AHaze Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 (edited) Ya'know that point in the future everybody in this section is aiming for... where you feel nothing for them anymore and they're just part of your past, When you have reached the new&improved you, you've got a new job, money, motivation to smash the gym, shaving everyday, fresh, thinking about other girls, saving for that nice 3 series BMW, living life, walking with your chin up and a spring in your step... The place which seemed impossible to reach back when you was going through the devastation that you thought would never end... Just felt the need to pop in and say I'm there , 18 months later... time=best healer. Edited October 31, 2013 by AHaze 4
smuggy95 Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 did it just keep getting easier and easier throughout? and did they ever try to contact you during this time? I wish I had a time machine and could join you~
Author AHaze Posted October 31, 2013 Author Posted October 31, 2013 (edited) did it just keep getting easier and easier throughout? and did they ever try to contact you during this time? I wish I had a time machine and could join you~ I can only speak for myself, But thinking back.. it goes from crippling, to just a dull depression that feels never ending and every thought about them is a bullet to your psyche... Then things just start happening, one day I found myself flexing at my gym progress in the mirror, rather than staring at myself in the mirror questioning myself about her as I usually would... It's little things like that when you notice it start to fade, your notice yourself feeling briefly "ok" at times and it's because you haven't felt okay in such a long time... And then better things come a long... life in general, you get a new job, or your meet somebody new, you find a new hobby, whatever it is, you get a huge boost of self-esteem and motivation from it, that's what I found... I reached a point where everything just started falling into place and I could see a future and it was all about me and nobody else, it IS all about me... it's all happening in my life right now... And about 6 weeks ago, after around 18 months of a deep dark depression and not being able to see a future... I took a little step back from all of the exciting changes and improvements happening in my life, just to ask myself how I felt, and I liked the answer. I've only loved and lost once in my life, so I'm not an expert but from my experience it seemed like I was stuck in the same mind set for almost a year, there's a block in the way keeping you fixated on her, the relationship, that moment in that time and it's already smashed all of your self-esteem and motivation to improve yourself and your life... Over time that block disappears and I just miraculously found a new lease of life... Maybe it's because I'm young, I've just found a nice job and I've got money in my bank, I've got new freedom, new goals, new focus, new ambition... maybe I'm lucky that everything seems to have fallen into place and gave me that boost I needed to start loving myself and my life again... For people who have already got that, already have a nice job, a house, a car, they've reached their goals, they were already established and happy... and THEN they lose the person they're in love with... I don't have the answer to that.. Edited October 31, 2013 by AHaze
cristy Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 I can only speak for myself, But thinking back.. it goes from crippling, to just a dull depression that feels never ending and every thought about them is a bullet to your psyche... Then things just start happening, one day I found myself flexing at my gym progress in the mirror, rather than staring at myself in the mirror questioning myself about her as I usually would... It's little things like that when you notice it start to fade, your notice yourself feeling briefly "ok" at times and it's because you haven't felt okay in such a long time... And then better things come a long... life in general, you get a new job, or your meet somebody new, you find a new hobby, whatever it is, you get a huge boost of self-esteem and motivation from it, that's what I found... I reached a point where everything just started falling into place and I could see a future and it was all about me and nobody else, it IS all about me... it's all happening in my life right now... And about 6 weeks ago, after around 18 months of a deep dark depression and not being able to see a future... I took a little step back from all of the exciting changes and improvements happening in my life, just to ask myself how I felt, and I liked the answer. I've only loved and lost once in my life, so I'm not an expert but from my experience it seemed like I was stuck in the same mind set for almost a year, there's a block in the way keeping you fixated on her, the relationship, that moment in that time and it's already smashed all of your self-esteem and motivation to improve yourself and your life... Over time that block disappears and I just miraculously found a new lease of life... Maybe it's because I'm young, I've just found a nice job and I've got money in my bank, I've got new freedom, new goals, new focus, new ambition... maybe I'm lucky that everything seems to have fallen into place and gave me that boost I needed to start loving myself and my life again... For people who have already got that, already have a nice job, a house, a car, they've reached their goals, they were already established and happy... and THEN they lose the person they're in love with... I don't have the answer to that.. Wow. I feel happy for you and envy you at the same time. I'm young too, and I have dreams and goals I wanna reach... I just don't feel like going for it anymore. I still want them, it's just I don't see a reason for anything anymore and I feel terrible because I know that I have to get back on my feet, I just can't find the will to do it. Did you feel like that too? How did you get past that?
MoooOinkBaaa Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 I'm happy for you but I'm angry it took you 18 months to get there, no doubt your ex didn't have to go through that. I don't care about a nice car or job or anything like that. If someone said to me what would rather have a million pounds or you never met your ex I would say never met my ex. 1
Author AHaze Posted October 31, 2013 Author Posted October 31, 2013 Wow. I feel happy for you and envy you at the same time. I'm young too, and I have dreams and goals I wanna reach... I just don't feel like going for it anymore. I still want them, it's just I don't see a reason for anything anymore and I feel terrible because I know that I have to get back on my feet, I just can't find the will to do it. Did you feel like that too? How did you get past that? That's that block I was talking about... I've only loved and lost once in my life, so I'm not an expert but from my experience it seemed like I was stuck in the same mind set for almost a year, there's a block in the way keeping you fixated on her, the relationship, that moment in that time and it's already smashed all of your self-esteem and motivation to improve yourself and your life... Over time that block disappears and I just miraculously found a new lease of life... I can't explain, it "just happens", for me I just randomly felt the urge to back on my feet and get an effing life!!!!! And the then the process of applying for my new job came along, I was "meh" a first.. and then when it started looking good, interview, 2nd interview, test/exam... I started getting optimistic... and then I got the job offer and I felt like a million dollars, other good changes began to fall into place too and my future just looked so blindingly bright... I find myself with no more reason to look back at her/the relationship, it doesn't consume me anymore I'm past that.. I'm over it, I only think about what is happening right now and in the future.. Granted, I'm TERRIFIED of it ever happening again, but right now all I feel is freedom and excitement for the future. If I look at what I'm saying from your point of view, it sounds like one giant cliche.. but it's just how I genuinely feel. I'm guessing most normal people go back to normal after healing, but I think it happened to me at the perfect time in my life because I had nothing... no job, no money, I cut myself off from all of my friends, I became a depressed loser, I wasn't a "normal person".. Then something just clicked, I made an effort to get back on my feet and it paid off big time, I slipped out of the depression and left it all behind me.
faithfully Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 I'm happy for you but I'm angry it took you 18 months to get there, no doubt your ex didn't have to go through that. I don't care about a nice car or job or anything like that. If someone said to me what would rather have a million pounds or you never met your ex I would say never met my ex. I would take the million pound and still ignore the ex, start a new life somewhere 1
Author AHaze Posted October 31, 2013 Author Posted October 31, 2013 If someone said to me what would rather have a million pounds or you never met your ex I would say never met my ex. I would chose the same, I didn't know it was possible to feel how I did 16-18 months ago... writing suicide notes and researching the most cowardly painless ways to kill myself, seeing no future for myself... at 20 years old? Being at the bottom of life is bad enough, and THEN losing somebody you're in love with on top of that, it's hell of earth. But tough times don't last, tough people do... I know I'm incredibly tough because I've experienced my absolutely rock bottom weakest (people give up on life at this point every day), I lived through it, and my life has never been better than it is right now. Would I go back and do it all again for a million?? NOT, A, CHANCE, IN, HELL.
MoooOinkBaaa Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 I'm a very strong lover and I was with her seven years, I truly thought we would grow old together. I stand by choosing never meeting her over the money. Plus I can't put a price on the last seven years of my life, which she wasted. These people are sick. They're users. They're self absorbed, they're selfish. They don't care about anyone or anything. All they care about is themselves, and getting what they want or need out of other people. If you no longer serve a purpose for them, you're gone. 1
Fufu Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 Time heals, I do believe in this. I used to dread the period so much after the break up and felt time passes super slow and had no motivation to do anything. Now I looked back and realized time just passed by without me knowing.
Author AHaze Posted October 31, 2013 Author Posted October 31, 2013 I'm a very strong lover and I was with her seven years, I truly thought we would grow old together. I stand by choosing never meeting her over the money. Plus I can't put a price on the last seven years of my life, which she wasted. These people are sick. They're users. They're self absorbed, they're selfish. They don't care about anyone or anything. All they care about is themselves, and getting what they want or need out of other people. If you no longer serve a purpose for them, you're gone. You're me last year.
cristy Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 That's that block I was talking about... I can't explain, it "just happens", for me I just randomly felt the urge to back on my feet and get an effing life!!!!! And the then the process of applying for my new job came along, I was "meh" a first.. and then when it started looking good, interview, 2nd interview, test/exam... I started getting optimistic... and then I got the job offer and I felt like a million dollars, other good changes began to fall into place too and my future just looked so blindingly bright... I find myself with no more reason to look back at her/the relationship, it doesn't consume me anymore I'm past that.. I'm over it, I only think about what is happening right now and in the future.. Granted, I'm TERRIFIED of it ever happening again, but right now all I feel is freedom and excitement for the future. If I look at what I'm saying from your point of view, it sounds like one giant cliche.. but it's just how I genuinely feel. I'm guessing most normal people go back to normal after healing, but I think it happened to me at the perfect time in my life because I had nothing... no job, no money, I cut myself off from all of my friends, I became a depressed loser, I wasn't a "normal person".. Then something just clicked, I made an effort to get back on my feet and it paid off big time, I slipped out of the depression and left it all behind me. It's inspiring that you went through all that and got back on your feet. It's silly but although im nowhere near that yet, it gives me hope reading stuff like this. Somtimes I feel like sh*t and pathetic for being so depressed and be wasting time when I could be working on my life and what I want, and then I see stories like yours that remind me that this is just a step of the road, not the end of it. Thanks for sharing 1
Author AHaze Posted October 31, 2013 Author Posted October 31, 2013 (edited) I'm much worse. I doubt that, Ya'know something... knowing that there was people out there who were in the same situation as me, and feeling just as rock bottom as me, at the same time as me, was something which helped me cope. There was times when I thought.. "nah, nobody feels like I do right now", but there was, I wasn't the only person at that moment in time perched against barrier of a motorway bridge at night, spitting on cars passing under me while I contemplated my life.. somebody somewhere in the world was probably standing on top of a barrier at that same moment in time.. maybe they even took that flying leap of faith as I walked away to come home and search for better answers on loveshack!... Edited October 31, 2013 by AHaze
MoooOinkBaaa Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 I was thinking this today. I was thinking, I feel so low and I never thought this could happen but it happens to everyone else who too thought they had something unique, something special. Coming here everyday and reading other's stories has made me wake up and get real. I've learned nothing is as it seems. I'm a one love type of guy though trust me. I invested so much into this person to be someone who really cared. I'll never share that again because if she can do this anyone else can. I used to call her Kitty but now I remember her as Chameleon. I have no trust in relationships after she put on such a convincing show.
Recommended Posts