beach Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 And your wife is still with you? Or should I say - you haven't kicked her out yet?
Author Timmos Posted November 5, 2013 Author Posted November 5, 2013 I have not. The level of remorse and willingness to comply with all my demands are almost convincing. You'd just have to know her. She is well aware of how extremely thin the ice is for her right now. Shes from a part of Europe where emotion is almost non-existent. I hadn't seen her cry in seven years. Until Friday and Saturday. Maybe I'm an idiot. Her boss came over to our house and everything at work is being watched. I have access to everything at home. She has seen a counselor/pastor with me. She provided me with the emails from work. Everything sexual had ceased, it was only chatting, but it still broke NC. She spoke to his wife and told her everything and asked that she keep an eye on him to make sure he does not attempt to contact her. She has informed her mother, who cursed her quite a bit. She is reading Surviving an Affair and wants to believe the parts about having a better marriage one day. All of this was done with little resistance and great amounts of stress. As it should be. I have made it clear that it is either my way or the high way from here on out. She agreed and said she deserves worse. We'll see. As I said, maybe I'm an idiot. Now the worry is about the fallout. The OM seems like one crazy ****. 1
Author Timmos Posted November 5, 2013 Author Posted November 5, 2013 A new message from the OM's wife was just received, including a screen shot of her phone. Paraphrasing, it said "If you're confused, there you can see how much my husband loves me. You don't deserve your family and you're a disgrace. You had better never contact us again. I'm like my husband, I don't give a **** and will **** **** up." His message to her was "I love you more than life, and I will always love you. You are the best woman I've ever met and the best woman I've ever had." Eh. I did what I thought was right. How she deals with it is up to her. Just glad its finally over.
beach Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 It's good she knows. If she's not holding him accountable for how HE participated - it just her way of living in denial. I think it's the right thing that you gave her the info. 1
Artie Lang Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 hey, you did the right thing. you were kind enough to inform her. now it's time for you to work on recovering your marriage. in all honesty, this woman is clearly in denial. too bad because this d0uchebag sounds like a master manipulator who's gonna lie low for awhile until he finds a new AP. oh well, you tried. 3
Yesterday Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 Either your wife informed the AP that you might be about to disclose the affair to his wife, or your initial contact got the other BS asking him why you would be reaching out to her. Its no co-incidence he was there for your FB message. The other BS doesn't want to believe this could have happened to her, just as you didn't believe this could happen to you. I am a BS, I felt the same way. Give it time, she will start to put things together. Did she reply to the BS final email? It would be an opportunity to respond with a NC statement to her husband, along with an offer to meet with the BS should she reach out in the future. As to your wife, your outing her to family and work, their support, the remorse that she is showing is a positive. It is understandable that you want to make it work. It will be a very long road to recovery, lots of pain still to come, lack of trust, anger, triggers around your house, and mind videos as you lay beside her. You both have to be willing to endure this. Good luck, I hope it works out for you. 2
Author Timmos Posted November 5, 2013 Author Posted November 5, 2013 The OM actually sneaked out one more email out this morning. Detailing how he never loved her, loves his wife, insults, etc and so on. He never wants to hear from or see either of us again. I'm glad he got the hint. In his email, he said "if my wife forgives me...", which brought a smirk to my face. Someones in for a few bad days. It seems they were in the car together when she saw my message. I don't think he had planned to be there. Later he was obviously speaking to his wife via text, so it looks like she had left, for a while at least. My WW is a wreck. The guilt and shame has really kicked her in the stomach now. Shes lost 5 pounds in the last couple days. She says she understands better how I've felt - since May. We're going back to speak with our pastor again. Tonight, since its Guy Fawkes Day, we're burning transcripts in a bonfire. Time to sort this mess out for good and get on with our lives, come what ever may. 1
Chi townD Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 A new message from the OM's wife was just received, including a screen shot of her phone. Paraphrasing, it said "If you're confused, there you can see how much my husband loves me. You don't deserve your family and you're a disgrace. You had better never contact us again. I'm like my husband, I don't give a **** and will **** **** up." His message to her was "I love you more than life, and I will always love you. You are the best woman I've ever met and the best woman I've ever had." Eh. I did what I thought was right. How she deals with it is up to her. Just glad its finally over. Dude, she's just venting. Don't take it personal. She's scared and confused. But, you did put a seed of doubt in her head and once the dust settles, maybe she'll be able to see things more clearly and look past the smoke screen the OM is trying to put up. He can tell her ANYTHING, but she may realize that he cheated on her and then she'll realize that talk is cheap. 1
Author Timmos Posted November 5, 2013 Author Posted November 5, 2013 I understand that completely. I've been there. For a while it will all be my wife's fault. Little by little, she will start to realize that he is as much to blame as she is. Apparently she divorced her last husband for cheating. I don't care. I just wish her luck and the ability to calm down and think before she acts. 2
BetrayedH Posted November 5, 2013 Posted November 5, 2013 When I told the other BS in my sitch, it took her about a week before she called me and expressed gratitude. You did the right thing. Hope you're done with the TT. It always seems that there's just one more thing. 2
crederer Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 (edited) I'm confused. I thought that the consensus from BS's was generally that the AP's spouse should ALWAYS be told, as disease is rampant? Also, so that they can make their own choices? And I thought that it was also the consensus that if someone lost their job because of an affair, it was their own fault and they need to suffer the consequences of their actions? Also, that if they were worried about their children's well being they would have not had the affair to begin with? Why is this particular case any different? This case is different because how it affects the BS in this case. If the post was made by the WW I'm sure the responses would be different. Trickle truthed you, eh? Protecting the OM, why would she do that? That seems to be the most important question at this point. Also the OBS reaction is messed. I was told about my ex's one night stand (along with a bunch of text messages prior to the ONS) through facebook by the OBS. We then chatted on the phone about it and I was very grateful she told me cause otherwise I'd probably still be with the cheating bitch. The other BS and I still contact eachother time to time, I feel a certain kind of bond with her even though we never met in person. She's still with her cheating loser man who I'm sure is still cheating on her with other women. Edited November 7, 2013 by crederer 1
troubadour Posted November 7, 2013 Posted November 7, 2013 Shes from a part of Europe where emotion is almost non-existent. There is no such a part of Europe.... I can assure you of this.
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