Acacia98 Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 (edited) ozziegal, you definitely need to let go of this one. I don't for a second believe he dumped you because of work. I believe he dumped you because it was very much in character for him to do so. The reason why I say this is because of how quickly he pushed for your relationship to move forward. It happens so often that it's a cliche: guy meets girl, instantaneously falls 'in love', claims to want the same things she wants, insists that they meet each other's families, then just when the girl starts to feel secure about where things are going, he dumps her. Now, fortunately for you, this guy was decent enough to tell you he was pulling out. He didn't just stop emailing and calling and drop off the face of the earth. He actually sent you a message. Granted, it would have been classier to do it in person, and it would have been nicer if he'd been honest with you about his feelings all along. But at least now you know there's no future here. Don't waste your energy trying to figure out why he did what he did. I bet you it had nothing to do with you per se, and everything to do with whatever issues he is struggling with as an individual. I wouldn't be surprised if it turned out he'd done the same thing to other ladies before you. Leigh is right. The man is not remotely serious about you. A man who wants to be with you will move heaven and earth to make room for you in his life. He won't dump you because of a hiccup he encountered along the way. I was recently in a relationship with a guy who was a single father to more than one kid and had two jobs, and he still managed to make time for me. He made way more room in his life for me than other guys I'd dated before who were childless and had way fewer responsibilities. And he did so without sacrificing his time with his kids. He was able to do it because he wanted to. This man you were dating actually sounds like an all round shallow person. He may have commitment issues and be terrified of true emotional intimacy. If you allow him to, he's gonna start playing that push-pull game: missing you when he realizes you're pulling away, and then being aloof when you try to reach out to him. Then he'll toss you a few breadcrumbs periodically to keep you interested in him while he's dating other women... Look out for yourself. Edited November 19, 2013 by Acacia98 3
JOYTOME Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 Just remember, if he met the right women, his reasoning would not be valid. The good news is; you will probably meet the right guy one day, who is so into you, that he would not let his life commitments get in the way. I agree with you when you say that some men use the "I'm too busy for a relationship" as an excuse because it's a gentler way to let a woman down. But i do believe that sometimes, some men really do not want to commit to anyone at that point of time and they remain single for years; opting for short term flings. When a man is in that "non-committal" mode, it is pretty difficult to penetrate him. I've heard several male friends say they let go of lovely women they could have married because they simply weren't ready to style down at that point in time. Now they're ready to settle down and would go back to those women in a heart beat if the opportunity presented itself. 3
Addison312 Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 If he wanted to be with you, he would. Let him go. 2
JOYTOME Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 hmmm he has been texting me every day now since last friday. asked me to catch up on sunday. i said no. last night going on and on about work and how he sacrificed me for his job. Hi there, I'm really sorry you're in this position. The thing is you're 40years and in as much as i would caution against rushing things, reality is you know what you want and time isn't in your utmost favour. There are men out there who are looking for the same thing; stability, kids, marriage and a family. I personally don't think it's inherently bad to make your desires known sooner than later, otherwise you might end up dating without a purpose and wasting more time in meaningless relationships. You didn't do anything wrong and there's nothing you could have done to alter the outcome. When the real test of commitment came, he failed it. That's on him, not you. This guy who is 35years old, has he been married before? Shat is his relationship history ? 1
JOYTOME Posted November 19, 2013 Posted November 19, 2013 Forgive my typos, I'm typing on a touch screen mobile device 1
Author ozziegal8 Posted November 20, 2013 Author Posted November 20, 2013 Hi there, I'm really sorry you're in this position. The thing is you're 40years and in as much as i would caution against rushing things, reality is you know what you want and time isn't in your utmost favour. There are men out there who are looking for the same thing; stability, kids, marriage and a family. I personally don't think it's inherently bad to make your desires known sooner than later, otherwise you might end up dating without a purpose and wasting more time in meaningless relationships. You didn't do anything wrong and there's nothing you could have done to alter the outcome. When the real test of commitment came, he failed it. That's on him, not you. This guy who is 35years old, has he been married before? Shat is his relationship history ? to be honest i dont know a lot about his relationship history, he said he hadnt had a girlfriend for 2 years due to work. he said prior to that he lived with someone and when they broke up she tried to slash her wrists? he did say he wasnt good at relationships and doesnt know how to communicte. now after me telling how badly he treated me the first time but doing a runner, he has done exactly the same thing again.
Author ozziegal8 Posted November 20, 2013 Author Posted November 20, 2013 after sunday he wanted to try again and take it slow. no contact monday, tuesday night i rang no answer. i text the next afternoon saying rang you last night too see how you went with your car. he had a car accident on the weekend. he replied saying ok i said i will call you tonight. i rang at 6.30pm, now 3 day since we have spoken. phone went to vm obviously on phone rang back a minute later rang out. left a message. 90 mins later i sent a text saying so you have done this again, why cant you be a man, you used me once again why do it again?
Iguanna Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 (edited) Like I say, at your age you can't really win. Mentioning marriage and kids is an absolute death knell. The fact that you don't have much time doesn't change that. The fact that most men would get scared and run away when they hear a woman wants family soon doesn't mean that she has to change her wishes or lie about them. She will eventually find a person who will appreciate her honesty and want the same thing as her. The fact that this previous guy decided suddenly that he doesn't want family as he had stated at the start doesn't obligate the OP to lie about her needs to future guys she meets. Edited November 20, 2013 by Iguanna ok I finaly learned the verb "obligate" :P 2
JOYTOME Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 (edited) after sunday he wanted to try again and take it slow. no contact monday, tuesday night i rang no answer. i text the next afternoon saying rang you last night too see how you went with your car. he had a car accident on the weekend. he replied saying ok i said i will call you tonight. i rang at 6.30pm, now 3 day since we have spoken. phone went to vm obviously on phone rang back a minute later rang out. left a message. 90 mins later i sent a text saying so you have done this again, why cant you be a man, you used me once again why do it again? Seems he's playing the push and pull game. You really shouldn't waste anymore time trying to figure him out. I understand that you're emotional andmhurt right now, but really, this guy can't offer you what you genuinely desire. I think it's time to enforce the No Contact rule. You need to heal and you need to wean yourself off him, cold turkey. It's going to hurt you badly, but it is essential. He's no longer taking your calls, he's treating you disrespectfully it's time to show yourself some love. Look at it this way, by calling and contacting him you're making yourself look even more desperate and increasing the chances that he'll never want to speak to you again, but most importantly you're hurting yourself. It's a lose- lose situation. Let him be, and he might just come back but even if that happens I'd strongly advise against taking him back. Hugs Edited November 20, 2013 by JOYTOME 1
dreamingoftigers Posted November 20, 2013 Posted November 20, 2013 after sunday he wanted to try again and take it slow. no contact monday, tuesday night i rang no answer. i text the next afternoon saying rang you last night too see how you went with your car. he had a car accident on the weekend. he replied saying ok i said i will call you tonight. i rang at 6.30pm, now 3 day since we have spoken. phone went to vm obviously on phone rang back a minute later rang out. left a message. 90 mins later i sent a text saying so you have done this again, why cant you be a man, you used me once again why do it again? Oh my god, seriously. Just STOP. He was trying to "let you down easy" in his own twisted way. Okay. Just stop. He doesn't want it. He doesn't want to "be a man" to you. He wants you to leave him alone. 1
Author ozziegal8 Posted November 21, 2013 Author Posted November 21, 2013 so after me phoning him on tuesday no reply then i text the next day saying i would call tonight which i did no answer. 90 mins later nothing so i sent that text saying why you doing this again u used me y cant you be a man. he replied with this;ive been home for an hour and working. i dont think ive used you we were both content in a casual meet up and we discussed starting slower. but you being like this is not making me at all interested.
Art_Critic Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 I think in order for you to move on from this you are going to have to block him and stop replying to his texts, it seems he was only after sex and was using the guise of the whole we are on the same page with kids and stuff to help him get it.. Please let this guy go.. he isn't a healthy candidate for a relationship 2
Leigh 87 Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 so after me phoning him on tuesday no reply then i text the next day saying i would call tonight which i did no answer. 90 mins later nothing so i sent that text saying why you doing this again u used me y cant you be a man. he replied with this;ive been home for an hour and working. i dont think ive used you we were both content in a casual meet up and we discussed starting slower. but you being like this is not making me at all interested. OMG. Do you NOT listen to ANY one? WHY do you some on here if you are too stupid to listen to our advice? Sorry to be harsh but I speak the truth! He said he did not use you, because you were both down for casual thing ( YES, casual meet up means a casual sex arrangement) You are desperate. Please work on yourself. See a profesional to help you build some self esteem, because you clearly have none. This guy has shown NO signs that he is into you. He has not shown any signs that he really really likes you. DO you think if he met the girls of his dreams, he would just not text them for days at a time? Do you think he would act like this to a girl he was head over heals for? 1
dreamingoftigers Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 so after me phoning him on tuesday no reply then i text the next day saying i would call tonight which i did no answer. 90 mins later nothing so i sent that text saying why you doing this again u used me y cant you be a man. he replied with this;ive been home for an hour and working. i dont think ive used you we were both content in a casual meet up and we discussed starting slower. but you being like this is not making me at all interested. Again. Just STOP. If you need something to do, go to the dollar store and get a big piece of red Bristol board. Cut it into an octagon and write STOP on it. Hang it up on your wall and everytime you think of contacting him in any way go state at it until the message sinks in. Ozziegal. Cease pursuit. Persona non grata. Call off the dogs. Smell roses but not ones from him because he's isn't giving you any. Just stop all contact with him. Apply the brakes. Soldier on in the other direction. Finito. Fin. THE END. However it needs to be said, say it to yourself 18 times. 2
nomadic_butterfly Posted November 21, 2013 Posted November 21, 2013 Early 30s. Sorry I'm just being blunt. False hope is not doing anyone any good. I'm just trying to tell you not to waste time on this one. OAN I totally have a girl crush on you LOL. You are so freaking adorbs. That is all. LOL.
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