turtlez Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 So I asked this girl out about 3 weeks after she ended a 3 year relationship (stupid of me). After about 3 months of a perfect and happy relationship she randomly tells me that she just isn't emotionally ready for a relationship and that maybe one day down the road we could be together. She still wants to be friends and has been randomly texting me (on her time) and yesterday even sent me a sext. She knows how much I like her and how I really feel about her. It has been about 5 days how should I go about keeping her as a friend? It hurts not talking to her as much but I have been good about not pestering her at all. She obviously likes me because she frequently told me and her friends how perfect I was and how she did not feel good enough for me.
Philosoraptor Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 If it's hurting you, then staying friends is not in your best interest. She was rebounding and realized it. You can have a casual/sexual relationship with her right now if you can handle it, but don't expect anything serious to come of it for a long time... if at all.
cristy Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 I agree with philosoraptor. No matter how much she likes you, if she was in love with her ex, the feelings are still there, it's a 3 year relationship. If she was the dumpee, you surely were a boost to her self-steem and sometimes that can lead to being selfish, and keeping you around just because you make her feel better. You can continue seeing each other if you can accept that it probably never be anything else... If it makes you unhappy because you start having feelings for her, don't. It will only get worse.
happydate Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 So I asked this girl out about 3 weeks after she ended a 3 year relationship (stupid of me). After about 3 months of a perfect and happy relationship she randomly tells me that she just isn't emotionally ready for a relationship and that maybe one day down the road we could be together. She still wants to be friends and has been randomly texting me (on her time) and yesterday even sent me a sext. She knows how much I like her and how I really feel about her. It has been about 5 days how should I go about keeping her as a friend? It hurts not talking to her as much but I have been good about not pestering her at all. She obviously likes me because she frequently told me and her friends how perfect I was and how she did not feel good enough for me. You tried dating a girl who just got off a relationship. A girl who's still has one foot in with the ex and the other foot with you. The problem with this girl or these girls in general is that, they have an accelerated time table for sex and that depends when she lost it to her most dearest ex. Everything you do must mirror her ex to be considered her surrogate boyfriend while she laments her ex. So if you would have a 50/50 chance that if you sleep with her quickly within 3 dates, then she would then continue seeing you and sleeping with you only to gratify her petty ego and boost her self-esteem while she is working over her feelings with her ex. The rebound guy is just a distraction and seemingly it seemed, she may have wanted to have sex with you, but you lost the opportunity. From now on, you're going to be her friend in the friendzone while she hunts for another man. And because you instigated this, she felt that if you want her so will another man. At least another man will make a move quick on her rather than with slow-mo you. While I DO NOT advocate quick sex with these women because that's really manipulating them during these troubled times to your advantage. Some men do and hunt for these women. She will become their cum buckets as she tries healing. Unless she is willing to be alone for a year or two. This is not your fault. You just went after a woman who lost a relationship and in an emotional turmoil. My rule of thumb is, for every 2 years in a relationship, a woman must be willing to be alone without a relationship for a year or maybe more to heal and work out her problems.
Mariposa10 Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 You tried dating a girl who just got off a relationship. A girl who's still has one foot in with the ex and the other foot with you. The problem with this girl or these girls in general is that, they have an accelerated time table for sex and that depends when she lost it to her most dearest ex. Everything you do must mirror her ex to be considered her surrogate boyfriend while she laments her ex. So if you would have a 50/50 chance that if you sleep with her quickly within 3 dates, then she would then continue seeing you and sleeping with you only to gratify her petty ego and boost her self-esteem while she is working over her feelings with her ex. The rebound guy is just a distraction and seemingly it seemed, she may have wanted to have sex with you, but you lost the opportunity. From now on, you're going to be her friend in the friendzone while she hunts for another man. And because you instigated this, she felt that if you want her so will another man. At least another man will make a move quick on her rather than with slow-mo you. While I DO NOT advocate quick sex with these women because that's really manipulating them during these troubled times to your advantage. Some men do and hunt for these women. She will become their cum buckets as she tries healing. Unless she is willing to be alone for a year or two. This is not your fault. You just went after a woman who lost a relationship and in an emotional turmoil. My rule of thumb is, for every 2 years in a relationship, a woman must be willing to be alone without a relationship for a year or maybe more to heal and work out her problems. What would you say if instead of a girl this was a guy?
Author turtlez Posted October 31, 2013 Author Posted October 31, 2013 I also forgot to mention that her Ex cheated on her and after she broke up with him she ignored all his texts and calls and wants absolutely nothing to do with him. She is one of the most independent girls I know so doing that seemed easy for her. She also told me that she just doesn't feel any emotion at all and made it very clear that she does not want a relationship with anybody anytime soon, so I'm not worried at all about another guy swooping in and dating her.
lindsay1990 Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 I think you can be friendly, as in not being rude but putting definitive distance between you seems like the better option. Staying like that could only make her miss her ex more (as it does when we 'move on' too fast and end up comparing every single thing), or she could just be projecting her loving feelings towards you. Remove yourself as much as you can, but let her do the heavy lifting. Or her and some other guy, but it is not fair to you to compete with her ex's ghost.
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