A little crazy story

[lana89]

So super long story short, I moved recently. Met this guy friends of my roomies, hooked up when I still had a boyfriend because I genuinely liked him. I felt instant connection the first time I've seen him and I thought it was kinda the same for him. We spent the first days always talking and making out, but we didn't have sex because of the boyfriend and because I had just got here. After that he moves out and I don't see him for a week. He tries to booty call me the week after and then apologizes and ask me to meet up until he remembers he had a bday. I change my number and never text him.

 

In the meantime I spend a lot of time with my roomie and he apparently starts to fall for me. We go out one night and get super drunk and apparently end up sleeping together which I don't remember

 

 

We see each other 2 weeks later and we end up hooking up and sleeping together. He's super sweet in bed and super nice to me also saying things like "How come I haven't met you before" and that he hadn't called me because he thought I wanted to end it because of my boyfriend.

Disappears again and then I see him the week after to a party where he didn't know I was invited. He ignores me the whole time and I have to go talk to him and be like WTF. He's like "just trying to be discreet" because obviously none knew about us. End up sleeping together and again end up not talking for weeks.

 

In the meantime roomie was on vacay for 2 weeks when he comes back he first tells me he likes me and then the 2 have a talk because word is out me and the guy hooked up at the party. I have no clue what they talked about but looks like they said to each other I played them and that they were done with me. Next day we have a party all together. The guy comes over to the apt first, makes fun of my outfit but normal jokes. We go there where he obviously ignores me then picks up a random chick but all looks good on my side. I asked my roommate if they talked and he said no.

 

we all go to dinner and the guy sits across of me. at some point my roomie asks me a question and then the guy goes "so for how long where u planning on sleeping with us both? in front of everyone. then starts screaming at me that I'm a whore and that I tried to put them against each other and a million other mean things.

I said I was sorry and that I liked him but didn't know what to do about the situation and he said he never liked me but was in just for the sex.

 

The next day he apologizes lamely over message because he was too aggressive (No wonder?) I asked to meet up and talk in person and we agree but the plan falls through so we have a call and he tells me he wasn't that drunk but was bothered by me trying to get in between them but yeah he never liked me besides "you know being friends. and that."

 

His friends tell me its unusual of him and that he's actually very quiet and not at all aggressive.

 

He texts me after a week because him a a few other friends were supposed to go to the theater so we agree on that. I had said I wouldn't go because of him but then when he asks me what I will do I said I was going and he tells me "I'm glad you're coming" Anyway I go there and just manage to say hi without even looking at him in his eyes. Then I leave without saying bye. Heck if he wants to talk he has to come to me after that scene!

But nothing and no texts after. Until today - when he texts me asking for something of his I had and I cracked a joke relating the thing to his scene. Joke of the year but nope he didn't respond. How lame and sad.

 

Now - Yeah I agree with you I don't want someone so lame and sad In my life. Or someone that attacks me at dinner. But what is bothering me is why would you act like that when your friends tell me these kind of things have happened in the past in the group?

 

Why yell at someone you never liked when you could just ignore them? I get it, cuddling after sex someone you just want for sex might just be because he's that kind of guy, but the scene? I'm not buying it. If you don't like someone you just ignore them and move on especially if you think you were in just for the sex.

 

Thoughts? Might see him this weekend, how do I understand what is going on?

 

Thanks!

[ExpatInItaly]

So super long story short, I moved recently. Met this guy friends of my roomies, hooked up when I still had a boyfriend because I genuinely liked him. I felt instant connection the first time I've seen him and I thought it was kinda the same for him. We spent the first days always talking and making out, but we didn't have sex because of the boyfriend and because I had just got here. After that he moves out and I don't see him for a week. He tries to booty call me the week after and then apologizes and ask me to meet up until he remembers he had a bday. I change my number and never text him.

 

In the meantime I spend a lot of time with my roomie and he apparently starts to fall for me. We go out one night and get super drunk and apparently end up sleeping together which I don't remember

 

 

We see each other 2 weeks later and we end up hooking up and sleeping together. He's super sweet in bed and super nice to me also saying things like "How come I haven't met you before" and that he hadn't called me because he thought I wanted to end it because of my boyfriend.

Disappears again and then I see him the week after to a party where he didn't know I was invited. He ignores me the whole time and I have to go talk to him and be like WTF. He's like "just trying to be discreet" because obviously none knew about us. End up sleeping together and again end up not talking for weeks.

 

In the meantime roomie was on vacay for 2 weeks when he comes back he first tells me he likes me and then the 2 have a talk because word is out me and the guy hooked up at the party. I have no clue what they talked about but looks like they said to each other I played them and that they were done with me. Next day we have a party all together. The guy comes over to the apt first, makes fun of my outfit but normal jokes. We go there where he obviously ignores me then picks up a random chick but all looks good on my side. I asked my roommate if they talked and he said no.

 

we all go to dinner and the guy sits across of me. at some point my roomie asks me a question and then the guy goes "so for how long where u planning on sleeping with us both? in front of everyone. then starts screaming at me that I'm a whore and that I tried to put them against each other and a million other mean things.

I said I was sorry and that I liked him but didn't know what to do about the situation and he said he never liked me but was in just for the sex.

 

The next day he apologizes lamely over message because he was too aggressive (No wonder?) I asked to meet up and talk in person and we agree but the plan falls through so we have a call and he tells me he wasn't that drunk but was bothered by me trying to get in between them but yeah he never liked me besides "you know being friends. and that."

 

His friends tell me its unusual of him and that he's actually very quiet and not at all aggressive.

 

He texts me after a week because him a a few other friends were supposed to go to the theater so we agree on that. I had said I wouldn't go because of him but then when he asks me what I will do I said I was going and he tells me "I'm glad you're coming" Anyway I go there and just manage to say hi without even looking at him in his eyes. Then I leave without saying bye. Heck if he wants to talk he has to come to me after that scene!

But nothing and no texts after. Until today - when he texts me asking for something of his I had and I cracked a joke relating the thing to his scene. Joke of the year but nope he didn't respond. How lame and sad.

 

Now - Yeah I agree with you I don't want someone so lame and sad In my life. Or someone that attacks me at dinner. But what is bothering me is why would you act like that when your friends tell me these kind of things have happened in the past in the group?

 

Why yell at someone you never liked when you could just ignore them? I get it, cuddling after sex someone you just want for sex might just be because he's that kind of guy, but the scene? I'm not buying it. If you don't like someone you just ignore them and move on especially if you think you were in just for the sex.

 

Thoughts? Might see him this weekend, how do I understand what is going on?

 

Thanks!

 

Wait, what? Do you still have a boyfriend? Did you have a boyfriend when you blacked out and had sex? If so, WTF are you doing? Get down off that high horse of yours. You are in no place to be demanding respect these guys.

 

Also, get a handle on the drinking. You're putting yourself in extremely risky situations if you're getting so wasted that you have no memory of sexual intercourse.

[forgetmenot75]

Very messy. You acting like you have no control over yourself. How come you got super drunk and you don't remember sleeping with the guy? Wtf?

[lana89]

I broke up with him as soon as I realized I no longer had feelings or I wouldn't be hooking up with people.

 

Also, to clarify it never ever happened to me in the past. I didn't even have sex with that many people in my life and never had one night stands.

 

Regardless I know I made a mistake, alcohol or not but I'm still in a position to demand respect from people dear ExpatinItaly I haven't killed any of their mothers and I was definitely the first one to be confused and in a awkward situation

[lana89]

Very messy. You acting like you have no control over yourself. How come you got super drunk and you don't remember sleeping with the guy? Wtf?

 

I have flashbacks and remember we were in bed. He said we slept together, I genuinely don't remember. We were out partying and naturally came home together since we live together. It's not something I would normally do but I was going through a break up + didn't really know what the situation was like with the other guy. I had no idea it would turn into a ****show.

[ExpatInItaly]

I broke up with him as soon as I realized I no longer had feelings or I wouldn't be hooking up with people.

 

Also, to clarify it never ever happened to me in the past. I didn't even have sex with that many people in my life and never had one night stands.

 

Regardless I know I made a mistake, alcohol or not but I'm still in a position to demand respect from people dear ExpatinItaly I haven't killed any of their mothers and I was definitely the first one to be confused and in a awkward situation

 

Let's not over-dramatize - I think you misunderstood my post. What I mean to say is that you come across as quite self-righteous when you haven't been an entirely upstanding person in this scenario. It's not clear what you expect from either of them at this point. You aren't impressed with them, and they obviously aren't impressed with your behaviour either. You tried to be jokey with him, he didn't respond. Take that as a sign and move on.

[Janesays]

Well, I don't blame them for treating you with disrespect. Your behaviour doesn't command respect. When you act like a drunken, promiscuous flake, that is how you'll be treated.

 

Start acting with dignity and class. Men will treat you better. Promise.

[lana89]

Let's not over-dramatize - I think you misunderstood my post. What I mean to say is that you come across as quite self-righteous when you haven't been an entirely upstanding person in this scenario. It's not clear what you expect from either of them at this point. You aren't impressed with them, and they obviously aren't impressed with your behaviour either. You tried to be jokey with him, he didn't respond. Take that as a sign and move on.

 

yes, maybe I should move on. And yes, you're right like I said, I know I made a mistake.

 

What I don't understand is why make a scene for someone you only want to have sex with anyway?

[lana89]

Well, I don't blame them for treating you with disrespect. Your behaviour doesn't command respect. When you act like a drunken, promiscuous flake, that is how you'll be treated.

 

Start acting with dignity and class. Men will treat you better. Promise.

 

it happened once in 26 years of my life. The other guy (roomie) even apologized and is still pursuing me so it's not like everyone hates me

[ExpatInItaly]

yes, maybe I should move on. And yes, you're right like I said, I know I made a mistake.

 

What I don't understand is why make a scene for someone you only want to have sex with anyway?

 

Bruised ego? Bad temper? Feels disrespected by you?

Any number of reasons. Don't bother with the "why's." Take it as a lesson learned and be more careful in the future.

[lana89]

Bruised ego? Bad temper? Feels disrespected by you?

Any number of reasons. Don't bother with the "why's." Take it as a lesson learned and be more careful in the future.

 

Ok, so how do I fix this besides moving on? I really like him:(

[lana89]

ok, so no progress here, any advice? I'm seeing both saturday in a group:(

[AShogunNamedMarcus]

Wait... you still like the guy that called you a whore, or the roomie?

 

The guy that berated you has issues. Stay away from him. He's the "quiet" type? A lot of "quiet" type people have an entire world in their head where they can twist things all kinds of ugly.

 

I'm assuming the roomie is nice to you. If you guys are friends, you should explain that you weren't trying to come between them. Take it from there.

 

If that other guy can't talk to you with respect, he shouldn't be allowed to talk to you at all. Unless you like being degraded and belittled in front of all your friends.

[lana89]

Roomie is fine, he understood and even apologised on the other's guy behalf for being so disrespectful. We are friends even though he told me he still likes me but he understands I need time space and that the situation is complicated.

 

The other guy. Well, I've seen him once and I barely said HI. Haven't interacted at all although he texted me that morning before we saw each other asking if I was going I said yes and he said "glad you're coming" and I warned him not to talk to me.

He texted me a few days ago asking if I had something that belonged to him and I made a joke about it related to his storming out. Didn't laugh.

 

 

I haven't seen him since but might see him this weekend as well. In a group. Both will be there.

 

I agree with you - I definitely don't want to have anything to do if that's the way things are going to be meaning he's a disrespectful d*ck BUT I think he did that because he was hurt by me hooking up with someone else and I realize I wasn't the best in this situation either. I kinda would like to talk and fix things but I don't know if that's ever going to happen and how to at least approach him about it. Shouldn't even be me but the problem might be that he might have a different scenario of what is currently happening with my roomie right now.

Edited November 6, 2013 by lana89

[Maxtor]

I wish i could talk to both, to let them know that you are in no position of assuming anything. You have issues to sort it out first. If they really care for you, sooner or later you will destroy them, just like you did to your boyfriend. I find your attitudes a little selfish. Work yourself first.

[lana89]

wow harsh! What makes you think that? Someone who judges someone else over a internet forum has issues, certainly not me sorry.

[Maxtor]

I'm not judging you, but you cheated on your boyfriend.

[lana89]

I'm not proud of it. Things were not going well and that's absolutely no excuse but I wanted to move in with him and he took things too slowly. I had to move to another country and realized I couldn't do long distance again. I gave it plenty of thoughts before breaking up. Made a mistake and ended up cheating. Told him the truth and broke up. This will never make me a good person, I know I broke his heart and trust but I tried to fix it. I ****ed up but I'm a human being and we all do.

 

Also - I cheated on him because I felt a true connection and passion to this guy from the moment I saw him. The more we talked the more I felt like he was genuinely getting me and shared my interests… that's it. I didn't go to a random bar to get hit on by some random guys.

[lana89]

Finally had a chance to talk in person, because we were all out together and since he was blatantly ignoring me I went over to have a chat.

 

Not sure whether it was what I wanted to hear but he apologized for the way he said things although he said everything still stands. At some point I said " I thought you were a nice guy but you're so mean to me" to which he replied "I want to be mean…" So I guess I did really hurt him. He asked me what exactly happened with the other guy and when because had no idea and I explained. Conversation was going forward but we got interrupted. I saw him the next day and we were fine just being in a group altogether, didn't have much of an interaction but better than before. Now . How do I progress?

 

Texted him the day after everything to say I was glad we talked and he replied but the convo kinda ended...

[stillafool]

The guy probably yelled at you in front of everyone to show your roomie that his friendship is far more important to him than you. He probably has known flaky girls who cheat on their boyfriends in the past and has decided this is the only way to deal with them and to call them out on their sh-t. This guy has said he doesn't want you, called you a whore in front of people and reiterated that he at most only wanted to be your friend. He only told you you could come along to the event because he was trying to be nice. He knows you are a cheater and somewhat loose because you "apparently" were so drunk you couldn't even remember if the two of you had sex or not. He may do you again but he will NOT want you as a girlfriend. Please respect yourself if you want respect. For Gods sake stop chasing him.

[lana89]

Really, is that why he yelled? Weird. Since Unfortunately I'm not the first girl they "shared" (which is gross and I'm aware of it) they're what I like to call bronemies.

 

We are talking about a 24 year old guy so doubt he had a life full of flaky girls. More like he flaked girls all of his life. (college life probably)

 

He told me I could go along? Sorry, this is not what happened. I booked tickets and he checked whether I was going or not. Don't know the reason but when we talked Saturday he also said "I understand why you came now. Because you didn't have to talk to me for three hours"

 

Also someone who doesn't care doesn't look for answers and he was definitely doing that.

[Eivuwan]

From our perspective this looks like a mess that you should take a step back from and reflect on what you're doing. You just cheated on your boyfriend. You just had drunken sex that you can't even remember. You are chasing a guy who doesn't want you and called you a whore and who is friends with a roommate that you also slept with. I mean c'mon. Should you really be focused on dating right now?

[lana89]

just out of curiosity how old is everyone here?

[lana89]

From our perspective is this scientology this looks like a mess that you should take a step back from and reflect on what you're doing. You just cheated on your boyfriend. I did and I broke up.You just had drunken sex that you can't even remember. Guilty as ****. But hey never happened before in my life You are chasing a guy who doesn't want you and called you a whore and who is friends with a roommate that you also slept with. I mean c'mon. I still stand by my opinion that you don't yell at someone if you're not angry because you care. Should you really be focused on dating right now? I like him, I'm not focused on dating other people.

 

all in bold above.

[stillafool]

Lana since you THINK you know all the answers why are you asking us???????????