Author Confusion_Reigns Posted November 4, 2013 Author Posted November 4, 2013 I just want to thank you all very-very much for sharing your thoughts with me. I know...I can 'hear' it in myself...the excuses and justifications and all that to NOT really do anything about my marriage...I want to and I am but nothing happens over night...and this has been going on for a long time... I'm very confused inside myself. I don't know what to do or which way to turn...and normally when I feel like this I just sorta freeze inside...I don't like this about myself. Not at all. On the one hand, I tell my husband this is what I need to remain in this marriage...but what if...what if it just doesn't really matter in the long run? What if he does all this and I still feel this same way? On the other hand, I tell my husband I'm done and we separate, he leaves, etc....all that....and what if it's the biggest mistake of my life? The way I feel now, it's not a mistake it's the right thing to do for him and for me....and I feel a bit torn because...well, because my own ideas of what love and marriage should (there's that word again) look like....feel like...be like... ...and it does feel good to laugh and just 'be' with my friend. Just talk, really and truly talk...to feel free...to feel a sort of peace inside myself that I haven't felt in a very-very long time...
beach Posted November 4, 2013 Posted November 4, 2013 Quit flirting with the friend until your divorce is final! You want to be and act close to another man? Then show your H some respect and tell him you're filing for divorce. Proper order is key!
Author Confusion_Reigns Posted November 4, 2013 Author Posted November 4, 2013 I asked him a strait up serious question...and nothing....lmao and hahaha...really, it sucks but it's good. I wanted to know something...how he felt about all this...what's happening...and how can this be ok? for him or for me? I asked him what I've asked you all here...and I get crickets from him. but, seriously, that's a good thing. lets me know a couple of things about where his mind is at..
beach Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 Stop baiting him. You participated too. You want it to end? - stop communicating with him! You want to keep it up? - just keep up what you've been doing.
Untouchable_Fire Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 Past abuse, verbal/physical...him cheating, etc...I don't want to get into it all again...but my husband and I are talking divorce...have been for a long-long time...but more seriously lately, like in the last year. He's agreed to move out but won't actually move. He's trying to 'win me back' but...sigh...I'm just not sure. I believe that once I get comfortable again, well, he's going to revert right back to that a'hole guy. then I met this new guy...about 6 mo's ago...and...it's RIGHT but it's not right, right now. He knows this too and that's why there hasn't been anything further than talking and hugging and such...but on my goodness...he just takes my breath away! but I just don't know if he's for real...or could even be real...but I doubt so much...because of my own history...I just have a very hard time believing...in any man really. so... Yes, I've had plenty of male interest directed at me over the years...and none of them have ever turned my head...but this man...is something very different than what I've known... You are what's different. Chances are the confusion and strain from your marriage is playing with your emotions. I really don't think this guy is anything special... Except that you are in an emotionally vulnerable state. I really think you should finish things with your H before moving onto someone else... It's likely to create a painful rebound. However if this gives you the strength to ditch a bad situation... Go for it.
crederer Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 Why did you get married? I'm genuinely curious. I don't understand how someone gets married and then puts themselves in a situation where they're likely to cheat. That's the whole point of marriage. If you were going to be so easily tempted and swayed then you're not a person that should be getting married in the first place. It's really not that hard to be faithful in most cases. Simply avoid situations that there would even be a temptation to cheat. That is one of your duties as a wife/husband. But with all the advice given here I have a feeling if this guy gives you the green light you will in fact cheat.
Author Confusion_Reigns Posted November 7, 2013 Author Posted November 7, 2013 I've been with my husband for over 20 years and this is the first time I've ever been tempted. So, no, it's not like I'm 'easily tempted or swayed' into cheating. Why do you think this whole this has me here on this internet forum? because this whole thing is seriously messing with my mind... I got married because I wanted to be married to one man forever. I assumed (rightly or wrongly) that *love* would be enough to overcome all the obstacles....that love would be enough for him to want to be with me, too forever...that just one more year and things will be ok...just one more year...and what can I say...I love him.
Author Confusion_Reigns Posted November 7, 2013 Author Posted November 7, 2013 yes I know that's the real question and the thing I have to figure out. I have a thread on the abuse section where i'm trying to figure this out, too with the help of some very kind and intelligent people. here, i'm asking about him, that's all...
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