pixelish Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 I was with my boyfriend for 6, halfway to 7 months before this Monday night he ended it. After being on/off for the past 2 months I should have expected it. While we were reaching the point of our relationship where our love for each other was supposed to begin growing, and the butterflies started to trickle away (about 4/5 months in), I let it happen but he didn't. I think this is because his ex of 3.5yrs (who he had butterflies for, apparently, the entire time) was cheating on him for 2/3 of the time and it left him scarred, hand hovering over the red alert button. So he took the butterflies leaving as falling out of love. However, we had also fallen into the nasty routine of a Netflix coma as we tried to catch up with TV shows, which should have been done separately. The spark was removed from our relationship and we literally veg'd out in front of the TV. No going out, no fun things, nothing. It hit us hard. But wait! He was still in love with me! Oh, the conflicting feelings! For the past two months we've been on/off, and now we're off with 3 days NC and I can barely take it honestly. We saw/talked to each other every day, even when off, so it's unbearable. For now it's for the best, we really need some individuality and were pretty stretched thin, so were his feelings for me. He just wasn't confident at all in our relationship and kept thinking negative thoughts about it. Those thoughts eventually took over and screwed up any time we spent together after breaking up the first time. I plan on giving it about 3/4 weeks until I ask him to get some coffee or something, and ask about how he's doing and such. If I can, I'll get around to remembering good times we had and ask (if he's not seeing anyone) if he'd like to start over and give us a second chance, but treat it like a new relationship and like I'm not an ex. Perhaps just begin casually dating? That way, we don't fall into the same thing so easily. I just wonder if this is a good idea. He fits me better than anyone I've ever dated so far or anyone I could have ever dreamed of and there's some real potential. If we had it good, I firmly believe we can have it again, and perhaps better!
Simon Phoenix Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 If you really want to start over, you are going to have to give him a lot longer than a month. 1
Author pixelish Posted October 31, 2013 Author Posted October 31, 2013 True enough. I'm a nervous person when it comes to everyone else's feelings about me so I don't want them to get lost. I get that if he wants to he'll come back on his own, but I feel like this time I should take initiative. A month, for me, would be a suitable amount of time for my dumpee to want to try again. I've been on the dumper side a lot, lot more. It's fair to expect more time until a request like that. Thanks.
Simon Phoenix Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 True enough. I'm a nervous person when it comes to everyone else's feelings about me so I don't want them to get lost. I get that if he wants to he'll come back on his own, but I feel like this time I should take initiative. A month, for me, would be a suitable amount of time for my dumpee to want to try again. I've been on the dumper side a lot, lot more. It's fair to expect more time until a request like that. Thanks. If you are the dumpee, you shouldn't initiate anything until you are cool no matter what the result is. For most people, that takes several months. There is absolutely no reason for you to take the initiative when you were the one fired. And if you do contact him, you should try being chill first, not awkwardly asking him to try the relationship again. 2
Fufu Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 No, I seriously don't suggest you initiating on meeting up to talk. How do you know that he is still in love with you? (He told you personally?)
StrongLass Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 Honestly? It sounds like his scars from his last relationship are FAR from healed & he was rebounding with you. I know that's not what you want to hear but that's what I'm reading in what you wrote. (Btw? The "Honeymoon" phase of relationships has been documented to last anywhere from 4 months to two years on average depending on the individual. So your 4-5 month timeline seems a bit absurd in addition to being arbitrary when considering your ex bf's emotional timeline. I'm not trying to be a b*tch, I just thought that was worth mentioning)
Author pixelish Posted October 31, 2013 Author Posted October 31, 2013 @Fufu: He did personally tell me that he still had love feelings for me, yes. @StrongLass: I hope that's not the case. They broke up more than a year ago, he told me some other girl was the rebound, and that he knew this relationship wasn't. And yea, I understand.
Fufu Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 @Fufu: He did personally tell me that he still had love feelings for me, yes. @StrongLass: I hope that's not the case. They broke up more than a year ago, he told me some other girl was the rebound, and that he knew this relationship wasn't. And yea, I understand. Since he did say that to you in person, next you have to see if his actions match with what he told you. 1
lindsay1990 Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 Give it at least two months NC. Not initiating and not responding, because the lines are too blurry now here. Also, lose the hope. I can't say this enough but HOPE KILLS in these situations, focus on clearing your mind with NC instead of hoping for anything. If he does love you, he will still love you in two months times while you have more perspective
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