Stop me from doing something stupid

November 2, 2013

Lauri, i just read the whole story and i must say i can only relate. I am in your shoes and your story brings only sadness.

You need to get up from you knees and face your fears and heal. This is the advice from a person like yourself had suffer and is suffering because of a woman that didn”t deserved us.

I will say you this, imho, blocking her, deleting her from Facebook and god knows what is wrong. You need to face your demons and you need to face her.

Try to keep your mind off her, but do no forget, never do. Go out with your friends, go to the gym, work on projects, watch movies, anything, but you need to not stay alone and think.

You need to confront you demons, you need to see if her is on facebook online, google chat, etc, and you must not contact her. Believe me, she is expecting for you to block or delete her, but that will touch her ego and she will think you are suffering.

Use this pain that you have and build yourself up, be better, strongar, faster, more perfect and she will see on facebook, google, etc, trust me, she will see how good you”ve become and she will regret everything, but by that time, you will be over her just because you faced your demons and pain now, instead of hiding it under the cover.

Suffer now, but you will become better, trust me. The key is ignoring her without blocking her.

The problem is I showed I am weak by talking to her and calling her. It boosted her ego and now she thinks what

She did is okay.

Thanks so much for the advice and I hope that I will be okay sooner than later. Do you honestly think not blocking her will help?

Edited November 2, 2013 by lauri

November 2, 2013

The problem is I showed I am weak by talking to her and calling her. It boosted her ego and now she thinks what
She did is okay.

Thanks so much for the advice and I hope that I will be okay sooner than later. Do you honestly think not blocking her will help?

Absolutely. 10000 %.

You need to find the power in you to rise from your own ashes. Enough is enough, she played with your heart, with you. You gave her only love and she acted like this. Time to move on.

If you will block her, you will again remember her one day like you did now and you will try to contact her. If you do this now, ignore her by facing her, you will heal and you will have no regrets later.

Become better, but for you, not for her, just use her as your motivation. You can do it, you will do it.

November 2, 2013

Do you guys think my ex is crazy and evil?? I know this situation shouldn't bother me and I should be saying screw her but it is. I feel ashamed and stupid for letting myself drop this low...

November 2, 2013

Do you guys think my ex is crazy and evil?? I know this situation shouldn't bother me and I should be saying screw her but it is. I feel ashamed and stupid for letting myself drop this low...

She is very immature...but it does not matter my friend. You made a mistake but you also did what you felt was right...she gave you mixed signals completely and you showed some weakness doing what you did. It is okay, don not worry...it happens to the best of us. This girl is clearly no good.

November 2, 2013

She unblocks me then sends me another "Hi"... What is wrong with this girl? I'm not making the same mistake again...I'm sorry to everyone that I let you down and broke NC. I hope this story can be a lesson to a lot of other people going through the same pain...focus on yourself and only talk to your ex when you are fully healed.

November 2, 2013

She unblocks me then sends me another "Hi"... What is wrong with this girl? I'm not making the same mistake again...I'm sorry to everyone that I let you down and broke NC. I hope this story can be a lesson to a lot of other people going through the same pain...focus on yourself and only talk to your ex when you are fully healed.

I speak from experience. You cannot deal with people who send mixed signals. It causes so much suffering. The only way I found any peace at all was to do NC. I am doing NC, and the last time we spoke, he still said he was unsure and might want to reconcile. Yet I still did NC, and it was the best decision I ever made.

Do not, under any circumstance, entertain people who waffle, send mixed signals, are confused/uncertain, still want to be friends to see where it goes, ect. Just walk away. It's all you can do at this point because going back is signing yourself up to live in hell on a daily basis. You deserve someone who is certain of you and wants to be with you. I know you want this woman to be certain, but she isn't.

November 3, 2013

I speak from experience. You cannot deal with people who send mixed signals. It causes so much suffering. The only way I found any peace at all was to do NC. I am doing NC, and the last time we spoke, he still said he was unsure and might want to reconcile. Yet I still did NC, and it was the best decision I ever made.

Do not, under any circumstance, entertain people who waffle, send mixed signals, are confused/uncertain, still want to be friends to see where it goes, ect. Just walk away. It's all you can do at this point because going back is signing yourself up to live in hell on a daily basis. You deserve someone who is certain of you and wants to be with you. I know you want this woman to be certain, but she isn't.

Thanks so much. You are 100% correct.

IMO, confusion means low interest level anyways..that is to be expected. She knows she gave up someone great and the damage is too much to fix now. Either way, she can't believe how much I burned her by cutting her off and moving on in my life...she doesn't want me to not love her...at least that is what I am getting from this.

November 3, 2013

Thanks so much. You are 100% correct.

IMO, confusion means low interest level anyways..that is to be expected. She knows she gave up someone great and the damage is too much to fix now. Either way, she can't believe how much I burned her by cutting her off and moving on in my life...she doesn't want me to not love her...at least that is what I am getting from this.

I do feel like it's an ego thing with a lot of dumpers. They can't bear the thought that you would actually go silent because they love the attention. We all love attention because it's human nature. Even if, months down the line, they come back asking for a second chance, I would be highly suspicious. Are they bored? Lonely? Missing the attention you were giving them?

November 3, 2013

I do feel like it's an ego thing with a lot of dumpers. They can't bear the thought that you would actually go silent because they love the attention. We all love attention because it's human nature. Even if, months down the line, they come back asking for a second chance, I would be highly suspicious. Are they bored? Lonely? Missing the attention you were giving them?

I was in an on/off RS for 3 years. my ex actually admitted that he would contact me because he was bored and lonely. It had nothing to do with really loving me and wanting to be with me. Pretty **** right. Some people just can't stand to be on their own and even if they don't really want to be with you, they will settle for you for a while. These people are the worst and a waste of time.

November 3, 2013

Not crazy and evil but definitely breadcrumbinb. Remember you sought her out not the other way around so I'm pretty sure right nowshe is driven by curiosity as to why you contacted HER in the first place. Probably wonders if you said all you had to say or if there is more.

Maybe she is lonely, yeah. Maybe she misses the attention or always knew what a greatguy you were and now that she knows you don't outrighht hate her (because you spoke yo her) she wouldn't dislike being friends or something. Or flirting again or whatever, who knows.

What I CAN tell you is that, in my personal opinion, if she wanted you back she would have said or done something. When people want something enough, they don't care if you you're mad and don't want to hear it, I'm saying that fearing rejection or pissing you off wouldn't be enough for her to not even get a word in all this time - through email or even snail mail. If she was desperate enough to reach out, she would have found a way but figured it was best (and worth it) to let it just be. Again, this is my opinion.

I don't think it's a plot on her part to drain you for attentiion or affection. She must sincerely like you (obviously) and you have qualities she really liked, so ultimately it is up to you if you can handle being and acquaintance or even a friend to her.

And not to be a cynic but me? I would be friends with somebody who blew me off, with a friend that stopped hanging out in favor or a new crowd, there is no need to feel like you have enemies or write people off. If I had an amicable-ish split I would too. BUT I, Lindsay, could not be friends with someone for whom I changed my whole life and was willing to build it entirely together for the sake of that person, someone to whom (despite my mistakes) I gave so much too and was willing to give soooo much more, someone towards whom I was THAT serious and then they just discarded me. For whatever reason. Be it another person, lack of patience or just feeling the pressure too much, you know why? Because they weren't the only person feeling pressured or the only person potentially giving something up, we were in it together except that one person stayed on and the other jumped ship - knowing it could mean losing us forever, and they were willing to take that risk.

So, not entirely out of resentment, because at the end of the day everyone has a right to do what makes them happy, but after such serious intentions and plans and all, I would be too embarrassed to revert to friends. Who knows maybe she was embarrassed for the exact same reasons I'm telling you and that's why you didn't hear from her before but now she knows it's okay to make contact with you, so your level of comfort is up to you.

EDIT: Also, I don't think she is being unfair in writing you again or that she is "sending mixed signals". Again, because YOU contacted HER. So she also must feel that if you left each other alone for a couple of months and you turn up suddenly to in your own way breadcrumb her (because you didn't have anything particular to say, sort of just couldn't help yourself from writing and seeing her reaction, happens to all of us) well, despite you guys talking, I'm sure the girl is wondering also about your motivation in seeking her out so she thinks it's okay to get to the bottom of it. I think it's only normal to expect that from her, no matter if it's ego but I think again it's more curiosity. Put yourself in her shoes. Now maybe she wants to hear if you have feelings for her or something, who knows what she would *want* to hear but it's up to you to not play this game, and go NC again because you can't just pull her in and out either and that's what looks like would happen.

Edited November 3, 2013 by lindsay1990

November 3, 2013

BUT I, Lindsay, could not be friends with someone for whom I changed my whole life and was willing to build it entirely together for the sake of that person, someone to whom (despite my mistakes) I gave so much too and was willing to give soooo much more, someone towards whom I was THAT serious and then they just discarded me. For whatever reason. Be it another person, lack of patience or just feeling the pressure too much, you know why? Because they weren't the only person feeling pressured or the only person potentially giving something up, we were in it together except that one person stayed on and the other jumped ship - knowing it could mean losing us forever, and they were willing to take that risk.

So, not entirely out of resentment, because at the end of the day everyone has a right to do what makes them happy, but after such serious intentions and plans and all, I would be too embarrassed to revert to friends. Who knows maybe she was embarrassed for the exact same reasons I'm telling you and that's why you didn't hear from her before but now she knows it's okay to make contact with you, so your level of comfort is up to you.

EDIT: Also, I don't think she is being unfair in writing you again or that she is "sending mixed signals". Again, because YOU contacted HER. So she also must feel that if you left each other alone for a couple of months and you turn up suddenly to in your own way breadcrumb her (because you didn't have anything particular to say, sort of just couldn't help yourself from writing and seeing her reaction, happens to all of us) well, despite you guys talking, I'm sure the girl is wondering also about your motivation in seeking her out so she thinks it's okay to get to the bottom of it. I think it's only normal to expect that from her, no matter if it's ego but I think again it's more curiosity. Put yourself in her shoes. Now maybe she wants to hear if you have feelings for her or something, who knows what she would *want* to hear but it's up to you to not play this game, and go NC again because you can't just pull her in and out either and that's what looks like would happen.

Hey Lindsay, your post made 100% sense and it is fully my fault why she is contacting me. Thank you for writing this and telling me how it is.

I didn't want this to be something negative or a fight, but I couldn't help but say the things I felt about what she did to me. However, I didn't expect her to have my number and for us to talk the amount we did.

To be honest, I was hoping for an apology. I was hoping she would admit what she did was wrong and that I didn't deserve what she did to me. I don't think either of us is over what happened - we both ended up getting hurt through this and I know that. She was telling me she would stalk my facebook through a friend of mine to see what I am up to and to look at my photos, trying to make it sound like she is still interested then goes cold the next day. She was embarrassed to not face me, but to essentially face my parents as that was the only avenue she could go through to get me to talk by showing up to my house.

I feel stupid for contacting her and now I'm trying to pull out completely and go NC. It is almost like I am playing a game myself with her which isn't my intention. I wish things happened completely different but I can't take back what has happened.

November 4, 2013

Hey Lindsay, your post made 100% sense and it is fully my fault why she is contacting me. Thank you for writing this and telling me how it is.

I didn't want this to be something negative or a fight, but I couldn't help but say the things I felt about what she did to me. However, I didn't expect her to have my number and for us to talk the amount we did.

To be honest, I was hoping for an apology. I was hoping she would admit what she did was wrong and that I didn't deserve what she did to me. I don't think either of us is over what happened - we both ended up getting hurt through this and I know that. She was telling me she would stalk my facebook through a friend of mine to see what I am up to and to look at my photos, trying to make it sound like she is still interested then goes cold the next day. She was embarrassed to not face me, but to essentially face my parents as that was the only avenue she could go through to get me to talk by showing up to my house.

I feel stupid for contacting her and now I'm trying to pull out completely and go NC. It is almost like I am playing a game myself with her which isn't my intention. I wish things happened completely different but I can't take back what has happened.

Don't be so hard on yourself. You clearly deserve better.... all of this drama and games should show you that she isn't worth it anymore. You were curious and now you should realize she isn't someone you should want in your life.

November 4, 2013

Don't be so hard on yourself. You clearly deserve better.... all of this drama and games should show you that she isn't worth it anymore. You were curious and now you should realize she isn't someone you should want in your life.

Thanks - really appreciate that. I need to keep hearing these things to solidify what I am doing, because I for some reason keep remembering the "Good times & feelings" with her and I need to keep reminding myself that old person is gone, long gone.

Do you guys think it is stupid for me to go straight NC now? I haven't messaged her / contacted her since our last phone conversation. She said she will call me today to arrange a meet - but I doubt she will since I ignored her last message. If she calls, should I just ignore or tell her that after talking to her I realize that she really isn't someone I want in my life and that I wish her all the best?

November 4, 2013

Do you guys think it is stupid for me to go straight NC now?

What do YOU want to do?

Do you want to simply forget about her and move on? Do you want to meet with you one more time and talk with her face to face?

What WE might do is really not relevant. There will be some who will say one thing and others another. But you must decide if you want to see her and find closure, or if you want to move on because you don't need any more closure.

What say ye?

November 4, 2013

I have been reading your posts and IMO as so many will say is that you have to do what you feel is right for you.

If you don't want her back then tell her and wish her well and go NC but if you feel that you are over her and wish to be friends then that is a different matter.....only you can decide.

Everyone's situation is different and we all handle things how we see it, not right or wrong, you just have to go with your gut feeling.

I have just come out of a 2yr relationship with a girl who has been my best friend for yrs, I'm devastated but at some point when i can come to terms with it I know I will want to be friends with her again and vice vesa, may take months but I know that's how it'll be because deep down I know that's what she will want to! but getting to that point is another matter.

November 4, 2013

The truth is, I am not over this. I am just scared of the outcome either way - I know I can't get back with her after what she did but it doesn't change how I feel inside and how I wish I could. This is why I keep posting and looking for the right answer, the right solution and right approach to help me move forward.

I know no one can help me but myself, and I have to find it out. I just wish it was a lot more simple then that...I wish I maintained NC because I'm not sure where I stand anymore. Ultimately, I did this to myself.

I guess I do not know what is right for myself anymore...it is kind of sad. With that said, I honestly appreciate everything everyone has said and all the help I have been given. I'm gonna have to wait it out and see what happens today, how I feel when/if she calls.

November 4, 2013

No, just go NC.

Thinking about her reaction some more, I see this is why we are supposed to go NC: because no matter what they say it will not be what we want to hear. I would loooooooove an apology too but I know they feel justified in what they did. To a lot of people, if they're just not feeling it they're just gone. And I guess everybody does have a right to be happy, but that doesn't give the right to string somebody along until the last minute when you are definitely, absolutely sure you want out all the while the other person (us) has been getting more and more investing.

I hardly think she feels she did something that bad, lauri. She might regret being immature, getting others involved, going cold like that, they regret how the handled it but ultimately I'm sure they feel they did the right thing. FWIW, when I was breaking up with my ex and he had a mental breakdown I would tell him that any decision was the good decision, either staying together or breaking up. I said this because for the first 4 or 5days he was flying of the rails but after, for the rest 18 days the guy was just stuck on what I said. I mean, even when I said it I didn't want to say that (I had phrased it in terms of staying/splitting could be the right decision if we made it like that) but well... he thought it was the right thing to do. OR that either choice was actually good. I don't know where I was going with this except that in their minds, lauri, they're not thinking about the relationship, they're thinking about themselves. Not thinking as a team but as an individual and that's why they walk away.

Just go NC is my advice, she's not going to apologize for "having changed her feelings" and she can't. She's not going to apologize for letting you go, you know? It's hard but I'm pretty sure that day is not going to come. Unless you want to deal with that added sting through contact, just step away.

November 4, 2013

You know where you stand, man.

I didn't break NC, my ex did remember? When 10 days after I moved out (and he had calculated I would leave the country that day because my health insurance ran out that day). He wrote TEN DAYS LATER, felt like an eternity, that he:

-loved me

-wished me only the best

-wished me a safe trip

Ouch. This is why people say it's better to not get breadcrumbs, because it just rubs in your face "where you stand" which, the same ****ty place where they are detached from you. In this case, like I said and I am not to lecture you here at all, but you breadcrumbed yourself. The lesson is learned, you know where you stand with her and where you stand in regards to your feelings so my advice is NC until it really doesn't matter at all what she says or does not say. It's the only way because until then we are going in circles in our mind and having these crazy expectations *hugs*

November 4, 2013

I agree with Lindsay. Just keep NC and move forward.

I know you know this, you just need people to keep telling you because your feelings inside tell you otherwise. If you really need to, meet with her one last time and get it out of you. Face your demons if it will help you move on.

She may not contact you again because you ignored her last message but know that you need to do what is the best for you. I sincerely hope you realize sooner than later that you are going to only improve after this - rise from those ashes to become the better person. Don't look at this like a game even though she is making it one, intentionally or not.

November 4, 2013

You know where you stand, man.

I didn't break NC, my ex did remember? When 10 days after I moved out (and he had calculated I would leave the country that day because my health insurance ran out that day). He wrote TEN DAYS LATER, felt like an eternity, that he:

-loved me
-wished me only the best
-wished me a safe trip

Ouch. This is why people say it's better to not get breadcrumbs, because it just rubs in your face "where you stand" which, the same ****ty place where they are detached from you. In this case, like I said and I am not to lecture you here at all, but you breadcrumbed yourself. The lesson is learned, you know where you stand with her and where you stand in regards to your feelings so my advice is NC until it really doesn't matter at all what she says or does not say. It's the only way because until then we are going in circles in our mind and having these crazy expectations *hugs*

You are right, I did breadcrumb myself and bring this upon myself. I take full responsibility and should not even be writing about this - but I am and I'm glad I have everyone on this forum helping me through my mistake and helping me get back on my feet. She hasn't called me to hang out today like she said she would, which is a pretty clear indicator of her feeling like she is "good" with what happened now and not feeling guilty.

November 4, 2013

You are right, I did breadcrumb myself and bring this upon myself. I take full responsibility and should not even be writing about this - but I am and I'm glad I have everyone on this forum helping me through my mistake and helping me get back on my feet. She hasn't called me to hang out today like she said she would, which is a pretty clear indicator of her feeling like she is "good" with what happened now and not feeling guilty.

Whoa, whoa. Nonsense! This is what this place is for

November 5, 2013

Lauri, how are you feeling today man? Keep strong and remember to not be so hard on yourself. You did what you felt was right and that is what matters. You got to say what you wanted to say and now you got to let it go. Seriously, how could you get back with her after all that has happened? I know the distance and everything contributed to this but she could have handled this much much more maturely. Do you think you'd ever do this to someone?

November 5, 2013

Lauri, how are you feeling today man? Keep strong and remember to not be so hard on yourself. You did what you felt was right and that is what matters. You got to say what you wanted to say and now you got to let it go. Seriously, how could you get back with her after all that has happened? I know the distance and everything contributed to this but she could have handled this much much more maturely. Do you think you'd ever do this to someone?

I am having a hard time - I feel like I need to talk to her still and meet with her. I just keep thinking that I never wanted all of this pressure with her, I just wanted to be with her. I dont know how to handle this because there is so many factors involved...I feel it is so complicated and part of me believes that if I really tried I could end up with her...and I know that must be really wrong. What is wrong with me???

November 5, 2013

I am having a hard time - I feel like I need to talk to her still and meet with her. I just keep thinking that I never wanted all of this pressure with her, I just wanted to be with her. I dont know how to handle this because there is so many factors involved...I feel it is so complicated and part of me believes that if I really tried I could end up with her...and I know that must be really wrong. What is wrong with me???

You are beating yourself up and running circles in your mind. Stick with the reality, and don't try to make it into something that it isn't. The relationship is over. You cannot be in contact with her. It really is that simple.

You are grieving and coming to terms with all of this being over and done. You cannot go through that process while still in contact with her, and it takes awhile to fully go through this process. Especially if you were with her for 3 years. I was with my ex for 3 years, and we broke up 6 months ago. I still have a lot of processing to do, but I know I could never be in contact with him during all of this. Maybe one day, and that's a big maybe. I did stay in LC with my for 4 month after the breakup, and he was mostly initiating it towards the end. I got so tired of the mental mind games I was playing with myself day in and day out. It was exhausting, and we weren't even in a relationship. Better to spend the time working on myself.

Also, I highly advise you not to see her again. That is a recipe for more emotional turmoil.

November 5, 2013

I am having a hard time - I feel like I need to talk to her still and meet with her. I just keep thinking that I never wanted all of this pressure with her, I just wanted to be with her. I dont know how to handle this because there is so many factors involved...I feel it is so complicated and part of me believes that if I really tried I could end up with her...and I know that must be really wrong. What is wrong with me???

Firstly, your feelings are normal. However, they are not rational, so I would not suggest that you act on them.

Do not meet with her. Do not go backwards. There is no need to talk about the old relationship at this point; it's like flogging a dead horse. It's over, so let it rest in peace. Take the good from it, and move forward.

I think that your biggest problems (as was mine) is the feeling that you need to somehow relive what went wrong over and over, try to fix it, try to justify the amount of time spent together. That is about the worst thing you can do because you are standing in quicksand. You need to really and truly accept that this is over and make some real steps to start your new life. It's a daily choice, but it will become easier as times goes on. It's a process, and she cannot walk with you during this process. You really have to go it alone for the most part. H

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