Stressed_26 Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Hello All, First time poster; was reading other posts for the past many days. My story - My GF has taken a break in relationship, and said we shall see if she wants to continue this when we meet for Christmas - The break is due to long distance shift, however I am not sure if it is distance or she does not love me anymore. - During this break, we can be only friends, and ready to date other people. If I don't agree to this then this relationship ends. I had no option but to accept it - From that day, we are almost daily in contact - Whatsapp, email, etc. Talking to her like a friend kills me after all the intimacy we had. - I keep thinking of her going out with other guy, sleeping with them, etc. - Earlier we would exchange many ' I love you' and now she ignores even me saying ' I miss you ' to her. I can't take this anymore. I don't wanna check FB, Whatsapp, or text messages every second. All our past memories are killing me. I don't know how to cope. If I do NC then I even lose the chance of trying our luck in Christmas. How do I come out of this misery?
Shashasha Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Please go NC on her - she s not Worth your time! All this breaks are just an excuse - get out of this before sge breaks up with you. She is making use of you. 1
loveofhorses1970 Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 So if you are both supposed to be dating others between now and Christmas, who is to say one of you won't meet/be with a new love before Christmas and you won't get to try anyway? The way I see it, you are miserable, you are hurting, and she is the source of your pain. Do you want to live like this...in limbo...until Christmas? If not, I say go NC. It's hard. How cruel of her to put you through that! 1
Shashasha Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 So if you are both supposed to be dating others between now and Christmas, who is to say one of you won't meet/be with a new love before Christmas and you won't get to try anyway? The way I see it, you are miserable, you are hurting, and she is the source of your pain. Do you want to live like this...in limbo...until Christmas? If not, I say go NC. It's hard. How cruel of her to put you through that! EXACTLY. Distract yourself and steer clear from her. It will be hard at first - it will get harder at timeS, but i promise you - it will start getting easier the sooner you try.
Author Stressed_26 Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 Thanks for the replies. The first day when I could not take the pain, I did almost end this, however I caved. I thought what we had was so beautiful, and it would be foolish to give it up. We even had Skype sessions and then she behaves like 'how we were' and then at the end she will someway cruelly remind me that we are just to be friends. I hate this 'friends' concept and she knows it, yet she did it to me. The glimmer of hope does not let me end it. I don't think I will find anyone like her anymore, and I can't stand to bear the thought of her with any other guy.
loveofhorses1970 Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Sounds like you aren't ready to let it go yet. You're going to have a rough road while you wait to see what she wants to do and how it will affect your life. She will most probably break it off completely with you and is just biding her time until she finds someone else. I hope she doesn't completely break your heart. But if that happens, we'll be here! 1
Author Stressed_26 Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 So if you are both supposed to be dating others between now and Christmas, who is to say one of you won't meet/be with a new love before Christmas and you won't get to try anyway? If she meets someone then she will not be available for Christmas. I said I am not going to date/meet anyone but she says that my problem. I am free to date and so is she.
loveofhorses1970 Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Gotcha, yep, sounds like you are in limbo until Christmas then. You up for that??
Author Stressed_26 Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 Gotcha, yep, sounds like you are in limbo until Christmas then. You up for that?? My brain does not want to wait for her, but heart is not allowing to sever this.
xUnknown Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Hello All, - My GF has taken a break in relationship, and said we shall see if she wants to continue this when we meet for Christmas - During this break, we can be only friends, and ready to date other people. If I don't agree to this then this relationship ends. I had no option but to accept it - I keep thinking of her going out with other guy, sleeping with them, etc. If I do NC then I even lose the chance of trying our luck in Christmas. How do I come out of this misery? I kept some main points. First off, Breaks don't work. They're bull****. You can't take a break from the relationship. You're either with them or not. I just went through a break before we broke up. I told her I don't do breaks, but I'll give her the benefit of the doubt that this is what she needs and we will be together again soon. Nope. End it. Sack up and end it on your own. You will obviously feel bad, but you said yourself you can't get the thought of her sleeping or being with another guy out of your head. So that's what you'll always have there. Even if you do get together, you'll ask her if she did. Even if she says no, you'll still have the doubt and you are starting the relationship again off on the wrong foot - not trusting the other person. You had no option to accept it because she wants to keep you around until someone else IS around...then to the curb you go. I don't know 100%, but my gut tells me that is what happened to me. Girls do this. Guys do this. Its the persons safety net. Take away their net and stand up for yourself. If they want to make it work, then they will damn well make it happen. Trust your gut. Your gut is having doubts with her. End it on your terms.
Valen Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Dump her now. Yes I mean dump her now. Don't give her the satisfaction of dumping you later. Her doubts is caused by an interest in someone else and she wants to explore that interest without guilt. Hence the break. You are her doormat if you stay at this point. Dump her and move on. Do it with a smile on your face, like you're glad it's over. Yea it will hurt, but you'll glad you took control of the situation than let the situation rule you. 3
NC_unbearable Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 What she is doing to you is cruel, most of the cases I have read the dumper has enough self respect to not stick around and open the dumpee's wounds every day. It might sound cold outside, but you need to get out of this cycle and start focusing on yourself. That is what 'no contact' is really about. It's not about getting her back, its about getting you back. 1
NC_unbearable Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 One last thing My brain does not want to wait for her, but heart is not allowing to sever this. Everyone here is going to suggest NC, because its become obvious to those that want to be happy that its the only way. I just want to point out that NC isn't just not talking, its at its core severing that love you have for her and letting her go. Let her go, accept all of your emotions as you do it. Talk to friends, family, make goals like making friends and trying new things. Seek peace within yourself, and you will be surprised how quick happiness starts to flood back into your life.
cavalier99 Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 (edited) Never talk to that b*tch again. Are you kidding? Dissappear like a ninja right after you tell her to f*k off! NOT Kidding. Cav Edited November 1, 2013 by cavalier99
flight E Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Man up dude. No insults meant but will you date a weeping and sobbing puppy like you if you were a chick. as a said no insults meant because I have also been that guy and know how you feel. Which ever way you go whether for healing to get over her or get her back, you only chance is to breakup with her. You sound pathetic now and no girl will date you this way. Man up. Calm breakup with her and go nc immediately that you only chance of getting her back. She is a woman with a biological programming, she can't fall for a weakling. It will not produce good offsprings. Am harsh because I want you to see the light, I have also done what you are doing and it does not work. Breakup now. Better yet go nc immediately
Author Stressed_26 Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 Thanks for your all your replies. They mean a lot to me. As everyone said, I am willing to do NC and haven't once contacted her myself. She is keeping up the contact, but sort of friends things. I can't be talking to her as a friend and this is what is killing me. It has to be either everything or nothing. However my heart is making me go weak.
NC_unbearable Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 No, don't answer her calls. If she wont stop, you need to make her stop by blocking her number. You cant heal if she keeps stabbing you. Just remember though, don't ignore your feelings. Accept your feelings and they will quickly dissipate. Everything you are feeling, while hard, is perfectly normal.
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