Emotional affair and hurting

[lostdreaming]

I need some hope right now. Our marriage has been in a dry spell. I have done every positive thing I can but nothing has worked. DH has depression and only HE can help himself at this point. In the mean time I have been lonely for a year or longer. I have also been dealing with some heavy emotional issues from my childhood that have come up recently. This makes me feel even more alone.

 

I have been known to have love addiction crushes my whole life- in 40 years maybe 7 times. This likely stems from the childhood issues I mentioned. I have been working on it. but it takes time.

 

In the mean time, I became friends with a man this summer. We became closer and closer. Nothing physical aside from some lingering hugs. My friend (he is single) has stated that he will not enter into an affair, but that if things were different, we would be together for sure. We have said how we feel about each other. I think he is naive because he has said that an emotional affair is... "OK" but nothing physical can happen. He likes us to have this legitimate and appropriate friendship that everyone sees, but is secretly closer than everyone knows. We flirt, we laugh, we spend time together in person. We talk a lot online. I think he is happy the way it is.

 

I'm in pain though. I keep wanting more from him. I live for the positive words he gives me. BUT I do not want to hurt my family. I love them. I do believe my husband will get better eventually. I DO NOT want to let anything more happen between us... but if I am to be honest, I have to say that I dream about it and wish for it... even knowing it can not be.

 

I am finding myself very jealous of my friend's interactions with other women, being that he is single. If he doesn't talk to me one day, I'm devastated and distracted all day.

 

I've been hating myself lately because i seem so desperate around him. I AM desperate for him. I hate being that girl. HATE IT!!

 

The only advice I have gotten from my other friends, is for me to cut this off asap. Well duh. If I could do that I would have. I am not strong enough right now.

 

ANY words of encouragement, please.

Edited October 31, 2013 by lostdreaming

[Appleness]

I don't know you on a personal level but it sounds like marriage counseling would really help in your situation. I personally don't like the whole emotional cheating thing. I think that if you can't stand your husband's depression issue, you should leave because of that and not because of this friend.

 

Ask yourself if you'd still leave if you hadn't met anyone. Don't ever let the whole "grass is greener" situation be your reason for leaving, otherwise if things don't work out, you may end up blaming him for it. Ultimately, you know best what makes you happy and you deserve that in life but just know that it's always best to choose the course of action that hurts the least amount of people.

 

Good luck with everything

[jphcbpa]

You are love addicted to him. This is not real love. Keep up the therapy, meetings, ect. Face this on your own. This EA will not fix you. All you are doing with him is sweeping your addiction under the rug.