cristy Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 So.. long story short: 2 years together, 1 month of NC. Ugly break up. Have to meet tomorrow, we need to exchange stuff and talk some money issues. Guys, seriously, I'm like THIS close to go wait him at he's doorstep and tell him my life is hell without him. I know how he'd react. He'd just get proof of how deranged I am and that leaving me was the best thing he's ever done. I just know he doesn't give a crap anymore and that I'm going through this sh*t and he doesn't even care and it KILLS me that I'm the only one suffering here. It sucks. It really, really sucks. I was so closed up when we first met, I wouldn't let anyone in because I was scared to death. He broke my walls, I let it all out, he knows me like an open book. And what for? What good did any of this do me? Nothing. I should have kept my castle well guarded... I hate myself for falling for him so hard. I don't want to meet anyone else ever again. There will always be a chance I have to go through this crap again and there's no way I'm ever letting this happen again. I'm angry, nostalgic, sorry, depressed and desperate all at once. I feel pathetic... I don't even know what the hell I'm doing writing this I just needed to let it out. 1
ToBeTrue Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Just take a step back and breathe.... then breathe again, keep doing this until you feel a little bit calm. Darling, you are feeling exactly the same way we all did at the end of a relationship. Everything is fu*ked up right now, for a few days you'll go through so many emotions but I PROMISE you this will get better. Be kind to yourself and keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep breathing. I know it's hard and I know it feels like ****, but believe me it will get better in time and probably sooner than you would ever imagine. You need to cut all contact with this person, I know it's an alien concept right now but it is the only way. You need to concerntrate on you and your healing and you can't do that while you're worrying about him. Read about "NC" on this site, it'll give you a greater understanding of why this is the right thing to do. If you ever need to chat I'm here, in the meantime just take it slowly and be kind to yourself xxx 1
lindsay1990 Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Ok, first of all try to calm down a bit. Don't go wait for him anywhere, that's for sure. We are here for you, do you want to tell us more about what happened?
Author cristy Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 Just take a step back and breathe.... then breathe again, keep doing this until you feel a little bit calm. Darling, you are feeling exactly the same way we all did at the end of a relationship. Everything is fu*ked up right now, for a few days you'll go through so many emotions but I PROMISE you this will get better. Be kind to yourself and keep putting one foot in front of the other and keep breathing. I know it's hard and I know it feels like ****, but believe me it will get better in time and probably sooner than you would ever imagine. You need to cut all contact with this person, I know it's an alien concept right now but it is the only way. You need to concerntrate on you and your healing and you can't do that while you're worrying about him. Read about "NC" on this site, it'll give you a greater understanding of why this is the right thing to do. If you ever need to chat I'm here, in the meantime just take it slowly and be kind to yourself xxx Can't put into words what it means to me right now that someone is out there probably miles away and somehow you're all helping me through this. Thank you so so very much 1
Author cristy Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 Ok, first of all try to calm down a bit. Don't go wait for him anywhere, that's for sure. We are here for you, do you want to tell us more about what happened? Just a rought night Lindsay (i'm pretty sure you replied with some really good advice in another thread btw). I'm just feeling really lonely, and I made the somewhat catastrophic mistake of looking at an album we made long ago with pictures of us and stuff.. Just a stupid, stupid move... I should probably get rid of that album, it's just so painful that I don't even think I have the courage to throw it away
lindsay1990 Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 That's what I was asking, what triggered You don't have to delete it right away, maybe put everything related in a USB stick and throw in the back of the closet?
ayudorama Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 I was so closed up when we first met, I wouldn't let anyone in because I was scared to death. He broke my walls, I let it all out, he knows me like an open book. And what for? What good did any of this do me? Nothing. I should have kept my castle well guarded... I hate myself for falling for him so hard. I don't want to meet anyone else ever again. There will always be a chance I have to go through this crap again and there's no way I'm ever letting this happen again. I'm angry, nostalgic, sorry, depressed and desperate all at once. I feel pathetic... I don't even know what the hell I'm doing writing this I just needed to let it out. I'd give you a hug if I could. Hey, I know this probably wouldn't make you feel any better, but the above - every word of it, that's me, to a T. I felt the exact same way. But 7 months later, although I'm not completely healed yet, I've come a long way since then. We're here for you Cristy, talk to us <3 1
Zoe Lilith Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 this is exactly what happened to me. I had my marriage nehind me, I didn't look, nor did I consider having someone by my side, then "he" showed up..turned my world upside down, there was nothing I wouldn't have done for that man, it's amazing! ...Then, all of a sudden, I don't care any more, and I am greatful that it ended..I couldn't be happier. I am in "peace" now, I am calm, I'm preoccupied with reading and painting (that's something I recently discovered about myself too), I am not a person who likes to go out much and be in a pub or club wtih drunk people all around me..My point is, I'll take life as it is..whatever happens next I am welcoming it, regardless, good or bad, I'd see it as another challenge or another lesson to be learned.. :-) 1
ToBeTrue Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 I know exactly how you feel, I HATE seeing our pictures but I can't bear to throw them away either. Put them in a box with all the other stuff that reminds you of him and give them to a trusted friend or family member. Get them to put that box in the attic, garage or whatever. In a year or 2 you might want to go through all that stuff and save a few pictures and keep sakes, but equally you might want to put it all on a fire!! It goes without saying... delete everything related to him on your social media 1
Shashasha Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Aw, feels so nice to know there are people genuinely concerned!! I felt the same eay as you 4 months ago, i felt suicidal, i stopped eating, i lost lots of weight, hurt people around me when i was hurting so mych and you know what! I realised there is no point destroying your life over someone who doesnt care about you. It will be hard for you for the next few months, let yourself feel whatever you need to - cry all you want. I have vome a long way since then, it doesnt hurt as much anymore - we move on with life and experiences like this all make us stronger. Chin up, girl! Please go NC - avoid all forms of contact with him, it will be very hard but it will be very good for you in the long run. Be positive; we are all in this together!!! Update us xxx 3
Zoe Lilith Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Just a rought night Lindsay (i'm pretty sure you replied with some really good advice in another thread btw). I'm just feeling really lonely, and I made the somewhat catastrophic mistake of looking at an album we made long ago with pictures of us and stuff.. Just a stupid, stupid move... I should probably get rid of that album, it's just so painful that I don't even think I have the courage to throw it away I deleted everything when I was going thru the "anger phase", everything to the last message and picture..
Never Again Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Many of us understand. This quote is how I felt for a long time: "Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love." - Neil Gaiman 2
Author cristy Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 First of all- thank you guys SO much for just being there, it means the world to me right now Lindsay - I wish it was that easy, but you see... we were sort of all-fashioned so it's a REAL live album. Actually, he used to joke and say "there's no real album that could fit our story" so on his birthday, I MADE it for him... Like, literally, I made that album. Covers and all. It looks like wood because of the paper that I chose.. but yeah... it's not digital. I can't delete it. I either have to throw it away, burn it, give it back to him, or hide it somewhere. Ayudorama - thank you. really. Just by hearing someone's going through the same.. really helps me. I'd take that hug right now! Zoe - what can I tell you? I already said it in your thread... you didn't know, but when I saw you crumbling, I saw myself. I saw what I was willing to give away because of memories that no longer mean anything... and I realized, it's no use looking at the past. Right now all that matters is the future we are trying to build and the effort we are putting into it. So thanks again ToBeTrue - I think I'm going to follow that suggestion. When we broke up I was away (he broke with me when he were on vacation) so I asked my mum to go through my computer and delete every sigle thing... The album it's just too hard to get rid of.. But I have to. Even if it's just hiding it somewhere where I can't see it. I have to do it otherwise I'm going to reach for it everytime I have a bad night or whatever... So thanks... Will do!
loveofhorses1970 Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 I promise, we all feel or have felt like that when we were going through this. It's almost like a detox from an addiction to a drug. Bare through it, honey. You'll make it. Keep reaching out to us if you need to talk. Breathe, try to take your mind off it. <3 blessings <3 2
Author cristy Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 Ok, seriously you guys are too much. THANK YOU! Like, tears going down my face right now. I'd reply you all, but he just CALLED ME. It's like 3.17am in Spain right now! I'm nearly having a heart attack. OMG. What do I do?! PLEASE?
Author cristy Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 I didn't answer. I explain: we talked earlier today and he said he would call me because he was going to stay at work til really late... to arrange the meeting tomorrow. I told him I had plans (I cancelled last minute because I didn't feel like going out).. and he just called..
loveofhorses1970 Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Oh wow, that's tough. If you absolutely have to meet him to exchange things, I guess you have to. But if you definitely know he isn't committed to reconciling, I would not meet or talk with him. No contact is best. The more you see him or interact with him, the more stirred up your emotions will be and the harder it will be for you to move on.
Zoe Lilith Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Be strong, cristy...People come into our lifes so that we can learn something form that experience, like; not to make the same mistakes, or to be more conscious, to become smarter and a stronger people for someone new who is yet to come... 1
Author cristy Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 Oh wow, that's tough. If you absolutely have to meet him to exchange things, I guess you have to. But if you definitely know he isn't committed to reconciling, I would not meet or talk with him. No contact is best. The more you see him or interact with him, the more stirred up your emotions will be and the harder it will be for you to move on. I know.. And also, there's this guy, a friend of a friend.. we meet shortly after my ex and I broke up. He's so sweet to me. Like, everything my ex wasn't and everything I wanted him to be. And I really think I should give him a chance, but it's only been like a moth since I broke up with my ex and as you guys can tell I still have deep feelings for him and I'm terrified. But what if I'm shutting off a guy who's really great beacuse I'm scared? Too many feelings, seriously. Someone just take out my heart. I wanna stop feeling alltogether!!!
Author cristy Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 Be strong, cristy...People come into our lifes so that we can learn something form that experience, like; not to make the same mistakes, or to be more conscious, to become smarter and a stronger people for someone new who is yet to come... I'm not returning the call. I asked you to stay strong, and so will I!! Thank you Zoe 2
Zoe Lilith Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 Ok, seriously you guys are too much. THANK YOU! Like, tears going down my face right now. I'd reply you all, but he just CALLED ME. It's like 3.17am in Spain right now! I'm nearly having a heart attack. OMG. What do I do?! PLEASE? you gave me an advice on the similar question... :-) Be calm, don't respond.
Zoe Lilith Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 you gave me an advice on the similar question... :-) Be calm, don't respond. btw, what gives him the right to call you at 3am?!! 1
Author cristy Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 btw, what gives him the right to call you at 3am?!! We're supposed to meet tomorrow to exchange some stuff. I have some tshirts... but more importantly he has my f*cking macbook!!! and i so certainly need it for college... also, there's the issue of the tv we bought together - and he kept after we broke up - but the bill is coming to my account, because we bought it with my credit card. So deff there's some stuff to talk about... but yeah, 3 am really?? wth??! you had all day dude, come on
Zoe Lilith Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 We're supposed to meet tomorrow to exchange some stuff. I have some tshirts... but more importantly he has my f*cking macbook!!! and i so certainly need it for college... also, there's the issue of the tv we bought together - and he kept after we broke up - but the bill is coming to my account, because we bought it with my credit card. So deff there's some stuff to talk about... but yeah, 3 am really?? wth??! you had all day dude, come on My ex used to call me at 3am or 4 am, any time, i liked it back then...we used to talk for hours, numerous times a day...God, now that I think about it, I didn't have a life at all..I am glad my battery went dead earlier today, I am glad that it's over. I hope to never see him again..
Author cristy Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 My ex used to call me at 3am or 4 am, any time, i liked it back then...we used to talk for hours, numerous times a day...God, now that I think about it, I didn't have a life at all..I am glad my battery went dead earlier today, I am glad that it's over. I hope to never see him again.. OMG, you're my IDOL! Seriously, keep it up. Don't know how long it's gonna take for me.. but you're so strong, it makes me want to be strong!
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