ozziegal8 Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 Well im back here again. Met a guy online after months of talking, his profile said he had been single for 2 years as he was focussed on his building business and setting it up. We talked for ages, always talking about his work. We met up, he talked about work I wasnt sure, he hadnt even eaten lunch and was drunk after one glass of wine. But we stayed and it turned into a good night. From then on he bombarded me he was full on with what he wanted giving me compliments wanting to see me. Im in my early 40's and i want to settle down, I know what I want, I told him im concerned as he is 35 and may not want the same things yet. He asked what I wanted I said settle down kids etc. He said he wanted the same. From then things were great, moved fast, he text me all the time saying he was falling for me that im the one etc. I met his family stayed at their place he met mine. Then 2 weeks ago he lost money on a job. I never asked him to not work weekends but he was taking time off to spend with me. Sunday he was great full on being lovely as always. Then the next day he was busy at work then went really distant. He cancelled our Wednesday date night due to work then it go to Friday I text he was funny with me, I phoned he never called me back then he sent met this text on Saturday morning; Hi Lisa, I need to explain that I have been distant because things arn't feeling right for me. I think I started things too quickly and I'm not focused on what's happening in my life and what I want to do and need to do to get there. I don't regret anything that we have done, I'm personally just not ready to be where we are. I'm not in the mind set to be in a relationship or to give the respect to my partner. It's all a little too much too soon. Even though I believed it was what I wanted. I can't move forward with a relationship. I hope you understand and find someone that's wanting what you are also, your a fantastic person.
soccerrprp Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 ozziegal8, Sorry to hear that. It does sound like the two of you moved very quickly. His job also sounds unstable and the combination did him in it seems. Slow it waaaaay down next time. No meeting each other's families until you have had ample time getting to know one another, getting a firm idea that the two of you are on the same page. Good luck.
Mascara Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 You're in a very tricky situation because you're in your early 40s and want a family. You don't really have the option to take it slow. But conversely, that's going to scare a lot of men off. I'm the same age as you, but I've had my family. So I'm able to date in a relaxed way. I know it's difficult, but try not to bring up the family thing quite so soon.
Author ozziegal8 Posted October 31, 2013 Author Posted October 31, 2013 ok but i want kids i needed to say that and make it clear cos i dont have a lot of time. he said he wanted the same the whole time we were together. plus he was the one pushing.
Mascara Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 Like I say, at your age you can't really win. Mentioning marriage and kids is an absolute death knell. The fact that you don't have much time doesn't change that.
Author ozziegal8 Posted October 31, 2013 Author Posted October 31, 2013 but i tried to end it at the start saying i thought he wanted different things than me. but i kept pushing and saying he wanted kids he even told my mate the same?
Mascara Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 Don't listen to what people tell you they want at the start of a relationship. No matter how much he pushes you. People that come on super strong at the start fade just as quickly. 2
mammasita Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 OP, I understand your position, but honestly - rushing will only get you into trouble. Trust me! From the time you met to the time he sent you that message - how long?
Author ozziegal8 Posted October 31, 2013 Author Posted October 31, 2013 sorry i mean to say HE kept pushing not me
Art_Critic Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 It's one of a few options.. He could be only looking for sex online and not a relationship and when you essentially gave him a relationship he flew the coupe. He might have been seeing a couple of women from online and decided to free up some of his time so he can spend more with the other person. If you take him at his word, which is the easiest and most reliable then he is just not ready for what you had to offer and it wasn't a good fit.. Either way... next... Don't let him get you down.. 1
Author ozziegal8 Posted November 6, 2013 Author Posted November 6, 2013 so i was looking over our convo's before we met, there were signs there he wasn't ready, comments like, im so busy throw a woman in the mix and i would be confused. im really confused why he would delete me from facebook? we were still great mates? he has even stopped himself from seeing my pix on instagram? i can still see his though?
Emilia Posted November 6, 2013 Posted November 6, 2013 so i was looking over our convo's before we met, there were signs there he wasn't ready, comments like, im so busy throw a woman in the mix and i would be confused. im really confused why he would delete me from facebook? we were still great mates? he has even stopped himself from seeing my pix on instagram? i can still see his though? Do you know much about his relationship history? You said he was single for 2 years before you met. Has he ever had a proper, verifiable long term relationship?
Author ozziegal8 Posted November 7, 2013 Author Posted November 7, 2013 ok so after telling me he wasnt ready to be in a relationship. he is back online, he had blocked me as well so i didnt know he was on. why would he delete from facebook everything we havent even spoken. and y why he go back online looking for another relationship after he told me he wasnt ready to be with anyone.
tlegend Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 ok so after telling me he wasnt ready to be in a relationship. he is back online, he had blocked me as well so i didnt know he was on. why would he delete from facebook everything we havent even spoken. and y why he go back online looking for another relationship after he told me he wasnt ready to be with anyone. Because you got dumped nicely. That's why. Hate to break it to you, but he wasn't attracted to you anymore it seems. He tried to break up with you nicely, and you are not moving on. It's a crappy situation, but you have to be able to learn and move on. He's cut you out of his life, apparently, and in order to move on, you will need to accept that.
Author ozziegal8 Posted November 7, 2013 Author Posted November 7, 2013 but why act like he was attracted the last time we saw each other?
spiderowl Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 ok so after telling me he wasnt ready to be in a relationship. he is back online, he had blocked me as well so i didnt know he was on. why would he delete from facebook everything we havent even spoken. and y why he go back online looking for another relationship after he told me he wasnt ready to be with anyone. The guy is unreliable, he says one thing and does another. He probably doesn't know his own mind until he hits a wall. He's probably up for anything when he's drunk and backing out of commitment of any kind when he's not. He's looking for something shallower with less at stake and that's probably what he'll find for a while. As for him blocking you, that's just rude and immature. It's an indication of the character of the guy and shows in a way you were lucky not to get too embroiled with him. 4
aussietigerwolf Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 You dodged a bullet with that guy... Cowardly and imature. but I don't think telling a guy your intentions in a relationship is a bad thing, lol as long as you're telling him that you want babies and marriage to him right now. 2
Leigh 87 Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 Most of the time, when a guy says he's not ready for a relationship, it means: I'm not into you. Normally, what he said to you about not being ready for a relationship means: I don't want a relationship with YOU, but I'd be with a women if she really knocked my socks off. I'm not ready for a relationship, yet if I fell hard for a guy whom I really liked, and it seemed to be mutual; I'd be with him in a heartbeat. Albeit, I will would definitely warn him of my predicament and get him to agree to take thinge slowly. 2
Author ozziegal8 Posted November 7, 2013 Author Posted November 7, 2013 i didnt say i wanted all that right now i said in the future only as i was concerned at the start he wanted different things and he told me he wanted the same.
Author ozziegal8 Posted November 7, 2013 Author Posted November 7, 2013 ok, when he ended it by text i was emotional and couldnt say what i thought. tonight i had the guts to tell him what i thought. i rang him he called me back straight away being all friendly and acting as if we were long lost buddies. i was firm and said so 'you liked to me' you said you werent after a relationship yet my friend saw you back online searching for another' he said he didnt know what i was talking about, he was honest with me, he wasn't ready for where we were heading as he is too busy to be in a relationship with anyone' but as all his friends are hooked up and he stays home each weekend (he does) he is online to meet new friends to hang out with. i said that site is for relationships there are other sites for you (i.e. sex) he said he isnt just after ..... anyway i told him to end it by text was gutless and to delete me from facebook was childish as i did nothing wrong to him, im a good person, and he let my friends down who took time off work(he promised them a hol down to his dads hol house) he said he liked what we had but he wasnt ready to go where we were heading. he ended up hanging up as he said he didnt feel he did anything wrong and he was content where he was in life. This is exactly what he said to me about being content when we were together and how happy he was. He said he didnt have to listen to me tell him off. I feel ok glad i said what i did but maybe me talking about kids scared him off? Although he did say he would do it tmw? if he wasnt ready he could have said im not ready.
Author ozziegal8 Posted November 7, 2013 Author Posted November 7, 2013 maybe if i had of said tonight on phone when he said he wasnt ready for where things were heading, maybe i should have said well lets slow it down and try again? do you think he would have come around? he was the one that sped it up in the first place.
Emilia Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 maybe if i had of said tonight on phone when he said he wasnt ready for where things were heading, maybe i should have said well lets slow it down and try again? do you think he would have come around? he was the one that sped it up in the first place. No. This ship has sailed. Please let it go. 3
kiss_andmakeup Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 Being that you're in your 40's and still want kids, I think dating men in their 30's is a foolish move. A 35 year old guy who wants kids is probably not going to settle down with a woman in her 40's. He will opt for someone his age or younger, who still has some time before things become dire in the baby-making department. This gives them a chance to allow their relationship to progress at a natural pace, rather than at the breakneck speed that is necessary for a woman in her 40's who still wishes to have a family. I feel like your best bet would be dating men your age and older, who are also starting to feel the pressures of time. 2
Janesays Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 maybe if i had of said tonight on phone when he said he wasnt ready for where things were heading, maybe i should have said well lets slow it down and try again? do you think he would have come around? he was the one that sped it up in the first place. No, dude. This man is rejecting you. 100%. Completely. Why give up your dignity and pride in the process by begging? Your phone call to 'tell him off' probably came across as desperate and pathetic. Please don't make that mistake again. 2
crederer Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 I can relate to him. I have certain things I need to focus on and don't have to time or desire to dive hard into a relationship, even though there are moments when I do want to. Ironically the girl I was seeing seems to try even harder to get with me after I treated her poorly, which in itself is kind of insulting to me in a weird way. When I was trying hard with her I got little effort on her end now that I'm not trying at all she's all over me. It's not that she's not a decent girl or that I dislike her or anything, it's just not where my priorities are right now and if my priorities change I'll let her know. Until and if that happens I really just need her to back off.
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