Clay Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 I think that I have been a toxic boyfriend. I didn't mean to. I wasn't conscious of it. But I've been self-centered and I pushed her away. I don't know if I can get her back. Trying might push her away further. I don't think she really did anything wrong and that I've gradually gotten myself into this position. I feel really terrible now seeing myself this way, and I'm afraid my self-consciousness shows. Don't over analyze this. It will do you no good at all. It sounds like the two of you just drifted apart or at least she has. It does happen. Its not the end of the world. If its over for both of you then be descent and give her the space she needs. Move out and move on with your life. If at some point she comes back then great. I can't imagine this is easy for you but just keep your head up and focus on things at hand and not things you can not control. Work Friends Family Go to a Gym. Those things worked best for me. Clay
KathyM Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 I agree with you that jumping to the conclusion that she is cheating or seeing someone else is unfounded. It sounds to me that she has realized that you are not getting your act together and she doesn't want to invest more time in seeing if it's going to happen or not. It also sounds like there are some of your behaviors that are a concern for her that I noticed from what you posted. For one thing, you don't sound very supportive of her, and rather controlling as well. When she wanted to go to grad school, instead of encouraging her to find her passion, you argued with her and shot down her ideas. Also, when you had arguments with her, if there was no agreement or resolution, you said you secretly went ahead and did what you wanted despite there being no agreement. It sounds to me like you have poor conflict resolution skills, you don't show a lot of respect for her or her ideas, and you are emotionally and financially dependent on her, which are not attractive characteristics. It sounds like you have a lot of work to do on yourself, and you need to be in a better place of independence in your life, before you are ready to have a healthy relationship. I think this separation might be a good thing in that it will give you time to work on yourself, and I hope you do work on these things yourself, preferably with a counselor, because these issues will crop up in future relationships as well.
Mr. Lucky Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 (edited) I think that I have been a toxic boyfriend. Don't know that's true but you certainly come across as high maintenance. You also have a habit of developing poorly communicated expectations and then shutting down when they aren't met. That kind of passive/aggressive behavior rarely benefits either party... Mr. Lucky Edited November 4, 2013 by Mr. Lucky
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