on your social life. By your description above, I qualify you as a gaming addict. 6-8 hrs a day on your free time is a lot. That would indicate you mostly spend time at home. You don't expect a girl to suddenly appear in your room, do you? Even if you want to find a gamer girl, you two have to meet by other means. It's extremely rare to meet one within the game. Yea if you want a girlfriend, you have to balance your life a bit. Go out and do social things so you have a better shot of meeting someone. And when you do find that girlfriend, play video games with her of course. There is nothing social to do. Besides going to church. I don't drink and I hate bars in general, and my friends spend their time playing videogames and watching anime. The only other thing to do now is to try to cold approach random women and that has had a 100% fail rate for me with nothing coming from it. Or just try to find groups or something to join but for me I don't really have any groups I'd want to join personally just for the fun of it and not just to get closer to girls.
Titania22 Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 I love Starcraft II Wow, a fellow lover of SC2. Pleased to meet you.
Valen Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 There is nothing social to do. Besides going to church. I don't drink and I hate bars in general, and my friends spend their time playing videogames and watching anime. The only other thing to do now is to try to cold approach random women and that has had a 100% fail rate for me with nothing coming from it. Or just try to find groups or something to join but for me I don't really have any groups I'd want to join personally just for the fun of it and not just to get closer to girls. How about hanging out with your co-workers? I don't recommend cold approach, you're not quite ready for that. It's not really the best avenue to meet someone. Yea I feel you. You're in a tough position since all your friends are like you. If there are no prospect from your current job. Maybe take up a new part time job somewhere that has a lot of girls. This way you'll make new friends and open up a whole new avenue to meet new people.
Valen Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 Wow, a fellow lover of SC2. Pleased to meet you. Wait you love SC2 and you're a female? Marry me!
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