Author lana89 Posted November 13, 2013 Author Posted November 13, 2013 Lana since you THINK you know all the answers why are you asking us??????????? I like to hear other's people perspective but you guys are the first people to be so negative and judgemental. Like you never made mistakes?
Eivuwan Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 I like to hear other's people perspective but you guys are the first people to be so negative and judgemental. Like you never made mistakes? You're pursuing a guy who called you a whore. Nuff said.
Author lana89 Posted November 13, 2013 Author Posted November 13, 2013 yeah that works. If you knew how many times my ex boyfriend called me that when we were fighting….
Eivuwan Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 yeah that works. If you knew how many times my ex boyfriend called me that when we were fighting…. I hope that's one of the reasons why he's your ex.
Author lana89 Posted November 13, 2013 Author Posted November 13, 2013 No, he was a nice guy. When you fight it's normal to tell each other things you don't actually think. Seriously how old are you guys
Eivuwan Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 No, he was a nice guy. When you fight it's normal to tell each other things you don't actually think. Seriously how old are you guys Most people here are adults. Some of us here do not call each other names even when we're very angry.
Author lana89 Posted November 13, 2013 Author Posted November 13, 2013 well i'm a clueless 24 year old girl what can I say
ExpatInItaly Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 Leave him alone. For the time being, he isn't interested. Find enough respect for yourself and step away from this one. Also, I have never in my life been called a whore, even during an argument. Your ex may have done that, but NO, it isn't excusable/acceptable/normal to call loved ones bad names. You already know that, given how upset you are about the other guy calling you a whore. Do NOT chase someone prone to such foul language. To answer the age question, I'm in my early 30s so I have a few years on you. I have also done stupid things and made mistakes - it's safe to assume everyone has. You came here asking what to do and for others' perspectives, so I'll share something I've learned from my own mistakes and embarrassing situations: you can't change how someone else treats you. You will be disappointed when people don't react or behave the way you expect them to, but you can't do a damn thing about it. It's obvious this guy doesn't respect you any more and doesn't want to communicate with you. You've contributed to a messy situation so the only thing you can do now is control YOUR thoughts and actions. Learn from this and ask yourself what you can do in the future to avoid these "crazy little stories."
Zahara Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 No, he was a nice guy. When you fight it's normal to tell each other things you don't actually think. Seriously how old are you guys When you fight, it's normal to argue about the issue at hand. It isn't normal, respectful or healthy to call someone you claim to love a whore. Now I can see why you're pursuing a man that calls you that because in your mind it's normal and acceptable because all guys do it. Sadly, they don't. Just the ones that have no respect for you.
Author lana89 Posted November 13, 2013 Author Posted November 13, 2013 What can I say? You guys might be right and I'm just hopeless
Gottabestrong Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 When you fight it's normal to tell each other things you don't actually think. Seriously how old are you guys I am a woman in my 30ies. I've had 4 serious long-term relationships, a bunch of short-term relationships, lots of flings and a ton of flirts. Not once has a man called me a whore in a fight. I don't even know how I would react if someone did. Probably just be totally speechless and shocked. And once I catch my breath, turn around, walk away, delete his number and never talk to him again. I agree, it is normal to say things you don't actually mean when you fight, like: 'You never take me out to nice dinners anymore' or 'I really can't stand your friends' or even 'Your new shirt looks stupid, I can't believe you bought that', but if you are in a healthy, respectful relationship you should still treat each other with respect and dignity. Just my personal experience. 1
Zahara Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 What can I say? You guys might be right and I'm just hopeless I don't think you are clueless. I do believe you can tell right from wrong but you just have very poor boundaries. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted November 13, 2013 Posted November 13, 2013 What can I say? You guys might be right and I'm just hopeless Not at all. You just need some time to yourself. And you need to learn to weed out the bad apples from the good ones.
Eivuwan Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 I think you need dating experiences with mature respectful men. 1
Kate9292 Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 (edited) So super long story short, I moved recently. Met this guy friends of my roomies, hooked up when I still had a boyfriend because I genuinely liked him. I felt instant connection the first time I've seen him and I thought it was kinda the same for him. We spent the first days always talking and making out, but we didn't have sex because of the boyfriend and because I had just got here. After that he moves out and I don't see him for a week. He tries to booty call me the week after and then apologizes and ask me to meet up until he remembers he had a bday. I change my number and never text him. In the meantime I spend a lot of time with my roomie and he apparently starts to fall for me. We go out one night and get super drunk and apparently end up sleeping together which I don't remember We see each other 2 weeks later and we end up hooking up and sleeping together. He's super sweet in bed and super nice to me also saying things like "How come I haven't met you before" and that he hadn't called me because he thought I wanted to end it because of my boyfriend. Disappears again and then I see him the week after to a party where he didn't know I was invited. He ignores me the whole time and I have to go talk to him and be like WTF. He's like "just trying to be discreet" because obviously none knew about us. End up sleeping together and again end up not talking for weeks. In the meantime roomie was on vacay for 2 weeks when he comes back he first tells me he likes me and then the 2 have a talk because word is out me and the guy hooked up at the party. I have no clue what they talked about but looks like they said to each other I played them and that they were done with me. Next day we have a party all together. The guy comes over to the apt first, makes fun of my outfit but normal jokes. We go there where he obviously ignores me then picks up a random chick but all looks good on my side. I asked my roommate if they talked and he said no. we all go to dinner and the guy sits across of me. at some point my roomie asks me a question and then the guy goes "so for how long where u planning on sleeping with us both? in front of everyone. then starts screaming at me that I'm a whore and that I tried to put them against each other and a million other mean things. I said I was sorry and that I liked him but didn't know what to do about the situation and he said he never liked me but was in just for the sex. The next day he apologizes lamely over message because he was too aggressive (No wonder?) I asked to meet up and talk in person and we agree but the plan falls through so we have a call and he tells me he wasn't that drunk but was bothered by me trying to get in between them but yeah he never liked me besides "you know being friends. and that." His friends tell me its unusual of him and that he's actually very quiet and not at all aggressive. He texts me after a week because him a a few other friends were supposed to go to the theater so we agree on that. I had said I wouldn't go because of him but then when he asks me what I will do I said I was going and he tells me "I'm glad you're coming" Anyway I go there and just manage to say hi without even looking at him in his eyes. Then I leave without saying bye. Heck if he wants to talk he has to come to me after that scene! But nothing and no texts after. Until today - when he texts me asking for something of his I had and I cracked a joke relating the thing to his scene. Joke of the year but nope he didn't respond. How lame and sad. Now - Yeah I agree with you I don't want someone so lame and sad In my life. Or someone that attacks me at dinner. But what is bothering me is why would you act like that when your friends tell me these kind of things have happened in the past in the group? Why yell at someone you never liked when you could just ignore them? I get it, cuddling after sex someone you just want for sex might just be because he's that kind of guy, but the scene? I'm not buying it. If you don't like someone you just ignore them and move on especially if you think you were in just for the sex. Thoughts? Might see him this weekend, how do I understand what is going on? Thanks! Those guys are friggin crazy! To shout at you during dinner in front of everyone?! WTF! You did nothing wrong - you are single, so you are free to sleep with anyone you want and you don't have to tell anyone about your other partners, if there are some. And they are naive if they just assume they are the only one. It's his problem, not yours. If I were you, I'd forget about him and look for someone more mature and understanding how things go. Finally had a chance to talk in person, because we were all out together and since he was blatantly ignoring me I went over to have a chat. Not sure whether it was what I wanted to hear but he apologized for the way he said things although he said everything still stands. At some point I said " I thought you were a nice guy but you're so mean to me" to which he replied "I want to be mean…" So I guess I did really hurt him. He asked me what exactly happened with the other guy and when because had no idea and I explained. Conversation was going forward but we got interrupted. I saw him the next day and we were fine just being in a group altogether, didn't have much of an interaction but better than before. Now . How do I progress? Texted him the day after everything to say I was glad we talked and he replied but the convo kinda ended... It's him who should out reach out and talk to you and say sorry first, not act like a brat and ignore you. And he said he's not sorry about everything he said just how he said that. So he still thinks you are a wh**e who tried to put them against each other. Do you really want to be with someone who thinks so low of you? Edited November 14, 2013 by Kate9292
Author lana89 Posted November 14, 2013 Author Posted November 14, 2013 (edited) THANK YOU, Finally! Exactly- I thought I was the one who should be offended and not wanting to talk to him but he was acting like the jealous cheated boyfriend when I confronted him about not talking to me. I was speechless because when he first approached me about the theater he was like "I'm glad you're coming" so he probably expected me to talk to him that day, since roomie was out of the way too? I don't know. He was like "sorry about the way I said things, however I still think all of it. Also FYI that wasn't me storming out but we were having a conversation since you were responding" But the best had to be "I'm nice but I want to be mean" To me he's acting like I hurt him and I would understand if the thing that was going on between us was kinda serious, or dating, not just casual random hook ups that happened whenever we would see each other (total of 4 times) Now - the only issue I have. Not sure if I'll see him this WE or not but we had gotten tickets to a concert (i know so much planning) before this all happened and the concert is in 10 days…. how do I find out if we're going or not? Edited November 14, 2013 by lana89
ExpatInItaly Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 THANK YOU, Finally! Exactly- I thought I was the one who should be offended and not wanting to talk to him but he was acting like the jealous cheated boyfriend when I confronted him about not talking to me. I was speechless because when he first approached me about the theater he was like "I'm glad you're coming" so he probably expected me to talk to him that day, since roomie was out of the way too? I don't know. He was like "sorry about the way I said things, however I still think all of it. Also FYI that wasn't me storming out but we were having a conversation since you were responding" But the best had to be "I'm nice but I want to be mean" To me he's acting like I hurt him and I would understand if the thing that was going on between us was kinda serious, or dating, not just casual random hook ups that happened whenever we would see each other (total of 4 times) Now - the only issue I have. Not sure if I'll see him this WE or not but we had gotten tickets to a concert (i know so much planning) before this all happened and the concert is in 10 days…. how do I find out if we're going or not? *facepalm* Sell the other ticket to a friend.
Author lana89 Posted November 14, 2013 Author Posted November 14, 2013 so reminding him of the concert whenever I see him next and being like what are we going to do about it won't cut it?
Kate9292 Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 But the best had to be "I'm nice but I want to be mean"Haha. To me it sounds like he's one of this self proclaimed "nice guys" who think them being nice prevents them for having a gf and they have to become jerks to finally have one Yeah, that outburst in the dinner was totally hot, I wonder how many girls wanted to jump his bones after he shown how much of jerk he can be... As for concerts. Were you going to go together, just two of you? I think you can talk to him about it regardless of his outburst. Don't mention anything about other stuff he did, just get info on a concert. At worst you'll go separately. Or maybe he won't want to go and will sell his ticket to someone else. You'll see.
todreaminblue Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 (edited) i have been that drunken promiscuous flake in my dark days not able to say no or care about saying no....i see promisicuity as involved in sexual; intimate acts with guys you are not monogamous with or in a relationship with...i cant judge you, last one to judge was a hooker a very long time ago...still counts for me to say....... hey cant judge you ...made mistakes and huge errors myself.....you made some mistakes now you can learn from them or not...this guy doesnt sound right for you and wther you are flaky or not it would have been more of a sign of a gentleman to pull you aside and talk to you privately and not judge unless they are spotless...and i mean spotless.......... the screamer, he isnt a gentle man..they both werent or they wouldnt have had sex with you either or even discussed sex in a public venue....in my opinion which is outdated and probably archaic now.....respect by a gentleman is given no matter what they think of the whore in front of them ...i say whore...because even whores are respected by gentleman..gentleman dont call notice to women of ill repute they dont agree with what they do ...but they show respect.......nor do they scream and yell in public and instigate and or incite others, to disrespect a woman...ahem sorry ....passionate....i find it curious that they dont consider that they slept with you just as bad...... dump them both move on and hang and find people who respect you especially guys...not guys who like it when you drink because they get to find a hole to park in, dont be that thing for them....say toodles.....dont want to be that for you tata and wish them well on their journey ..dont look back.......best wishes..deb Edited November 14, 2013 by todreaminblue
Author lana89 Posted November 14, 2013 Author Posted November 14, 2013 (edited) Haha. To me it sounds like he's one of this self proclaimed "nice guys" who think them being nice prevents them for having a gf and they have to become jerks to finally have one Yeah, that outburst in the dinner was totally hot, I wonder how many girls wanted to jump his bones after he shown how much of jerk he can be... As for concerts. Were you going to go together, just two of you? I think you can talk to him about it regardless of his outburst. Don't mention anything about other stuff he did, just get info on a concert. At worst you'll go separately. Or maybe he won't want to go and will sell his ticket to someone else. You'll see. Apparently he had a gf in college and ended up being dumped and cheated on and lacks a little bit of self esteem now (as told by one of his best friends) I was shocked at dinner too because he was the opposite of what he had been me with me thus far. Really want to see what he says about the concert now, but yes it was supposed to be just us two Edited November 14, 2013 by lana89
ExpatInItaly Posted November 14, 2013 Posted November 14, 2013 Apparently he had a gf in college and ended up being dumped and cheated on and lacks a little bit of self esteem now (as told by one of his best friends) I was shocked at dinner too because he was the opposite of what he had been me with me thus far. Really want to see what he says about the concert now, but yes it was supposed to be just us two Do you really still want to go with him?
Author lana89 Posted November 14, 2013 Author Posted November 14, 2013 Like I said, I ****ed up too. I could have told him about what happened even more so because it was unintentional but I didn't. I'm willing to give it one more chance - if he's against it then **** it. I'm not saying I want him to be my bf but the guy I met and talked to and to whom I felt an instant connection with is someone I'm still interested in getting to know. Yeah, he yelling at me is something that should never ever happen even in the worst cases. But like I said, we are all allowed to make mistakes and I'm willing to forgive and forget.
Author lana89 Posted November 17, 2013 Author Posted November 17, 2013 So. all is solved. Not like I wanted to but definitely for the better. We went out clubbing all together. After a few I went over, started chatting. We were moving to the other side of the club so I took his hand and held it. He did the same thing. We walked until none could notice like that then he said "I can't do this". I went back to talk to him and I asked what was the deal with the concert and he told me that he is going. I said "I'm going too" and he said "no, I will sell your ticket and give you money back" I tried to insist, I kept saying why and he just left. So. Whatever, I gave it one chance. I tried but never thought this would be the end result.
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