LostOne08 Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 Here's the deal. I'm two months post-breakup, a little over two weeks NC. Like an idiot, I kept initiating contact despite seeing all the advice here. I got that itch that most people get. "If I can just talk to her one more time..." Two weeks into the breakup, I contacted her to rehash everything. Went a full month NC after that and tried again. This time, I believed we could be adults and just talk because she initially said she was interested in that. Got burned big time and she told me it'd be ideal for me to stop contacting her for now. Lesson learned. Two weeks later and I'm here. I don't remember too much of the healing process for my previous relationships ending. Even the ones where I was dumped. I just remember waking up and not feeling the hurt anymore. Surely that can't be all there is to it? Today, despite the time that's passed, I woke up feeling like crap. She's all I think about still, but the pain had been subsiding. Today it felt like day one. Crushing. Anybody else experience this? Did I set myself back with the contact weeks ago and it's just now catching up to me?
aybc123 Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 (edited) i'd say the type of pain changes, or what you're hurt about, or how you think about the situation and the way you approach it. they say there are 5 stages to grieving a death of a loved one and essentially that's what a breakup is, the death of a love of a loved one. (Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance) If i look at my previous breakup where i was dumped and this one they're fairly similar, I did actually have a denial phase this time, but i guess because it wasnt possible before. Then when it hit me i was angry at the world, angry at myself, angry at them and wanted to hurt them back, none of it was fair, which probably lasted around 2 weeks. Then started the bargaining, breaking NC trying to get them back, or just staying in contact without bargaining hoping they'll change their minds, appeals to a higher power, please god just let them see, let me roll back the clock. That lasted about 2 months the first time around for me, and this time only couple of weeks actively (my ex decided to ignore me as soon as i told her i still had feelings for her) but the appeals i guess lasted a few weeks after that. And then it changed again, currently im not really angry anymore, I pretty much know i cant change anything, i still cling to hope for some kind of miracle but i know there's nothing that I can do. I'm just sad about it. When i think of it now i dont imagine ways in which i can make it right or things i can do. I just reminisce about times past and fantasise about times in the future if things had worked out or if by some miracle they do. I remember this bit distinctly from my last breakup too, especially the torturing myself with memories and future fantasies. Last time it lasted around 8 months of gradual improvement, but that was my first love and all the stages for it felt more intense than they have for this one so i'm hoping i should be more or less recovered by springtime this time around. If i remember rightly you know when you're healed because you're just sort of ok, i wasnt back to being properly happy again for quite a few months after that purely because of my life situation but as soon as someone asks you the question how are you and you can honestly answer 'yeah im ok' without immediately thinking of her, then you're good. Also when your last ex is no longer your future fantasy, if you imagine yourself in 5-10 years time maybe you're married with a kid on the way in a white picket fence house or whatever then at the moment you're going to picture it with your ex, at some point that stops, either naturally (which takes a lot longer), or, when you meet someone new. Edited October 31, 2013 by aybc123 1
Fufu Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 AHaze says it, you will know For me, I feel indifference towards my ex. I no longer care about his well being, I no longer think about him constantly. (yes there are times I thought about my ex, but it wasn't heart wrenching anymore, it was more like oh ok this person feeling).
lindsay1990 Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 Indifference. I'm not one of those people who think "when you can wish them the best and be happy for them". I think maybe that's the dumper's privilege but for a dumpee, and the worse the circumstances, it is the point where you don't care at all. Like, if you ex wins the lottery, wins a Nobel prize and finds and marries the person they always wanted and they "win" in every way and you "lose" in every way (end up poor and alone, ha), it doesn't even matter as long as they are faaaar away from you. When you really don't want anything to do with the, for better or for worse and just want to put it in the past. TRUE indifference. Like someone you went to school with but didn't care for, always thought they were kind of a jerk - you're not happy but not angry either that they're doing good/bad.
theonlyjuan Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 You don't care anymore and feel indifferent towards them. My ex feels like a complete stranger, pops in my head sometimes but not much. I couldn't care less anymore
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