NC_unbearable Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 I just learned a valuable life lesson today, and I wanted to share it. After she came back to pack her stuff, she unraveled, left the house temper flaring. Such pain, I could feel it biting at my heart. A few hours passed, she came back home and was giving me those puppy dog eyes, those eyes I’ve wanted to see so badly, those green eyes inches from mine.... We held, embraced, in that moment our hearts both melted away into a sea of love. We talked, vulnerable, naked. We talked it felt sooo good to finally talk to this woman. Like tearing down the walls of your own prison cell and returning to the long lost love you so dearly wanted to embrace for years. But then I gave in, she stayed the night, we held each-other and I could not contain my love for her if I tried. Her hair felt so good in my hands, the smell, the feeling of her ears, the feeling of her skin. A mistake to give part of my self to a sailing soul right now, like throwing my heart into a box for her to remember me by. I woke up, I left, had to get away. I saw my grandparents for the first time on my own accord in a few years. I went to the beach, put my feet in the sand, laid there and smelled ocean spraying in front of me. Buried my hands in the sand, and let the beach bed hold me, gave myself to it. The reminiscence of my inner child, still playing in the sand right next to me. I embraced the world, and it embraced me back. Later I came home to help her pack, the feelings came back, so I walked off. I came to a beautiful little spot next to my house, and just started clearing my mind, my thoughts, and I started to let go. I could contain my self, I felt so clear and peaceful, and I could finally feel the pain throughout my body. I felt the grass, it felt so good in my hands, the smell, the feeling of its ears. The little leaves reflecting love back within myself. It would never go away, I could be in this moment forever. 2
aaron11892 Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 Are you an author? That was a very good little story right there lol 3
AnyaNova Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 Are you an author? That was a very good little story right there lol I suspect perhaps a semi-ficitonal autobiographical sketch (for some reason, the actual term is alluding me). But yes, clearly the OP has some familiarity with writing techniques. :-) 1
Author NC_unbearable Posted October 31, 2013 Author Posted October 31, 2013 Wow... Thank you guys. No I'm the author. This was my Wednesday/Thursday. It happened at the very moments you went about your day. I'm actually a Computer Engineer by trade, and have been deemed overly analytically by many. This is just proof about the beautiful things that can happen when you lose someone dear to you.
Tarleton82 Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 I don't mean to be a bummer here but maybe this can be how it is when you lose someone dear to you on good terms. Many of us on here have not, we've been emotionally shattered and had our hearts ripped out and waved tauntingly at our faces while our exes disregarded our pain. So no, I'm sorry, I can't see myself or a lot of others on here coming to this strange epiphany you reached. But, its nice that you experienced something that strong. Nice story. 1
Author NC_unbearable Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 Tarleton82 - I understand what you are saying, many of the things that have read people are going through are exactly like you say. In either, the one leaving you truly loves you or doesn't, they just aren't truly able to help you with your pain. The only person that can do that is yourself. In my personal case, instead of hiding from myself this time around, I decided to stare myself directly in the soul. So far the results have been amazing. I was able to hold NC for 3-4 days before she contacted me, came to my house to get her stuff. And while she was here I had been carried through that pain by the happiness, the unbelievable amount of happiness I had found while finding myself. The amount of fighting that you would have expected between us was so small, black and white contrast to what my insecure self would have dug up if I had not made a change in my perspective, and sought the guidance that I needed. And shes gone now, I was able to help her pack with peace and mental fortitude. I was able to say goodbye to my five year love, the mother of my two year old daughter. The difference you see is not in the circumstances, its the fact that instead of jumping off of a cliff, I am accepting the reality of my situation and seeking peace and happiness through self exploration and acceptance. <3
headinthecloud Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 You have a wonderful way of expressing yourself, OP. you mentioned in another post it's the Sedona method - a technique that obviously is helping you cope. Thank you for sharing your journey. From what you describe, it sounds like it was never meant to be between you - you left first because of lust and now she has left you. The great thing is you're focusing inwards and that will lead you to happiness.
Author NC_unbearable Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 I left because of lust? Yea, I had lust problems, but that's not why I left her. It was trust, I didn't trust her. The crazy thing is that she would never cheat on someone in her life, she was the most beautiful soul. I'm not saying she was perfect, but I had some serious trust issues that I am only now willing to work out.
Recommended Posts