My best friend and the 2 MAJOR ISSUES I HAVE

[Serenitysmiles]

This post will be in depth so everyone understands in full detail the background of our relationship and what has been happening.

I have had this best friend for 13+ years and we have been through a lot together.... (we are both 22) for the sake of identity I will give her the name Abby. So a little bit about Abby so you understand why she is the way she is. Abby's parents were...lets say irresponsible for the lack of a better word. Her mother was on drugs and her father didn't want to deal with her....she also has a little brother (obviously along for the ride with Abby) Anyway....Abby's mother overdosed and passed away, leaving her and her brother with the Father. The father didn't want the responsibility of caring for his children so he gave custody to his mother...who unfortunately was hard to deal with as well. Abby grew up pretty sheltered and unable go outside much etc. I was the only person in her life she was allowed to hang out with, especially at her own home. Her grandmother was controlling, angry and demanding all in one so Laura didn't have many friends or family for that matter to turn too. We did everything together....we were always spending time together...this may seem like TMI but we even peed around each other....We both were by each others sides at our own mothers funerals. When Abby turned 16 she met a guy and latched herself onto him...This guy had planned to join the military but after Abby became pregnant with his child, he told her he would not do that....he joined anyway and she delivered the baby while he was deployed. He returned a few months later and Abby and him were married and stationed in North Carolina...Abby became pregnant again and her husband was deployed during the time of birth....He returned and gave Abby an STD..... Enough drama for you yet? It gets better. At this point Abby stays with her husband because at that point and time she had no money of her own and no way to return back to New Jersey where she lived. She ends up cheating with the next door neighbor who was married at the time....but apparently divorcing shortly...so they were separated...but none the less, Abby was still married and so was the other guy she was sleeping with...lets call him Kyle. Abby and her husband separated and she moved in with the other man who officially divorced his wife during all that time. This man always wanted to have children of his own but thought he was sterile....2 kids with him later and Abby now had 4 kids with 2 different men. One of which she was still married too. Kyle and Abby had and continue to have several problems and now they are engaged. Kyle got out of the marines and Abby, Kyle and their 4 kids moved to Indiana which later resulted in lack of financial stability so they now live back in New Jersey...where Abby's aunt pays for half of a $1200 bill monthly for rent....since no place cheaper will rent to those with 4 children...Now where do I come in you ask? She is closer with me than she is with her fiance...When he is not around and even when he is present, she talks so badly about him...that he doesn't do anything to provide....that he is ugly...that she wants him to leave....He currently doesn't have his drivers license because he got a DUI back in 2008 that hasn't been fully taken care of yet....oh and did I mention he went bankrupt with his first wife....? Anyway...while I am around she will talk badly about him...and I don't have a problem with him....the issues they have are not mine so I respect the guy for trying to make a crazy situation with 4 kids and an emotionally stressed fiance work....is he perfect? NO....but what am I to say when she says "Sam, isn't he being a jerk?" She tells me she wants to leave him and kick him out but when he comes home from work...she has sex with him....It amazes me...day after day.....Now, I have a friends with benefits situation going on and have been on and off for years and a few years ago...She flirts with him and he flirts back....telling each other they would f*** and she sent him a picture of her bo*** when she was drinking last week....Now I know FWB there are no strings attached no commitment....but my best friend? Who is married? Makes me want to punch her in the face...nice right? After she started this emotional affair with my FWB she cried to me how horrible she was for doing it...but then keeps doing it. And then comes her crazy children ages 6, 3, 2 and 6 months....they are bad....I come over they break my stuff...curse....destroy the house...color on the walls...drink out of my drinks constantly...even if they are in the fridge...they will get on chairs to get to stuff....Abby and Kyle do nothing about it...when they throw their toys at me...and curse at me....the kids!!! I want to scream....I want to be here for my best friend but... her kids are disrespectful and I want to cry....Our relationship has changed greatly over the years, which was true when she got married and now definitely that she has not 1 but 4 kids. I love them dearly...but I don't know how much longer I can deal with her wanting me to be as close with her as we used to be...Maybe I am trying to make our friendship as it used to be and it's just not happening.....HELP!!!!!!

Edited October 31, 2013 by Serenitysmiles

[d0nnivain]

Holy crap -- you guys are 22?! That's too much drama.

 

I get that you two have history but you need to disentangle yourself from this mess.

 

Break it off with the FWB guy. Even though there are no strings, if you have made it clear to him that you'd prefer he not flirt with Abby & he does anyway, he's a cad at best. You can get NSA sex lots of places. You don't need him.

[devilish innocent]

You don't owe her anything just because you've been friends for so long. I can understand why you might not want her completely out of your life given the long history you've shared, but that doesn't mean she still has to be closest your friend. Sometimes people just grow in separate directions. What was a fulfilling friendship when you were a child might not be as fulfilling now that you're an adult. You could put that same time and energy into friendships with people who are more positive, and you would probably be a lot happier. Why not spend that time with other friends and family members instead? Or you could get out of the house, join a class, volunteer, look for groups via meetup.com, etc. and meet new people. There's no reason you should have to spend so much of your time around someone who leaves you feeling drained.