coffeeloverxx Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 So, I need some advice about my current situation. My boyfriend and I met about 4 months ago, became fast friends, and started "officially" dating about 3 months ago. He's honestly what I've been looking for in a guy, and I'm very happy. We're not moving too quickly and he's met my family once at a family dinner my grandma invited him to. Now, my mom has met him twice, and she told me that she DOES NOT like him. At all. She says he's too old (He's 26, I'm 20.) for me and that I should be dating somebody closer to my age. She then went on to list xyz of things she thought was wrong with him (One of those being she didn'tl ike the fact that he worked in a children's museum. Most of the reasons were petty like that.) So. I was wondering, how do you deal with this? I don't want this to hinder our relationship, but my mom and I are very close and it's hard to have her not like the person I am in a relationship advice. Do I just take my mom's negative comments with a grain of salt or what? I'm just so confused.
ExpatInItaly Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 So, I need some advice about my current situation. My boyfriend and I met about 4 months ago, became fast friends, and started "officially" dating about 3 months ago. He's honestly what I've been looking for in a guy, and I'm very happy. We're not moving too quickly and he's met my family once at a family dinner my grandma invited him to. Now, my mom has met him twice, and she told me that she DOES NOT like him. At all. She says he's too old (He's 26, I'm 20.) for me and that I should be dating somebody closer to my age. She then went on to list xyz of things she thought was wrong with him (One of those being she didn'tl ike the fact that he worked in a children's museum. Most of the reasons were petty like that.) So. I was wondering, how do you deal with this? I don't want this to hinder our relationship, but my mom and I are very close and it's hard to have her not like the person I am in a relationship advice. Do I just take my mom's negative comments with a grain of salt or what? I'm just so confused. Hmm..did she have other more serious reasons for not liking him? She may just be one of those moms who believes that nobody is good enough for her child, but sometimes our parents see things that we can't. What were some other non-petty reasons?
Assasda Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 Youre an adult now. Even though Mom can contribute and give you suggestions, she cant tell you how to live your life. There are so many mothers out there that dont like Son-in-laws. lol She may just have to learn to love him over time Anyway, youre a grown ass woman, you make the calls now
Mascara Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 Mums usually have a sixth sense about these things. She probably can't put her finger on it, so she's thinking up reasons that seem meaningless to you. But mums are usually right. Unless she has a history of disliking everyone you date.
Ninjainpajamas Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 First off, you're far and away from being an adult at 20....but it's good sentiment for those trying to feel ahead of their days. At 20, you also know next to nothing about men...let alone older men, many who are swooping in for the kill and fountain of youth. You're not on the same level as a 26 year old, you're not even close to the same level as you'll be at 26 to your present 20 year old self...keep in mind your mom also was 20 years old, but like you she would have probably ignored her moms advice thinking she knew better....and it's not because she necessarily knows better it's that you have absolutely no experience....in "relationships" in highschool are nothing comparable to real life relationships that are much more complicated. So what you like in a guy can't be all that difficult of a standard at your age...yeah, he could be a nice guy, but the years between 20 and 26 are a world away for most people in terms of mental and emotional maturity, and that's not even saying much because you're still absolutely learning about life and love at 26...by no means a seasoned veteran no matter what you've done and where you've been in your life...wisdom comes with time and self-awareness. At any rate, to get to the main point...personally I don't think you should be dating a guy more than 3 years older at this stage in your life...men that are older aren't necessarily more mature or more genuine, they're just more charming and smarter than their 20 year old selves. Guys go through stages of understanding with women, and at 26 he should be more than capable of swooning a young, hopeful and naive woman who's far too trusting and idealistic..but this is something that maybe even many women don't understand, men can wear different hats depending on the circumstance or situation which is why women are so easily "deceived". Do you have any men in your family that can get to know what this guy is all about? Most guys around his age aren't looking for younger women just yet, they're more interested in women around their age and older...especially if they think in any capacity of themselves as more "mature"...so for this guy to be dating a 20 year old, having things in common with a 20 year old is a bit questionable...any guy I've ever known goes for younger women for several things...baby-maker, settling down, or most commonly...vagina. I'm sure a few guys here and there just end up with someone younger but it's not common from what I've seen unless the guy himself lacks a bit. So would I let my future unborn daughter date a 26 year old at 20?...well he better be an open book as I'd meet him and if there was any BS I'd sniff that out in .5 seconds. But being older I wouldn't necessarily beat him with a baseball bat...just yet, he'd have a partially "fair trial"...at the same time I understand boys will be boys and women will always look up the heavens in search of prince charming and this idealistic perfect man/romance...but I'd definitely find out what kind of guy he is and what he's about...hopefully you have someone that is male get a feel for him to make a better assessment...at your age unfortunately, I would trust your opinion alone very little. Women twice your age are still trying to figure it out...so I wouldn't expect you to really know any better but I'd hope you were willing to consider more opinions (so it's good that you're asking) than your own and realize that there are some shady characters out there and men in general are often times woefully unreliable and here one day, not the next...you'll think things are perfect and they'll be buying a one-way ticket out of town and you'll be all confused and troubled. At times point in your life it's just a learning experience more than anything.
soccerrprp Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 Some good advice here, but I would also be careful that you don't create the precedence of permitting your mother to dictate who, what, where, how you date. Listen to your mother, but also do an honest assessment of what your being told and how that fits with the reality you see/observe.
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