RavNouS Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 So I've hit a crossroads with a girl I've been seeing recently and I'm looking for a little guidance on how I should handle this situation. This is basically the short run down... met online 3 months ago, things went well. Made date plans (with my knowledge of her recent ankle surgery) to which we/she cancelled and rescheduled. Stayed in touch every couple of days or weeks depending and then finally met up on Friday night about 2 weeks ago. I met her for drinks at a bar I know very well and the conversation was flowing nicely. Bounced around to at least 5-6 other bars in the neighborhood to which we wound up hooking up, holding hands, and resting our hands on each others hips. At one point she uttered the words "oh you're just a big mush aren't you" to which I remember just brushing it off with a smile. She asks when she is going to see me again so I make date #2 plans on the spot (following Thursday for bowling). Date ends, we kiss again and head on our separate ways.... get a text from her later on saying thanks for a great night, etc. She reaches out to me first that Sunday and we text back and forth a bit to which she proceeds to cancel our Thursday plans due to the fact she forgot about a work meeting she needed to attend. No worries I say and we move things to Friday instead. I confirm Friday a day or so before and all seems well (**** talking about bowling, nicknames, etc.). Three hours before we are set to meetup, she sends the following text (actually, these are the next few text exchanges): Her: So I'm not sure if I'm going to make it into the city tonight Me: No response/Silence Her (next day): Sorry about yesterday night, I hope you got my message! Things go busy around here. Me: Understood. Her "Some old text we exchanged, where she asked to reschedule" Me: huh? Her: Ok, I guess not. Me: I thought that was an old text, it was dated "Aug 15th", but I'm game to reschedule. Her: Oh, ok, just checking! I'll be in the city Tuesday for worrk, would you want to grab a drink? Me: Sure, I'm free Tuesday. Her: Ok, no prob! We solidify the time/place then radio silence till that day. We confirm and actually meet up. I take her to this very cool speakeasy hidden bar and we bounce around again. She seemed a little less touchy feely this time around so I eased in the physical contact. Midway through we were hooking up and brushing hands once again. I kept the kissing short and sweet as to tease her with it a bit (due to the earlier mush comment). She was prepared to stay out a bit longer then we did but she went to the restroom and then appeared to want to cut the night short (for whatever reason, seemed like a situation outside of my control) so we cut things and walked to the train together. She said she wanted me to send her pics of my Halloween night out and I told her to do the same (she also said she's keeping my bowling nickname a secret for now, just in case we go). We part ways at the train station with a very long/active kiss, it seems as if she doesn't want to leave. So I cut it and say I'll talk to you later, get home safe. This was last night, I'm not sure when I should reach out again as she has a work Halloween thing tonight and then a big dinner party thing she is throwing for her friends on Saturday. I was planning on reaching out on Sunday to let a little time pass and have more to talk about? Perhaps go for date plans? Or am I setting myself up for defeat as she has no problems with canceling plans when she feels like it? (though she did ask me what I was up to next week and I said I'm still planning it out at the moment, I value my time so I want to make sure I maximize it). Basically I wasn't sure how things would go after the flake but I guess interest is still there? If there is a better way I should be handling things please let me know. Thanks!
Woop1337 Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 (edited) She cancelled on you twice, in a row. So I don't know if she's really interested. At best, she kinda likes you but just a flake. Type of person that will forget to pay their bills on time, even though they have the money at hand. I say move on. How many times have you flaked, cancelled, and cut the night short, on someone you like? Edited October 31, 2013 by Woop1337 1
Author RavNouS Posted October 31, 2013 Author Posted October 31, 2013 She cancelled on you twice, in a row. So I don't know if she's really interested. At best, she kinda likes you but just a flake. Type of person that will forget to pay their bills on time, even though they have the money at hand. I say move on. How many times have you flaked, cancelled, and cut the night short, on someone you like? All fair points and that's the way I've been leaning. I'll give leeway on date cancellations based on the reason... foot surgery and you haven't healed up as expect, fair enough. Not remembering you had something planned during the next week... kinda irresponsible. Cancelling 3 hours before a date and not apologizing? I should have treated that as inexcusable and a done deal. I'm laying back for now and will see if she reaches out to me.
Assasda Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 I think you handled all of this great. I think you got her wrapped up man, I really do. You never acted weak or needy, just like a fun guy. I think you can send her the pictures of your halloween night. Just do that during the night. She asked for the pictures and its a good non-needy way of letting her know that you have her interests in mind. Send her halloween pictures as your halloweeen night goes on 1
Author RavNouS Posted October 31, 2013 Author Posted October 31, 2013 I think you handled all of this great. I think you got her wrapped up man, I really do. You never acted weak or needy, just like a fun guy. I think you can send her the pictures of your halloween night. Just do that during the night. She asked for the pictures and its a good non-needy way of letting her know that you have her interests in mind. Send her halloween pictures as your halloweeen night goes on Thanks Assasda, I just try to keep a strong frame and not let things bother me. If they do, I'll show that I'm willing to walk away and not tolerate it. That's a pretty awesome idea, the funny thing is she actually just texted me asking if I managed to find all of the pieces to my halloween costume (going to be the jolly green giant)... I'd say the interest level is there, just got to cut out the damn flakes. I'm going to continue playing it cool.
simsim Posted November 1, 2013 Posted November 1, 2013 I think you handled all of this great. I think you got her wrapped up man, I really do. You never acted weak or needy, just like a fun guy. I think you can send her the pictures of your halloween night. Just do that during the night. She asked for the pictures and its a good non-needy way of letting her know that you have her interests in mind. Send her halloween pictures as your halloweeen night goes on Agreed. As a woman I can attest that OP has handled the situation perfectly. I especially liked that you didn't respond that night to her text about not being able to make it into town. This is attractive behavior. Other guys could learn from it. 2
Author RavNouS Posted November 7, 2013 Author Posted November 7, 2013 Thanks simsim, sadly my ability to play this situation perfectly really hasn't changed anything. I have to give you a lot of props woop1337, you nailed it right on the head. I dropped contact till this past Saturday (she was having a dinner party at her place) where we texted a bit until she had people start to arrive and such. The next day she texted me back and we had a decent bit of back and forth. We made date plans for this coming Thursday but she wanted to do it on a tentative basis. I told her I'd really prefer to make solid plans, and she replied "me too, but I've got report cards blah blah blah". I should have been more firm and tell her I don't make tentative plans (It really does bother me). So I let things drop and she texted me today asking about an interview I had and how it went. I asked her how the report cards are going and she proceeded to cancel tomorrow and say she doesn't want to hold me up. At this point I'm done replying and will throw her back out to sea. She is just too wrapped up in her work/not interested to make time to hang out with me during the week. Thanks for your help!
SJC2008 Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 If she flakes again I'd personally end things with her. You handled the flakes fine with a non response and letting her reschedule but don't get being "needy" with self respect being confused. One poster said your non response was attractive BUT the woman you're dating knows that she can flake on you any time she wants to and you'll still be there. The first time a woman flakes I let it slide. Hey, shyt happens so why not give the benefit of the doubt. But after that if I feel like they're playing games and/or they flake again I call them out on it and tell them later gator. The last woman I dated cancelled on me and didn't offer a reschedule (I had a thread about this) so I went NC on her. Well about 9 days later she texted back out of the blue and we made small talk and I told her she kind of fell off the radar... We planned another date and she flaked again and I told her that pretty much did it for me and she said she understood and she expected that. She expected that becuase she knew I wasn't going to put up with her flakiness anymore. Now, people may or may not agree with the way I hadnled the situation but the bottom line is when someone flakes you're not their number one and it really doesn't matter how you play it. Sure if you play it cool you won't scare them off and may get another date but you're still not their number 1. Soo in your situation I'd say you're dealing with a poor planner who doesn't respect your time or you're her number two. Keep handling things the way you have and try not to get too invested. Keep your options open. 1
SJC2008 Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 Thanks simsim, sadly my ability to play this situation perfectly really hasn't changed anything. I have to give you a lot of props woop1337, you nailed it right on the head. I dropped contact till this past Saturday (she was having a dinner party at her place) where we texted a bit until she had people start to arrive and such. The next day she texted me back and we had a decent bit of back and forth. We made date plans for this coming Thursday but she wanted to do it on a tentative basis. I told her I'd really prefer to make solid plans, and she replied "me too, but I've got report cards blah blah blah". I should have been more firm and tell her I don't make tentative plans (It really does bother me). So I let things drop and she texted me today asking about an interview I had and how it went. I asked her how the report cards are going and she proceeded to cancel tomorrow and say she doesn't want to hold me up. At this point I'm done replying and will throw her back out to sea. She is just too wrapped up in her work/not interested to make time to hang out with me during the week. Thanks for your help! Ok for some reason I didn't read this response before I posted... Sorry to hear that but don't think you did anything wrong buy not telling her you don't do tentative plans. You did say you'd rather have solid plans, most men wouldn't have even done that. Don't go into 'what did I do wrong mode' it'll jsut make you more insecure.
Author RavNouS Posted November 7, 2013 Author Posted November 7, 2013 Thanks SJC2008, It's not so much insecurity as it is I just want to make sure the course of action I've taken is the proper one going forward. I believe this situation has actually really helped me going forward, I will now handle flakes/cancellations with grace and really throw women off. It's all about learning and life experiences as far as I'm concerned so nothing is ever a waste of time. If she reaches out to me again I'll give her the truth, the flakes have been far too great to overcome... it's over.
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