fireworks Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 I've been seeing the guy I'm with for 2 months and we have not had sex. We've done oral sex and that's good. Here's the thing... he's the second guy I've dated who has had a lot of casual sex and many sexual partners. I've only been with one person before. The guy I lost my virginity to was my ex and he was also into casual sex as well but lied about it and there was never any pressure for me to have sex so it didn't matter. I've had a lot of boyfriends and had oral sex with 6 guys by now. I'm pretty attractive and could have had sex back when I was teenager but waited till I was 23 (I am 25 now). This was a combination of religious reasons AND past trauma issues (child molestation by multiple step-dads, fear of intimacy, etc.). My ex ended up treating me horribly and there was cheating and physical abuse which has made me really insecure about sex, moreso than I have been before. The guy I'm dating was at first frustrated about the lack of sex but I made it clear from the beginning that I require love (which is true) to have sex. He seems to believe that since I'm 25 and an adult I should be okay with having sex, but I need to be in love to open myself up again. I need to trust someone. He's been great since that discussion and I haven't told him about my dysfunctional past or that I've only had sex with one person. I feel uncomfortable bringing it up. But he's been inviting me to sleep over at his place and has not initiated or pressured me for anything sexual. We've had oral sex but a few times but he lets me initiate. I feel comfortable about waiting and if things keep progressing I'm sure I'll be ready to have sex sometime in the next month or so. I don't have a timeline, it's just a matter of feeling comfortable. Is this okay? Should I feel bad about it? Have you dated or been with other people who had the same hangups? I've had the luck of dating low-count men who were incredibly patient and my abusive ex was also patient with me too. This is the first guy who has been really vocal about wanting sex, but has been showing signs of being patient the past couple of weeks.
Assasda Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 You have so much abuse, that I think your sex must be quite kinky. Anyway, you should probably tell this new guy about your hang ups, just so he understands what's going on with you. Seems like youre ready to have sex, Hope its good for you
AntiSocal Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 (edited) Op its fine that you want to wait for sex. Some guys aren't gonna like it, this guy might be one of them, but whether they like it or not they have to respect it. I've gone out with plenty of girls who SAID they would make me wait for sex. Two dates later i had already slayed them. I lose all respect for those types of girls. Wait as long as you feel you need to. You're worth it. Edited November 1, 2013 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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