DownNtOut Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 I have given her a few weeks of time and space to think I want to write her a letter to put all my feelings on paper and let her know i am still thinking of her and want us to work out. any advice on how to structure the letter. i dont want it to get off point but also i want her to know i am serious ladies is this a good idea? many thanks
Simon Phoenix Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 I have given her a few weeks of time and space to think I want to write her a letter to put all my feelings on paper and let her know i am still thinking of her and want us to work out. any advice on how to structure the letter. i dont want it to get off point but also i want her to know i am serious ladies is this a good idea? many thanks Not a lady, but this is a bad idea. Letter are never good. I'm guessing you are the one dumped, which if I'm correct, she's not worried about whether you are thinking about her or not. She assumes you are thinking of her. A letter comes off as pushy, clingy and overemotional and just will turn her off more. If you want to write a letter to get your words on paper, that's cool. BUT DO NOT SEND IT. It's not going to have the effect you want. The only thing that can bring an ex back is if the ex wants to come back, and that is completely up to them. Nothing you say can trigger it -- in fact, you can only do harm by trying to convince them. 2
AShogunNamedMarcus Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 Only a few weeks? Nah don't send that letter. We've all been there man. You think you have to tell her one last time what you really feel and if you get it on paper it will all come out the way you want it to come out. I've sent girls letters like this and they all looked at me with pity and were turned off. You need to write the letter, sit on it for 2 days and then come back and read it. You'll see things in it that you might be embarrassed if she actually read it. Re-write this letter, sit on it for 2 more days and come back to read it. Rinse, repeat but do not send it to her. 1
Simon Phoenix Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 Only a few weeks? Nah don't send that letter. We've all been there man. You think you have to tell her one last time what you really feel and if you get it on paper it will all come out the way you want it to come out. I've sent girls letters like this and they all looked at me with pity and were turned off. You need to write the letter, sit on it for 2 days and then come back and read it. You'll see things in it that you might be embarrassed if she actually read it. Re-write this letter, sit on it for 2 more days and come back to read it. Rinse, repeat but do not send it to her. I did something similar to this. I wrote a letter on my computer to my ex that was 900 words. Every few days I would tweak it. As I went on I would make it shorter and shorter because there was less I felt like "pouring out". Then I just stopped tweaking it and would read it. Then I stopped reading it. Finally I just deleted the thing. 3
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 I have given her a few weeks of time and space to think I want to write her a letter to put all my feelings on paper and let her know i am still thinking of her and want us to work out. any advice on how to structure the letter. i dont want it to get off point but also i want her to know i am serious ladies is this a good idea? many thanks Letters are easily the WORST idea in the history of ideas. Read many of the threads on here. Writing a letter does nothing but hinder EVERYTHING. 1,000 reasons why its a bad idea, 0 ideas why its good. Just dont do it. 2
mammasita Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 No no no no no no! Read the link in my sig! 1
seethrewthebs Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 Listen to everyone and don't do it. Sure, you can write the letter just to get your feelings out and on paper, but keep it to yourself. 2
Fufu Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 I have given her a few weeks of time and space to think I want to write her a letter to put all my feelings on paper and let her know i am still thinking of her and want us to work out. any advice on how to structure the letter. i dont want it to get off point but also i want her to know i am serious ladies is this a good idea? many thanks I can tell you it's a bad idea. If I'm the female dumper and received my ex's letter, I will be seriously turned off. What i suggest is you could write down your feelings on a piece of paper, re them them and tear and throw them away. This will help you to feel better after releasing what you wanted to say. (but no never send to your ex) 2
Never Again Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 Personal experience: I sent a letter to my ex 3.5 months post-BU. I did not talk about my feelings at all. It was just an attempt to clear the air - basically apologizing for my major relationship error, and letting her know that I still didn't want to be friends but certainly didn't hate her - before we both had to attend a wedding. Setting loose boundaries and burying hatchets. She thanked me up and down for it both upon receiving it and at the wedding. Then she chased me around said wedding, gave me mixed signals and breadcrumbed me when I finally gave her attention. All while swooning over a guy on the other side of the country that dresses as her favorite TV character. So, here's the thing: My letter was apparently a big hit and led to her showing some entirely noncommittal interest in me. Was it a good idea? NOPE. I had no expectation for the letter other than making myself feel better. And it did, briefly. Then it led to an internal sh*tstorm of getting strung along. I relieved her guilt, which she should've been dealing with entirely on her own...and basically condoned her leaving me on the backburner while she pursues fantasy f*ckbuddies. I had no ulterior motive for sending that letter, but it still played a part in setting me back. Even the best case scenario is bad. A letter isn't necessarily a clingy or desperate move, but it is a dumb one. It's contact when you're not ready for it. Just like any other form of contact, it will open you up to more hurt and set your healing back to square one. 2
AnyaNova Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 Personal experience: I sent a letter to my ex 3.5 months post-BU. I did not talk about my feelings at all. It was just an attempt to clear the air - basically apologizing for my major relationship error, and letting her know that I still didn't want to be friends but certainly didn't hate her - before we both had to attend a wedding. Setting loose boundaries and burying hatchets. She thanked me up and down for it both upon receiving it and at the wedding. Then she chased me around said wedding, gave me mixed signals and breadcrumbed me when I finally gave her attention. All while swooning over a guy on the other side of the country that dresses as her favorite TV character. So, here's the thing: My letter was apparently a big hit and led to her showing some entirely noncommittal interest in me. Was it a good idea? NOPE. I had no expectation for the letter other than making myself feel better. And it did, briefly. Then it led to an internal sh*tstorm of getting strung along. I relieved her guilt, which she should've been dealing with entirely on her own...and basically condoned her leaving me on the backburner while she pursues fantasy f*ckbuddies. I had no ulterior motive for sending that letter, but it still played a part in setting me back. Even the best case scenario is bad. A letter isn't necessarily a clingy or desperate move, but it is a dumb one. It's contact when you're not ready for it. Just like any other form of contact, it will open you up to more hurt and set your healing back to square one. Agreed. If you are the dumper, however, you could send it, just make sure that you are absolutely sure you want to rekindle something before you do. Because you do have to think about her feelings and her healing. Could you briefly summarize the circumstances surrounding your breakup? We might be able to give you better advice.
Author DownNtOut Posted November 1, 2013 Author Posted November 1, 2013 hey i called her we chatted for 5 mins or so we are going to meet monday what should i say to her
Simon Phoenix Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 hey i called her we chatted for 5 mins or so we are going to meet monday what should i say to her Nothing. Cancel the meeting. Way too early for this. All you are going to get from her is something completely negative "I have no interest in getting back with you" or something with breadcrumbs that will ultimately lead to nothing "I miss you, but I'm not sure what I want right now, so we can only be friends" 1
Salvatore85 Posted November 2, 2013 Posted November 2, 2013 I wrote several letters. I poured my heart out and told her everything I wanted too say. Then a funny thing happened, I never sent them to her. It ended up being such amazing therapy for me that I went out and started having fun. I got to say everything I wanted to without any of the disappointment of her not appreciating it. I mean think about it for a second. When you write this letter it is coming from the heart and you mean every inch of it. How are you going to react when she doesn't care? Write these letters for yourself, not for her. 1
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