Mr.NoDaysOff Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 The guy was supposed to be my "best friend". For five or six years they had an affair (even in my own bed and my son's bed). I never caught them, she finally told me about it and said she loved me and would never do it again. and will never see or talk to this man again, should I forgive her, and how can I ever get my trust back, and get this knife I feel is sticking in my back out??? how long before the pain goes away, because I dont even want to live anymore, it hurts so bad. The guy's got an a** kicking when I see him, but should I trust her again?
michelangelo Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 The guy was supposed to be my "best friend". For five or six years they had an affair (even in my own bed and my son's bed). I never caught them, she finally told me about it and said she loved me and would never do it again. and will never see or talk to this man again, should I forgive her, and how can I ever get my trust back, and get this knife I feel is sticking in my back out??? how long before the pain goes away, because I dont even want to live anymore, it hurts so bad. The guy's got an a** kicking when I see him, but should I trust her again? Um, no, she has not earned any trust. All she did was relieve her own guilt OR head off you finding ot or both. She is no victim here. Your wife betrayed you. HEAVY lifting has to happen to get any shot at reconciliation. Your so-called friend? I suggest taking all the soiled mattresses and making a bonfire of them in his front yard. 1
Author Mr.NoDaysOff Posted October 31, 2013 Author Posted October 31, 2013 Not sure if I can get those images out of my head bro. Just wondering what to do here that's all..I'm suprised I didnt end up in jail to be honest about it. 1
Steen719 Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 Um, no, she has not earned any trust. All she did was relieve her own guilt OR head off you finding ot or both. She is no victim here. Your wife betrayed you. HEAVY lifting has to happen to get any shot at reconciliation. Your so-called friend? I suggest taking all the soiled mattresses and making a bonfire of them in his front yard. Where is Kidd when you need him? Maybe he will check in tonight.
Darren Steez Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 Get a divorce. There, question answered. 1
Clay Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 I don't see how you are going to be able to save your marriage. She failed on two things. She chose your close friend and she cheated. No the pain never goes completely away. It fades but is never completely gone. I am sure there are better people here than me to help you on being successful on saving your relationship. My wife cheated on me multiple times and I was the stupid guy that said she loves me and she wont do it again. If they can do it once then imagine how easy the second time will be. In your own bed. How low can she get. I know how you feel. The truth is its not about her or your friend anymore. Its now about you and your kids. I filed for divorce and kept my kids. I know its hard for a man to get custody but to be honest I would not accept anything less. I made it clear to her that I would spend the rest of my life working to pay for the lawyer and she knew I was not joking. She reluctantly agreed after three days of debating it. I am sorry for your Loss. Its just like you said you would have rather been dead. I felt the same way. Clay 2
Mickey_Fitzpatrick Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 The guy was supposed to be my "best friend". For five or six years they had an affair (even in my own bed and my son's bed). I never caught them, she finally told me about it and said she loved me and would never do it again. Why did she tell you now, after five or six years? It took her this long to feel guilty? How long has the affair been over?
Artie Lang Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 only you can answer this question. a 5-6 year affair- let alone with you friend - is mot an easy thing to get over. what do you have planned, as far as reconciliation? any counseling? don't rugsweep because that's the worst you can do. you need to hold these two responsible for their actions(betrayal). if this "friend" is in a relationship, you need to inform his SO.
Dimepiece Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 She was screwing your best friend for six years and you want to stay with her? Are you ****ing stupid? 3
Author Mr.NoDaysOff Posted October 31, 2013 Author Posted October 31, 2013 Why did she tell you now, after five or six years? It took her this long to feel guilty? How long has the affair been over? About a week and a half bro..I'm not sure what made her decide after so long either. I just don't get women..
Author Mr.NoDaysOff Posted October 31, 2013 Author Posted October 31, 2013 She was screwing your best friend for six years and you want to stay with her? Are you ****ing stupid? Not stupid just confused. 2
Author Mr.NoDaysOff Posted October 31, 2013 Author Posted October 31, 2013 I don't see how you are going to be able to save your marriage. She failed on two things. She chose your close friend and she cheated. No the pain never goes completely away. It fades but is never completely gone. I am sure there are better people here than me to help you on being successful on saving your relationship. My wife cheated on me multiple times and I was the stupid guy that said she loves me and she wont do it again. If they can do it once then imagine how easy the second time will be. In your own bed. How low can she get. I know how you feel. The truth is its not about her or your friend anymore. Its now about you and your kids. I filed for divorce and kept my kids. I know its hard for a man to get custody but to be honest I would not accept anything less. I made it clear to her that I would spend the rest of my life working to pay for the lawyer and she knew I was not joking. She reluctantly agreed after three days of debating it. I am sorry for your Loss. Its just like you said you would have rather been dead. I felt the same way. Clay Why is that whenever women decide to cheat they always chose your friend or your relatives is what I don't get? I only have one child thank God and btw I need a good divorce lawyer you know anybody good man?
Dimepiece Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 Sorry for my post, just shocked at what your wife did. You must be in shock. I suggest protect yourself , divorce her then expose her .
sweet_pea Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 I'm just popping in to say that I am really sorry to hear about the affair--- double betrayals are really awful and I can only imagine how much pain it's caused. What is your heart/gut telling you about reconciliation? It is not for everyone and that is ok. We are all here for you! 2
Author Mr.NoDaysOff Posted October 31, 2013 Author Posted October 31, 2013 Sorry for my post, just shocked at what your wife did. You must be in shock. I suggest protect yourself , divorce her then expose her . So why do you think whenever women cheat they always want to do it with our friends or our family members..why not just some random guy?? They always wanna strike so close to home..
Author Mr.NoDaysOff Posted October 31, 2013 Author Posted October 31, 2013 I'm just popping in to say that I am really sorry to hear about the affair--- double betrayals are really awful and I can only imagine how much pain it's caused. What is your heart/gut telling you about reconciliation? It is not for everyone and that is ok. We are all here for you! I'm seriously leaning towards divorce but im wondering why did she have to pick my friend out of all people **** MY LIFE!! 1
jnel921 Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 5-6 years of lying to your face, lying down with your best friend and laying in your marital bed with this OM. Definite deal breaker... neither of them gave a crap about you. Move on and good luck to you. 3
AlwaysGrowing Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 I know its hard to do, but try to focus just on you for now. Your emotions are going to be pinging all over the place, your thoughts will race around..now is the time to try your best to slow everything down. Take time away from your WS, if only to regroup. Make plans just for the day. Until you have had time to process all this information. Remember to eat, if you can not, drink nutritious shakes. It is much too early for you to make any decisions. 1
road Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 You need to take your sons bed and your bed and have a barn fire. Is the OM married? Does the OM live close by and or work with your WW? Why did your WW tell you about the affair? Best thing to do is to not make any life changing decisions for a few months. Then get the book Surviving An Affair by Dr Harley. There are some many things that you need to learn to make sure the affair is over and never restarts again. The steps needed to rebuild trust. How WW has to make atonement for her actions. For the both of you to learn how to have a better relationship.
Bryanp Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 I am so sorry for you. You really should get a divorce. Just look at the facts. 1. She has been screwing another man for up to 6 years behind your back. This means that your marriage for the past 6 years has been a farce and a total joke to her. 2. She brought another man in your home and in your bed to screw him. This is highly symbolic and was a form of total defecation on you and your marriage. 3. In 6 years you know that there had to be numerous times that you had sex with her after she had been with him. 4. She deliberately picked your BEST FRIEND! Clearly she was getting off on this perverse thrill of screwing your best friend behind your back and in your bed. 5. She put you health at risk for STD's for 6 years. You both need to get tested at once. 6. Regardless of how old your son is he needs to be tested for paternity. 7. Your wife has used you for at least 6 years and played you for a fool and she would be right if you stay with her. 8. Your so-called wife through her actions has shown you that she has absolute contempt for you and your marriage and has absolutely no respect for you whatsoever. 9. Contact the OM's wife or girlfriend at once and also expose this to her family. IF YOU DO NOT RESPECT YOURSELF THEN WHO WILL? This is the absolute ultimate in the humiliation of a spouse. If the roles were reversed do you think she would have accepted this? See a lawyer immediately. 4
Sofie2013 Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 Look I am very big reconciliation; I believe ever WS who’s truly remorseful should have a shoot at reconciliation. With that said your wife has had an affair for more than 5 years and had brought the OM into your bedroom not only but your son’s room. She has crossed every line possible you need to file for a divorce and try to move on. She cannot possible love and have lied and betrayed for 5 years, I know it hurt but seriously you need to move on. I am also a WS and I believe who every WS get second chance but sometimes the betray is just too great and this one of those times. 3
HtotheN Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 I am so sorry that she did that. And in your bed, and your son's bed? Just wow. My WH did the same in our bed. IMO, that's a whole different level of hatefulness. Because of how long it went on and because of what was done, IMO you should divorce. I know that it really hurts because of who the guy is but remember that he is not the one who took vows with you. Divorce, move on, and live your life. (And remember that not all people do that kind of thing.) (((((HUGS)))))))
Leelou Posted October 31, 2013 Posted October 31, 2013 I'm seriously leaning towards divorce but im wondering why did she have to pick my friend out of all people **** MY LIFE!! She probably picked him out for a couple of reasons, like, he is a great guy (you like him, and she likes you, so it's no big surprise she likes him too), also the fact that she got to see him and know him, and like him (opportunity). Also, if she was angry with you, she might have picked him on purpose, to hurt you. All I can say is a betrayal like your wife's, after six years, is no accident. It's not a one night stand, it's not a crazy fleeting affair of a few weeks or months... it's a well maintained love affair that lasted longer than some marriages do. The fact that she now ousted your best friend to you, and now he not only loses her, as a lover, but you as a best friend, shows she is manipulative and betrays him just like she betrayed you. Sounds like she's only after catering to her own needs. I would say an affair that length indicates her character is one of a cheater, and possibly she is narcissistic. You cannot continue the depth and length of deception as long as she did, on a daily basis, without having some sort of pathology. My advice is get divorced. Begin by kicking her out now. She thinks she's punishing her ex lover by getting rid of him, and he has no access to her and you, but instead get rid of her now (and him obviously. But no need to kick his butt). 2
Author Mr.NoDaysOff Posted October 31, 2013 Author Posted October 31, 2013 She probably picked him out for a couple of reasons, like, he is a great guy (you like him, and she likes you, so it's no big surprise she likes him too), also the fact that she got to see him and know him, and like him (opportunity). Also, if she was angry with you, she might have picked him on purpose, to hurt you. All I can say is a betrayal like your wife's, after six years, is no accident. It's not a one night stand, it's not a crazy fleeting affair of a few weeks or months... it's a well maintained love affair that lasted longer than some marriages do. The fact that she now ousted your best friend to you, and now he not only loses her, as a lover, but you as a best friend, shows she is manipulative and betrays him just like she betrayed you. Sounds like she's only after catering to her own needs. I would say an affair that length indicates her character is one of a cheater, and possibly she is narcissistic. You cannot continue the depth and length of deception as long as she did, on a daily basis, without having some sort of pathology. My advice is get divorced. Begin by kicking her out now. She thinks she's punishing her ex lover by getting rid of him, and he has no access to her and you, but instead get rid of her now (and him obviously. But no need to kick his butt). I'm already thinking about the divorce process she is currently not staying with me at the moment (but she keeps calling my phone but I have not answered yet) I'm just looking for a good divorce lawyer...sorry but forgiveness is NOT an option for me..thanks for the advice 1
Author Mr.NoDaysOff Posted October 31, 2013 Author Posted October 31, 2013 I am so sorry that she did that. And in your bed, and your son's bed? Just wow. My WH did the same in our bed. IMO, that's a whole different level of hatefulness. Because of how long it went on and because of what was done, IMO you should divorce. I know that it really hurts because of who the guy is but remember that he is not the one who took vows with you. Divorce, move on, and live your life. (And remember that not all people do that kind of thing.) (((((HUGS))))))) I'm divorcing her I talked to my family about and they said it's THEE only option for me to do thanks everybody on here BTW. 1
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