Nony101 Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 How do you avoid the situations where no matter what you do, you're in a lose lose situation? I've been just kind of going with my gut. I know I'm not going to win, so I just choose what I feel will be the path of less resistance. For example, we went out to eat with her brother. After agreeing on a restaurant, we get to the restaurant and I start to get out of the car, and she doesn't move. I ask if she's coming, she replies with no, she's not hungry. We all 3 sit in the car just kind of waiting, and she says you guys can go in, I'll just wait in the car. I said no, I don't really want her to wait in the car while we go eat, and I don't want to go if she didn't. Her brother replied the same thing. So I started the car and we started driving back home, and she was like mad that I didn't leave her in the car and go get something to eat with her brother. To me, it seemed like I would be in less "trouble" if I stayed with her and we just went home, than if I left her in the car. It's obvious something else was going on, we did end up talking about it, it wasn't anything to do with the two of us or our relationship. I guess that's kind of a poor example because she was obviously emotionally upset, but I feel like you get the general idea with a bird's eye viewpoint. What do you do when there's obviously no way that you're going to get this right?
Valen Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 I would have got the food togo and eat in the car and make a lot of "MMMMMM this is soooo goood" lol
Philosoraptor Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 This is passive aggressive behavior. I would drop her off back at the house and go out with her brother. She's already decided she was going to be mad at you long before you made a decision. Either she is mad that you're eating without her, even when she's not hungry; or she's mad that you didn't eat because it makes her feel like a bad guy. I had one just like this. I moved on and found a mature adult capible of expressing herself.
Author Nony101 Posted October 31, 2013 Author Posted October 31, 2013 Thanks for the responses, I guess that was kind of a poor example because there was an underlying issue. Maybe this is a better one. This happened a while ago. She had spent the night. I woke up to her the following morning clamoring around the apartment. I didn't have to wake up, but I did (I start work in the late mornings) because I felt like i should be supportive as I realized she was running kind of late. I turned on all of the lights so she could see. I checked in with her to see if there was anything I could do. She asked if I could get her vitamins, supplements, and meds together. I knew there was no way I could get it right and my face showed it. It's not like you do one from each of the 10 bottles, it depends on the time of day. She starts rattling off which ones she needs for each time of the day, I just stand there confused. I told her I'd try, she said if in doubt just check the labels. So I just followed the labels. Of course I didn't do it right, she doesn't follow the labels, and comes over and was like what are you doing? She starts rattling off about all this stuff like I'm supposed to know what she's talking about, and makes me feel kind of dumb. This is the first time I've done this for her, I didn't do it right. I might as well have stayed in bed, but then she might of thought I was being a jerk. I like walking her to the door and making sure she gets on her way ok.
yankees51988 Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 Yeah, this chick sounds bonkers. I just wouldn't give her her way all the time, seems like one of those girls that just bitches and moans every time something doesn't go exactly her way. I would not hang out with her anymore, or tell her to stop that nonsense or you are leaving... Honestly, you SHOULD be a little bit of a jerk to her. Key word here is "little", as this girl needs a reality check.
AMusing Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 Oh man, Nony. I don't usually like to judge relationships too harshly, since we obviously don't know the details of your relationship (or even both sides of the story). But god, based on this post and your last, she is not treating you well. The person you're with shouldn't make you feel incompetent--ever. She should be your cheerleader, helping you when you doubt yourself, empathizing when you fail, and celebrating your successes. She should find ways to show she cares, not just accept things you do for her. She shouldn't take something nice you're trying to do for her and then scold you because don't know how to do it perfectly the first time. She shouldn't say something rude on a DAILY (!?!) basis to someone she allegedly loves. She shouldn't reject kisses (She's too tired to kiss you goodnight? Really?). And she certainly shouldn't make you feel emasculated and helpless (damned if you do, damned if you don't) on anywhere near a daily basis. Also, adults don't sit stewing in a car, making 2 hungry people deal with a temper tantrum. An adult would've either A) Said she wasn't in the mood to go out before leaving the house or B) Sucked it up, gone into the restaurant and either ordered a light meal or just a drink and enjoyed your company.
Author Nony101 Posted October 31, 2013 Author Posted October 31, 2013 Thank you for the responses and the concern. I really do appreciate it! I'm just trying to gain some insight. I make her out to sound really awful, but in all reality that's not the case. How do I be a little bit of a jerk to her? I love her to death, and I don't want to pretend to be something I'm not, or play games.
Philosoraptor Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 Thank you for the responses and the concern. I really do appreciate it! I'm just trying to gain some insight. I make her out to sound really awful, but in all reality that's not the case. How do I be a little bit of a jerk to her? I love her to death, and I don't want to pretend to be something I'm not, or play games. If playing games isn't in your nature, then don't do it for the sake of keeping some passive aggressive game playing little girl. She's not worth it when you could be out there meeting someone who is capible of having a healthy mature relationship.
Assasda Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 You did the right thing by leaving. When someone is acting irrational, i'm never afraid of getting "in trouble"
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