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I'm falling apart. How can we still love these people??

ss1891

By ss1891
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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ss1891 Member

ss1891

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I feel like 3 months post breakup, I am finally realizing that he is never coming back. Aside from a short drunk call that I initiated one week after the breakup, I've been no contact ever since. A part of me always assumed he'd be back soon after remembering all the good times. But now I've discovered that he may be getting back together with his ex (who cheated on him multiple times, by the way). How could he be back with someone like that and completely forget about me? I treated him with so much respect and love and gave him everything. I was always honest, supported him through everything, showered him with affection and gifts. He said he loved me but just ended up using me. He just needed someone to manipulate and vent to. Why do I still love him? I want to move on so desperately and I'm trying everything. I'm focusing on school and building friendships. I've taken up new hobbies and worked on improving my self-esteem. Nothing is working. I know it's over and I'm starting to accept it, but I just want to hear from him again. What do I do?

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Mz_sassy_77 Established Member

Mz_sassy_77

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I feel like 3 months post breakup, I am finally realizing that he is never coming back. Aside from a short drunk call that I initiated one week after the breakup, I've been no contact ever since. A part of me always assumed he'd be back soon after remembering all the good times. But now I've discovered that he may be getting back together with his ex (who cheated on him multiple times, by the way). How could he be back with someone like that and completely forget about me? I treated him with so much respect and love and gave him everything. I was always honest, supported him through everything, showered him with affection and gifts. He said he loved me but just ended up using me. He just needed someone to manipulate and vent to. Why do I still love him? I want to move on so desperately and I'm trying everything. I'm focusing on school and building friendships. I've taken up new hobbies and worked on improving my self-esteem. Nothing is working. I know it's over and I'm starting to accept it, but I just want to hear from him again. What do I do?

 

Back with an ex who cheated on him multiple times. That won't end well for him will it.

 

Mate I treated my EX great I believe. He was number one to me and I went out my way often to make him happy. And he still BU with me. Some people just don't appreciate what they have.

 

Whatever you do don't contact him. You will look sad and desperate - trust me I know from experience.

 

3 months isn't that long either mate. It just takes time. Take it one day at a time and eventually you will stop thinking about him and he will just be a distant memory.

  • Like 5
Fufu Established Member

Fufu

Posted
Posted
I feel like 3 months post breakup, I am finally realizing that he is never coming back. Aside from a short drunk call that I initiated one week after the breakup, I've been no contact ever since. A part of me always assumed he'd be back soon after remembering all the good times. But now I've discovered that he may be getting back together with his ex (who cheated on him multiple times, by the way). How could he be back with someone like that and completely forget about me? I treated him with so much respect and love and gave him everything. I was always honest, supported him through everything, showered him with affection and gifts. He said he loved me but just ended up using me. He just needed someone to manipulate and vent to. Why do I still love him? I want to move on so desperately and I'm trying everything. I'm focusing on school and building friendships. I've taken up new hobbies and worked on improving my self-esteem. Nothing is working. I know it's over and I'm starting to accept it, but I just want to hear from him again. What do I do?

 

Good job in keeping up with NC. 3 months period could be challenging due to the emotional roller-coaster moods.

 

Anyway since you are on NC, it also means you don't want to find out anything what is happening to him. It is completely irrelevant to you that he is getting back with his ex. And truth is so what he got back with his ex, he's single and wants to have this decision and choice. Let him be, he's not in your life anymore.

 

Continue to work on taking up new hobbies and focus on improving self-esteem. Don't be with someone who make you feel unwanted and feels bad about yourself.

 

Even if you hear from him, what good will it be for you? Do you think you will feel happy telling you how well his life is now with his new gf? The truth is you will feel worse than before.

 

Cut him out of your life and fully concentrate on building a better future for yourself first.

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ss1891 Member

ss1891

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You're both right. I know that I'm just being crazy, but a part of me keeps hoping that he'll come back. My relationship was completely dysfunctional and he was the type who would break up with me repeatedly only to come back a few hours later. When it ended, I begged him to stay but he had already gotten over me by that point. What I'm really scared about is what I'm going to do when I face any kind of difficulty. I found out a year ago that a close family member had cancer and she has just finished chemo. During this time, he was my only support system and I would cry to him when I couldn't cry to anyone else. If the cancer comes back, I don't know how I'll make it through it all. I guess that pressure and his emotional immaturity were what ruined our relationship. I don't want to be depressed forever.

What do you think I should do?

Mz_sassy_77 Established Member

Mz_sassy_77

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You're both right. I know that I'm just being crazy, but a part of me keeps hoping that he'll come back. My relationship was completely dysfunctional and he was the type who would break up with me repeatedly only to come back a few hours later. When it ended, I begged him to stay but he had already gotten over me by that point. What I'm really scared about is what I'm going to do when I face any kind of difficulty. I found out a year ago that a close family member had cancer and she has just finished chemo. During this time, he was my only support system and I would cry to him when I couldn't cry to anyone else. If the cancer comes back, I don't know how I'll make it through it all. I guess that pressure and his emotional immaturity were what ruined our relationship. I don't want to be depressed forever.

What do you think I should do?

 

My ex BU with me repeatedly too. You can't trust people like this and you can't have a good relationship with them either. You are better off without him. You probably can't see that now but you really are. If you are depressed have you thought about seeing a councellor. I think it's normal to be down when a relationship ends. It is a hard adjustment and you miss them. Talking to someone might help.

Sugarkane Established Member

Sugarkane

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Guys seem far more likely to go back to an ex after a break up. I've never contacted an ex, after a breakup for sex! This seems to be the difference between the genders.

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ss1891 Member

ss1891

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My ex BU with me repeatedly too. You can't trust people like this and you can't have a good relationship with them either. You are better off without him. You probably can't see that now but you really are. If you are depressed have you thought about seeing a councellor. I think it's normal to be down when a relationship ends. It is a hard adjustment and you miss them. Talking to someone might help.

 

I've cut him out by completely blocking every page related to him on my browser. I'm hoping it will eventually give me the distance that I need to realize what an unhealthy relationship it was. Why do we fall for the jerks? I feel like I can't trust any guy I meet. A few weeks after the breakup, I started spending time with a guy who reminded me of my ex. We began a physical relationship that lasted exactly a week. Once he got what he wanted, he kicked me to the curb and I haven't heard from him since. I feel like this happens way too often and I've sort of accepted that I will always be alone. I am not ready for a relationship by any means, but it seriously sucks getting rejected by rebounds. :(

Mz_sassy_77 Established Member

Mz_sassy_77

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I've cut him out by completely blocking every page related to him on my browser. I'm hoping it will eventually give me the distance that I need to realize what an unhealthy relationship it was. Why do we fall for the jerks? I feel like I can't trust any guy I meet. A few weeks after the breakup, I started spending time with a guy who reminded me of my ex. We began a physical relationship that lasted exactly a week. Once he got what he wanted, he kicked me to the curb and I haven't heard from him since. I feel like this happens way too often and I've sort of accepted that I will always be alone. I am not ready for a relationship by any means, but it seriously sucks getting rejected by rebounds. :(

 

Good for you. NC really is a good thing. I think it helps you heal faster and also gives you time for reflection and distance and also help you break the bad habit which is them.

 

And you know what after about a month is when I realized I was really unhappy in my relationship. Sure I missed him and I loved him - and I think that's why it makes if hard. But he wasn't the right person for me. The relationship was all about him and I changed myself to suit him. And that was wrong. And he had me so wrapped around his finger I would believe that the issues we had were all me. In reality he has a lot of issues himself and it wasnt all me by any means.

 

I would really just like to try to get to a point where I am happy on my own. Sure its nice to have someone and maybe one day down the track I will meet someone I can actually have a healthy, happy relationship with. But I know I am not ready for that now and hey what's wrong with that. Being single has it's good points - I can do whatever I want to whenever I want to, I don't need to consider someone else's feelings. I don't need to compromise on anything, If i don't want to do something I don't have to, I can do all the things I stopped doing because they weren't things he was interested in.

 

Takes time but you will get there.

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ss1891 Member

ss1891

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Good for you. NC really is a good thing. I think it helps you heal faster and also gives you time for reflection and distance and also help you break the bad habit which is them.

 

And you know what after about a month is when I realized I was really unhappy in my relationship. Sure I missed him and I loved him - and I think that's why it makes if hard. But he wasn't the right person for me. The relationship was all about him and I changed myself to suit him. And that was wrong. And he had me so wrapped around his finger I would believe that the issues we had were all me. In reality he has a lot of issues himself and it wasnt all me by any means.

 

I would really just like to try to get to a point where I am happy on my own. Sure its nice to have someone and maybe one day down the track I will meet someone I can actually have a healthy, happy relationship with. But I know I am not ready for that now and hey what's wrong with that. Being single has it's good points - I can do whatever I want to whenever I want to, I don't need to consider someone else's feelings. I don't need to compromise on anything, If i don't want to do something I don't have to, I can do all the things I stopped doing because they weren't things he was interested in.

 

Takes time but you will get there.

 

This was exactly the perspective I needed. I remembered all the times we would fight over a silly issue that he would not want to resolve. He'd turn off his phone or decline my calls until he felt like talking. He'd give me ultimatums that either I would have to change or he'd leave me. At the time, I really thought that I started all the problems. I was always the one who wanted to fix communication issues, I was the one who wanted to talk when either one of us was down, I was the one who loved unconditionally...yet, these were the things he believed were wrong with me. Looking back, I can't believe I let someone step all over me like that.

 

I'm going to stay single for a while. I think I need to focus on making myself happy and pursuing the goals that I abandoned for him.

Thank you so much for helping me finally understand!

emi Established Member

emi

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Just take it day by day, when you have enough, you will eventually let it go

  • 1 month later...
PPamgirl Member

PPamgirl

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omg girl just move on go have fun at the max, laugh !, did u realized you are free do to what u want to ?! girl wake up?! do everything u want ?! BE HAPPY ! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::cool::cool:

when u finally have fun you will forget such stupid male disappointments, you are unique and next time just remember to think many times before get in a relationship :)

advice enjoy ur freedom :)

Edited by PPamgirl
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