BottleofHope Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 (edited) Hey I'm a guy, 23, I just recently broke up with my ex-girlfriend (A) we were together for 2/6 years. (A) was the kind of girl who always liked to chat to other guys during our relationship even though she said that they don't mean a thing (I caught her so many times sending flirty-sexual jokes text that would absolutely mean something to a guy). I tried to tell her that I do not agree with her acts but she never changed, until the past two months, sex was not as hot as before, kissing was missing out, no long making out anymore, we were apart, and I guess she was chatting with a guy who is a friend of a friend and they clicked. She broke it off with me after we had a small argument and said that "I'm sorry I can't do this anymore". I went to NC for 2 weeks and she texted me saying that she was sick and I comforted her before asking if 'anyone was taking care of you yet?', she said no, all the guys I saw on her Instagram and FB are just friends. Two days later I approached her and she said that she was in a relationship with this other guy that I knew absolutely nothing about. She said that she changed and has moved on and loves this guy. I was devastated but agreed and now has been in NC for a week. I was crying thinking how she could do this to me because I loved her, we clicked, I mean we had this thing that I never felt with another girl before (I had 1 serious relationship and 2 other relationships) HERE COMES THE REALIZATION.... When I was in my previous serious relationship with (B) for 3 years, she was my high school love, we did not go out due to several factors and met again after 5 years at the right time. I loved her, I mean I still have her name tattooed on my left shoulder and she has my name on her hip (BIG MISTAKE of getting name tattoos but hey I can't blame anyone because when we did it we really were young, stupid and madly in love). She was always the giver in the relationship and loved me so much, I loved her too and we gad great years together. As I was starting college and met a couple of really close friends. I was always honest and sure in my relationships and never cheated. Myself and (A)-(who was a really good friend of mine and I never thought about her sexually at all) were flirting often and she was just fun to hang out with. I think it was around 1-2 months before I started to feel my love for (B) to start to fade away, I didn't felt like kissing her or having sex with her, I was bored but tried my best to keep making things better. As for (B), she was always herself, loving and supporting, she never changed. Then after one day, we had a fight and I found that (B) was talking to some other guy that asked her to have sex with him, I broke it off instantly with (B) and I realize that I wanted to be with (A), but I was waiting for the right time to break it off with (B), just waiting to find an excuse to move out of the relationship guilt-free which could be any other problems. I knew that (B) was devastated and I had sometime alone because I was also hurt from the incident but moved on and me and (A) started to take things slow and after around 2 months I asked her to be my girlfriend. What I did with (B) was an ******* move I know it but at that time I did not care if I broke her heart because I cared about how I felt more. And no matter what (B) said or did trying to get me back it never worked because I was soooo into (A) that nothing (B) did changed anything. I sort of come to think of it as karma because it is along the same lines what I did with (B). But I guess that my love for (B) wasn't as strong as it is for (A) because now I am out of a relationship but I do not wish to go back to (B) even though I know she would take me back. I'm just hoping that (A) would realize that what we shared was real as it did for me but if the love was never there, she wouldn't come back, I know it. CONCLUSION When love disappears from the relationship it is gone and only the dumper knows it if it was truly there during the relationship or it wasn't. I guess it's something that is out of our own control, I mean for begging and pleading and asking for our ex to come back. Nothing we do, ABSOLUTELY nothing will change the dumper's mind when they decide to leave or go for a rebound relationship. The only way for them to know is that we go NC, I know people might think wtf with this NC because it hurts like hell and the dumper will never know how I fell. EXACTLY, the dumper will never know how you feel, even if you post it all on FB and send them emails and text, the dumper will never know how you feel because I only know what THEY FEEL. I really hope to get some insights from this thread I created. Has anybody gone through realizations and finding out the true meaning of NC or what the dumper and dumped are thinking of? Edited October 31, 2013 by BottleofHope 1
conf Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 Thank you for your honesty! At least someone has the guts to say that he dumped his ex because he was selfish and imature (As i think is common in these ages). Most of the dumpers will say: "It hurts a lot to dump someone you love". They tell that in order not to feel bad. In my opinion you feel "more love" about (A) because you were rejected and you cant have what you want. I am pretty sure that like that was the feelings of (B) Love is action! In love is feeling which fades out. If you love someone and there are not compatibilities issues you work on the problems of your relationship and do not give in temptations.
lindsay1990 Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 CONCLUSION When love disappears from the relationship it is gone and only the dumper knows it if it was truly there during the relationship or it wasn't. I guess it's something that is out of our own control, I mean for begging and pleading and asking for our ex to come back. Nothing we do, ABSOLUTELY nothing will change the dumper's mind when they decide to leave or go for a rebound relationship. I think this is very, very true. Unfortunately, I think a lot of us only realized how much a real thing it is when it happened to us... just saying.
Author BottleofHope Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 Thank you for your honesty! At least someone has the guts to say that he dumped his ex because he was selfish and imature (As i think is common in these ages). Most of the dumpers will say: "It hurts a lot to dump someone you love". They tell that in order not to feel bad. In my opinion you feel "more love" about (A) because you were rejected and you cant have what you want. I am pretty sure that like that was the feelings of (B) Love is action! In love is feeling which fades out. If you love someone and there are not compatibilities issues you work on the problems of your relationship and do not give in temptations. I had time to go through with my feelings in the previous relationships to come to terms of 'how' could my ex-girlfriend dumped me without the slightest care in the world. I was selfish and immature because I only cared what I want to feel, which I guess that 'people at this age' often do. You might be right that I felt more love for (A) because I was rejected, so being the dumper always has its perks; happily in new relationship, no emotional baggage, guilt free, etc. But I still hope that soon (A) will end it with her rebound and come back... But I'm trying to reduce my hope everyday and make more of myself through NC.
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