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Going Overseas Without Telling Me?


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Posted (edited)

side note for those playing at home: The other guy from my last thread is all forgotten, so the guy i am talking about in this thread is someone else.

 

So i have been friends / seeing this guy for a couple of months , he is 45, there is something romantic there, there is chemistry , but nothing much physically has actually happened yet. All i know is i like him a whole lot. I think he likes me..He is super smart, funny, same tastes in things. I just really like him.

 

I don't know why it has taken me so long but i decided this morning to look him up on facebook and add him as a friend. When i first met him online dating i did look him up just to check he wasn't a serial killer, and today i went back to add him.

 

Anyway i was just about to do a friend request when i noticed his latest status which was 2 days ago, telling people he is going off overseas on holiday for a week. Sounded like he was leaving soon , maybe today or late yesterday...Gave a lot of detail about what he is going to do there etc.

 

We were only texting each other yesterday, and fairly extensively and he made no mention of this trip OVERSEAS...????? It sounds like he is going alone by his facebook status. Anyway i was pretty hurt and didnt end up adding him. I haven't mentioned it to him yet that i know about his trip.

 

Why wouldnt he tell me something this significant?? i dont get it. Should i just stop texting him or calling him and assume i am really not that important to him? What do you guys think of this?? i am not sure what to do or think about this and could really use your advice or insight.

 

 

 

:(

Edited by mishy
  • Author
Posted

what you you all think?

Posted

So when you say seeing him.....you've been going out on dates and stuff?

Posted

I think it is a bit weird considering the fact that you have been seeing him for a few months. Then again, you seem unsure and assuming that he likes you - has he done anything to ahow that? How old are you btw? Why is he stull in a dating website then?

  • Author
Posted
So when you say seeing him.....you've been going out on dates and stuff?

 

we have been out a few times, but not in the last 10 days. Its been more of a really slow thing because i have been trying not to go to fast and stuff it up, wanted to focus on the building friendship as well.

  • Author
Posted
I think it is a bit weird considering the fact that you have been seeing him for a few months. Then again, you seem unsure and assuming that he likes you - has he done anything to ahow that? How old are you btw? Why is he stull in a dating website then?

 

no i was referring to facebook not the dating website. I looked him up on facebook today, and the last time before that was when we first met. We are both over 35, he is 45

Posted
side note for those playing at home: The other guy from my last thread is all forgotten, so the guy i am talking about in this thread is someone else.

 

So i have been friends / seeing this guy for a couple of months , he is 45, there is something romantic there, there is chemistry , but nothing much physically has actually happened yet. All i know is i like him a whole lot. I think he likes me..He is super smart, funny, same tastes in things. I just really like him.

 

I don't know why it has taken me so long but i decided this morning to look him up on facebook and add him as a friend. When i first met him online dating i did look him up just to check he wasn't a serial killer, and today i went back to add him.

 

Anyway i was just about to do a friend request when i noticed his latest status which was 2 days ago, telling people he is going off overseas on holiday for a week. Sounded like he was leaving soon , maybe today or late yesterday...Gave a lot of detail about what he is going to do there etc.

 

We were only texting each other yesterday, and fairly extensively and he made no mention of this trip OVERSEAS...????? It sounds like he is going alone by his facebook status. Anyway i was pretty hurt and didnt end up adding him. I haven't mentioned it to him yet that i know about his trip.

 

Why wouldnt he tell me something this significant?? i dont get it. Should i just stop texting him or calling him and assume i am really not that important to him? What do you guys think of this?? i am not sure what to do or think about this and could really use your advice or insight.

 

 

 

:(

 

That would be my guess, unfortunately. It seems awfully strange that he never once mentioned it to you, but it indicates where his feelings are at. He's not as invested as you are.

Posted

From a womans perspective - I would have mentioned it. I am in a similar situation. I'm dating somone and have a trip coming up. I casually mentioned it during one of our early dates just to throw it out there.

 

All you can do at this point is move forward with friending him and then ask him about his trip. I'm gonna go ahead and throw the cliche out there that men are wired differently and its possible that he didn't think it was a big deal....BUT you won't know unless you ask and you will only be able to tell for sure based on how he reacts.

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Posted
That would be my guess, unfortunately. It seems awfully strange that he never once mentioned it to you, but it indicates where his feelings are at. He's not as invested as you are.

 

yeah.... so i am thinking maybe just stop contacting him.

  • Author
Posted
From a womans perspective - I would have mentioned it. I am in a similar situation. I'm dating somone and have a trip coming up. I casually mentioned it during one of our early dates just to throw it out there.

 

All you can do at this point is move forward with friending him and then ask him about his trip. I'm gonna go ahead and throw the cliche out there that men are wired differently and its possible that he didn't think it was a big deal....BUT you won't know unless you ask and you will only be able to tell for sure based on how he reacts.

 

i think he would have been planning this one for a while, as what he is doing there would have taken some research so i am surprised he didnt mention it at all to me.

 

As for friending him, well no i don't feel like doing that now, because i feel hurt, and kind of like he doesnt view me as being very important

  • Author
Posted
From a womans perspective - I would have mentioned it. I am in a similar situation. I'm dating somone and have a trip coming up. I casually mentioned it during one of our early dates just to throw it out there.

 

All you can do at this point is move forward with friending him and then ask him about his trip. I'm gonna go ahead and throw the cliche out there that men are wired differently and its possible that he didn't think it was a big deal....BUT you won't know unless you ask and you will only be able to tell for sure based on how he reacts.

 

i think he would have been planning this one for a while, as what he is doing there would have taken some research so i am surprised he didnt mention it at all to me.

 

As for friending him on FB, well no i don't feel like doing that now, because i feel hurt, and kind of like he doesnt view me as being very important

  • Author
Posted

i don't think i am going to tell him i read on facebook that he was going overseas. I think i am just going to stop contacting him. he will notice sooner or later but he won't have any idea why, he will be clueless, just like i was clueless about his overseas trip.

 

Is this the right thing to do?

 

 

:(

Posted
i don't think i am going to tell him i read on facebook that he was going overseas. I think i am just going to stop contacting him. he will notice sooner or later but he won't have any idea why, he will be clueless, just like i was clueless about his overseas trip.

 

Is this the right thing to do?

 

 

:(

Look, you're a grown woman. You read what you read - thats not gonna change. If you ask him about it without friending him you look like a stalker. If it were me - I would want to ask him about it, in which case I would friend him so I wouldn't look like a stalker.

 

We're probably in the same age bracket so I can relate. Friend him, ask about it. Be hurt - which is understandable and move on. The more you worry about it and try to figure out what he was thinking or if he did this or that on purpose the more time you're wasting.

 

Woman up, deal with it - and push on :)

  • Author
Posted
Look, you're a grown woman. You read what you read - thats not gonna change. If you ask him about it without friending him you look like a stalker. If it were me - I would want to ask him about it, in which case I would friend him so I wouldn't look like a stalker.

 

We're probably in the same age bracket so I can relate. Friend him, ask about it. Be hurt - which is understandable and move on. The more you worry about it and try to figure out what he was thinking or if he did this or that on purpose the more time you're wasting.

 

Woman up, deal with it - and push on :)

 

yes, woman up... i know

 

what i was thinking about was just not contacting him again full stop. Not asking him about the trip, not friending him on facebook. Just disappearing. Ofcourse if i was to ask him about the trip i would friend him on facebook, i wouldnt want to seem like a stalker. If i hadnt have gone on FB today to friend him i wouldnt have even known about the trip. Probably would have been texting him and wondering why he wasnt replying (ie probably phone would be out of action being OS, i dont know).

 

I know what you are saying. Im just a bit miffed.

Posted

Well you're a bit ahead of the curve then - text him and see if you get a response. You can do that at least. Talk to him like normal.....see if he even mentions it. Play along......

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Posted

Mammasita

 

i guess i feel like if i friend him now and ask him eventually about the trip its kind of like i am still further investing myself in him, when in fact , it seems like he is not invested in me at all- ie because he didnt tell me he was going away overseas.

 

So i feel like im just going to get hurt of i continue to invest in him.

 

And i have been down that road before

  • Author
Posted
Well you're a bit ahead of the curve then - text him and see if you get a response. You can do that at least. Talk to him like normal.....see if he even mentions it. Play along......

 

i texted him today as normal, (after i found out about the trip) and i didnt mention i knew ofcourse, it was just a funny humorous text about stuff we were texting about yesterday.

 

He hasnt responded, i am thinking maybe his phone is out of range being overseas. Who knows. I might text him in a few days, i know what you are saying, see if he eventually tells me....

Posted

Ya know... it's not beyond the realms of possibility that he just didn't think to tell you. I had a friend like this. Lovely guy, but dumb as a box of frogs over stuff like that. He once went overseas to visit family and forgot to tell anyone.

  • Like 1
Posted
Ya know... it's not beyond the realms of possibility that he just didn't think to tell you. I had a friend like this. Lovely guy, but dumb as a box of frogs over stuff like that. He once went overseas to visit family and forgot to tell anyone.

LMAO! yep - men.

Posted

I thought I had told my boyfriend about a trip of mine when we were newly dating. I found it weird he never asked about it but was pretty busy so didn't really think about it and we always had a lot to talk about so it wasn't like a void needed to be filled. He asked me out for dinner the day before I left for the day after I left... And was pretty annoyed for all the reasons you mentioned that I hadn't told him about it. I thought I had. It was just one of those things. I was crazy about him at the time.

 

I'm not saying that is the case here... But I say friend him, ask him, see what he says and take it from there

Posted

I think you think too much and are taking this way too personal

 

you two are not exclusive and it is really none of your business at this point.

 

in your mind you should be happy for him

 

let it go

  • Like 3
  • Author
Posted
Ya know... it's not beyond the realms of possibility that he just didn't think to tell you. I had a friend like this. Lovely guy, but dumb as a box of frogs over stuff like that. He once went overseas to visit family and forgot to tell anyone.

 

yes, possibly, but he told everyone on facebook, just not me

  • Author
Posted
I think you think too much and are taking this way too personal

 

you two are not exclusive and it is really none of your business at this point.

 

in your mind you should be happy for him

 

let it go

 

oh yeah i am happy for him (and slightly jealous).

 

But beyond that it is kind of my business, considering we text every day or second day, and if i didnt know he was going, i probably would be texting or calling not having a clue that his phone is probably left at home, or even if he has taken it, probably has no service. And i would be wondering what on earth is wrong, why isnt he answering or replying. So in that way,. it would have been nice to be told. Consideration wise.

Posted

The main question here is if and when he responds and if he mentions that he is out of town......keep us posted!

Posted
yes, possibly, but he told everyone on facebook, just not me

 

Facebook absolutely ruins relationships. For this exact reason.

 

 

Your about to leave a dude because you read something on Facebook.

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